Wow--I'm really floored by the great response to the book. I'm still reading through comments and I'll put answers to questions in the Roundup on Friday. But we have something else to celebrate...Like the sign says, The Virtual Lushary started serving invisible drinks in 2007, which makes it a year old. In fact, it turns one tomorrow on the 17th. The idea that kicked it off remains the same idea that keeps it going: that people need a space where everyone knows their name and even if it is their first time sitting down in the circle, a space is created to include them instantly.
It's a sucky world where terrible things happen, but it's also a wonderful world where people jump in and help one another simply by letting a person know that they're not shouting their hopes and fears into the ether. On that note, it has been a very sad time in the blogosphere. It feels sometimes like things go in waves--we'll have this rash of good news and then this period where you don't even want to turn on the computer to read about the next loss. And this is my thought: I want to support all the people who are in the majority--either during a good wave or a bad wave--but I don't want to forget the minority who are experiencing the opposite news at the same time. It's a fine balance, walking through the bittersweet.
There are many other communities in the blogosphere and they all have their core group and a sense of cohesiveness--especially those that focus on an issue. I think what differentiates us is how close-knit and organized we are. And on that note, I read a post this week that spoke about how the person felt like they had lost this community and how this is where they drew all of their strength from while they were trying. It's hard. We're a community based on what we don't have therefore, it seems to follow that once you obtain that goal, you would step into a new community. But it's not that easy. I think because we are so close-knit and supportive, it is impossible to ask someone to build a life elsewhere simply because they have achieved the thing that brought them here in the first place. What a strange idea--it's like prisoners who want to remain on Alcatraz! But I think you all know what I mean. You are the voices I trust now, the people who give me advice.
Which is the reason for the divided blogroll--so people can find their smaller niche within the group--but the divisions are not meant as banishment. When you move over to the pregnant or parenting categories, it is for the greater community who wants the heads up before they click on a blog but it is also for the people who have achieved that goal--so they can find one another, still draw their support from inside this group, and remain an integral part of the community. Hopefully, readers easily cross over category borders. Without the elders, information would be lost or have to be rebuilt again and again. So as we shift around at the bar, always offering a seat to whoever walks in the door, I ask that you keep doing that even if the patron walks in with a child or a pregnant belly. If they're walking into this bar, trust that they need to be here.
January is a reflective time. I like looking forward, but I'm a sucker for looking back too. So, indulge that side of me as we celebrate a full year of imaginary drunken debauchery.
If you commented at the first Lushary, I'd like you to click here and read what you had to say one year ago this week. And then, as you update the group below on your current situation, add what was happening this time last year and how life is the same or different. If you joined along at a later bar session, the same idea holds. You can scan old sessions here and then state when you found the bar and what has changed since.
As always, it has been a less than a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.
I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.
So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.
For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation.
Happy Drinking. Raising a glass to another year of imaginary drinks!
Oh...and check BlogHer tomorrow morning for another new post about our corner of the blogosphere.
37 comments:
Happy Anniversary to my favorite people in one of my favorite places! Wow! Reading last year's post was a blast from the past. I was waiting to find out if my m/c was finally complete (from an ectopic pg.) We found out we had to destroy our frozen embryos and find a new donor. Life was bleak. Not much has changed. We have survived another m/c and are waiting for donor embryos to become available. My SIL who had offered to be a surrogate for us just had an unexpected hysterectomy. Guess that's off the table now. What remains the same is my desire to be a mom. Tell me it WILL happen???? Thanks for all the love and support.
I didn't know about you gals a year ago (but thank god I do now!) Last year this time we were struggling with trying on our own, or going with IVF (since I have Unexplained IF). I was still recovering from my ectopic. A year later, an IVF cycle and miscarraige under my belt - strangly enough, I feel like I'm in a better place. We are gearing up for IVF cycle #2 in Feb-March...
So bring on the Diet Sprite and Stoli Raz (I'm trying to lose the weight I gained while cycling and over the holidays.... but give up the Lushary? NO WAY!)
