The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Delurkery and Anniversary

Actually, wait, before we begin, you voted for Stirrup Queens in the Weblog Awards, right? You haven't? Go over and vote and then come back. It's two clicks.

The second week of January is traditionally National Delurking Week, which I took to be this week. Then, last week, I saw people asking for everyone to delurk. And on Sunday, I saw people saying that the delurking has just begun. So a brawl broke out, punches were thrown, eyes were blackened. And look where we are now.

The cusp between the two possible weeks?

In order to be the perfect middle child and appeal to those in the January 4--10 camp and those in the January 11--17 camp, I am placing my delurking request on January 12. At the mouth of the second week and somewhat at the ass of the first.

See, middle child.

Delurking Week is a time for people to come out and admit that they're reading and not commenting on someone's blog. It's a little wave from the ether and then you can go back to your other 51 weeks a year of reading silently. Personally, I think it's a good idea to sign in as yourself and leave a normal comment so I can go over to your blog and find it and begin reading. But if you are nervous about having readers (I'm not even going to ask you the question: why are you writing?), you can use the anonymous function, tell us a bit about yourself, and sign your first name at the end of the comment.

I've combined this delurking request with our normal bar so the delurking will mingle with the general updates and everyone shy can hide behind their imaginary drink.

It is also the two year anniversary of the Virtual Lushary. We first kicked open the doors on January 17, 2007 and we've been serving imaginary drinks once a month since. Isn't that amazing? I still stand by what I said last year about community on the first anniversary.

I wrote this last year, but I think the game is still interesting: If you commented at the first Lushary, I'd like you to click here and read what you had to say two years ago this week. And then click here and read what you had to say a year ago. And then, as you update the group below on your current situation, add what was happening this time last year (or two years ago) and how life is the same or different. If you joined along at a later bar session, the same idea holds. You can scan old sessions here and then state when you found the bar and what has changed since.

And now the words that I've been saying for two years:

It has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.

Happy anniversary to the little Lushary and happy Delurking Week.


loribeth said...

Mel, what perfect timing! Today happens to be my birthday, & I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing today than hanging out at the Lushary with my online friends. : ) Pour me a mimosa for starters, please.

I wasn't blogging two years ago, but I found my comment from one year ago. I was sitting in my cubicle freezing, & not looking forward to two first birthday parties. Today: life chugs along. No birthday parties or baby showers coming up(that I know of, knock wood...!), but it's still damned cold in here. And my commuter train car this morning had NO HEAT. Maybe I'd better make that an Irish coffee. ; )

Kristin said...

I hadn't really found your blog a year ago. Sure, I had heard of you and your blog roll(who hadn't) but I hadn't been lucky enough to get sucked into the love and madness, and frustration and wonder that exists over here.

I think I need a nice big frozen margarita. I'm a little worried about my husband's diabetes. 3 years ago (after Gabe was born), Vic was diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic. Well, once again, my family falls into the world of medical oddities. Vic is now completely insulin dependent (what use to be called type 1 diabetes). He is currently in the early stages of trying to figure out how much insulin he needs and when and his blood sugar is all over the place...ugh. Please pray it levels out SOON.

And, I'm having a virtual party over on my blog to celebrate finally having a real troll show up (yeah, I'm weird). Come post and be eligible for a door prize.

Jim and Jenn said...


I am finally coming out of the "lurking" closet and posting a comment. I only found your blog about 6 months ago but have been reading ever since! It is one of my daily rituals to pop online to check out what is up on your blog. It actually gave me enough courage to start blogging myself which has been a TOTAL lifesaver on the TTC journey.
The Blog is

We are heading into cycle #19 with a tentative IVF planned for the fall of '09 if all else fails.

As for the Virtual Lushary - I am putting in my order for a huge virgin fruity drink of some sort. DH and I are headed to The Keys tonight and I thought that would be perfect to set the tone for our trip!!! Bring on the warmth!!!

Mrs. Higrens said...

Not sure when I first commented...but today I'm looking towards testing for IUI #5 on Thursday. If not successful, I'm not sure what the next step is as DH has an issue with late-November and December birthdays (holiday overlap). Guess I need to call the RE before we know so we can be prepared.

I'll have whatever you're drinking.

Danse said...

I think I've already started to come out of hiding - but here I am.

Can I have some baileys please?

I'm on my second injectable IUI cycle. Year ago I was so optimistic about TTC - but obviously, a lot has changed since then. I'm doing my best to maintain a positive outlook though, so moving on :o)

Caro said...

Ok delurking - I'd love a mohito.

2 years ago I hadn't yet started my blog but had probably started reading others.

1 year ago I was pregnant and beginning to believe I might get a real live baby out of it.

Today I am in the middle of my first day back at work after maternity leave and wondering about when to start the TTC rollercoaster again.

Anonymous said...

Mel I'm such a bad commenter lately that I feel the need to delurk! Still here, still reading, and while I'm here I think I'll have a margarita!!

nh said...

