The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Time to Get Your Lush On

Updated at bottom:

Every bartender of invisible drinks needs a cocktailatrix* to invent martini recipes and daiquiri bases. Bond has Q and Alton Brown has W.

And I have Mr. Badger.

In honour of his wife, the infamous LJ, Mr. Badger has composed a drink for the October Lushary--to bring good luck to her and to all people when cycling. It is called the October Egg-Stravaganza.

It has Brown Honey Rum in it. How can you go wrong with Brown Honey rum?

Even if you can't drink because you are currently in the two week wait, you could certainly sit down at the bar for an imaginary version. The price is right--simply tell your story in exchange for an invisible drink that tastes like a melted cherry lollipop.

(Clears throat) Could everyone please raise their glass? Mr. Badger would like to toast his wife:

"To my dearest wife: Your absolute bravery in the face of this seemingly endless battle never ceases to amaze me. I have no doubt whatsoever that our marriage has been strengthened by this trial and that our children will be all the more special to us because of the great lengths that we went though to bring them into this world. So here's to hope: hope for the future, hope for new adventures, and hope for a long and happy life together surrounded by the ones that we love."

Okay, dry your eyes and blow your nose and line up--I'm pouring invisible drinks.

As always, it has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. The knitting project you started to distract yourself from your upcoming beta, the fight you had with your mother-in-law, or the half hour you spent in the office bathroom crying because your coworker announced her pregnancy. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation.

Happy Drinking.

*It wasn't until I was watching Iron Chef this weekend, after I had already named Mr. Badger, that I learned that a cocktailatrix is formally called a mixologist. But that just sounds stupid, so cocktailatrix it is. Master of the Cocktail.


If you are not too drunk, one of our usual bar regulars needs some support:

Steinbockfrau received terrible news this week. She was participating in a shared egg program for IVF--not only to help another woman but to make IVF possible for herself--and in the stimming portion of the cycle when her cycle was abruptly canceled due to a positive Hep C test. The test is most likely a false positive since it has never come back positive before and she is in a low-risk group. But this has obviously affected her recipient who was doing this cycle with her. After much string pulling, she has been allowed to continue stims until her subsequent test results come back in case she can continue the cycle. She will know the results and the fate of this cycle tomorrow (Wednesday). Please go over and give her your support. She has removed the password-protection from her blog. Leave her a drink and a virtual hug.


BethH6703 said...

alright bartender, I'll have one of those Fancy Schmancy Egg-Stravaganza things!

What the hell, make it 2!

One to toast the new (non IF) adventure the Grumpy-One & I started this weekend (details on my blog), and another to toast the hopes I'm allowing to surface at the start of this cycle (since the Met really does seem to be working for me).

Cheers everyone!

Waiting Amy said...

While I'm sure Mr. Badger mixes a might Egg-Stravaganz, I think I need a straight shot ... make it a double.

Bitch = finishing BCPs and they are inducing major emotional swings. All of a sudden I am overcome with massive amounts of anxiety or the urge to hysterically sob. Perhaps its because by the end of Nov I will be starting my final stim cycle (probably ever). Or could it be the massive move in the spring (all the way across the country)? Or our financial headaches?

Who knows? Okay, hit me again.

Kim said...

I'll have one, too. I'm sure there will be more to follow.

Me? I'm in the 2ww after IUI #3. Not a lot of hope but we'll see how it turns out.

Thanks for the drink, Mel.

LJ said...

I'm sniffling over here - for all my bar-mates, I did not know Mr. Badger was going to say that. :)

The drink is good though, I've tasted it.

But I need it tonight. I just got back from lunch with my friend and her newborn. Sigh.

Chris said...

Sounds absolutely wonderful and a big yay to Mr. Badger.

Make mine a triple please, since my three embryos all failed me.

I'll also have a margarita and a basket of chips and salsa since it has been far to long since I have indulged and I'm tired of trying to be good and it has gotten me nowhere.

And I'll have a midori collins just because aunt flo still haven't arrived.

And I'll have a bottle of champagne just to toast all the wonderful bloggers who have been so supportive and offered the best comments and emails over the past few weeks.

Cece said...

