The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Friday Blog Roundup

Thank you so much for all the congratulations about the book. I'm obviously excited, but it's nice to have other people excited too--especially people whom I care about their opinion. I explained to Mary recently that this book feels very much like Stone Soup, which is one of my favourite stories of all time. Not the part where everyone is greedily hording their vegetables, but the part where they all step forward and contribute a small piece of the soup in order to create this delicious dish that is filling and nurturing and community-building. With all of the quotations, it feels a little bit like an enormous Friday Blog Roundup.

This book is really stone soup in written form and I am grateful whenever someone agrees to be interviewed. And though it may make me sound like a nut-job, I treat those interviews as if they were sacred. In some cases, as with the pregnancy loss chapter, I felt an enormous gravity being trusted with part of what remains of someone's child--memories, stories, emotions. Even when we're talking about something as simple as Follistim vs. Menopur, we're talking about very real bellies that have very real needles going through very real skin. And...I just want to say how grateful I am to be part of a community where everyone steps forward with stories so I can create a book that is as inclusive as possible. I would never want to write a book that only speaks to my experience, but without your experience, I have no other place with which to personally draw. If that makes any sense at all. What I am trying to say is that without you, I could not be the kind of person or the kind of writer I would like to be.

It would simply be a rock in water.

So some of you had questions and here are the answers:

Summer: Do you have a name for your book?

Me: I do and I don't. We have a working title, but after speaking to the publisher this week, it's likely to change. But the title and cover will be hopefully nailed down by May. And I will be putting up updates along the way whenever I have new information.

Susan: If I send it to you can I have it autographed?

Me: Definitely! I really have no idea how most of this stuff works sometimes in terms of the afterwards. But yeah, why not? Though, if I'll be in your area or you'll be in D.C., I'd rather sign it in person and meet you.

Deanna: When can we get it? Where will it be available? Kathy: Will you be able to sell it on the Mom and Pop shop also or just in the bookstore?

Me: Spring of 2009 is what I know so far. Which means March or April or May. I'll have actual dates at some point. And it will be available everywhere that books are sold--online and in stores. Seal Press is a major, standard publisher--if you truck on over to your bookshelf, you'll probably see their insignia on a few of your books if you have nonfiction (though I also have fiction books from them too). And any bookstore should be able to order it for you if they don't have it in stock because it will be distributed by a standard distributor. I'll probably keep a link to it at some online sellers somewhere on the blog.

Lyrehca: Will you do a national book tour for publicity?

Me: Yes. I don't know all of the details yet and probably won't have a sense of that until the fall when I speak to the publicist. I'll go wherever they tell me to go plus we've already had some contacts in the book world tell us that they're interested in scheduling a reading. I'll create a little Microsoft Paint icon on the sidebar to let you know when I'll be somewhere. Truly, I look at that part as sort of the best part because I'll hopefully get to meet a lot of bloggers along the way. We'll make a gigantic pot of stone soup at the reading.

So that's the book. I'll keep you updated as I hear things. And keep begging you for interviews along the way.

Blogroll stuff...I am updating the blogroll as we speak. The Sweepers have swept and I'm just putting in the updates. Which is taking forever, but is a labour of love. I like having things neat. And we can all thank the Sweepers in getting the list neat:

Who Shot My Stork?
Here We Go Again
Infertile Fantasies
One DINK Couple's Adventures
Sean and Mary's Family
Living a New Life with Infertility
Mommy Someday?
Coming 2 Terms
Fertile Yet Infertile
Same Old Stlbee
You Just Never Know Where Hope Might Take Ya
Everything Appears Normal
Or Life is a Bed of Roses
Looking for 2 Lines
The Dunn Family
The New Life of Nancy
They Grow in Your Heart

This has come up before and I've finally figured out what is happening. Bloglines will drop you if it can't find an RSS feed. If your blog is private, there is no RSS feed, hence why people can't have your blog in the blogroll if they use a blogrolling program. Sometimes, people go password protected and then realize their blog isn't on the enormous blogroll anymore.

To get around this, I started a new section for password protected blogs that will take new members (there really isn't a point in listing one that won't because people won't be able to get on your blog even if they click on it...right?). It is aptly labeled "password protected blogs" and it is currently on the L & F sidebar (it will be on the normal blogroll post once I update the blogroll post after the sweep is complete). You can see it here. If you want new readers, you can list yourself on it. If you don't want new readers, do nothing--I'd never add you without your expressed permission. See--a solution to every problem.

And now the blogs...

