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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Celebrity Makeout Session

There was always something familiar about him; something I couldn't quite place though it felt like I knew him from somewhere other than my television screen. And then one night, Josh and I were watching the Food Network and I squinted at the screen. "I think I kissed that guy," I tell him.

"Really?" Josh asked, doubtfully, even though he had heard tale of my promiscuous kissing stage of life.

Oh, come on, don't we all have a promiscuous kissing stage? Where we stick our mouth against any and all who come in our path? Anyone, anyone, middle school?

A trip to my parents house and a rummage through some boxes yielded the evidence.

I had a celebrity makeout session. With Duff. When we were 13.

The evidence (and I feel badly posting this for Duff's sake, but to be fair, I am embarrassing myself too by posting this photo from our awkward middle school years):

Duff in his grown-up, Charm City days:

Of course, I could be totally wrong and there could have been a different Duff that I made out with on my Israel trip. Though, you know, how many Jewish Marylanders named Duff (or Duffy, as he was known on the trip) who resemble each other closely could possibly exist? But if I am wrong, then I apologize to the Duff of cake-building fame for counting him amongst those who passed over my lips during the aforementioned promiscuous kissing phase.

The irony, of course, is that Duff is known for using rolled fondant. What was one of my many infertility distraction activities?--cake decorating classes. And what was the one class I missed because the mean chick who sat up by the teacher announced her pregnancy when she was three minutes pregnant and proceeded to rub my nose so badly in her hCG that I spent the rest of the evening crying in the bathroom and then skipped the next class?--rolled fondant. I know that you can find these coincidences anywhere if you stretch hard enough, but it really feels as if things have been coming back full circle in my life as of late. I have many more posts like this brewing--though no others that has tales of my kissing whoredom with celebrities. All of it just makes me wonder what happens next. Nu? I mean, if my life were a movie and this many stories were being neatly tied together one after the other, you would expect something momentous to be on the verge of happening.

But this post is not just to let you know that I had a two week affair with an adolescent pre-cake maker. It is also that I read my journal that was stored along with my photos on the trip and I need to report (though I'm sure this isn't a news flash) but middle school girls are mean. They're just mean. And it could be fair to say that so much of the way I try to live my life today stems from how I was treated as a middle schooler. I did not have an easy time on that trip so I would like to take a moment to publicly thank Duff for holding my hand when I needed someone not just to stand beside me, but to hold my hand too. Especially but not limited to coming down from Masada.

Perhaps that is the good that comes from feeling so unwelcome by the three girls that I originally shared a room with on the trip (I ended up switching room by the second day). They make you want to create the blogroll from hell so that no one needs to feel as if they're alone as they're stumbling through the Land of If.

A toast--to mean girls who change how you live, to promiscuous kissing phases (which are a lot less dangerous that other promiscuous phases), and to my celebrity makeout session. Every girl should have one.

Which celebrities have you met? Either pre-or-post fame?


REBECCA said...

"so much of the way I try to live my life today stems from how I was treated as a middle schooler", I could have written that myself! It's so true that young girls are so mean to each other; and a lot of times we never outgrow that...there are a lot of mean and competetive women out there now too. How fun that you have a celebrity make out story...I've never even MET anyone famous, pre or post fame. =) But I thought your post was very touching, especially the part about Duff being there to hold your hand. *sniff sniff* I think the world needs more hand holders, don't you?

Rebecca @ Clumsy Kisses said...

Oh, look at you! So cute!

I knew The Cribs before they were The Cribs. Twins Ryan and Gary used to play in a band with a guy called Robert Smith (not THAT Robert Smith) on drums. I once kissed Ryan (he's the one in the middle of the main picture on their site) in a really skeazy pub toilet. I never, ever thought they'd be, like, famous.

Nycphoenix said...

I don't know any celebrities but PLEASE send this post to Charm City Cakes' website!

ms. c said...

You know, this is what I love most about you (love as in admire, and find all the work you put into our community amazing): you even find a positive side to mean girls. ANd you are so right about.

Great story, and that picture of you is so cute.

I think the closest I ever came to making out with a celebrity is having a threesome with Annie.Leibovitz's assistant. It's really a long story, and no I never met Annie herself.

Jenn ( said...

Oh that is hysterical. I love the show and love that they are local.

Jen said...

I'd like to second the request for sending this to Charm City's website. I think they would be highly amused.

Grad3 said...

Ummm... not sure if this counts but before John Mayer was famous, I met him briefly after a show- seemed very nice. Let me tell you when he sings "Wonderland" acousticaly in a small venue... well, I don't have to tell you.