Even though my post from last year shows up as anonymous I picked mine up right away. The wounds were still pretty fresh from finding out my husband had azoospermia and I was in a pretty low place. I got choked up when I read this part of my comment:
"I feel like even though we're 2 years into things we are just at the beginning of our journey. I've kept a very positive attitude through it all, but I think it is beginning to take a toll on me. I can't imagine that anything the docs tell us next month will be positive-the options will just be choosing between the lesser of evils."
The reason it made me sad is that here I sit almost 33 weeks pregnant with our son who was conceived through DI. The whole "lesser of evils" thing really bothered me-what we chose has been such a wonderful gift. Sometimes I'm in total disbelief that this is actually happening to me-that I'm actually getting to experience this after such a struggle. I wouldn't trade the route we had to take for anything in the world because it would mean we wouldn't have this baby and he was meant for us!
I would also like to add that if I think back to this time last year I felt totally hopeless over our situation. A lot has changed in one year, but I will always be grateful for this community and all the hard work that Mel has put into bringing so many of us together!
This anniversary is too important not to toast and since I can't really drink what I want to I will toast all of you with a little bit of Pinot Noir because a little red wine can't hurt!
Happy Anniversary! I liked your analogy to Alcatraz, as that's how I feel sometimes, I really struggle with my blog, I still feel like an infertile, even though I have kids, and am torn between just mindlessly posting pictures or staying true to myself and really posting my feelings. Last year we had just had egg retrival and I was laid up on the couch today. Oh, how far we have come.
Thanks for all that you do, have a margarita on me!!
Wow, I can't believe a year has gone by. This time last year we were getting ready for our first IUI (after trying for 2+ years). That very first IUI resulted in a Big Fat Positive, which ended eleven weeks later with a Big Fat m/c and D&C. Three more IUIs last year, but no more BFPs. Last week, after the Day 3 bloodwork necessary to start the IVF process, I found out that my FSH level has tripled since last year. My clinic says we are no longer candidates for IVF (they consider the chances for success too small). So, our only option now is a few more medicated IUIs. We have always planned to adopt, even if we also had biological kids, but right now I can't even breathe when I think about the fact that I will probably never get to experience pregnancy. Never have a child with my husband's beautiful eyes, my coloring, my Dad's sense of humor, my grandmother's intelligence, etc. This time last year I was full of hope. Now I find myself desperately trying to hope that the rest of this year is not going to be anywhere near as bad as its first 15 days have been.
So, Mel, serve me up anything to shake off the blues--maybe something warm, since our weather has gone nuts and it is freezing here in the deep south!
Carla
I started my blog last January and it looks like I didn't find the Lushary until April.
Things have changed a lot since January 07. Last year I was very depressed about my miscarriages and struggling with my feelings. This year I'm pregnant but still struggling with believing in it sometimes.
Oh and since it's virtual I'd love a mohito.
Busy season at work, so not much time to sit & chat today (pout), BUT I had to stop by & share a Pomagranate Martini with Mel! Cheers darlin! (glug glug glug, back to the trenches I go)
Happy Anniversary!! I didn't know about Mel last January, but did find her and the Lushary in April. Before I found this blog, I felt alone. And scared, and had no idea what to expect. In the last 8 months, I found a community that has been SO supportive, it's incredible! I've even had the opportunity to meet and hang out with some of you in the DC area, where I have learned SO much, and had lots of fun!
My first post on the lushary was in April. I was waiting on the results from my husband's urologist to see what our options really were- surgery for him, or straight to IVF. For us, it was Go to IVF- do not pass go, do not collect $200. Our first cycle was cancelled in May, and then we finally got to cycle in June- and it worked!! We went from twins, to one heathy singleton at 7 weeks.
Now, I'm sitting here, 31 weeks 4 days pregnant, and I am just so lucky to be here. This last week has been a challenge. I'm riding the fine line between "irritable uterus" and preterm labor. So far I'm contracting a lot, and have been in the hospital twice, but no cervical changes have happened (thank goodness!). I see the OB tomorrow to see if anything changed in the last 6 days.