I'm here and reading - although not commenting much on anyone's blog at the minute. If I could have a brandy (or two or three) I'd be grateful - need it as sometime I have to make up my mind what 'next is' for us!

I wasn't blogging 2 years ago - I was gearing up for my first ICSI (after 3 failed attempts to get embies at IVF). That was the cycle that worked and I miscarried... make that lots of brandy

Jill said...

Google reader is both such a blessing and such a curse! It makes it so inconvenient to comment! I guess I've been a bad commenter lately, so here I am.

I need something really strong, please. Stupid Metformin won't let me drink IRL, and I'm having a bit of a time today. I have a terrible "case of the Mondays" (and where I work is SO MUCH like OFFICE SPACE that I can't even stand it anymore!) and we decided last night to hold off until March to look into IUI. I'm trying to tell myself that it's only a couple more months, but I'm having a really hard time living my life in a stand-still.

What perfect timing for the lushary! I really needed it today :)

Anonymous said...

Perfect timing! I can (and will) actually drink now, because our second injectables + IUI cycle failed over the weekend. I would love a margarita as well.

Cara said...

Mel - As you well know I wasn't here two years ago, or even one. However NO closet was big enough to hold me back when I found this community on September 1st, 2008. You guys are like those friends you just "click" with and can talk about anything like we have known each other our whole lives!

Thank you for all you do and to about a fruity drink - Sex on the Beach! (could use a little bit of both right now!)

chicklet said...

Can I have wine? It's the only wine I can have til Friday while we behave well on the calories dammit. I need it cuz ugh, things just blow being back in the heat of it.

momofonefornow said...

Although I have been on the IF circuit since May this is my first sit down at the virtual lushary.

As far as whats up? I am on something like day 90ish of my cycle. (I stop counting after 50) Anyway, I think that AF is coming but now I wish that she could have held off for another few weeks for financial and logistical reasons. Oh well, just like everything else with IF, there is very little control to be had.

Gosh, I think I need something strong. Maybe a Manhattan.

Jen J said...

OOO! Me! Me! This is perfect timing for me!!!

Pass me an Irish Coffee please cuz it's COLD up here! I'm still pre-O right now, but the CBEFM hit Peak today and my hubby has a baaaad cold so sex is NOT on the agenda right now! Guess an "little pumpkin" isn't in store for us this October.

katedaphne said...

Often lurking, always listening,

becky said...

Delurking.... only found your blog last week, but so excited. And I'll have a bailey's and jameson.

Started my blog this past year... am adopted, wanted to put my story out there. Always thought I'd get preggos 123, given how easily I was conceived. (I know, how naive of me...)

Still pretty early in the TTC process, but already running into difficulty. Went off BC 6 months ago, but don't seem to be ovulating. Working with my doc to start figuring things out.

Thanks for all the support, info, wit, etc you provide. What a great community!

Kim said...

I would love a steaming mug of cocoa, please. I am freezing. Beyond the cold and piles of snow things are ok. TTC has been put on a very temporary hold until our employemnt futures are a bit more certain. Well it's not really on hold, it's just being less accurately pursued. I guess anything can still happen. The D and I both have some good leads and interviews lined up. We are keeping our fingers crossed.

Rebecca said...

I'm on strong antibiotics for an infected tooth so no alcohol for me - a Sprite'll do nicely :)

I'm no further on that I was last year, just a year more demoralised and since I lost my dad last April I am cursing infertility and how it means that my dad will never know his grandchildren...

Find joy in every journey said...

I would love a large glass of red wine. Any will do.

I wasn't blogging a year ago but still TTC. We have been for about 4 years now. Currently taking oral antibiotics that have returned my cycles to exactly 28 days. Amazing! We have an appointment for my DH at Cornell Urology in Feb for more testing. Maybe we will get some answers and honesty so we can either keep going or move on.

kate said...

I'm certainly no lurker, but I'm not as regular a commenter to the Lushary as to other items.

Anyhow, I think I'll just ask for a giant full-fat mocha (and maybe a shot of peppermint schnapps or something). I feel bad whining, 'cos with the rest of the world, the timing is really bad, but I'm seriously worried about how were going to make it through this semester without my income. I am (as of right now) completely and totally broke. And I HATE that feeling.

I knew going in to this no-working venture that money would be tight and that there would be times when it would suck, but I just hate being in one of those times. And I feel like it's insensitive as hell to bitch about it on my blog when people are going through much much worse, through layoffs, and worse- things dictated by the economy, etc. But all the same, I feel like even if it wasn't insensitive, it would be pointless to complain because my voice would just be lost among the vast unemployed force right now. How can I take myself seriously when this is self-imposed? And even if I thought it was a good idea to get a part time job, how can I justify (potentially) taking a job that someone else desperately needs, just so that I can afford "luxury" items?

Sigh. Stupid, I know.

