The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

What Will You Have?

Do you need a drink? I need a drink right now, and not in the alcohol-relaxes-you sort of way. It's not that I haven't looked longingly at the bottle of vodka in the freezer when I'm opening the door to make dinner. But I mean it in a community-coming-together sort of way. The point of this Lushary in the first place.

Because remember back why we started it over two years ago? Almost two and half years ago by this point? That is a lot of imaginary alcohol.

"But the other side is what this blog has become for me--a cozy space where everyone is welcome (as long as they're not making anyone else feel like crap--it's okay to disagree; it's not okay to be cruel). Where you can sit down after a crappy day and just cry. Where you can come running in and shout out good news ("no OHSS!") and everyone will cheer along with you. Where you can ask your questions or give your opinion or admit to your fears or examine how you really feel about infertility. In other words, the freakin' infertile Cheers of the Blogosphere."

And so, I have opened the door a bit early this month so everyone can pull up a chair and take a deep breath and collect themselves and tell each other what has happened in our lives in the last few weeks. I, personally, have gone down to the river to think--it is where I think best and feel grounded.

So let's pretend that the Lushary has an outdoor section, a small patio, and instead of being cramped inside, I am standing out here, by the river, still thinking, and pouring drinks. I apologize if you've sent me an email in the last few days and haven't gotten a response. Hopefully, you won't mind if I type back a few emails and work the shaker at the same time today.

What will you have?

As always, it has been a little under a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life and a compliment for another blogger. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.


Seraphim said...

I'm a former infertile (who will always feel infertile even if the evidence is au contraire!) I've lurked here for what seems like ever. I haven't ever been to the bar. But I'm a proud new clicker and a supporter of want to be mums and mums and mums without babies for whatever reason. I co-founded Whispered Support having experienced miscarriage myself and lost a baby brother to SIDS.
And my blog?
And I need a drink? Why? because I had to tutor for the past 2 hours by candle light because we had a power cut. Make mine a pina colada please. xxx
and Mel while your back is turned to pour my drink, I may just steal your cool sunglasses.

Delenn said...

Tripping over myself to come in....

Lots of stuff making my life crazy. You would think that after dealing with all the crap we have dealt with in the past few years, we would get a break....Uh...NAH...

I am worried about my husband (he is on Medical Leave from work); I am worried whether he will have a job when he gets back. My worries about getting a job for myself have now gotten more pronounced, because I worry about our was financially stable, but if he loses his job...

Oh, and I have no one to talk to about this! ;_)

Okay, give me something hard! Umm...I usually have mudslides...maybe something fruity but high in the alcohol content! ;-)

Rebecca said...

Good morning ladies! Not a regular of the Lushary, but I could use it today. I've had a tough week going through some marital problems, and while we're not headed for the dreaded "D" word, we're still not 100% in synch either. I've got a therapy appointment today that I hope will shed some light on things, and hoping and praying that my husband and I can come back together and make things better than they were before. Please send up all the good thoughts and prayers (if you're the praying type) that we can reconnect and get through the rough patch we're experiencing.
Make mine a Mojito, please, Mel. And I just have to say, a drink by the river...just sounds divine. Thanks!

Rebecca said...

Oh, and I forgot to say Mel...I hope whatever has you so pensive will work out beautifully. (((HUGS)))

dawn said...

i am new to the bar and would LOVE a margarita on the rocks, no salt please. :) i need a drink because i'm just starting my infertility adventure. i have my first appointment at shady grove exactly one week from today and it's all i can think about. i have pcos and had a mc in february (6 weeks).

i'm trying not to think too far ahead but it's really hard to not expect the worst. i'd almost rather expect the worst instead of the best because after the mc, it's hard not to expect the worst. i keep telling myself "one step at a time!" but it's so hard to listen. how do you not look/think/feel ahead?! i know i need to live for now, but honestly, all i can think of is next week.

i'd love to compliment liv from and katie from both women have already helped me feel not so alone. thank you both!

my blog is:

Dawn said...

ooh, how could i forget! i need to do a shout out to jaymee at - she is the one who told me about this wonderful space. :) thank you jaymee! <3

Seraphim said...

now I feel badly. I should also have said Mel thank you for EVERYTHING you do. You are an inspiration. And a shout out to one of my fave bloggers. Nancy-infertile and sarcastic. I LOVE that girl!

Christy said...

Oh my gosh, I just can't get in the door quick enough! I'll have a nice strawberry margarita, and I'd like to buy one for my wonderful bartender as well.

Why am I drinking? Because I'm celebrating. NO, I'm not knocked up. (that would just be silly). Instead, I'm celebrating just 13 more school days before an all too short 7 week summer vacation. A summer in which I can blog, and read, and comment to my hearts delight because we can't affort to take a real vacation anywhere.

