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LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Friday Blog Roundup

A nice moment in this week.

Resolve was founded the same year I was born. 1974. This point is meaningful because my mother was the person who first told me about Resolve, having probably used support from them herself in the creation of me. I still have the email she sent on my wedding anniversary in 2002. I had been going crazy--I was taking my temperature back then and had clearly ovulated twenty-one days earlier but I wasn't getting a positive pregnancy test. She suggested having blood drawn, changing doctors since my current one didn't seem worried by the fact that I wasn't getting pregnant. She passed along the url for Resolve's website and suggested starting there with gathering information.

I started frequenting Resolve's bulletin boards.

For the longest time, the women on the other end of the computer were my lifelines. I went to them seething with anger and they were somehow able to calm me, even though we didn't know anything more than each other's computer handles. I went to them with dozens of questions and they returned to me with dozens of answers. They literally sat with me while I gave myself my first injection and then celebrated with me afterward with messages of congratulations. I have lost touch with all of them but one who strangely enough, read and commented on my blog, not realizing that it was the same Mel from back on the boards.

Resolve has circled through my life numerous times since 2002. It began with their website and then with becoming a member and with their book and an RE recommended by one of their volunteers. I have returned to them for information or for comfort or for activism. They have been a constant, for me, in my journey. A space that I trust whenever I need to return.

A few weeks ago, Resolve wrote to tell me that they'd like to honour this site with a Hope Award. I know this is my site, but it really is also a community site--I always imagine it like my friend's house in college. I mean, it was his parent's house, but the basement was everyone's. We all crashed there--sometimes even when he wasn't home. Sometimes even when the rest of the family wasn't home (is it creepy to admit that I still have their house key? I feel like I should mail it back, but it has been so many years, I feel like it would be creepier to get their key in the mail along with a "hey, haven't seen your kid in fourteen years, but here's your house key!"). This blog is very much about the blogroll, which is our space. I mean, I clean up the empty cups and plates you leave lying around, but it's still our space. And I'm not bitching about your mess, though I wish sometimes you'd recycle your own beer bottles.

So this is our award.

I am eternally grateful to Resolve for their support. For this information and for fighting the good fight for infertile men and women in America. I am grateful for the recognition of our community, of the projects that have grown out of this space, for the support I receive from you--both emotionally and in reference to all of my half-baked ideas.

Thank you.

I am really really really into Yusef Islam's (Cat Steven's) new song, "Roadsinger" that he performed on the Colbert Report. You can listen to it at that link, though you may have to fast forward and jump past the songs in the queue to get to "Roadsinger" in the little music box. I want Josh to get it for me, but he's putting his foot down. Who do you think will win?

The Weekly What If: If you had the ability to rewind time and take back words once in your lifetime, would you have used up this power by now or would you still be holding onto it for the future? Meaning, have you ever wanted to take back spoken or written words badly enough that you would use that power not knowing what could possibly be said in the future?

Allison came up with a great idea and I'd love it if people did it. If you are in a bookstore and see Navigating the Land of If, please take a picture and email it to me. If you write a blog, please send the url in the body of the email as well as the location of the bookstore (city and state or country--as specific or vague as you need to be). I'd love to collect these--you can either be in the picture, or just take a picture of the book on the shelf. Thank you!

And now, the blogs...

Breeder Beware had an absolutely amazing post about her mother that contains the incredible line: "I have been fed again and again from a plate full of irony." You will bawl by the end of the post because of what she has learned on this journey and you will be grateful that she shared it with you.

Working on It has a post about blogging that I loved. She explains why blogging is different for her from journal keeping: "I can wrestle with the language and figure out my feelings as I write them down, but what comes back in the comments is not just praise or hollow words of comfort. So often, the responses I get from you all challenge me to look at my own situation differently, to get out of whatever trench I’ve just dug for myself and seem determined to wallow in. Pieces of advice or words of reassurance stay with me, and I find myself passing them on to others when I recognize my own experience in their writing." And it's so true, the interactive element is what probably gets me to actually use the process and come to a greater understanding and move through thoughts rather than remain in them. Equally important, Annacyclopedia is collecting your thoughts on blogging for an article and you should go over and add your words.

Musings of a Fat Chick
has a post about how she has changed over the course of the year. She writes: "As I plopped myself down on the bed/chair/torture device, I wondered when my optimism had left me? At what point did this become a sick sort of hobby, lacking in meaning or purpose or an end? When did the goal just kind of fade away?" Your heart will break as you read her change, as she writes about the lucky socks of old compared to her wait now. But the most profound thought comes at the end of the post when she asks about the moment when she went from "avoiding The Vortex to creating it?"

Lastly, this is probably the greatest story ever tied to the book. Baby Making Journey received more than she bargained for when she ordered Navigating the Land of If, but you will need to click over to enjoy the whole story because there is no way I could do it justice. Especially that visual...

The roundup to the Roundup: thank you Resolve, loving the new Yusef Islam song, the Weekly What If, Allison's photo idea, and many great posts to read. See you here on Saturday night for Show & Tell. Liv came up with a fantastic way to commemorate the one year anniversary.


WiseGuy said...

Congratulations Mel....and even though this is an us really have made it warm and inviting...

Would I take back the words, or would I save that power for a future date? We all have skeletons, situations we wished were handled better or differently by us. What is the guarantee that I won't create new knots in the future....I guess I would not be able to use the power because I will never be able to judge the biggest oops that I ever did or will do.