Michell said...

How fun. I don't think I've ever met anyone famous forget made out with them. It sure looks like the same guy. How funny. And yes middle school girls, and high school girls and sometimes even adult women can be incredibly mean. I've never understood that.

Io said...

I'm feeling the middle school mean girl thing. Luckily, I think most of them eventually learn to deal with their own insecurities in ways that don't involve making fun of my puffy breast in front of the whole class.
As for celebrities - my best friend's mother lived in the same building as Kevin Bacon and one morning as my bf and I were hungover and probably smelly he stepped into the elevator and asked if we were going down. I think we both stared at him for a minute before we nodded yes. After he got out on the 1st floor we just stood in the elevator giggling.

Anonymous said...

that is soooooooo cute!
I so smell a cameo on Ace of Cakes for you.


Sunny said...

Oh my gosh you have made my day. HA~

Samantha said...

I haven't made out with any celebrities, but I echo other's sentiments: middle school girls are mean!

Katherine said...

Ugh, middle school girls... I have done my very best to block out those years. Look at you, making out with famous people! We love to watch Ace of Cakes. That is a great picture!

Hekateris said...

I went to high school with Tea Leoni and one of the guitarists from the Spin doctors. I went to grade school with the guitarist from the Yeah Yeah Yeah's (his sister was in my class). Oh, and I went to college with a guy who almost went on a shooting spree in my hometown, but does that necessarily count as celebrity?

Should I be so amused at the fact that 'fug' is part of this post's word verfication?


A said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shelby said...

Great story!! I definitely think you should e-mail the post to them as well! Duff would probably get a kick out of that!

I've never kissed anyone famous, but did get to meet the Barenaked Ladies once. I waited out back after a show, and they all came out and I got my CD signed. It was amazing and they were so nice. I suppose at work, I see some famous people, including one nobel laureate which is really cool to me (yes, I'm a geek).

A said... kissing stage coincided with my promiscuous stage. Made the second stage a little easier to accomplish, but boy did my girl-friends get nervous when I had a drink! Hahaha!

Yeah, it's amazing how those "mean girls" can change your life. I'm determined in my life to not make anyone feel like they made me feel.

Fertilize Me said...

OMG, I'm in aw. I love watching Ace of Cakes .. I knew i liked him, and your story confirms it!! He is one of the good guys (even if it was brief). I understand what you are saying about mean girls and middle school. I too have been scarred over the yrs by childish hurtful statements made at school and it has shaped my thinking much differently than the "cool chics"

chicklet said...

ROFL, too funny (re the makeout, not re the mean girls - I hate teenage girls).

Susan said...

You kissed Duff!! That is adorable!! I so enjoy watching his show. You too look so cute. I agree with you about girls being so mean. I stopped being friends in middle school with a girl that was my best friend since kindergarten. I then met two very nice girls the same year. My claim to fame is singing with Dicky Barrett and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones back in December of 1993 in Asbury Park, NJ. It was amazing. I, too, think you should send in the picture to Duff. He could finally teach you about how to roll fondant!

Ally said...

Oh, middle school. How many of us suffered in the halls of middle schools and junior highs?!?! I think that's one of the reasons why I started teaching middle school-it's kind of cathartic. And I don't allow meanness in my room or anywhere I can stop it.

That being said, onto my brushes with "fame." I don't really have many, and certainly no kissing stories. But I did go to high school with David Burtka. (And all of you are now saying, "Who is that?") His current claim to fame is that he is Doogie Howser's (Neil Patrick Harris)longtime boyfriend. Apparently he does stage work in New York.

I have a small group of friends I've known since middle school and we all giggle when pictures of Dave, with Doogie of course, pop up on websites. Who knew he'd become semi-famous? :)

Gumby said...

Yeah those mean girls suck!
What a fun post and question! My list of celebrities that I have met include Moby, Lisa Gerard (of Dead Can Dance), Levi (the base player of My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult - who I had a kissing episode with), Kurt Cobain and the rest of Nirvana, the guys of Green Day and some others I can't think of at the moment. They're all pretty much musicians (from my night club and concert days).
Oh, to be young again... :)

Paz said...

Oh Mel, I am laughin hard, what a great post. And you—you are so rockin gorgeous. Look at you. If girls were mean to you it is only because you had it so goin' on. No doubt.

I kissed a guy who was in a band that made it a bit big. Just googled for a link to a pix, but I can't bear to post it...OMG, I was 17 OK! uuugh

Duff is cool.

Jess said...

I danced and sang on stage with Art Alexakis (Everclear) at a concert once. That's as close as I come, I think.