Jen J said...


I was hoping that the Lushary was going to be open sometime soon!

I'd like a nice big Margarita!!!! MMMMM! I can taste the salt right now!

My DH & I started pursuing Guardianship of our 33 month old niece recently and it's becoming quite a mess. The story is too long to put in to words here, but the details are all on my blog. E-mail me at for an invitation. The blog is but it's private since my husband is a middle school teacher and a HS basketball coach - so if you promise that you're not one of my husband's students you can get an invite to my blog!

Mel~ Just want to say Congratulations on your book! It's sitting on my nightstand begging to be read but I'm occupied with reading books about Grieving Toddlers and Toddler Development. Can't wait to crack it open! I know that it will be awesome just like this blog is!

A.M.S. said...

Heh, I'm a long-time patron of the Lushary. I probably have my own bar stool over there in the grouchy-just-leave-the-bottle corner. But today, I'll join everyone by the river. I think I'll have a Raspberry Caipirinha. I had one in Vegas last summer and I've been thinking about it ever since.

I'm on day three of stims for IVF #2. I'm just starting to feel the first signs of being uncomfortable. And I'm still feeling extremely ambivalent about this cycle. I lost any feelings of optimism way back when.

Huge hugs to Seraphim (still loving the photo!!). Hugs and welcomes all around. email requires no reply when you get to it. You've got enough to take care of. Still looking for the perfect stone...

areyoukiddingme said...

Don't know if I should be drinking today...I'll probably get all weepy. Thanks, Mel (and whoever may have informed you) for putting me in Lost & Found...the support has been very helpful. If you're just catching up, I'm waiting for miscarriage #3 to get its show on the road...
Therefore, I will have one of everything, and later, you can just roll me into the corner to sleep it off. :)

Jill said...

sigh.... I think I look forward to this every month! A mudslide sounds good today. Something yummy and chocolate :)

I'm actually feeling pretty good. Mother's Day was harder on me (at times) than I thought it would be, but I survived!

So I O'd last month! YAY! I feel so much better since I threw out my Met and started on cinnamon. I'm not sure if it's doing what it's supposed to, but I feel so much better. I think I've lost a few lbs, too, but I don't believe in scales,so I'm not sure. I started on vitex this month, and I'm trying soy (it's supposed to do the same thing Clomid does- minus the side effects.) I guess we'll see how that goes.

Meredith said...

This is my first time here. I am a blog reader and commenter, but alas, not a blogger.

I would love a frozen margarita, lots of salt. I am blue because 10 day sinto my first FET cycle I needed to cancel it. My job situation has become uncertain, and it is clear I need to find new employment. I can't do that and try for a child at the same time.

I know I shouldn't be so blue. I have one son through IVF and am so grateful for him, but I had built myself up to start cycling again, and this turn of events is a huge let-down.

Thanks for listening.

Bluebird said...

Humm. . . I've never been to the Lushary (so out of character for me!) but I think I might join you ladies today. Although, if it's alright with you, I'd like to just lay a blanket under a shade tree and listen to the conversation going on around me. I have so much in my head that I'm not much in the talking mood, I don't think. . . Oh, who am I kidding, as soon as you start talking I'll chime right in, I'm sure! Never could resist :)

Oh, and I'd like a vodka martini, slightly dirty, blue cheesed stuffed olives please! Picky, picky, yes I know . . . but that's my go-to when I reeally need a drink, just for drink's sake :)

Oh, and I think I'd like to compliment mlg over at for opening up and updating her blog even though I know she hasn't felt much like "talking" lately :)

heyLyss09 said...

Hello fellow lushes!

My name is Alyssa. I live in NH, share life with a hunky firefighter, and I'm finally starting my senior year in college (a little behind).

I lost half of my right ovary and tube due to cysts in 2005. I also lost my first pregnancy at 11 weeks this January. I'm a sufferer of chronic pelvic pain and will be having a lap next month to see if I need anything else removed from my body.

The past 6(ish) months have been the craziest roller coaster of emotions, friendships, medications & appointments, and, of course, homework. It's a constant battle between where I want to be in life and where my body will let me be. Oh yea, and the economy, because I'm being laid off in a month.

I'm eternally greatful for the IF community and all the other ladies who are sharing their stories. It's nice not to feel so alone.

I could totally go for a watermelon margarita on the rocks!

Amanda said...

I don't normally join in the lushary, but this month I'll have a big carbolicious amaretto sour.

We found out my cat is dying monday. She is my only baby and it makes it even more difficult. She was old and we knew it was coming, we just didn't think it would be like this, cancer in her jaw that limits her ability to eat and drink. She is slowly starving to death.

Then I had a pointless IUI tuesday. I'm quite confident this isn't my month, but now with the cat problems I don't know if I should go ahead and try for one more cycle next month cause we'll probably have to stop to get Muffy through her 'hospice' or to just stop now and try again after this is all over.