Mel- thanks so much for all you do to keep us from feeling alone, and helping everyone find the support that we need. You are truly amazing! And I can't wait to buy your book!
First off Happy Anniversary. Secondly - I did comment on the first lushary post last year. Its sad to say I am in the same exact spot only with 3 more negative IVF's under my belt for a total of 7 and starting IVF # 8 stims on Sat....wonder if I'll read this next year and be in the same spot. How sad.
Happy Anniversary! A whole year! So cool!
This time last year I was busy bleeding for months on end for no apparent reason - do not pass go, do not collect a chance to get pregnant - and being batted back and forth between the Assisted Conception Unit and the Gynaecology unit at the local hospital, neither of whom seemed to want anything to do with me.
Now, post surgery, I have come to the end of the 'trying on my own' season and am soon to go back to the ACU and be filled to the gills with progesterone and clomid and what have you.
And as it is January, I have another Mysterious Health Issue - I have taken to fainting for no. reason at all. Arse, as we say in Britain. Arse arse arse. I think I shall stick to tea and chocolate.
Last year I was 32.5 weeks pregnant and worrying about my blood pressure creeping up. Two weeks later my son A pulled shut two knots on his umbilical cord and died in utero. He was stillborn the next day. It has been a long and hard year. I didn't start writing till April, and I didn't start coming here till the fall. After bad sperm tests and much asshatery with the RE, I was sure I would see the first anniversary of A's death not pregnant and not even likely to get to cycle for a few more months. Surprisingly, I am 6+ weeks now, waiting for an ultrasound on Friday. Due to some wonky hCGs, I fear bad news, but am trying to just get there without thinking too much. This has been a hard month in a hard year. I could use a drink or five, but for now they have to stay imaginary.
happy anniversary mel and little lushary! love how the kitchen extends to the neighborhood bar.
I hadn't found you yet a year ago. I was in between hoohah surgeries and fixing up my insides to prepare to try again with IUIs and then consider our options. I was also remembering the exact day I started experiencing complications in the 2nd trimester of my only pg in Jan. 2006 before losing my angel boy at 21 wks. The day bliss turned to terror.
By the time I found you in late summer (I think I commented as anonymous but will have to check), I was still convinced I would get pregnant again after being all fixed up. Since then, I've had 3 or 4 IUIs, and now I'm just coming off a failed IVF and considering FET.
So since I'm in between cycles and still depressed, and well it IS a special occasion, I'll have a really good glass of red wine, pinot maybe. But you might want to just leave the bottle so you can tend to your other patrons too.
Many thanks again for all you do, Mel. ~luna
Happy Anniversary Lushary!
The feelings of the first lushary were amazing, probably a big part of why I started blogging. To publicly let out my emotions and feel safe doing so. It felt like the perfect place, I'd be such an alcoholic if the lushary was a real place.
Back then, I had just started a long break. I was 4 weeks into BCP, 4 weeks of a planned 12 - 18 months. A year later, I'm still on my BCP with no plans to go off again. In that time I nearly divorced R, got a second dog, and we tried to get custody of Little H. And all of that has led me to the death (or at least "persistant vegetative state," not sure it's permanent, but it feels like it will last forever) of my dream to become a mother. We can't afford it, so why hold on to wanting it?
Somehow, I was more positive then, when I hated the choice I had to make (to go on BCP). Now I'm almost indifferent to life. IF has broken me so much that I don't care about things anymore. IF and R, that is. I never thought that R and I could separate, that we could get to a point where we had divided the dishes I had packed everything I owned. I never thought anything could tear us that far apart.
We've been stitched back together, the wound is closed, my things are back in the cupboards and closets. But there's a big ugly scar. Lumpy and tight. White, painfully visible against the slightly sun-kissed skin of my summer. A summer where I was free and selfish. The scar reminding me that I have so many responsibilities to others that I'm never allowed to be selfish again. A scar that reveals where my desire to have a child used to be, almost like a diseased organ that had to be removed.
