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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Forest Through the Trees or the Leg Beneath the Hair

I'm not shy to admit this: I rarely shave my legs in winter. I don't know why; I mean, I'm pretty damn lazy about it in the summer too and I don't have the leg-hair colour to be lazy. I was self-conscious about shaving in my youth--my youth being about four years ago--but my thirties have brought with it a laissez-faire attitude towards leg hair. My mother can't completely understand this: "how difficult can it be to shave your legs once a week?" But when you have limited time and you can use said time to google about Chinese literature of the nineteenth century (that's what I like to tell people I'm doing. I'm really googling for upcoming tidbits on Grey's Anatomy, but that doesn't make me sound nearly as smart), you're going to use it to read up on critiques of Yan Fu.

But returning to the clinic has made me remove my trusty razor from its lady-like case and sit on the edge of the tub to freshen up for my currently-unnamed RE (I'm trying to think of a clever name for the clinic and for my RE that holds him in complete esteem--he is, after all, the man responsible for getting my knocked up the first time. He deserves a name that is clever and dashing. He really is an all-around great guy who not only rocks the speculum but also doles out good advice and assuages fears).

Which begs the question--why does the RE deserve silky legs while my husband gets the forest? The RE gets the whore and my husband gets the earth mother. Nu? I was really not feeling quite right about this--the fact that I'm shaving for a man that I don't care what he thinks of a well-trimmed no-no spot but I'm not shaving for a man that I still try hard to seduce on a nightly basis.

But it comes down to this. Josh is the one who shares the carton of ice cream with me. He's the one who gets to eat off my fork or who gets all of my wilted, rejected vegetables out of my pho placed on his plate. He's the piece of flatware you save when your mum is redoing the kitchen and orders all new dishes. He is home. He is comfort. He can have strawberries and whipped cream placed on him just as easily as he can a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And a dish like that is love.

Whereas my RE is the good china. He's the guestware. He's the formal dinner--the one that is nice every once in a while but never makes you comfortable. You need to go to those formal dinners from time to time and woo the boss; that's how you get ahead in this business. But you don't hold warm feelings towards those plates. They're not home. They're not slippers and comfort food or baby doll nightgowns and champagne. Not that I wear baby doll nightgowns or drink much champagne. But I'd like to be the type who wears baby doll nightgowns and drinks champagne while wearing tons of gooooooooold. So let's just pretend.

So, yes, the RE gets silky legs. But Josh gets them entwined through his as we sleep. So I think we all win in the end. Except for me who has to step away from googling Chinese literature in order to shave them.

How far do you groom for your doctor?

30 comments:

xavier2001 said...

Warning, pregnancy mentioned:

ha, i could have written this, in fact i left the post open for my husband to "accidentally" read. he often comments on the fact that i would shave for my twice a week ob appts when 9 months pg with twins but i haven't shaved once since, heck, who has time!! As far as the RE, he got the "total" grooming experience!!

Lori said...

Xavier beat me to it...I need to have Hubby read this and laugh with me -- if only to see I'm not the only one!!

Beagle said...

My Re was a woman so what did I care??

But I do tend to keep up with the grooming. I hate my legs enough as it is, they need all the help they can get!

kirby said...

Beagle nearly hit it. My thought was more like, my RE was a stuffy bitch, so why did I care?

That's the best I can come up with. I'm still all shock and awe that you "still try hard to seduce [your husband] on a nightly basis."

If I can work up to weekly, I'm pretty proud of myself.

Oh gawd, I'm old already.

Ally said...

Hee-Mel, I'm the same way. Who cares if you shave your legs in the winter? No one really sees them. Except my DH, of course.

However, when I'm going in for a visit with the RE or any of her assorted staff,the shiny razor is out and the shaving gel is ready to be used. At least my DH gets to enjoy my shaved leg status on a pretty regular basis when I'm cycling.

Meghan said...

Luckily I met my husband when we both lived in Maine...I needed the leghair to keep me warm!

I do shave more often this winter than I have in the past. Still painfully overdue for a bikini wax...maybe I need a beach vacay to get me motivated for that

Bea said...

I never did anything special. If I was groomed, I was groomed. If not, well. I figured he'd seen it all by now and probably wasn't that interested. My husband is capable of completely not seeing all kinds of grossness (mainly when it comes to cleaning the bathroom, but still), so I figure the FS would be more or less the same. Hair? What hair?

I wax because I'm too lazy to shave.

Bea

Fertilize Me said...

oh ya know, the first 100 times, i was well groomed and such .. then i lost the care. So funnyhow we think about this stuff

Paz said...

I differ with you here. I always shave my legs...almost every morning. I like 'em silky at all times. When I was seeing an RE, I actually stopped some of my, um, more, um, shaving for, um, style...if you know what I mean. I guess I wanted to be the whore for my man but not for the RE to see:)

(I seem to having an issue posting so please forgive if I spaz out and post this multiple times.

A said...

I know any "down there" doctor I see has seen it all, so I don't really worry with shaving. Especially since I can only shave once a week due to the sensitivity of my skin (damn ginger genes), and I prefer to save the smoothness for Mr. W. :-) Of course he's so happy to get it that he doesn't care if the legs and all are shaved or not! Hahaha!

Sunny said...

I actually just blogged about "my girl". I try to keep things cleaned up down there. I usually shave her lipage a couple of days before planning ahead. I don't want to be too over groomed. I am with you and the home part of our men.

You make me laugh!!!

jennifercarol said...