Heather said...

Anything with alcohol. It has been two days since I nursed Katherine. I can finally drink! (and I'm a bit sad about it)

Also, I'm in quite some pain. I'm pretty sure my PCOS is giving me the treat of cysts. I go to my gyno on Monday for my annual. I haven't blogged about any of this yet. It is my goal for the day to get it done.

loribeth said...

How on earth did you know I needed to slip away to the Lushary for awhile today, Mel?? (My compliment is for you: in addition to everything else you do for us, you are a mindreader, lol.) A patio table by the river sounds divine. I would like a frozen margarita, but I will take just about anything with alcohol in it (!) -- it has been THAT kind of week for me. I had a rotten M-Day (a baptism, no less...!!), including a visit from AF that had me staying home from work yesterday -- & today I'm left catching up on all the cr@p that dropped onto my desk in the meantime. :p SIGH. An afternoon by the riverside will be my reward. : )

Kim said...

Ugh...lots of yardwork to be done today. So, I think I will have an icy cold beer. Yuengling if you have it around. Not a whole lot going on in my world. Which is just fine by me!

Meredith - Welcome! So sorry for your setback. Sending positive employemnt vibes your way!

Bec said...

Virgin Tequila Sunrise please. Which really means just orange juice and grenadine, but it sounds so much classier!

Im finally pregnant, yet I am more scared than ever. Will we see a heartbeat on Monday? Why are my levels so low?

devonmarie said...

I was just thinking about having a virtual drink yesterday.

Today I think I'll have a pina colada. I'm so ready for spring/summer, and luckily have a 3day weekend this weekend!

Not much going on for me, waiting for the dreaded witch to come so I can get going with my Mock EEP cycle, to get the ball rollin for my next cycle. No sign of her yet, just more torture. Also getting ready to go to my neices 1st bday party. Ugh. Her parents got married and started trying for her, got pregnant, she was born, and now she's already a year old, and i'm still waiting for my baby.

I'm pretty new around here, but I just wanted to say how glad I am for all the ladies here, they give so much support everyday and they may not know how much it means to other people, so for that, Thanks.

Kristin said...

I need a big stiff drink. How about a Purple Alaskan Thunderfuck for me?

I found out yesterday that someone I thought was a good person and a friend turned out to be neither (blogged about it today). Add in that my hubby's work schedule still SUCKS (2 pm to 2 am) and I need a drink.

Manda said...

I'll have a tall sangria. I've got so much to be thankful for and yet I find myself in a funk. Sport's behavior issues are really starting to wear on me and I'm not sure what to do about them. My kids' birthparents are missing again, it's a constant worry for us, and TPR is in 4 weeks. Will I ever stop looking for Methadone Barbie everywhere we go? Will our lives ever actually be free of CrackWhore and The Pimp? I just don't know, and that scares the piss and all out of me.

Maybe you should make that TWO tall sangrias.

And my compliment is for Queenie. She's brilliant and hopeful and raw and everything I love to see in a blogger.

benedicteggs said...

I am so very glad you have opened this up. Thank you, Mel.

We are on the tail end of our third miscarriage. I have been told my my specialist that he won't treat me anymore. I am at a deadend, or a crossroads, or in the middle of a big lake drowning... can't figure out which it is yet.

So anything with alcohol to counteract the hormones that are making me weepy, angry, and tired. Please and thank you very much!

I am afraid I have stopped reading blogs for the moment, mostly. But I find a bit of strength from you all.

Mrs. Higrens said...

Thanks to Memorial Day plans, our start to IVF #1 is getting pushed off a week - just when I'd gotten my mind wrapped around the fact that this whole baby making thing wasn't going to happen the easy way.

Give me something I can sip slowly and get smashed on while waiting for the river to soothe my soul enough to accept this new development.

sunflowerchilde said...

I will have a mojito, please, with a little extra sugar.

I've been dealing with the ups and downs of a third failed clomid/iui cycle, and the surprise agreement by my husband to pursue cycle #4. I'm cautiously optimistic but feeling a bit burned by the last three BFNs. Just trying to keep everything in perspective.

I'm feeling grateful to battynurse at for her constant support and understanding.

Heather said...

I feel like I shouldn't complain. I'm over 29 weeks pregnant with twins and we have an 8 1/2 year old daughter. All are from IF treatments - and lots of them. I'm the laproscopic surgery queen, the multiple HSG test survivor, I've given myself PIO shots in the butt when DH was out of town. Lately my last two posts have been about the angst with my mother. It's the only thing that's taking the fun out of enjoying this pregnancy.

And boy could I use a drink. More than the 1 inch of red wine I allow myself every few weeks.

Queenie. . . said...