And now I'm being creepy and morbid. Let's see how drunk I can get on the weird mix I had this weekend (my friend had a crappy liquor selection, and even crappier mixers): coconut rum and Mt Dew Live Wire (the orange one). If it doesn't work, go ahead and feed me vodka- I don't need to remember today.
Shit, R's grandma is coming over tonight. I think I'll take advantage of SS having the stomach flu on Monday and fake sick so I can stay in my bedroom the whole time. And I can take the laptop with me, so I can keep drinking...
I found my post from a year ago immediately too - I was enjoying our ART break and "the resurgence of hope" after my RE found and removed the Monster Septum. But scared too, that the hope would make a failure in April/March hurt even more.
And obviously this year is different. I'm 28 weeks pregnant from our final IVF cycle in July.
And yes, it felt so odd at first - feeling like I had lost some of my close friends because I had moved on. Took me a while to get comfortable with the "pregnant after infertility" label. But I think I'm settling into it. And I still get a lot of support when I need it.
Like right now, when work is so hectic that I feel completely and utterly overwhelmed.
I feel as if I'm being sucked into a vortex of stress right now - too much to do and not enough time. And each day I'm acutely aware of the ticking clock, telling me that I don't have very long before I'm taking on the biggest responsibility of my life - being the parent of a being who is completely and utterly dependent on me.
For a planner like me, it's so hard to feel this out of control.
But. I know I'll get there, eventually. I just need to take things a day at a time.
So. Yes please, pull out my engraved martini glass. I am craving a vodka martini with blue cheese stuffed olives. You know, since this is virtual and all. :)
Last year we had just found out that we would be elligible for the shared risk program for more IVF's...tomorrow is when I had my FSH day three done (lol, I'm not a freak, I just did all the medical expenses from last year so I know!).
I found the lushary last year in February....I was in my suppression cycle, anxiously waiting to hear form the adoption agency, and also waiting to see what the coming IVF would amount to, though I was expecting it to amount to nothing.
The call we were on with the adoption agency didn't pan out, but by April we would be matched and Ava would be coming home in May. And that IVF that I thought wouldn't amount to anything except being able to say we did all we could resulted in a pregnancy which actually resulted in a BABY. Strange stuff.
Things do happen sometimes.
I hear you about the state of the blogs lately. Lots of sad news. But also a few shining bright spots.
Hah...that's pretty much life, isn't it? Lots of bad news with a few shining bright spots?
I'll have a mai tai. Just like last year. Some things never change. Happy Anniversary Lushary!
Wow, a year huh? I've only had a blog for a few months so I just recently joined the Lushary, however I have been a long time lurker. Isn't it amazing how quickly a year goes by...the changes, the heartache, the laughter...all rolled into one.
A year ago around this time I had only been trying for about 18 months, our first IUI had failed and were gearing up for another one. Since then I've moved cities, got a BFP on our 3rd IUI, gone through a m/c, changed clinics, and as of right now I am still trucking at 4dpiui again.
Speaking of new IUI's that is what I drink to today (other than the anniversary of course). I need a good drink after the stress (mostly self-inflicted but that's what we do right?) of this procedure at the new clinic. Also I want to drink to everyone going through some rough stuff right now, and to Miss Hope who always finds a way to creep in. Not sure what I'm in the mood for though, surprise me ;-)
Cheers to a year of the lushary! I hopped on a barstool first in April, when I was suppressing for my first IVF and feeling overwhelmed by the process looming ahead of me. Now I've got two unsuccessful IVFs under my belt, and after a 6 month break we're contemplating whether to attempt IVF again, step back to IUIs, or shut the door on ART. But I'm confident that I will be closer to motherhood at the end of this year, one way or another.
I wasn't around last January. The past year has been a whirlwind. I was exposed to the pregnancy loss community after a good friend had a stillbirth and 2 other friends miscarried.
I became a part of that community when I miscarried my first baby in February. I got pregnant again right away and was scared to death that something would be wrong with my second baby and I would lose him too.