Girls are mean. Middle schoolers in GENERAL are mean. Nasty creatures sometimes, humans.


Lori said...'re the closest thing to Celebrity in my life, and I'm waiting until next month to kiss you.

You are both cute and so full of promise!

Nearlydawn said...

Mmmm... The kissing stage... Yeah, I remember that.

The celebrity thing is too easy for me as I grew up in Nashville. I'm related to a country music legend - can you say Hank? Well, his fiddler is my uncle. He's in the Hall of Fame on his own and with Hank. Also I've met well over 30 big-name stars as a result of working at the Grand Ole Opry doing backstage and lighting stand-in work.

One story...
I met Clint Black several times, and he always remembered that I hadn't "outed" him at the Nashville airport the weekend he hit #1 for the first time. I let him go quietly without calling attention to him. He really appreciated the pass. :) Then, I met Garth just before he was someone really big - his first year at the CMAs. He was being an A$$ to me, and Clint Black told him to quit being an a$$ that I was cool and that he wasn't so big he could afford to be an a$$ yet. LOL I love Clint Black for that to this day. :)

Malky B. said...

This post is too much! It sure looks like Duff and you where very cute back then. I know he's Jewish as well so odds are good. I've sat right behind Jason Alexander when seeing a game show in L.A. - don't know if that counts. I also met Jackie Mason, the comedian when I was on a date about 15 years ago. The first question he asked my date was "are you an accountant?". What else would a nice Jewish boy be. He wasn't an accountant by the way. I think Duff would get a real kick out of the picture. Definitely send it his way.

Erin said...

How hysterical! It's got to be the same Duff...there are just too many similarities for it to be anyone else.

I've met Kevin Bacon, James Earl Jones, and Sean Casey (formerly of the Detroit Tigers). But I've never made out with any of them!

And yes, middle school girls are mean...very, very mean. I hated middle school.

Caro said...

Ugh teenage girls!

I found out last time I was home that I went to school with a girl who now presents one of the Saturday morning kids shows. I didn't snog her though.

christina(apronstrings) said...

i hope that i'll be able to raise children that won't be so hateful to their peers. you're right. it's really sad. i am not surprised that you kept a journal. at all.

hmmmm, i made diane keeton laugh, as she waited in line with me at a coffee house. in the middle of nowhere bisbee arizona. she was on a trip with her mom. though i didn't make out with her. but only because she didn't ask. ; )

Ellen K. said...

Ha, that's awesome.

Total first-base whore here.

But no celebrity meetings. Except I got John Corbett's autograph at one of his shows. And he was really cute and nice and had a warm-more-than-your-heart kind of smile. But it wasn't a random celebrity meeting.

Ellen K. said...

Oh, and middle school was pure hell. I was heavy, I was in honors classes, I had an unfortunate knack for doing dorky things, and I got my period in front of the entire school at an assembly. Ow.

SaraS-P said...

Unfortunately, my "celebrity" makeout session was with a guy now infamous in N.O. for police brutality caught on video. I tend not to brag about my 8th grade Homecoming Dance date with that guy!

Barb said...

You look SO CUTE!

Hmm.. Barbara Mandrell and family. We were eating at The Seas restaurant in EPCOT and were the only people there besides them. We couldn't figure out why she was so beautiful until the waitress told us who she was. And they didn't let anyone else in. Apparently 4 early teen girls were not considered dangerous and let her kids feel less like freaks. haha.

Who else.. some of the Pirates Baseball players. I was in love with them for a while...And all of the members of the Barenaked Ladies. LOVE them too. They were all great except the drummer (Tyler). JERK!

MrsSpock said... brushes with the semi-famous...

A friend dated Bill from the Ass Ponies for a while (90s grunge band)- we all called him "Trolly Bill" because he was not actually cute.

I went to high school and worked on the newspaper with J0sh Blaylock, the comic book artist that revived the G I Joe comics. I saw the rough drawings of his first self-published comic book, and still have a copy. I have a caricature he drew of me for our Christmas issue dressed in Buddhist robes and levitating (yeah, I wasn't a Christian back then either). His stuff was so good kids tried to steal his work from art class.

I went on a date to a comedy club in college and met Dave Chappelle. My date was a red-headed Irishman who shaved his head and was wearing all black and a leather jacket. He made fun of my date with lots of skinhead jokes and then said "No hard feelings?" after the show.

Oh yeah, and my husband and I met Gallagher on the plane on our way to our honeymoon as we had a layover in LA. Sorry, no making out there ;)

nancy said...


