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Friday, December 14, 2007

Friday Blog Roundup

Directions:

1. Open a second tab or a second window and open up my blog a second time.

2. On the second version of this post, click here.

3. Listen to Ajde Chaje (bottom one of the four songs).

4. Dance around the living room.

5. Leave it playing while you come back to the first tab or window to read the rest of this blog entry.

Pretty catchy, right? I've listened to it several times today; one time actually stepping away from the computer to dance around the living room. It is like this musical version of my nervous energy. By now I've figured out that it's a love song by clicking on that hyperlinked lyrics space, and you can hear the earnest amazement of a person fall in love. But I listened to the song and imagined an entire Middle Eastern brass band walking behind me into the RE's office, my own musical entourage, who would announce without question my mood each time I stepped over the threshold. A sort of slow dirge-like tune for those sleepy, early morning blood draws and a pull-out-all-the-stops, over-the-top number for transfer. And this song seemed the perfect accompaniment, with its jangling energy and quick words for that initial re-consult appointment. The first time we went to the RE, I was nervous but excited. This time, it's more of a nervous dread knowing that will happen next. Did I mention that I really hate needles?

But let's ignore that for a moment because I still have a few more days to stress before the appointment and I'd hate to get it all out in one post.

Still, this image will be in the back of my head while we're discussing my apparent lack of ovulation:

Just me and my entourage of ten-plus Middle Eastern brass band players announcing my mood. May get crowded in that small office. They may need to wait in the hall during a wanding.

Actually, I found my perfect waiting for results song by the same artist. Click here and go to Spiral Flower (the first song). If you click on the lyrics link, it states: "Be still... there is a rising spire of light from within this strange, deceiving spiral flower." I am fairly certain that you can't get closer to the truth if you tried*.

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Speaking of music, you have all seen this, right? Makes for a very different Christmas to know the voice is helping fund IVF.

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The Creme de la Creme is trucking along. I receive the most links on Mondays--which I assume means that people believe they should actually work at work and not read through their archives. Which is all well and good, but there are over 1075 on the blogroll and not yet 10% represented on the list. Everyone has a personal best, which is why anyone not yet on the list needs a nudge. There are whole categories from the blogroll that are woefully underrepresented. Whole points-of-views that will be missed. Therefore, look over here and see if you favourite blogger has submitted a link. If they haven't, go tell them how you much you love them and their writing and how they need to place a link on the list so that well...it just feels like a holiday dinner where someone in the family is missing. Does that make any sense? Liminal family members or real family members; all should be sitting at the table.

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This question has been posed so I ask for your opinion. How do you feel about a non-IF blogger joining for a book on the Barren Bitches Book Brigade? The hypothetical blogger would be someone who is a regular reader of an IF blog--not a random person emerging out of the ether. In other words, someone would need to vouch for the person and say, "not IF, but sensitive/thoughtful."

I am of two minds. (1) We are now mixing "pepper" books into the mix which have no tie to IF (or, at least no known tie) and (2) there are plenty of solid, thoughtful people in this world who could easily participate without problem. So, I say, "sure! Come along."

The other side is that it is a safe space--where you can discuss IF/pg loss/adoption during even a pepper-book (non-IF book) discussion and know that everyone else on the list gets it. Won't judge. Will be empathetic. Of course, not all IF bloggers always agree so simply being a stirrup queen or sperm palace jester does not mean instant harmony. But you know where I am going with this in the general sense.

I leave it to a vote. If you don't feel strongly, say nothing. If you feel strongly, send an email or leave a comment (either anonymously or with your name) below. You can also suggest another solution or limitation if you want to go a more grey-route than I've suggested.

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Did you really think I'd ever produce a brief Roundup? Here are the blogs:

Maria at Love Will Tear Us Apart had an emotional, angry, scary, raw post. It is a verbalization of that surge of anger that spills out with the negative, that desire to slam the phone into the wall, the frustration that you have worked and worked and worked...for nothing. She writes: "All I ever wanted was to be a mom...It's what I always wanted to be. I guess I never factored into the job, all the extra work I would have to do in order to just get hired." I guess perhaps a better analogy for someone who doesn't understand this frustration is imagine if everyone was trying for the same job. Other people simply went to college and were hired. But after going to college, you learned that you (and no one else) needed to strip for the boss. You needed to humiliate yourself and expose yourself. You needed to pay tens of thousands of dollars simply to be considered. And then...after all of that...you may or you may not get the position. While everyone else is standing around the office water cooler staring at you and saying things like, "I don't know what it's so hard for you. I just sent in my resume and they took me."