In November, my son was born. The journey was difficult for me, but well worth it in the end.
Happy Anniversary! You rock Mel.
I just read through the first lushary and was happy to see my post. Surprisingly I was in a good place a year ago. We were two years in to our TTC saga and I was happy. We had stepped off the treatment wagon and it felt good to have my life back. I was working on losing weight at the recommendation of my chosen IVF doc and it was working. I said I was going to do accupuncture but I never did. The year got crazy -- my brother got sick. My other brother's wife got pregnant again. The stress of trying to find a way to pay for IVF got to me as the year went on.
I was happy even though I had no way of knowing how great it would all work out. I couldn't see then how dark it would get again (a surprise pg turned never ending m/c will do that), or the light that would eventually shine at the end of the year when we realized we were pregnant. On our own and for real this time (14w5d today).
I haven't been posting much, though its not because I don't have anything to say. I'm just a jumble these days of omg I have to prepare for a baby! and omg what if something should happen to our sweet little lion cub? And other days I just can't believe that I'm pregnant. And none of that seems interesting to anyone but me.
Thank you for this space.
Happy, happy anniversary! It is so nice to see the Lushary still going strong...for the support we all need. Although, I wish none of us had to be going through these journeys in the first place.
I don't think I posted on the first Lushary (unless it got reverted to Anonymous). But, a year ago, I was an anxiety-ridden mess...just starting out on my Lexapro/Xanex cocktails because I was still having such a hard time dealing with my miscarriages, infertility, family upheavals... I spent the better part of year feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my skin...that I was going to puke at any second more evenings than I can count because the stress was overwhelming. It was not a good time - a time when i was supposed to be getting back into TTC again after a 9 month TTC break.
But, life, fate, God - whatever you want to call it - had other plans that could never have expected. I have been blessed to be celebrating a New Year with an unexpected, and very healthy, PG. I am very blessed...and hope the blessings expand to everyone here. Despite some more recent family upheavals (my IL's are losing their house because they could not pay their mortgage after a multi-year illness for my FIL), we are awaiting more joy to come in.
I am hoping 2008 is a good year for all of us - so much joy, no more pain or disappointment.
To that end, I will just have anything decaf...
Happy Anniversay to Lushary, happy anniversasry to Lushary, yada, yada yada.... You really don't want to hear me sing. Thanks, Mel, for the hours and hours and hours you put into this community. It is well-appreciated.
How bout a cider? I am freezing today at work.
AF due any day. Less than a month to my Mega-thaw. All the ferts will be thawed in exactly 18 days (but who's counting?). My fingernails are down to nubbins...
At the time of the next lushary, I will either be pregnant (and will hopefully remain so for 9 months) or I will be living a childless life. Yikes. No pressure or anything...
Schatzi, are you in my office? My cubicle is frigid today. Another hot cider, please, Mel. I'm happy to duck out of work for a few minutes & warm up!
And happy anniversary to The Lushuary! I envision a cozy Cheers-like place full of women, some pregnant, some not, all talking happily, with Mel pouring drinks & dispensing advice behind the bar.
I did not discover the Lushuary until shortly before setting up my own blog in October. I have been living childfree & not ttc for quite some time now, but this time last year, I had just been to one baby shower for one of dh's cousins turning 40 and bracing myself for another one for a cousin's wife, age 43 (both IVF babies, as we later heard through the family grapevine). Happy for them, of course, but also wondering for the umpteenth time why such miracles keep happening to other people. We've just been invited to the first baby's first birthday party (two weekends from now); the second baby was born in early March & no doubt that invitation will be forthcoming shortly.
Bottoms up -- I'm very glad I found this place!
A year ago. Wow. We were biding our time, waiting for my flex spending account to reset so we could afford IVF. That seems a universe away. The IVF failed, the FET didn't. Twins, gallbladder surgery, PROM, delivery, simultaneous loss and celebration, now waiting and watching and hoping. What a year.
I couldn't have done it without all of you!