Anyhow, happy de-lurking week.

Gil said...

My heavens, has it been two years, Mel? Wow. I can't believe it. Well, I was one of the lucky bloggers who WAS here two years ago and I did comment on that first Lushary! At the time, I was on a TTC break after over two years of trying, and I ordered a Bacardi and 7. After that break, we moved on to donor sperm and finally, recently, our first IVF. To our joy and total shock (cause let's face it, who expects a BFP after over five years of TTC!), the IVF was a success and I have two embies hanging in there. I'm just over 8w p/g and we're possibly looking at twins (or more??) at this point. Life's still crazy, as I said back then. But together, with so many wonderful friends here at the lushary, we'll make it. 'Cept this time, I'll take a nice cold glass of milk. Thank you for giving us all a place to come and chat, where "everybody knows your name." Huge hugs to you Mel! As always.

MrsSpock said...

I don't think I commented on the first one, but I've commented before. So no need to delurk.

I will pull up to the bar and grab an Earl Grey, hot, with cream and honey. We Spocks are sick for the 6th time since September. What gives? Why didn't anyone tell me that having a child meant a winter full of unending illness?

serenity said...

Kay, I'm delurking too. Because I'm not a good commenter anymore - I am not sure when the last time I visted the lushary was. :(

Oh man. Reading back two years makes me want to cry. So um. Vodka martini with blue cheese stuffed olives, okay? Maybe three or four today.

It's amazing how much has changed for me in the past two years. And it really all hinged on that one surgery - my septum resection. Two years ago this month, actually.

And then when we finally did a transfer again? After that cancelled cycle? We were blessed with a healthy pregnancy. And then a gorgeous, amazing little boy. Who's now army crawling, feeding himself, and taking his baths in the big tub.

But, you know? Every night, when I tiptoe in his room to turn off the classical radio station, and I see him sleeping in his crib, I stop. And I thank the universe for making it so that we could have him. Because to this day, I cannot believe we got lucky enough to bring him home.

Anyway. Happy delurking week, and thanks for the drinks. (*hic!*) I'll just weave my way on over to the end of the bar and hang out over here... :)

Lori said...

Apparently I'm new to fake drinking.

Still loving being part of this community, though I rarely feel the IF angst anymore.

I love this place where "everybody knows your name" (and that I drink mojitos).

Beautiful Mess said...

I do believe I've comment on your "main" blog, but never The Virtual Lushary. So here I am, delurking :-D The "anniversary" of my mother's death is on Thursday and I am scared! I took a huge step and asked my husband to take me to the church we had her funeral at, so that's what I'll be doing Thursday. Since I have to be sober *why* on Thursday, can I PLEASE have a tequila popper with a lime? Keep em coming, too ;o)
Thank you!

Megs said...

Kind of delurking...maybe? I know I have posted at least once before, but never at the lushary :) So please give me an Amaretto Sour (I like the fruity drinks).

As of right now, we are on a break, I guess you could say. Im back on BCP's after two failed IUI's with injectables. We're not sure we want to do another IUI since our Insurance does not cover IF. We think we would like to start IVF, but we have to pay off some bills first. Bleh!

the misfit said...

I'm not lurking - I've only been in the ALI online gang (IRL, I've been IF for 3+ years - so there!) for a few weeks but I have TOO commented. I even (very) belatedly visited the previous Lushary.

So, since then, I've started mentally assimilating the idea of getting back into treatment. For the first week this meant drastic mood swings and constant tears, but I'm getting used to the idea and a little more stable too. So, I would like (1) to borrow some of the snow from my northern sisters. Where is my snow? I miss my snow and (2) what will become my "usual" - a great big dark hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream. (As I explain on my blog, I'm not pregnant. I just don't drink.)

TeamWinks said...

Two years ago was so much different than today. Wow! We hadn't yet adopted or gone through or donor egg IVF cycle. Life can be crazy, and I never would have predicted this is what my life would look like today back then. Thanks for seeing me through it all.

I'll take a fruity something or another sans alcohol please. Cheers!

Oh, and a year late in apologizing for a typo! I called you a "kiss ass" bartender, and I meant to say "kick ass." Ooops! Sorry Mel!

Anonymous said...

I will have a warm cup of tea. Today marks the first day of quite possibly my last chance to have a child. We start our protocol for the FET tomorrow. About 16 days from now we will do our final transfer. Am I willing to have this be our last shot? Can I be okay with being a family of three? I'm afraid this cycle will end in a miscarriage like the last FET. So many questions. I'm tired of the infertility struggle. I just want it to be behind me. I look forward to the day that I no longer feel angry about not being able to conceive naturally.

daega99 said...

Wow - this is a cool concept. I'll have to go for a sparkling water with lime as I am in training mode right now.

I'm a newbie so just getting into blogging even though I have participated on boards elsewhere. We in the midst of hubbie's first month on parlodel. Not expecting much on the TTC front for a while but hoping to (not) do IVF in the fall.