A at Waiting in Line had a post this week called "You Don't Say" about the lack of support she has been receiving from a long-time friend. Their differences have never been a dividing factor, but as of late, the promises that positive energy and a bit of relaxing will bring about a baby are more than A can swallow. She writes: "Why is it that the almost 3 years that Mr. W and I were screwing like rabbits, not using birth control of any sort, and not 'wanting' a baby don't count? Neither my sister or B actually acknowledge that time. They still want to say, 'relax and it will happen' as if those years weren't relaxing." When relaxing doesn't work, the advice is never, "shit...well...have you tried..." it is only, "relax some more." Perhaps relaxation needs to come with an expiration date so people can stop suggesting it after a certain point. Or not at all.

I know this isn't funny; it's actually a quite frustrating and sad situation, but literally, clicking back to get the url, I laughed all over again at the conversation between Samantha and her husband at Southern Infertility. The Southeast is experiencing a drought and the water company has sent out suggestions on ways to conserve water. Sam writes: "Our water/sewer authority even sent out an email with the advice, 'if it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down.' So I thought, well, what if it's red?" And what do you do if your body is out-of-whack and you're bleeding for weeks on end? Seriously, has the water/sewer authority considered this situation as they mused on the bodily fluids that usually enter the toilet? I'm sorry, sweetie--the transcript from the conversation with your husband still makes me snort my drink.

Leah at Tales From My Dusty Ovaries had a post this week that echoed the thoughts of many a pregnant woman after infertility. She said it perfectly: that frustration when you see others rejoicing in your pregnancy at a level that you can't reach because you're too scared. She describes her FIL's excitement, her family's confidence. She writes: "The whole family has supported us through all of our ups and downs to reach this miracle pregnancy and we are lucky for that. Their enthusiasm is genuine, and it takes my breath away. But it still scares me to death. And it makes me sad. Why can't I be as happy as them? Why must I caveat all baby-related statements with 'assuming all goes well' or 'God willing'? These are rhetorical questions, we all know the deep layers of pain within that keep me from enjoying such blissful, carefree, innocent enthusiasm. We still haven't told Megan about the baby because I can't face the prospect of having to un-explain it." It is hard to let yourself freely enjoy something that you fear could be taken away. But I hope she finds that space soon--after the Christmas Eve appointment--and only has smooth sailing from here on out.

So...just to close with a Roundup for the roundup: listen to good music (and also here). Go nudge your fellow IF/pg loss/adoption bloggers for the Creme de la Creme. Vote on how you feel about the Barren Bitches Book Brigade. And have a wonderful weekend.

*In clicking around on their site, I saw this note: "SATU, our first full-length CD is being sold online at earthville.com. You can listen to & download free mp3 clips of all of the tracks at the site. There's also a "pick your price" sliding-scale as well as an option to plant a tree for $2 for a carbon-zero transaction. (One thing I'll say for them: Earthville is cool.)" I love that idea of trading a tree for music. And the CD has "Spiral Flower" on it. I can start planning out my treatment soundtrack just in case I can't book the brass band for next week.

6 comments:

Kami said...

I haven't joined the book brigade, but would be more inclined if there were some non-IF books on the list. I think I am one of those rare people who don't want to read about it while I'm living it, I guess.

So - not sure my vote counts, but I think it would be especially interesting to hear non-IF's response on IF books. If I am not in the right space, I can always avoid the blog.

Samantha said...

Thanks for mentioning my blog in the roundup, I thought the conversation was a bit surreal, but made me laugh as well that I even had to have it!

Leah said...

Woot! I made it into the roundup. It's been quite some time since I was honored with a roundup shoutout so I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy right now. :-)

Loved the music! Have you gotten your hands on one of JJ's CDs yet? It's wonderful.

A said...

OMG! I was mentioned in the blog roundup!!! On Mel's blog!!! By Mel!!! I feel star struck right now!!

All kidding aside (as if I were actually kidding), thank you so much for the notice. <3

I haven't participated in the book brigade, but love the idea. As far as a non-IF-er joining in, As long as they're understanding, I don't see why not. Of course I'm not an active reader in the brigade so...

Amy Paden said...

Just as a random person stopping by from linking a friend's sidebar- I think it would be good to let non-IFers join the book brigade. You stated someone would be able to "vouch" for them, and the person frequents IF blogs already... In my mind it would be a good way to help a non-IFer learn and understand more about IF. I think ( and know!) that there is a definitely lack of communication/education/
understanding going on between IF and non-IF. Letting them join the brigade could be a good way to help with that.

JJ said...

Thanks for the plug Mel! I still have plenty to sell (plan early for NEXT holiday!) =)