I love Ace of Cakes. I love Duff. You are so super cool.

And I love Mary Alice. And I love that Mary Alice's brother is the singer of a great rock band "Clutch".

I was a punk rock girl and grew up knowing many rising bands. Some of them made it big, most didn't. I've made breakfast for greenday when they stayed at my house and we sang sogs around a bonfire. I've been kissed by Dave Navarro (until I told him to stop because I was NOT a groupie). heh. Kinda funny. My friend's little brother is in Jimmy Eat World. bah. The weird list goes on, but nothing too very exciting.

Tracy said...

So cool.

I sit on the board for a youth center for middle school students. That is SUCH a rough age. You already feel like you don't fit in, and the kids you know never stop reminding you of that fact. Ugh.

I've had lots of celebrity sightings, but sadly, no makeout sessions.

K @ ourboxofrain said...

That's a *fabulous* story. I have met a number of random celebrities over the years, but have no good stories to tell, or at least none I can think of now. I did go to junior high and high school with Josh Schwartz (the OC, Gossip Girl). We had at least one class together (honors physics, I think) and our school was very small, but he was far cooler and more popular than I, so I can't say we ever made out.

For me, it was the girls (and boys -- in some ways the boys were worse) in my *elementary* school who shaped me and made me who I am (my middle school had far nicer kids, or at least they identified a different target to torment). Elementary school was a terrible experience, and the children were cruel. If not for out of school activities, I'm not sure I would have survived fifth grade. But I learned how to live with loneliness, a skill which has come in helpful at other times in my life, and I am definitely more in tune with the pain and suffering of others as a result of having been asked such insightful questions as "You're so fat and ugly. Why did your parents let you live?" Ah, elementary school, how I loathed thee.

serenity said...

The middle school years were by far my worst, ruined by a girl who for whatever reason decided that she had to make my life a living hell. That I made it through those years intact still makes me shake my head in wonder.

No celebrity makeout experiences, but I did brush shoulders with Martha Stewart in Acadia National Park this past October. Really glad I didn't have a promiscuous kissing phase when she was around. :)

Beagle said...

I am so sorry to have to report that I have not kissed anyone famous. Nope.

Lord, my life is DULL!

Kristen said...

OMG, Mel, that picture is priceless! I love love love it! I don't have any celebrity makeout sessions to share. I wish I had a story like that though.

I know what you mean about mean girls. I saw that movie and it totally brought back nightmares for me. I don't know how girls get so nasty. I pray that if I ever have a baby girl, she will turn out to be accepting and loving and won't succumb to peer pressure by being a little snob. It will be a main goal of mine. I still get sad when I think of things people did to me and things I said and did to other people back in school days. There are things I wish I could take back, but thankfully there aren't too many.

I'm so glad Duff was there to hold your hand. So sweet, middle school love!

Ms. Planner said...

Great post (and even better picture!). I am just jealous that you kissing guys in middle school. I did not kiss a guy until I was 15. Seriously.

I once worked at a celebrity ski event where all the celebs HAD to personally come in for their ski boot fitting. Most of them were the nicest people in the world. Matt Dillon - my major celeb crush from jr high school days - was there and I was practically giddy until one of the other guys working with me told me he saw Matt making out in the elevator with someone. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

I love Duff! I think you should send him the picture!

BTW - working with fondant is really easy. Maybe you can ask Duff to give you a few pointers since he got to kiss you all those years ago. :)

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I think that show is great! I would love one of his cakes.

Celebrities I've met:
Bruce Hornsby is from my town and he came into the Ben & Jerry's I worked at in high school all the time.

Michael Vick was in my Juvenile Deliquency class in college. How is that for irony?

I met Colin Farrel while he was filming a movie at a park I did PR for.

And, most recently I met Ty Pennington when he came to tour the office of a company I use to work for that he is a spokesperson for.

Haven't made out with any though!!

Busted said...

I definitely don't "know" any celebrities but (1) I met John Malkovich (and my friend asked him if he knew Kevin Spacey - don't ask), (2) I saw Heath Ledger in Amsterdam and blathered to him for a few minutes, but I was not of sound mind at the time, and (3) the Smoking Popes went to my high school?

I'm lame.

And all girls under the age of 18 and over the age of 8 suck. In my opinion.

LJ said...

No celeb makeouts for me. My folks are friends with a big NYC DJ, and a menswear designer with the initials JA - aside from that, I'm lame. I never did sow my wild oats. Only two notches on my bedpost and all.

Tried to make out with one of the guys from Moxy Fruvous, but they liked my friends better. All. Night. Better.