Now, I suppose since it's virtual, I'll have a Guinness (can't stand them in real life). I've heard they are good for breastmilk production and I need all the help I can get!
Jeez... here I go crying again!
This is what I wrote a year ago: "It's so wonderful to be here and have a place to go after (and thank goodness during) the shitty and sometimes not so shitty days of this journey. I don't know what I would do without you guys. You are my sanity, information source, and my support."
A year later it's even more true. Because of places like this it seems our community is stronger than ever.
I am finding myself a bit in the "wanting to stay in alcatraz" boat (no pun intended). Being pregnant after IF is a harder situation to be in than I ever thought it would. Wonderfully there are so many of us who have transversed this line, and I find that there is support coming from the community.
I do want to give back to the community. Please, everyone, know that if you need any info on PCOS, low sperm counts, Femara, injectibles or IUI, that you can drop me a line any time.
Happy anniversary, Lushary, and Mazel Tov, Mel on yet ANOTHER wonderful acheivement.
Happy anniversary. I didn't post until last June, but I had been lurking for a long time before that. It just happened you opened the lushary up the night before my first IUI and I was scared to death.
When I went back and read june it made me both sad and happy that some of us are sitting here pregnant, and others have had losses I can't even imagine. I'm still amazed by how reading the words of someone you don't know can bring such heartfelt joy and tears so quickly.
It IS odd being pregnant after if. Its like walking through a field of starving people with a bag of doughnuts you can't share.
So I guess I'll quit running on at the mouth and have a virtual beer.
Whew, wow has a lot changed in a year. However, not much has changed with the Lushary...same good company, same kiss @ss bartender!
A year ago I was tired, and today I am too. I'm just beyond thankful that this time it's from chasing a crawling infant. I can only imagine what emotions IVF will bring this year, but if it's anything like last year, I'm in for one hell of a ride!
Happy Anniversary!! What a difference one year makes! Last year I was hopeless, confused and frustrated... Did not know where I was heading regarding my carrier and fertility issues. I am now almost 26 weeks pregnant, still confused about some aspects of my lie, but in a much happier place than one year ago. Thanks for cerating this space. I'll have some orange juice todar
Happy Anniversary. I don't remember when I found your blog and the virtual lushary. I think somewhere around March or April of last year. I'll have something non-alcoholic. I don't even know what really. Anything will do. This has been quite a year for me. Now I'm sitting here trying not to stress and worry about the upcoming ER and if the IVF will be the ticket for me.
Happy Anniversary!
Thank you for all the hardwork you do, it makes a world of difference. I (gasp) don't have a blog, but would love to share a little anyway. I've been lurking for the last 6 months, and appreciate the invite to belly up to the bar!
Here's a brief overview:
Age 30, married for 5 years and
TTC for 2.5 years
A lap, endo diagnosis and 6 clomid/letrozol IUI's later I just had my first legit IVF consult today! Mini-Stim IVF was recomended and we will probably try that in the next few months. I still have the day 3 tests to re-do, but I actually have something more to look forward to now. Yayy?!!
Could I get a mojito, Mel and any sage advice you can part with?!
Thanks again for all of your hospitality and support.
Wow. A whole year, eh? While I didn't know of Mel or most of you all a year ago ~gasp~, I'll tell you where I was...
January 17th, 2007 was cd1 of C4. Since I am a secondary (actually tertiary) IFer who had a taste of primary IF, I didn't feel too much of the situation. I was disappointed I got AF, but I didn't expect anything different.
Today, I am on cd18 of my 3rd IUI attempt. I'm still yet to O, but they are finally getting there. I actually had my cycle cancelled 3 days ago, only to find 2 follies growing today. So, things are well. Trigger tomorrow and IUI this weekend. Don't know the outcome yet obviously, but also not expecting much. I'm still hoping for the best though. Gotta love hope.
While we wait, I'm pre-authing for IVF to find out what I need to do money wise. Last year for us to try, so next anniversary, I won't be ttc.
I would like a shot of honey lager. mmmm. Honey.