Now, if you were talking about a chance to become invisible, I would seeeerrrriously consider that~!

battynurse said...

Congratulations Mel.
I think that I would have likely long ago used up my ability to take words back once. I don't even know what on. I just know that I find myself frequently wishing I hadn't said something.

Anonymous said...

Hooray for you! I agree with Wiseguy, you invite community involvement to the hilt, but it is your generosity that makes this my favorite place to visit each morning when I start to blogsurf!

For the WhatIf, you know, I met my hubby when I was very young (16) and lied to him about something, that years later I had to unravel and fess up to. I so wish I had never told that lie in the first place. Luckily, he forgave me, but I still hurt him with my dishonesty.

So, yes, I would risk the future for the mistakes of the past. I figure, (since I was born in '75, a mere year behind you), that maturity has tied my tongue in a way that will only serve me better the older I get (at least I hope), compared to the self-centered ramblings of my youth. To be honest, I have had so many take-back blatherings along the way, I've lost count.

Kathy said...

That's a great story about your mom and your history with Resolve. Congrats on getting the Hope award from Resolve! You certainly do spread a lot of hope around the ALI blogosphere.

I enjoyed reading about your experience with Resolve starting back in 2002. I had a similar experience with Fertility Friend in the same year, when we were first trying to conceive our now 5 year old son. Though in retrospect conceiving him wasn't that hard (it took us 8 months on our own TTC), at the time I was shocked that it didn't happen on the first few tries. Of course at the time I had no idea what was in store for our future, which included an almost five year battle with SIF, three early pregnancy losses, many ART cycles and then a neonatal death, before our current "suprise" pregnancy.

Anyway, I got so much hope and support from the friends ("cycle buddies") that I made through Fertility Friend back then. I actually still keep in touch with the original five women that met during a cycle TTC back in July 2002. We all eventually went on to have one or more children through a variety of paths, but is wasn't easy for any of us.

Anyway, I am proud of you! You deserve all the credit you are receiving. We are an incredible community, but you do so much to help keep us together! I am likely going to a bookstore later today to pick up a few things and will try to remember to bring my camera and look for your book. Have a great weekend! :)

ex-angrycanrn said...

Congrats on the well deserved Resolve award!

As for the what-if? I would take back everything I have said in the last 10 days or so. Silence is in my future, so I'd fix the past, if given the opportunity.

Chickenpig said...

Would that person who commented on your blog, not knowing that you were a friend from the Resolve BB, be ME by any chance? ;) I have since been looking to see if I can find any more alums, but I haven't had any luck.

A HUGE congratulations to you, Mel. Your blog truly deserves this award. Thank you for opening up your basement and cleaning up after us.

My brain doesn't seem to be working well enough to answer the "What if" this morning. I'm sure I will say things to my kids that I will regret that will come back to haunt me. I guess I would save the power? Then go back in time to erase what I said...I think. Ehh....more coffee. And make it an extra grande with a double shot of fingerboard.

JJ said...

Congrats on a WELL DESERVED award and recognition!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Wow, what an honor!! Congratulations, Mel!

I'm sure I would have used the power already and would be wishing I hadn't!

Coming2Terms said...

A well earned award! Congrats. And to those reading comments on our celebrated blog keeper, check out this interview with our Stirrup Queen Bee:

loribeth said...

Congratulations on the award, Mel! I can't think of anyone more deserving.

Cassandra said...

Congrats! Hooray for you!

I can think of some actions I'd take back, but the words I guess I'll reserve for later.

Elizabeth said...

Yes it is a community blog in some ways, because without all the participation it wouldn't be what it is - an awesome clearinghouse for information and support.

But Mel. You created it, you nurture it along, you have one fantabulous idea after another for MORE ways to get people to connect to each other, and you make it happen. You deserve the award and so much more.

Celia said...

Congratulations on the award and thank you for the lovely comment on my blog.

I don't know what I would take back. I think I'd have to save it too.

kate said...

YAY for the Resolve award! I never have felt much of a personal connection to Resolve, myself, but I know how many people I know who have guided me and helped me and talked me through craziness who HAVE had that connection. So I think it's important to note that in the same way that your blog is a connection for all of us, Resolve helps to serve as a connecter for others (who in turn, connect to me, and I connect to you, and on and on it circles until we're all dizzy). Ah, yes. Feeling a little "kum-bah-yah"-ish myself today, I guess. But CONGRATS to you!

And why is Josh resistant to the Artist Formerly Known As Cat Stevens? Your post reminded me that I wanted to download that album (so I just did. My WORD is it good...). Protest, Sister!

Larisa said...

Congrats on the award! I'll say it mostly goes to you - you are the one who puts the time and energy into the site. With a little honorable mention for the rest of us.

I probably would have used my chance to take back words, and then probably be regretting my choice to do so by now.

Kristin said...

Huge congrats on the award Mel!

I don't think I would have used up my ability to take back words. I'm actually more apt to wish I had said something than the reverse.

Finally, check your email!

loribeth said...

By the way -- my copy of the book was in the mail when I got home tonight. My story is not quite as side-splitting funny as Baby Making Journey's, but it's worth a mild chuckle (or a groan) in itself.

Kristin said...

Check your email again. I fixed the issue.

MrsSpock said...

Whoo hoo for the award! And I was excited to see they gave quite a few awards to nurses too...

Paz said...

Congrats on the award!!! You earned it, we are all just glad we benefit.

Jusef is amazing, by any name he chooses to go by!!!

Lyrehca said...

Congratulations on the award!