So glad the bar is open. Do you make virgin Thunderfucks, I wonder, because I really like the name. Sigh. So glad to be PG, so sorry I can't have a nice glass if vino.

I am struggling with a very good friend who keeps giving advice that is very clearly motivated by her own prejudices. She's not thinking of me at all. She keeps asking how I'm doing with a particular situation (not the pregnancy, which she doesn't know about), but from the way she says it, I know she's thinking (hoping?) that I'm going to say that I'm doing badly. And I'm not. I'm great right now! But I don't know how to tell her that she's completely malingering and she needs to move on and stop giving me bad advice that's based on how SHE feels, and not on what's best for me.

Whew. That made me feel tons better. The fresh air down here by the river is surely the trick!

And Manda, you just made me cry at work. What YOU have done, my friend, with those boys is nothing short of amazing. It will get smoother. And until then, there's Strawberry Festival and local fishin' holes to distract yourselves with.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I would like a pina colada like the one I drank overlooking the river on Sunday! I'm celebrating and sulking at the same time. I've gotten 2 new job offers over the last 2 weeks and am super excited! One pays more than the one I lost last year so that is fantastic. The reason I'm sulking is that the other job is with a company I've wanted to work for since graduating 10 years ago. It would be the COOLEST job, but I can't take it. Getting my foot in the door means going in with LOW pay and it is very tourism heavy so I wouldn't work in January and February. A year ago I wouldn't have thought twice about taking the "cooler" job over the higher paying job, but with the year we've had, a possible buy-out at the second company, the economy and our finances being in the toilet I have to do the responsible thing...

Jendeis said...

The Lushary is opening at an opportune time. Figured out last night that we were at exactly 2 years of trying. Scared about everything -- JD's continuing physical and emotional pain, his continued unemployment, whether this cycle with be THE ONE, everything. Can't even think about alcohol because I'm afraid it'll virtually depress me. Food is my drug of choice anyway. This bar got wings and burgers?

Damn, now I want wings. And burgers. And a cheesesteak. Or 10.

Sara said...

Oh, a table by the river? Could I have a peach beer? God willing, it will be my last beer for a while (side note: Do real pregnancies require virgin lushery drinks? Discuss!). Trying to find the strength to try again. My medical story is becoming clearer, but not so much better. I apparently have a bleeding disorder AND a clotting disorder, so I make random clots, but clots don't stick to my vessels, so taking lovenox could make me bleed out. Groovy. But oh my dear God, I want another baby so bad, but am so scared and filled with doubt. I discussed it on a board I'm on and got FLAMED by two people who don't know any better. Luckily, others supported, so I feel better.
Glad to be here among friends... thanks MEL!!!

butamoment said...

Hey! Never been to this bar before. Can I pool up a stool? Toasted almond for me.

Never mind me while I bang my head on your bar because all the frustration that I am having with my fertility clinic as I complete prerequisites for my first IVF coming up in June.

I b**ch all about it over on my blog Maybe a couple of the regulars could drop in and help clear the air on some of the details and let me know if I am at ghetto clinic or are all of them this horrible with communication???

Thanks for letting me join the crowd.

Eve said...

Drinking down by the river is nice (so long as you don't live in a van 'down by the river', lol!).

I'll take a bottle of Velvet White wine. Recovering from my BFN last week and honestly feeling as if it's just not going to happen for me again. I discovered I have two very large cysts on my right ovary causing me to delay my next cycle at least two weeks, and, worse, causing me to look about 4 months pregnant.

It ain't a pretty site.

Faereyluna said...

Oh I need a drink and a big strong one. I am heading to California in 2 days where I will be on vacation but at the same time I will be meeting my DONORS PARENTS. For some reason this has me all freaked out.

Even though I know they support what we 3 are doing so that DH and I can have a baby, I am still freaked out.

Then when I return my donor will be be coming out again in June to give his samples for us.

But I think once all this is done I will relax a bit. Using a Compassionate donor has been good for us but also very emotionally draining. Plus the FDA mandatory wait of 6mo does not help because for those 6 months all you get to do is think about trying IVF again.

Mel please keep the tequila coming.


Lori said...

No drama here. But I'll have what everyone else is having.

One of each.

You look lovely, my dear. Cheers!

Sonja said...

I'll have a shirley temple please, and keep em coming!

This month has been rough on me, seems that everyone is moving on in life and I'm struggling to find where I fit in after my battles with endometriosis and adenomyosis. I'm kinda scared that I won't ever figure out how to adjust to "normal" life.

This week, too, I survived my first Mother's Day post hysterectomy.

