The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Pimp My Bride

My friend, Amy, is currently in between boyfriends. I asked her if I could pimp her out on my blog. She answered with a sarcastic, "um....sure." I'm going to take that sarcastic "um...sure" to be an enthusiastic "yes, please" and go for it.

You must know people in Portland, Oregon or the surrounding area (she isn't against a long-distance relationship if the other party is actually interested in putting forth the extra work this requires). Even if you only know one person in the upper Northwest, they must know other people who live in their area. Therefore, this was the perfect medium to make an online shidduch. A couple thousand people involving a couple thousand people to bring two people together.

So...let's start.

First of all, Amy is pretty, smart, funny, and kind. Which is sort of bland...right? I mean, all of those words are subjective so I thought it would work better if I described her with stories and analogies. Amy is the type of person who will try anything. One morning, she told me over breakfast that she was leaving her job and bicycling through Southeast Asia. Even though she didn't have a lot of experience on either a bicycle (at the time) or with Southeast Asia. And she did it. Where other people simply have ideas, Amy puts things in action.

I have described her as that feeling you get when you walk into your house and close your door and can finally be yourself after a long day. It is so easy to talk with her and be with her. She is honest and funny and a great listener. She is sassy and smart and she can hold her own. She is loud and brash and makes you think about bubbles shooting out of a newly-opened bottle of seltzer more than the quiet whispers of carbonation in a glass of champagne. She is going to make sure that you feel like you can be yourself too.

She loves to be outdoors and she reminds me of those strong trees that weather through every storm, only becoming more beautiful, endearing, and precious with age. She is most comfortable in a space where she can be near mountains and the ocean and rivers. She is the kind of person who can move through the outdoors as easily and comfortably as she navigates the indoors. And I think it speaks to her ability to adapt and bend. She makes the most out of every situation.

The fine details: 33 years old, Jewish, one brother, great parents (love them), family is in New York, originally from Madison, Wisconsin.

If you would like to set up your friend with my friend, email me at and I will forward all messages on to her. If you don't know anyone in Portland but still want to help, please cut-and-paste the message above into an email and forward it out to friends and family who may know of someone in the Portland area who would be a good fit. And encourage them to keep forwarding it until we have made a shidduch for my Amy. In doing so, you can rest easy that you are closer to getting into Heaven since you are apparently granted automatic admission if you make three shidduchs while on earth. After you're dead, I mean. You won't keel over by helping my Amy.

So please help me pimp my bride. Oh, and you can leave her a message here too in the comments section.

This also my open call for all future pimpage. I've always wanted to be a matchmaker, so send anyone along who is looking to be set-up through an extremely pushy, extremely dedicated Jewish woman. Siblings, friends, yourself--no worries.


KarenO said...

What a pity my single, hunk of a brother is living in AbuDhabi! With a friend like you Amy is sure to make the catch of a lifetime. Well done with your description of her! Even though I don't know her, she sounds like a wonderful person :)

Beagle said...

Wow, if had had this kind of help I may have been married before 34!

Good Luck to Amy!

Artblog said...

Sorry but I've got a few friends I've been trying to shidduch off myself for the best part of, well, forever it seems :( I Best not give up the day job, eh!

Goof luck for your friend.

Michell said...

This is why I love you Mel, you are always trying to bring people together. Great idea.

PCOSMama said...

I must say, Amy is brave! As are you, since you'll be fielding the offers!

Alas, I know of no available matches. The only available guys I can think of are in the midwest.... and there is a good reason they are available so I wouldn't offer them up as possible matches! ;)

Geohde said...

Amy is lucky to have as kind a friend of you. She sounds lovely. Such a shame that I don't know a match :)


Bea said...

Good luck, Amy! And whatever Mel wants for you, I hope you get what *your* heart desires! ;P


bleu said...

I will definitely want to take you up on this one is you can do queer matchmaking. Probably not a great time when I am starting an ivf cycle and moving to New Brunswick in a little over a year but truly I have always dreamed of having a matchmaker and often sing that song to myself.

Michele (Moosh) said...

Well, I live in the Portland area...and while I can't say that I know any single men anymore (crazy!), I will keep my eyes open.

I do know that the UPS guy is insanely was the hunka hunka burning love that gave me my epidural in June...LOL

I'll put my single man radar to work again. Just let me explain to my dear husband first... ;-)

Amy said...

Thank you Melissa for all the kind and wonderful things you said about me. And thank you to everyone else for your help in finding The Right Man. If this works, you are definitely invited to the wedding!