Cassandra said...

Home stretch of 2WW for IVF #2. Boy oh boy.

Wasn't reading 1 or 2 years ago, but IRL 2 years ago I was earnestly TTC with the help of alternative treatments but staying away from REs, having had too much RE-induced excitement 3 years earlier. One year ago, I was starting my first IUI+injectibles cycle with Dr. Full Steam Ahead and filled with anticipation.

I'd like a hot chocolate spiked with amaretto, please.

Jess said...

I need a drink. Yes, yes. I do. I'll have a Captain and Mt Dew, thanks.

To the doctor, today, with Ethan. Not eating, still has the eczema....

I know that it could be sooo much worse but sometimes I feel like we're downright drowining in the eating struggle and it just shouldn't BE that way. He's healthy and a good weight, but only when we struggle with it. And with that and the eczema getting worse and worse...ugh.

Whew! Must have beeded to vent! hahaha

I'm no lurker...I'm around enough, I think, that you know me. :) Not sure when I got's been years!

calliope said...

happy anniversary to the Lushary!!

& I also had a "when do I post the delurk request" panic moment, but figured I would make the request when I was feeling like a crazy needy blogger. :)

I will say that I will forever be thankful for you & the community that you nurture. xo

Anonymous said...

I've been reading for a couple of years now, and feel bad to never have commented (at least I don't think I have). I'd like a glass of really good Pinot Noir, please. I'll only have one so I'll splurge on some good stuff. (I'm in a calorie-restricting mode for the next month or so to make sure I can fit into a bridesmaids dress that is too small, even though I ordered up two sizes, grrr).

dana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dana said...

I'll take a glass of a nice Reisling.

DH and I have decided to pull the plug on the TTC game for now. Oddly, I am completely at peace with our recent decision. It's not permanent in any way, but it's what we need.

Better just give me a bottle! LOL!

(I still plan on lurking)

Blue said...

Okay so I'm delurking, but I don't have a blog.

But it is good to just share my story.

I'm a 32-year-old woman who has PCOS. I've tried for years to manage it with diet and exercise and losing weight, but MAN is it hard to lose weight with PCOS! So I am currently considering taking Metformin to help with my symptoms, help me lose some weight, and hopefully help me get pregnant.

Here's where my story gets a little more interesting. Or something: my husband is a transsexual man. In other words, he was born female and transitioned to male 12 years ago. So he doesn't produce sperm.

Even without my PCOS, we'd still be in the infertility world b/c of this factor.

There's so much we're dealing with as we embark on trying to get pregnant -- will I be able to conceive? Will my husband feel like the "real" dad? What sperm should we choose? When -- and if -- should we tell any children we might have about all this?

Any advice or experience anyone mgiht have with a similar situation -- ie, a male-female couple who had to use sperm donation -- would be much appreciated!

I'll look for follow-up comments. Thanks!

Princess Jo said...


Well two years ago, my head wasn't in a very good place. I had just had my first (and only) early term miscarriage (had already been 'trying' for nearly a year). This led (along with a few other reasons) to a very unstable year for me: I battled depression, and I am glad to say that by the end of the year I had won sufficiently enough, to have fewer bad days and more good.

Last year, we fought the demons of IF again; decided that we needed to wait another year before starting any treatments because I was really, really sick...I was finally diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in August '09, quickly followed by a bowel resection in October '09...Dr. informed me that my fertility issues may be linked to my Crohn's Disease.

New Year, New Beginnings. My partner and I are getting married, and we plan to start some sort of treatment (finally): do whatever we need to do to get that long awaited for child.

So a very strong glass of Kahlua & Milk on ice would be lovely!

elizabeth said...

Irish Coffee please? I'm completely zonked from being up all night with sick baby three nights in a row... and I keep thinking about Before, and how sad I felt all the time about being barren. I love my baby to distraction. Even when she finally fell asleep last night, I lay next to her watching her breathe for three more hours even though I was (am) exhausted. It's HARD being a mom. Wow. So much harder than I ever imagined. I feel like an ungrateful wretch admitting that sometimes I feel intensely frustrated, to the point of desperate. Does having experienced IF mean an automatic moratorium on acknowledgement of the hard parts of parenting? I feel like I mustn't complain - especially HERE!!! - but if I don't name what I'm feeling, man, I'm just going to go to pieces. And I can't afford to go to pieces, because she depends on me so wholly. Ok so that was more of a post/rant than a comment... keep the caffeine/booze combos coming, I think it's going to be another long night...

annacyclopedia said...

Well, happy anniversary, barkeep! It was just shy of a year ago that I found this little corner, so I won't find any of my own comments at either of those two links, but will pop over anyway for a reminder of how far some of my pals have come over the last couple years. And thank you, Lolly, for keeping the bar open month after month - every time the Lushary opens, I remember how much I love it. Almost makes up for not drinking in real life!