Thanks Mel the fabulous bartender!
happy lushary anniversary! i'll have a glass of pinot grigio to celebrate, please! (if you're still serving that is. . i know i'm late!!)
i hadn't found you yet one year ago. i don't think i found you until march of last year. regardless, last year i was in my third or fourth clomid cycle. since then, i've had two BFPs...one m/c and will be 27 weeks into my second as of tomorrow. i'm a lucky lucky girl.
your blog, lushary, and all you do is such a great source of support, Mel. i can only hope that you feel you can lean on us as much as we lean on you.
Happy Anniversary Little Lushary!! Cheers to all of you wonderful ladies and yummy drinks!!!
Happy Anniversary, let's raise our glasses to the barkeep. To all friends at the bar, your next drinks are on me, so drink a lot and come back often.
We've only recently gotten back on the ttc train so I'm also new. I have a daughter who is now 19 mo. She was finally conceived after 3+ yrs of trying, and more than terrible adoption experiences (we literally had 'our' baby taken out of our arms). After the last and worst adoption experience, we went back to ttc, moved to a different state where dh took a job with infertility benefits (even IVF) and got pg a month before we were due to try IVF.
Now we're trying for #2. I was in the office early this morning for terrible stomach pain. I only have 1 side left (the rt ovary and tube have been removed) and so I'm overly cautious... or paranoid, either one. Anyway, I have a cyst the size of a clementine that is pushing my uterus all the way to the right and into all my scar tissue from my missing side. And, to make a long story short, that's why it hurts like hell. This coming cycle we are doing hormone shots and more ultrasounds.
I think that I'm doing ok with ttc this time. It went in cycles (no pun intended) when we were ttc#1. For the first couple years it was very difficult and adoption was an emotional rollercoaster (although it's still very close to my heart). After we started trying again after our failed adoption, I felt more at peace with everything. Perhaps it was the fact that I always had our infertility insurance in my back pocket... now we've moved states again, moved jobs again, and consequently have no if insurance (like I'm sure most of you don't either).
But I'm doing ok most of the time. Dh travels 80% of the time for work and that is what stresses me out the most... what if he's not here when he's supposed to? When should he be here? What if something goes wrong while he's gone? blah blah blah But we're hanging in there :)
Oooh~ how did I miss the early rush to the bar? I'm definitely looking for a nice mellow glass of red wine -- but will have to defer the consumption until after my asthma med round is complete next week. (In case anyone needed to be reminded, breathing and adequate oxygen supply is essential to functioning and it's nowhere near as obvious as when you can't do it easily!) Since I've been fighting respiratory-related maladies now since Dec. 26 I'm more than ready to be healthy and drinking again to all of your good health and good IF outcomes! Happy Anniversary fellow lushes ;-)
*wanders in late* Glad there's no last call here :-) A year ago we were coming off a TTC break and I was gearing up to change to a different clinic. I stumbled into the lushary in March - my birthday month, and our first round of clomid. It's been a year of upheavals, glad it's over, and beyond thankful to be starting the new year with what appears to be a healthy gestation, now at 20w3d. I'll have a virtual pinot!
I know I'm really, really late to the party, but I had to stop by the bar and say Happy Anniversary! I didn't discover the Lushary until April, but it was the thing that brought me out of my shell with regard to the WWW. It was at the April lushary that I posted my first comment and shortly thereafter I started my own blog! Funny how things have changed and how they haven't since then. At the time, I was in the 2WW of my third IVF. I was hopeful. Now, 9 months later, I've completed a fourth unsuccessful IVF, had a surprise pregnancy and miscarriage, am still not pregnant, started filling out reams of paperwork in order to adopt from China. And in general, I continue to struggle with frustration, anger, and depression over all of this. I am also incredibly grateful to Mel and all the other online Stirrup Queens out there. You all have made it immeasurably more bearable to deal with all this. Now, if the bar isn't closed yet, I'll take one of those Pomegranite Margaritas, or two, if you please.
Post a Comment