I'll do a shout out to my friends Jenn at and Sara at

megan said...

i used to be a regular here at the lushary, but disappeared after the birth of my amazing son. we tried for two long years to get and stay pregnant -- which we finally did on a DIY cycle just before we were about to move into more invasive treatments. we're so lucky in so many ways.

i'm home with a sick baby for the second day in a row on what was supposed to be my second full day back at work after my mat leave. the day care plagues have apparently begun.

my cycles have also just recently returned which means that we're back on the horse. i find that i'm thinking like a newbie again -- hoping beyond hope that my stupid body learned how to do things right after trying for so long. i just finished monitoring my first cycle with a CBEFM only to find 8 days of high readings with no peak, though i'm convinced i ovulated during that time. sigh. back on the rollercoaster. too bad we're on a rollercoaster without attendants... i kind of wish we had an RE to just to back to but it won't work that way for us. we'll have to try for a while on our own before any dr. will listen to us. this is extra frustrating as i am no spring chicken!

back to work means i'll have more time for blogging though, so there's a plus!!

kate said...

I need a big fat glass of champagne. Today is my last day of classes as an undergraduate- and with the exception of a few small assignments/finals left to do, I am DONE. I haven't been posting much lately, due to the whole end-of-semester thing, but I look forward to coming back with gusto sometime after this week (well, until I leave for Germany, that is).

Am I glib enough after a lifetime of infertility to say so? I guess I'll just go ahead- I gave up superstition a long time ago. Our "plan" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) is to start trying again while on vacation in Germany. Just this past monday I began my last month of BCPs. It's a long shot, but I'm working on one last on-my-own theory before seeing the RE (mom probably had PCOS also, but go knocked up with brother and I immediately after stopping the pill, and couldn't get knocked up otherwise). Here's to hoping we bring me home from Germany with an extra passenger. I know- the best laid plans, etc., but it's worth one last try.

So. Champagne! For everyone!

(oh, but just to clarify, champagne is the perfect beverage for ANY occasion, not just celebratory ones... I'd probably ask for a glass anyhow, even if there was nothing to celebrate...)

worldofwinks said...

I'll take a stawberry daquiri with lots and lots of whip cream!

I've got nada to complain about. Oh, well, I could complain, but it's all worth it. I haven't been writing much, but I've been reading.

Husband has been out of town a lot, and I'm busy pretending to not be sleep deprived with the two miracles.

Aurelia said...

I just want to say that due to my own personal crisis crap with medication and before that my trip out west, I completely missed the drama on all the blogs.

So I'm sorry that I haven't been here for you, but I'm here now if you need a drink, and I love you hon. I feel bad for everyone involved.

And hell, if there is ANYONE who knows about the bad shit that happens when you make comment without stopping, then heck, I do. I understand exactly where everyone was coming from.


barrenlands said...

Hey Mel, make mine a mojito please!
This is my first visit to the Lushary and what great timing too! I'm driving myself batty halfway through the 2ww. I'm thousands of miles away from home, in a small 1-bdrm sublet, with my husband and two furballs, hoping and praying that IVF#2 works. I'm trying to stay positive: they only had 1 embryo to transplant after 3-days (but that little embie looked really good). It's a sunny day in my part of the world, and though I'd rather be walking the dogs outside than working on reports inside today, hanging out in the Lushary is a very nice distraction!

I'm also new to the blogging world and would like to send thanks to Baby Interrupted for all of her continued positive comments. I've felt pretty isolated dealing with infertility issues over the last 3+ years. It's been great to finally make connections with other people who understand what it's like and to join this online community. Thanks everyone and thanks Mel for opening up the bar!

annacyclopediaisworkingonit said...

Yay! The Lushary! I've been in a pretty good place lately, but imaginary booze is all I'm getting these days, so I'm going to take full advantage. I have been craving a nice salty lime margarita since Cinco de Mayo, so I'll have a giant one of those, please.

I've been thinking a lot about how pregnancy is changing me lately and how my interest in IF has changed from being a personal thing to a much more political thing or something about public service. I think it has a lot to do with our path to getting knocked up (DI after a failed vas reversal and me with no fertility issues) and how in some ways, while I dove into the IF blogosphere and it was such a relief to call myself an infertile and find somewhere to belong, I'm feeling at the moment that it doesn't really fit. And I feel pretty normal, with way less angst about the DI thing than I expected.

As I write this, it occurs to me that I'm feeling angst over not feeling enough angst. I guess that's what happens when things have been a struggle for so long and then you get what you have been struggling for. I'm still very involved in the IF community, both online and in the real life support group I founded, but I know a big transition is coming soon, and that is occupying my mind quite a lot.

Whew. Thanks for listening, barkeep! I'd like to give a huge shout out to Chicklet over at for writing all the crazy pregnant stuff I never seem to get around to writing, AND for her recent triumph in running a half-marathon at 12 weeks pregnant! She rocks so hard it makes my head spin worse than the tequila in my fictional drink.

'Murgdan' said...