I'll take a large glass of my new favorite bubbly, Royal de Neuville. Cause I'm feeling good these days, hopeful for what 2009 will bring and grateful for things just as they are right now. I just triggered today, and head in tomorrow for my 5th dIUI. We are using a new donor this time who has reported pregnancies (our last one didn't) and that's making me happy. And it's my second Clomid cycle and so far all is well except for some serious hot flashing action. But even that is tolerable since it's been ridiculously cold here this winter.

Guess nothing's breaking my stride lately. Pour yourself a glass of bubbly, too, sweetie, and a hearty toast to all our sisters, past and present!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I love going back and looking at these. Two years ago I was a couple of months into finding out my husband had azoospermia. Last year I was 33 weeks pregnant with my son who is 10 months old today! Two years ago I said something about the lesser of 2 evils and today I sit here thinking how thankful I am for the struggles we had and the azoospermia because without all of that we wouldn't have OUR little boy. Oh and the only common theme from two years ago and now is that I'm unhappy with my job!

If you read my PWP blog you know that my life is in a bit of a low place right now and somewhere I wouldn't have expected it to be 2 years ago.I need something stiff and strong and tastes good so I'm able to drink lots. Since I'm PWP I won't get into the nitty gritty here of my big issue, but to add to my complicated life my computer crashed, one of my dog's ears is almost totally swollen shut, my new job sucks, my shoulder problems that have been gone since getting pregant are acting up, and we have high levels of mold that have appeared just in the last year.

So, bartender, keep 'em coming!

Lee said...

I'd like to think of myself more as an "infrequent commenter" than a lurker.


Anonymous said...

Long time drinker, first time Virtual Lushary patron.

I would like champagne, please. Extra dry, but it doesn't have to be expensive. I'm a cheap date.

[Hey, do you think that it would taste any good if we mixed some Gonal-F in there? Wait, you say I have to get it into my system subcutaneously? No no no no no. Let's just TRY it as a mixer with champage for a month or two. I can be part of a study or something.]

I'm "celebrating" the possibility that today's follow-up beta will show that I'm back to zero. You would think that with such a low initial beta (26.9 on 14dpIUI) I wouldn't still be waiting for zero four weeks later. Grrr.

With that zero, though, I'll be cleared to order injectables and start them on my next cycle. Brave new world. Or at least a world where I'll be required to act brave. Dammit, I do not want to poke anything into my flabs (oops, I mean 'abs').

Thanks for hosting the Lushary. And that champagne... lovely with just a hint of gonadotrophins. Perfect.

CJ said...

I have commented here and there, but not enough... so I'm delurking! Thanks for the awesome place for us to visit. :)

I have never participated in the virtual lushery, and now seems the perfect time to start. In honor of beginning ROUND TWO of our battle with infertility (the quest for Bean's sibling), how 'bout an extra spicy bloody mary?

A.M.S> said...

Oh, I think I'm going to skip your suggestion to look and see where I was a year ago. I think that would be a bad idea.

The miscarriage of '08 doesn't seem to want to go away. Today's beta, my third since this nightmare started, actually went up a bit so I get to have a methotrexate shot (pending the results of a metabolic panel to make sure my liver can handle it) on Wednesday morning.

Can I have a bottle of Jack Daniels and a nice quiet dark corner of the bar? I'm not fit for socializing.

Anonymous said...

Once a lurker, always a lurker. But I'm hoping Google gets on board with commenting from within Reader. Even I would comment more.

My in-laws showed up Saturday and are staying with us for 12 days. Naturally, they have taken over our house. Making me thankful I still have to go in to work.

And I'm in the final week of my 2WW. With every misleading symptom in the book. Just waiting for the crankiness, that always signals the end, to set in.

And the weblog awards site is overwhelmed so it won't let me in to vote. GRR! But I'll keep trying.

So I'll have a vodka with Sprite. Please. Congrats on the Anniversary!

Mick said...

Okay. That's me officially out of the closet.

What now?


missing_one said...

I'm delurking. I have been a reader for about 6 months ago. After two losses, I am getting trying to get started figuring out my fertility issues(or perhaps infertility).

I'd love to have a Cosmo so pour away and bottoms up!

SweetSpikette said...

Hi there.
I just found your blog a couple of weeks ago & am thankful for an easy delurking opportunity.
I have a blog but it has nothing to do with trying to conceive or baby making. No one in my real life knows we're trying.

:: pulls up barstool ::
I'll take a strong margarita on the rocks with salt, please.

We have entered cycle #9 (month 11) and while I know this isn't very long in the grand scheme of things, it is frustrating because my body just isn't working the way it is "supposed" to. My cycles are getting longer, I'm ovulating later (if at all), and my luteal phase keeps getting shorter. I feel like any hope I had of doing this on our own is circling the drain.

I am working on talking myself into calling the doctor and talking about next steps. I think I'm afraid to hear what they have to say. Tests & pills & interventions, here we come!