Thalia at Thalia's Fertility Journey had a post this week about dolls. Life-like dolls that people are using a la Children of Men in place of children. Thalia asks a bunch of great questions including: "Wouldn't one of these dolls be almost worse than not having anything at all, a constant reminder of what you don't have? Never to get a reaction to your hugs and kisses, why would that be a satisfying way to parent? Clearly, the dolls are being used as child substitutes, but they equally clearly don't fulfill the women who buy them - why else would someone have a whole nursery full and regularly buy more?" The description of the show reminded me a little bit of the movie AI, which I have to admit, disturbed me beyond belief. I can't really put my finger on why it bothered me so much, but I was very very upset after seeing AI and could never put into words why it continued to remain with me long after leaving the theater. Or why I returned to read this post a few times, each time leaving and thinking about it again. Go read it--Thalia not only writes beautifully, but she asks so many good questions that you'll be left thinking about it for hours.

Luna at Life From Here had multiple gorgeous posts this week. You should go over to read "Another Baby Birthday" and then read everything else around it too. In this particular post, Luna writes about the occasions she attends as well as the occasions that she doesn't--and the consequences that come from deciding to sit out a shower but also the gains that come from taking care of yourself.

AMS at Our Own Creation had a gorgeous post that summed up the feeling of being cheated out of what comes so easily to others--the easy conception, the easy pregnancy, the easy birth, and the baby who comes home immediately from the hospital so life can go on as happily ever after. She states emotionally: "I know how lucky we are. This could have ended much, much worse. My babies could be growing up without me, or I could be facing a future without either of my children. I know that and I am thankful for Zoe’s progress every minute. But I was cheated. I did everything asked of me. I played by the rules. Why is it that I still lost so much? I don’t know if we’ll try again. We still have frozen embryos and S still holds out hope that pregnancy, however brief, will have 'reset' me. I doubt it, but I’m way more cynical than he. I’m not sure I can set aside this new fear to try. I’m no longer afraid I won’t get pregnant. I’m afraid of what can happen if I do."

Pamela Jeanne at Coming2Terms had a post about the truth behind how stress affects fertility as well as the good advice to paddle one's own canoe if the goal is to always move forward. I think, for me, as I was reading it, I was realizing that I was allowing elements other than myself move my canoe. The current can carry you forward, but without control of the boat, you can end up in the location you wanted or diving over a cliff. It was just an important post to read and consider.

Lastly, Bleu at Soulbliss had a post about the wave of loss crossing the blogosphere and stated so eloquently, "We can look at the minutiae, the primary vs. secondary, the blighted ovum (hate that term) vs. late stage miscarriage, the male factor vs. unexplained, or whatever, but it doesn't matter. Like all pain it is relevant to the individual and totally subjective. The problem I have is the suffering in and of itself. Especially where it relates to people desiring nothing more than to raise and love another being. It sucks rotten eggs bad."

That is it, my dears. Hope you are having a wonderful Friday.


MDShamrocks07 said...

Happy Friday!

Just wanted to let you know I've changed my blog name from Just.Me. to Out of the Ordinary. Same blog, same stuff, same person...different name and layout. No biggie, just wanted to give a quick update. Here's the link again if need be:

Thanks! Have a good weekend!! (and congrats on the book, that's awesome!!!)


Rachel said...

Congratulations on the book!

After my baby was born, I started a new blog. Would you add it to the roll under "parenting after loss"?

Thanks and have a great weekend!

Jess said...

Hey Mel, you can update me on the blog fair any time...I'm not pregnant anymore, obviously, so just tweak it to whatever so people know it's not a pregnancy blog, just an adoptive/bio parenting blog/infertility.

Yeah, that sort of made sense. You know what I mean!!

Exciting about the book. Waaaay exciting!

sky girl said...

I hope that your book tour even makes it to lil ole Canada. :)

Anonymous said...

wow, I think I have arrived, making it into the roundup! thanks mel. (that post was my longest ever, but I love the comments in response.)

be sure to let us know when you'll hit the SF bay area for the book tour. there are lots of great bookstores for readings here...

Tammy said...

THank you for this round up each week. I am a "come lately" participant here, having moved from TTC to adoption prior to this blog starting. But just in the last year, I have finally let my guard down and am now grieving some of the hard things that infertility (and even adoption) and this journey have brought to me. And this site has been such a blessing, to read and know that I am not alone. I have felt alone, unique, and frustrated about it for so very long. Thanks for your hard work on this blog.

ANd congrats on the book! I can't wait for it to come out!

Fertilize Me said...

I am so happy to read about such wonderful news!

Pamela Jeanne said...

I'm honored to be included here! Thanks so much for all you do. Wishing you fabulous success with your book. Yours in friendship and gratitude, PJ

nancy said...

Awesome as always Mel.

And I wanted to tell you - I ~just~ bought "Stone Soup" this morning to share with the girls.

Artblog said...

CONGRATS on the book Mel, well done :) XXX

orodemniades said...

I'll stump for you at the bookstore I used to manage!

Allison said...

Can't wait for the book - huge congrats to you. What an accomplishment!

You can add me to the rolls -

I started the blog to share info with my family - but have since expanded it.