I need a Cosmo please...actually I'll have two. I have another 6.5 days until beta after IVF/ICSI #1........need I say more?

Kristi77 said...

I have my chilled martini and I am so ready, thank you for inviting me. I am a mother of two amazing girls, who is despertly been trying to conceive number three for two years, I have had 12 surgries for endo, adhesions, lost my right ovary and tube and for whatever reason I want baby number three. (well all I am sure know that feeling) I am drinking becuase right now i have had a mrigrane for 5 days and can't get rid of it, saw the doctor today who told me 1-MRI, 2-TMJ consult (because of stress I am grinding my teeth and 3-Its hormonal....did i tell you that UNFORTUNATELY i have been on Lupron since my last surgery in December and I have wondered every day since with WHY the H@*% did i do this. I still haven't gotten a period, my last shot was in March and I feel like the LUPRON MONSTER, i am miserable and nasty, the hot flashes are ridiculous and i have yes, yes...gained 16 pounds.....COME ON's bad enough going through menopause at 31 and now the extra weight...So lift your glasses and lets toast to "PLEASE NEVER TAKE LUPRON", lol.

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Oooh....I've never been to the Lushery. I could use it today! Strawberry daiquiri please, I'm a "fruity" drink kind of gal. :)

My students had a day of testing, which I always despise, because it is a struggle to keep the kiddos who are finished testing QUIET and focused while others complete their tests. Sighs. At least they did well!

As for venting at the bar...
I'm feeling like a witch this week. My DH started a new workout program. The program is an hour a day for 90 days. Instead of being a supportive and sweet wife, I just want to complain. When I arrived home from work yesterday and the house was a disaster, with our daughter watching TV and waiting for dinner, I almost lost it!

I admire him for sticking to exercise plans. However, doesn't he see the mess??? Does he think I don't exercise because I'm lazy? Okay...maybe that's part of it. But so much of it is that I'm doing the 10 million household chores that need to be done instead of working out.

For example, tonight...while he takes our daughter to her gymnastics class, I'll be doing 2 days worth of dishes, some laundry, and tiding up the living room.

Usually my DH is a gem....but this week...UGH! Driving me nuts! How am I ever going to get PG if I'm irritated and don't want him to touch me. Sighs....we're gonna have to talk this out. 90 days? An hour a day? Where is the household contribution time?

Can I have another daiquiri now, please? :)

Kymberli said...

Today two blasts were transferred to me for my 2nd GS/IVF cycle with Chance and Apollo. Two others are still growing and will be frozen tomorrow if they make it through to that point.

I'm still riding on the pre-transfer Valium, but I'll have one of those Purple Alaskan Thunderfucks that my friend Kristin asked for somewhere up there. She's been a HUGE support to me in the past few weeks, and I give mad props to her.

astral said...

I would love a margarita whipped in a spindle mixer to perfection. As always a big thank you to Mel--you are super fantastic!!
I finally graduated with a degree I will use (B.S.- Elem Educ) but now comes the hard part--finding a job.
In addition to the severe mf factor we have I think I have a short luteal phase. I'll find out more June 5.
I'm going to sit back and relax and savor my drink and catch up with the lovely girls hanging out in the Lushary.

NotTheMama said...

I'll take a strong Dr Pepper... No wait, make that a Mellow Yellow, I'm bein' wild and crazy tonight! ;)
Still trying to bounce back after M-Day and all that jazz... Teaching 4-6 grade girls in a few minutes, because the "real" teacher bailed on me yet again... Training a new girl at work who isn't really catching on and only talks about ferrets and Tyler Perry (who I love, but c'mon)... My house is a wreck because I'm busy taking care of everybody else's kids, and can't have any of my own... I think that about gets it! Off to teach, be back later tonight.

Jennifer Wempe said...

Great timing! I really need a drink and I've never been to the Lushary! The river view is amazing and I would like a Bourbon on the Rocks with a splash of Soda.

I am EXHAUSTED! I am an art teacher and the kids are testing this week. My room is being used for testing so I am carting all my crap around from class to class. To top it off, the kids go totally crazy in the afternoon after being silent for 3 hours.

Sigh... I'm actually thankful that I have an u/s scheduled for tomorrow to check for cysts. Hopefully they will find none and I will be cleared to pursue Round 2 of Clomid/IUI.

I'd like to give props to Meghan from Finding Family With Empty Arms and Mandie from So This Is Love. I love, love, love the supportive comments you leave on my blog!

I finished my first drink... Slide me another.

Life in Eden said...

I want to sit on that patio and have a lovely glass of red whine, I mean wine. Instead, I NEED a caffeine IV.
Twins teething, not sleeping, oldest has cold. Husband waiting on job offer. Potential move BACK cross-country.

