I shut off the Internet for a huge chunk of today. And then the siren song of IE mingles with the husky notes of Firefox. And you end up back here anyway.
Thank you. For the ice cream flavours. For not sending my garbage back to me. I had wanted just to say it aloud; not hear it again. Just send it away from me and stand inside my visualization technique without holding that information anymore. Sometimes, I need to talk about something, discuss every small details of how I feel and what I think. Talk out every single one of my fears. But I realized, trying to Domar myself into calm with this visualization of the ice cream store that I was juggling this knowledge that I just had to release. That I didn't want to set down and pick up again once I was finished with my cone. I didn't want to keep seeing it on the table. I wanted to toss it in the rubbish bin and have the top snap closed and not think about any of my fears until they were handed back to me after I left the store. But I wanted my time inside my mental ice cream store to be unfettered and focused entirely on examining ice cream flavours.
And it sort of worked. At least, the ice cream store worked for me more than the beach (which was my Domar visualization space until I dumped it last night). There is more to see in an ice cream shop. You can peer into every damn container. At the beach, there is just the water lapping onto the sand. A crab scuttling by. I do find peace when I am on an actual beach, but I find it harder to slip into the sensation of relaxation when I am tense. Accessing the happiness inherent in an ice cream store is much more immediate. You know how you can end up smiling for a moment and laughing even when you're in the middle of a funeral? I think momentary happiness (or feigned laughter) is easier to obtain than bringing yourself physically into relaxation when you are tense. And sometimes, tension is relieved--albeit infinitesimally--by happiness.
At least, that is my belief.
It worked well for me, therefore, I offer it back to you. But with the twist I used last night.
The ice cream store contains an enormous red garbage bin towards the back, one of those swinging top numbers where things can go in and not come back out. The flap stops moving and you forget anything is lurking in there. The comment section is this huge, red rubbish bin.
Come in the store and dump whatever you need to dump in the garbage bin before you get on-line to order. Take your emotional garbage, anything you need to release and send it there. Literally write it out and we will all carry your trash mentally to that red bin and toss it with you. Release it and we will give you nothing else back in return. We will not ask you about the garbage you tossed out. We will not remind you that you threw anything in the can (this is the important part). In other words, once you release it and toss it away, it will not come back to you. That is my only rule of the ice cream store (with the exception of garbage that is so toxic that someone is scared to have it in the bin because it really needs a different receptacle). If you read something in the hypothetical garbage bin, it remains in the hypothetical garbage bin and you do not remind the person of it later or inquire about it.
I once had a temporary tattoo of a fish, still it its packaging. I have no idea how I even obtained this fish tattoo. But terrible things kept happening. The tattoo was in my pocket and I had an ovarian cyst rupture and needed to go to the emergency room. I left it in my car and a tree fell on the car. When I mentioned the connection of all of these events and the fish tattoo, my mother suggested that I simply throw it away.
But she didn't want it tossed out in the house.
I took it to the nearest Baskin Robbins.
I think about that every time I see that store.
While you are mentally in the ice cream store, your trash is gone. When you leave the ice cream store, you may have someone hand you back your burden again. Feel free to throw it out a second time. Truly, releasing those thoughts away from myself last night was the key to getting through this day and all of the subsequent appointments we now have scheduled over the next few weeks. Once you toss your trash thoughts--the ones that are cluttering up your mind and making it impossible to make a choice at the ice cream store--get in line. Don't turn around and look at the bin. Your focus becomes the brightly coloured cartons of ice cream.
This mental ice cream store is open indefinitely. It will be linked for easy access from the sidebar. Feel free to use it whenever you need it. Selfish to the core, I plan to use this space and dump here whenever I am feeling anxious.