OMG, I can't even remember the last time I shaved my legs. But I'm lucky. My leg hair is blonde and very fine...almost invisible. My hubby doesn't see why I should consider this as an excuse not to shave. And I think he's crazy.

Samantha said...

I view not shaving my legs as part of my water conservation efforts!

I do nothing to prepare for my RE, other than showering, although I'll do that for my husband too :)

serenity said...

Hrm. At first I used to be "well groomed" for my RE, but over time I stopped caring, I suppose.

I hate shaving. But I hate having hairy legs. But then I rebel about shaving because I hate shaving.

It's a vicious circle here in the Serenity household. Often I end up just giving up and going out with man-legs.

ourowncreation said...

Is it TMI to say that when DH notices I've shaved my legs, he starts to celebrate because it means "something's gonna happen"? I'm a little lazy when it comes to the shaving department. I did always shave at least my lower legs (the hair on my thighs is finer and grows much slower) for every wanding. I was afraid the stubble would pose a hazard to anyone reaching through there!

Of course, right now, I can't REACH my legs. Who knows what shape they're in!

Ms Heathen said...

This made me laugh, as I'm still smarting from yesterday's bikini wax! I know that they've probably seen it all before (and then some), but I figured I'd tidy things up a little in readiness for our first appointment next week.

~r said...

What a timely post.. I had to get a surprise EKG yesterday and as such was shirtless at a doctor's appointment where I fully expected to keep all my clothes... and I realized that I can't remember the last time I shaved my 'pits. I was sooooo embarassed.. but hey - winter, deployed hubby.. there's no shaving going on here.

I do shave for pants-off appointments. I have no idea why, it's not like I'm trying to impress anyone.

Tigger said...

DH doesn't seen to give a rat's ass if I shave my legs or not - I'm the one it bothers, so it gets done when I can't stand it anymore. Usually once a week. However, when I was doing treatments I took a shower that morning and shaved EVERYthing. Same for when I go get an annual.

Michell said...

Very first visit to the RE, totally shaved legs, got a pedicure, put make up on the whole 9 yards. No more. I don't bother shaving my legs although I did one week threaten to do some artful clipping of the hoohaa.

Elizabeth said...

Love the extended metaphor - lovely and moving.

Dr. Rocks the Speculum - hee hee!

With my asian/latina heritage, I don't have much hair below the neck to begin with (thanks, Mom!) - except on my ARMS (thanks, Dad!!!) which is so gross to me but I've never done anything about it.

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Tracy said...

Ha ha!!!! I do the exact same thing. Gotta be properly maintained for the doctor for some reason. Bizarre.

chicklet said...

Wow, you soooo nailed this. I tweeze my cha cha regularly (cuz most of it was lasered off so tweezing's easy), but I'm most attentive to it with RE visits, same with shaving the legs. I can let things grow and grow into beastly things, then it's appointment time and it's all freshen up, you're putting on a show!

steinbockfrau said...

I think the first year I prepared for the RE as if I was going on a date & about to get lucky.

Then the magic evaporated and all I do now is shower...shaving optional.

I figure these doctors have seen more downtowns than we can ever imagine and why I think mine is lovely in its own special way- I just don't need to stress over making it purty.

this post cracked me up!!

Kathy V said...

I am the same way. Shave for the Doctor's but not at home. My husband does get a little annoyed about this though. I even shaved today for u/s appointment. I guess it is a comfort thing. My husband sees me when I get up in the morning and still loves me when my hair looks tragic and my doctor never has to see me that way. Oh well, I NEVER complain about my husban's hairy legs. I do however complain when the face gets stubbly.

Anonymous said...

i have been DYING to know what others did about their grooming ever since a friend told me a couple of years ago about her own "cha cha" (love that!) maintenance ritual before seeing the RE. honestly, i have been seeing gyns since i was 15, so they've never been treated to anything special. then all of a sudden i was like "OMG, is there some kind of unwritten rule about what you show the RE?!?" lol

as far as the legs, pits and other areas go for me, well, i'm solo now so i'm just one hairy mess and couldn't care less. i even go to a pretty swank yoga place and don't shave for them these days!

celeste, onelongyarn.

Jess said...

Whoa.

Once a week? I can't understand this because I can.not.stand. a hairy leg. Not for anyone else, but for me. I hate the feel at night when I sleep. Ew. Can't.stand.it.

So as you might guess, I groom for my RE, but I also groom for, well, apparantly anyone else. Since I am always groomed, save for when I am too sick to shower. Which isn't often.

And then...you try to seduce your husband?? Really?? Wow! Color me impressed. I try to turn MINE away. And do! :)

Qtpies7 said...

LOl, that is great! My husband gets jealous that I not only shave for my doctor, I also pop in a stick of gum!
My poor husband even had a dream one night that he decked my doctor. LOL

PCOSMama said...

Good to know what others do!
Personally, I worried about the grooming in the beginning, but as time wore on I began to care about it less. Up until it got too hard I still at least shaved my legs and general bikini line, nothing fancy. Once it got too hard to reach (and see!) I gave up on it. Figure the docs have seen worse and if not, tough crap! They shouldn't care about my grooming habits as long as I'm clean!

DrSpouse said...

I don't do a thing, nor for winter swimming or gym visits (though I tend to wear long trousers for the gym). I have thinnish body hair (Germanic heritage) but it's dark in colour (Celtic). But anyone that gets that close to me in the winter can just live with it.

I get them waxed in the summer, so as not to shock those walking on the other side of the street.