Hoping everyone's outlook keeps getting brighter. Wish we could down one together Mel, but maybe I'll be moving closer!

mary said...

Margarita please (frozen, lots of salt.) The river looks lovely. It is already over 100 here, so just the picture and the thought of a nice frozen drink makes me feel cooler.

Next week is the last week of school, my students are all hyped up and we just found out that because of budget cuts there will be over 30 kids in each 2nd grade classroom next year. Way to end on a positive note.

Called the RE this week because all though we don't have the money to transfer our frozen donor embryos right now I know the storage fee charge is coming up. I am hoping they will waive the fee so we can put that money towards a transfer in the near future.(Wish us luck.) Just need to sell our old house first. Anyone looking for a nice house on the golf course in sunny AZ?


VA Blondie said...

Whew! I finally made it though all of those comments, and peeked in on a few new bloggers, to boot. We are a very active community, I think that is why I love it so much.

I had such a long day at work today, I could use a drink! I will have to content myself with virtual wine, though. Apparently our first IVF cycle worked! I am five weeks tomorrow, and completely freaked out. Miscarriage is at the top of mind, and it feels like the wait until the ultrasound is forever. It is starting to sink in that I really am pregnant, though. Tits are bigger, and they really hurt. I wear out cery easily, and I am such a space cadet!

The fresh air by the river is fantastic!

Hillary said...

It's a warm day, and an icy cold daiquiri sounds delish...please! Thanks, Mel, for hosting and for ALL that you do. I appreciate you!

I'm having a fibroid removed in two weeks. I keep telling myself it's a very minor procedure, but the thought of getting put under freaks me out. I haven't had to do that in about 10 years since I got my wisdom teeth out.

And I'm tired of waiting to start treatments. Found out about MFI in November, DH had surgery in January, now I'm having surgery...hopefully summer will be here before I know it.

I want to pull up a chair for my friend Mary at who has had a rough cycle feeling sick, tired, and down. She always has such sweet comments of encouragement and empathy!

JJ said...

First drink Ive had at this bar since the O-man came into my life-its bittersweet as always to be here--always hard to read the struggles, but also happy to be able to celebrate the wonderful things that happen in this community.

Got a less than stellar report from my 2nd skin biopsy today-and my blood tests came back not so hot either. We are in a wait and see pattern--but the BIGGEST kicker of all of this--my doc is, in her words, "very confident that the amount of hormones I have had over the past 2 years have fed the bad-cells to multiply at rapid rates."

So, Im having a big margarita, with salt, and keep 'em coming.

Id like to buy all of Amy's (from Somewhat Ordinary) drinks--she has had a helluva year, and my God, she has handled it so well. Hats off to you, my dear friend. Drink up!

JuliaS said...

Fresh squeezed lemonade please.

Turning 40 ended up being a lot more traumatic than I thought it would be. Then, on top of it all, I feel totally dumb about it because it is just a number and there are much worse things in the world.

So, a lemonade if you would.

Elizabeth said...

Love love love, the lushary!!!
First of all a shout-out to Farah ( who always has a sympathetic, supportive, and encouraging word.

Bring on the champagne cocktails (1 sugar cube, dash of bitters, and lemon twist + champagne) - I successfully passed my oral defense of comprehensive exams for PhD candidacy today!

In IF news, my first period since V. was born started on Saturday, so in my mind at least I'm officially back in TTC territory.

However at the moment I just want to celebrate being done with the oral exam. Cheers!

And thank you Mel for opening the bar, the Lushary was my first intro into your blog (I think in 2007) and I have been a devoted fan ever since.

MrsSpock said...

I don't really drink alcohol, but Kristen's Purple Alaskan Thunderfuck has such a great name, that I must try it.

My in-laws are coming for a long weekend for my son's first birthday, my son may have asthma, and, a year after my son is born, I am still 20 pounds over my slightly chunky pre-preg weight, and can't get off my pain meds to even thing about TTC again, no less going through treatments.

Maybe I'll take a cup of my usual Earl Grey as well.

Care said...

I'll take something strong, and bitter please. I never thought the next funeral I would attend would be for a child, the same age as Ethan. My heart is so heavy today, and I'm hugging my children tight tonight.

M said...

wow. packed house (or patio) tonight. am feeling pensive tonight following a bfn for my fet, so i'll just sit in a corner with a glass of wine and watch y'all chatting away. it's nice to be quiet somewhere with people who understand.

oh, and a shout out to bluebird, who has been writing out my thoughts more clearly than i've been able to express them. i'm glad someone can!

Paz said...

The lushary seems charmed today, so I must participate. I am going to bring my own though. A friend made some apple brandy that is so amazingly delicious, so here in the lushary I can drink the whole bottle right?

I really don't have much news to report. Enjoying my son, finding nothing terrible about the "twos." This makes me 3 years out from ttc, too old for more and yet, and I am still. hmmmmm. I guess I feel at home.