And, it is uber frustrating to not have anyone to talk to about it.
Can I have another margarita, please?

Paz said...

Not delurking, I am here for the lushary!

I feel truly blessed to have my one child (who just turned two!) But I would really love another, for him and for me), but at 46 that is highly, highly unlikely. On top of which I just had a medical test where I had to ingest some radioactive iodone and afterwards I was informed that I should avoid pregnancy for 6 months. My recent FSH test results of 2.5 gave me hope, but 6 months? That is like 6 years to my oldvaries. I feel like it is totally over.

I'll have a dirty vodka martini please. Just keep 'em comin', it's gonna be a long night

Arian said...

This is such great timing! I would like a cosmo please. If you happen to have a tanker full of vodka feel free to mix mine and pour it into a large swimming pool for me.

This past week was the worst yet! No baby, I started the day after our anniversary which just happens to be the identical anniversary for our TTC journey. The day of my anniversary, the doc calls me up and says, "Uh yeah, that Clomid, well, you can't have anymore. Four tries is good enough for you. Call my secretary for another appointment. We'll discuss our options." UGH!
Today, my college student sister calls and completely floors me. She wants me to go with her to buy a pregnancy test.
I spent thirty minutes listening to her tell me how she can't possibly have a baby right now and that she would surely choose adoption (but not us of course, b/c that would be too hard). I want to pull my hair out and scream at her. Instead, I put on my big sister boots and wade into her muck to dig her out like always.

Chug a lug! We all deserve it today!

Photogrl said...

Happy anniversary Lushary!

I first posted on the Lushary last month...

I'll take a nice glass of Pinot Noir. Can't have the calories IRL because I'm trying to lose weight ;)

Hopefully, I'll be starting up treatment again in March, prolly for my first IVF cycle. Unless, of course, I get a miracle.

I am so thankful to have found you, Mel and this community six months ago when I started blogging.

Megan said...

Lurker here, delurking for the occassion. =)

I'm Megan. We've been TTC for 6 years. Not doing anything special right now. No idea where our journey is leading us. Hopefully sooner than later, to a baby of our own.

My drink of choice is a lemon drop!! yummy!

S said...

So....I'm also "infrequently commenting" and drinking! Yay! Thanks, Mel!

I've been on a self-imposed "blogcation", and have been posting really erratically. I really felt that, since I'm in infertility-limbo right now (4th IVF failed in March of '08, not sure if we'll proceed with a 5th or pack it all in)I really felt like I had no right to blog. However, since it's clear that I'm a right royal bitch when I'm not, it's for everyone's mental health that I pick myself up again. So, hopefully people that used to read won't think that I've dropped off the face of the earth....

We've been dealing recently not only with my usual IF drama issues, but also with our furbaby Buddy (our "firstborn", really), who was dx with intestinal lymphoma back in October. We tried a 5 week round of chemo, which did nothing to shrink the mass in his colon, so we opted against further treatment, save for daily prednisolone. The vets gave us a month, he's lasted more than that, but we've started to notice that he's been slowing down-besides the obvious weight loss (half his original weight)the past two days he's having a hard time jumping up on the bed and navigating the stairs, and he's had some accidents (the last one being 5am this morning-he couldn't jump off the bed to get to the litterbox, so he just peed on our bed instead). So, we're faced with the heartbreaking reality that we're going to have to put him to sleep, sooner rather than later. It's one of the hardest decisions to face-harder at times than dealing with IF. It just blows.

So, I'm not pussy-footing around. Give me a bottle of Jagermeister-no namby-pamby shot glasses for me, either-put it in a pint glass and let me at it!

Dreamer4agift said...

Happy Anniversary Lushary:-)

Even though I can't drink right now IRL, since this is VIRTUAL, I would LOVE to have a, frozen, doesn't matter...yum, I can just imagine the taste:-)

The Steadfast Warrior said...

Well, I first found the lushary last month and since then I've been given the medical okay to ttc again. We leaped into this cycle with wild abandon and bam, I'm feeling pg. So here we were thinking that third times a charm (getting pregnant asap) when af showed up yesterday. I'm on progesterone too. My LP was still short -10days. Suffice to say that I'm in a b*tchy mood today and your "Open" sign at the Lushary couldn't have come at a more perfect time. My temps haven't dropped and I still feel like I could be pg (not the first time I've been pg and got my period). So... until I can confirm I'm not pg (and that it's just the stupid progesterone messing with me), I can't drink anything IRL until Friday (work party you see). Meanwhile, Mel darlin', please kindly pour me a double Crown Royal with Sprite and let me know that I'm not being a grumpy b*tch for nothing. Thanks! :)

Emmy said...

I'm delurking... I wasn't here a year ago. I'll have a nice glass of wine...

I am new to blogging/IF. DH has no sperm, we are in the process of trying to find out why. He was supposed to call to make the appointment today, but I don't know if he did!

'Murgdan' said...

Lousy commenter...Avid reader...Expert drinker. I heart you and your blog.

...Please pass me a Cosmopolitan. I'd love to hang out and just chat for awhile.

Jessica said...

De-lurking, I'll have an Amaretto Sour, thank you!

I've been reading your blog off and on since Julie mentioned your list of blogs after she gave birth to Charlie and couldn't keep up.

I added you to my reader about 6 months ago when I got my current job in HR and needed somewhere to look to understand people's journeys and be compassionate. I think it's important to not say the wrong thing and your blog has a treasure trove of other blogs that teach me how to be a good listener and confidante when people come to me looking for an ear.

I don't have infertility, I've never lost a child, and I've never been directly involved with adoption. But I think it's important to see all sides of the story. The human experience is one full of heartaches and pitfalls. As well as overwhelming joy and monumental achievements. I love reading through all these blogs and observing people on their paths through life, taking away things from their journey to help me through mine. Thank you for having this great resource and keep up the good work!

~Back to lurking~

Jessica said...

The link to my blog isn't working in that comment above. This one should work.

Cathy said...

It's been pretty close to exactly 2 years since I first went to the RE and reading IF blogs ... last year I was BACK at the RE, sleep deprived from twins, begging to make the endo go away again, while also sorting out baby health issues, and today ..

Give me something strong, I don't care what, and keep them coming.

After nearly a month in the hospital with the little guy, we were back today for his follow-ups for the "wtf is wrong with your kid" issues that were found coincidentally. And after Radioactive Baby Hour, an hour at the lab, and 2 hours meeting new stupid doctors, it looks like we're on the path to Surgical Procedure #4. Because "he's a complicated little boy" and "we need to get to the bottom of this". Later this week is the lecture on "you don't feed your kid enough even though what we told you to feed him makes him banshee wail for 23 1/2 hours a day - and the other 30 minutes is spent vomiting."

Ahem. More drinks please.

bleu said...

See the sad left brained me says you should do the 8th to the 14th is you want to do the true middle child thing. ARGH I drive me nuts.

Happy Anniversary Lushary and you Mel. Thanks for the swell bar keeping.

I would ask for a drink but water is my fav right now.

Tara said...

Perfect timing, Mel. I wasn't blogging 2 years ago. I've been attending this Lushary just since October of 2008. However, a year ago, I had just had my first RE visit and was stoked about my upcoming IUI. I was certain I'd be the one that got PG on her first IUI. 12 months and a million moons later, here I am. Stonger, wiser, more resilient and stronger than I ever thought I could be.

I am meeting with my new RE tomorrow to discuss my protocol for IVF #3 (first IVF with new RE, though). I'm trying to be hopeful, but realistic.

I'll have a Crown and Ginger - double, tall. Maybe I'll actually get some sleep tongiht with that in my tummy!

Aramelle said...

Hi Mel!
I've posted a few comments since finding your blog, but this is my first time visiting the Lushery. As with the rest of your blog, I think this is such a great idea!

Usually, I'd just ask for a Coke, but the past few weeks have been pretty crappy. So, I think I'll splurge and have a "real" drink. Something fruity...with rum.

Pregnancy announcements seem to be flying at me everywhere I turn. Since last Friday, I have found out that my sister and sister-in-law are both expecting. I want to not feel the way that I do about said announcements.

My other sister is going in for IF testing the beginning of February. She is looking to me for information and encouragement. I feel like I can inform all day, but it's pretty hard to help someone else feel hopeful when you don't have much of it left yourself.

And we're in this stupid waiting period for IUI. I wish AF would hurry and show up so we could start.

Sorry...that's more than enough complaining from one patron! DH is beckoning me to watch our Monday shows, but I'll be back to make my way through others' blogs a little later.

GINA and KEV said...

I didn't mean to lurk - I'm still trying to figure out this whole blogosphere thing. Please forgive. That said, I obviously wasn't here two years ago or even one. But I can down some virtual Pinot Noir and recall this time two years ago...

January 2007 I was recovering from a D&C (miscarried at Christmas - lovely, huh?) before an entire year of failed injectable cycles and another D&C, this time with a laparoscopy & CO2 laser.


January 2008 was my first attempted cycle after the surgery the previous year. Oh-eight brought on three more failed injectable cycles, OHSS, and three failed IUI's with injectables.


And now - we decided to adopt, completed a homestudy in October and are currently waiting to be matched. Honestly, we're somewhere in between IF treatments and adoption. We've got one foot in each pool right now and they both feel really cold.

I just want a family to keep me warm. I guess my Pinot will have to do for now...

Vintage Mommy said...

I'm a relatively new blogger and even newer to Stirrup Queens, but I have commented at the Lushary before.

I'm in a different place from many others here; we adopted seven years ago, but I so appreciate this community. I felt so completely alone when I was going through infertility hell . . .

Something bubbly to drink, please!

Hillary said...