Mel, You look gorgeous down by the river in those sexy glasses.

battynurse said...

I think I'll have a whiskey and 7 up! It's been a crazy few weeks and just some time to sit down and chat would be so nice.

Anonymous said...

Make mine a glass of red please! And one for the bartender too.

Have lurked for some months; recently tried to start a blog in the forum (entitled Waiting) but not v successfully to date.

Wine helps!!! Have taken a short sick leave from work to deal with being strung out by 3 years plus wait for China adoption following unsuccessful IF interventions.

Apparently the frilled shark has a gestation period as long as 3.5 years. I may look human sometimes but maybe I am really a frilled shark????

B said...

Another quiet drinker.

The weather down here is cooling off, but the days are clear and blue and golden. The low sun on Sydney sandstone.

A river is my favourite place to be. I think I'll sit and remember.

Tipping my glass to the women I love out here.
Gentle smiles to those I don't know.

Might dip my toes in the water and feel it run over my feet.

Missy said...

This is my first time at the Lushary. I could use a drink as I wait for my RE appt tomorrow. I'll take a margarita please.

And I'd like to give a shout out to Emmy at After a string of bad news after bad news, she finally gets some good news and will still have a job next year.

Hope Endures said...

Am I late to the party? I'll have a Bay Breeze, please, if you're still pouring.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by life in general today (and several work projects in particular), so I'll just stake out a spot where I can watch the water flow by and nurse my drink.

First, though...a toast to Mel, whose words have made me laugh, brought me comfort, and challenged me to think. To Mel!

Denver Jen said...

Margaritas seem to be a popular choice. On the rocks with salt, please. I've just found your blog and I've really enjoyed reading it. We've gone through three years of unexplained infertility before making the wonderful decision for ourselves to adopt. Luckily, I can still have margaritas (unlike during the dry years of trying to conceive). We have been waiting a year for our baby through adoption and so I can certainly use a drink with the other great ladies on this post.

Shinejil said...

I would like some virtual prosecco, to go with my imaginary perfectly ripe strawberries.

And I'd love to give a shout out to Mrs. X of The Young and the Infertile. She's amazing and has been a fabulous companion on this craptastic journey.

Jessica said...

I've been lurking for a while now, and figured this was as good a time as any to introduce myself.

I'm 23, and was diagnosed with PCOS last year. Hubby and I have been trying for a baby for...15 months now. This is my first month on Clomid, and I went Wednesday for a day-15 ultrasound. I have a follicle on the right side that's ready to go! So I go back for a progesterone test next Tuesday.

I'll have an Amaretto sour, in celebration of the fact that Hubby and I are leaving tomorrow to go to the beach to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. Our anniversary is Tuesday, so I'm hoping for good news from the doctor. That will be enough of a present for me!

Thank you for providing such an amazing resource and support system for those of us struggling with infertility!

barrenisthenewblack said...

Mel, You look fab!
I'd like to compliment Lea Bee for her kindness. She gave me boxes and boxed of left over fertility drugs from her lucky cycle.
Also, for her honesty. I know I've felt what she writes.

In news, I'm (hopefully) starting another stim + timed intercourse cycle tomorrow. I've never been so psyched to wear a paper skirt and smile for the camera!

barrenisthenewblack said...

wow I'm so excited I forgot my adult beverage. That's probably the first time that has EVER happened to me. I'll take a nice full red. A giant balloon glass of it

Rachel said...

Oh, I need something... I have no idea what. Something that'll calm my nerves, make me stop crying for no reason at all... something up that ally.

I'm in the middle of my third injectables cycle, but first IUI. I've done 7 days of injections, had an ultrasound and blood work yesterday, which showed.. eh, nothin'. So more injections for me, and another u/s Sunday... We'll see.

I went into this cycle deciding to expect nothing, figuring that would help me not lose it when things don't go well. It helps... a little.

So, I didn't cry after the u/s... I did cry when talking about some billboard... so, eh... I don't know if that's hormones, or misplaced tears, if ya know what I mean. Maybe both!

In any case, I have a headache, I'm rambling, and, um, I'll be on my way now.. I see the bar is packed tonight!!!

JamieD said...

I'm a little late to the Lushary this week, but I have a whole relaxing day to myself and plenty of time to look in on some commenters who I really identify with. So I think it was meant to be.

Since it's virtual, I would like a virtual glass of wine to sip on. I feel I have nothing to bitch about since after 2.5 years and 2 m/c I am 21 weeks today. Everything appears to be going well and I need something to sooth my nerves because I can't stop waiting for something bad to happen.

I want to give some love to Mrs. Spit at

For all I have been through, she has always known just what to say to me. I wish I could give her the same comfort she is in need of now.