Hey Mel, thanks for hosting the bar! I'll take a nice glass of red wine...

This is my first time here. I'm a newbie, "only" TTC for 10 cycles now. DH's sperm don't move, really, so that's how and why we're here. This week is a big one for us in our IF journey -- he's having surgery in 2 days to repair a varicocele. It MIGHT improve his sperm. It might not. We'll see.

It's a long wait.

Thanks for the drink!

FattyPants said...

Last year I was pulling my belly up to the bar. Literally. This year I'm posting while listening to baby snores through the monitor. Life is good.

Lately I'm feeling the pressure to try for another and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I mean I JUST crossed the finish line and don't know how I feel about another marathon.

As for a drink can you make me some cocoa? I'm seriously dying for some but my new diet plan is made by the devil and I can't have it anymore.

Happy anniversary lushary!

Aisling said...

Hi, I'm Aisling and a lurker of this blog. I've been TTC for 3 years. I guess I don't respond as i'm kind of sick and tired of being a TTC-er. I've worn out my little infertile fingers and run out of new things to say or feel. But I do read this blog from time to time and it's nice to not feel alone. Thanks.

Elaine said...

I've been reading for a few months but this is my first comment. I don't know if I count as an infertile but it's been 18 months of off and on TTC with nothing to show for it. I'm at a fork in the road where I'm thinking about giving up (I have a teenage stepson who no longer speaks to his father - imagine TTC with a man so cruelly spited). I do blog but not generally about the TTC thing - if I wrote about babies as much as I think about babies, my family would probably have me committed! :)

So, Happy Delurking Week and thank you for this wonderful site :)

Brenna said...

I'm a bit late to the bar, but it looks as though there are some fellow lushes still kicking around, so I'll stay and have a big glass of a tasty red wine--Malbec or Shiraz, or maybe one of each!

Although we've been TTC for about four years and in treatment for two, I hadn't really taken a look around the Internet to seek out and offer support until recently. Sadly, the event that led me here was the loss of our three sons, Adam, Joseph and Paul, on Sept. 25, 2008. After we lost the boys, I found myself searching for ways to connect with women who had lost children, and one site led to another led to another.

Over the past few weeks I've found a whole host of blogs to follow and voices that inspire me, make me laugh, and allow me to cry in good company.

Thanks for being such a great bartender and for bringing us in from the cold to enjoy one another's company.

Prost! (As they say in Germany...)

Ally said...

Happy Anniversary! :) I wasn't posting when the Virtual Lushary got started, but I'm here now!

I'll take a cosmo, or three, while I wait for my pre-op appointment tomorrow morning. And then several more as I wait for the actual operation. And then a few more as I wait for the all-clear to cycle again.

Um...will(virtual) alcohol help teach me how to be patient and not worry?

VIctoria said...

Hi, I'm Victoria. I've been reading IF blogs for almost a year now - Google Reader is my constant companion. After reading some of your Tuesday posts I realized that I should begin commenting and even started my own blog. (Not much there yet and I'm just learning the technology.)

I have been TTC since 2004 - stopped Depo Provera in January of that year and five years later, still nothing. Learned about two years ago that DH has a rare genetic condition resulting in zero sperm. Two years worth of tests and IUIs and we progressed to IVF. First attempt was canceled and I don't know if I will make it if this next one doesn't work.

I really appreciate this blog and all of the others out there. I feel like there is a community of people out in the world who "get me" and it helps me to get through my days.

Oh, and I'll have a White Russian here, since I can't have one IRL. (Dairy allergy.)

luna said...

happy anniversary, little lushary! better late than never.

two yrs ago on that date, I had not yet found you but was reflecting on my own 1 yr anniv. when complications began that ended our son's chance at life. last year, I was recovering from my failed IVF and pondering next steps. and begging you for a bottle of good pinot.

this year, I am holding on to a bit of hope that we may finally be closer to our child...

and I haven't had any time to de-lurk on other blogs, either. just barely keeping up with reading...

wishing you all the best for all you do, mel!

Mrs. Olson said...

Hi Mel! I just recently found your blog via another blog friend and I love it!

We just underwent our third IUI this time with Clomid. We are also in the process of changing our doctor so it is a tad bit stressful at the moment (not a good combo with trying to get pregnant!)

PS I'm a huge Cape Cod lover, so a cape cod with Grey Goose vodka would be fabulous!!

Anonymous said...


Basically delurking for the first time. Well sort of, I did sign my blog up to ICOMLEAVWE (did I do that right?) just before changing the address. Just want to say that this blog even gives me hope.

My HoneyBuns and I may be pretty poor(relatively speaking of course)and our Surrogacy Fund is going to take a lot of hard work to create, but I see hope in it all here.

Thanks for doing this blog.

PS is there a way to change my old blog address on ICOM to the new one?

Bea said...

Huh. I didn't comment last year. But how freakin' cool is it to comment this year, two years after the first opening? Life has changed so much and I am glad.