Vodka. Just hook it to my veins. Day 10 of lupron, waiting for AF so I can start stims for my first IVF cycle.


Lori said...

What a sweet guy, and a yummy-sounding drink.

Nothing exceptional going on here. Unless you count the fact that our mixed-marriage is having some problems.

That's righ. He's a die hard Red Sox fan and I grew up in Denver (where we live now). It's gonna be a rough ride.

I'll be pulling up a barstool at the Lushary a lot in the coming weeks.

megan said...

sign me up for one of those fancy eggy drinks. i love the notion of combining protein and a cocktail. what could be healthier? :)

i've nothing to vent today, so i would like to simply raise a glass to the IF blogosphere...i don't think a more supportive community exists.

a round for the house, bartender! (don't forget one for yourself!!)

Dianne/Flutter said...

In honor of giving Mr. Badger and LJ some luck - I'll have one of those new concoctions Mel.

How am I feeling? Well up to yesterday, I was feeling fine. But yesterday I went to a Baptism and party with 50 kids. (I didn't want to go!) It has put me in a massive funk. I am just so sad. By the way I have so much going on my head because of it - I haven't been able to write it all down.

So, if you don't mind I want to read.

serenity said...

dude. not so much on the egg whites in a glass thing. Even if Mr. Badger is a hard core mixo-whosiwhatsit... I'm dubious.

So ummm just a glass of red wine - perhaps a Coppola zinfandel? I love that stuff, and really miss it nowadays.

And yeah. I've got nothing to complain about lately - so a round for the house. On me.

Because you all rock.

Roy said...

Sure, give me the special. I'm not usually into cherry, but whimsical is necessary this week as R just left for nearly a month and I need anything to distract me from the lonliness. The dogs are cute and all, but their propensity towards random and unnecessary barking attacks has put my sanity and heart at risk.

Since we're still on a break and I have no TTC news, I will pass on a very useful piece of information that I learned over the weekend. I would have loved somebody to have told me prior to me learning on my own (it wouldn't have changed my mind, just prepared me a little, maybe). NEVER tattoo your ass. I can't speak of the whole buttock region as yet, but the lower cusp of the butt is not a smart place to tattoo. I had no choice, since my tattoo extends from ankle to shoulder (or will once I'm done), but this knowledge might help others out there so I felt the need to share. The pain is terrible (nearly as bad as the HSG, but then almost worse because it lasts as long as it takes longer than an HSG to get all the ink done) and you end up with a major ass cramp that does not go away and it's too sensitive to try to stretch to get rid of.

Oh, can I have something summery, too? It's been dark and cloudy and sometimes rainy for most of the past week, and it's starting to get me down. Something with chunks of fruit and an umbrella. No, skip the umbrella, I've dealt with the real kind enough lately.

SarahSews said...

We're just back from Paris and I'm sad. Not sad that the vacation is over per se (though I could have used a few more days there), but sad that I had to come back to my life. In my real life, I just recently miscarried a very much wanted spontaneous pregnancy (after almost 3 years of TTC) and my SIL is due with her much wanted daughter (after two boys) in three weeks. The reality hit me like a ton of bricks when we got home and my escape (planning and daydreaming about our vacation) is gone.

Oh and I think I'm ovulating. Crap.

Elizabeth said...

The national cocktail of Peru is the pisco sour, which involves egg whites and i *lurve* it - so bring on the Mr. Badger special! Also because LJ and co. are super-special people; here's a toast for good luck with upcoming cycle.

I'm still getting used to the idea of the bfp, and the new pwp situation on the blog - any and all at the bar are welcome to stop by, e-mail me at and I'll put you on the list as invited readers.

Meanwhile, a round on me for everyone here.

Frenchie said...

Can I start a tab? I might be at the bar a while.

Our first IUI has been post-poned for yet another cycle because of bad timing. (We're probably gonna be out of town right around my O time. Terribly inconvenient.) I was all geared-up and psyched to get started, finally! So I'm feeling a little sad.

Meanwhile, I've got a baby shower to attend in a couple of weeks, and need to suck it up and go see another friend of mine and her new baby.

Blah, blah, blah. Same Sh%t, different day.

Cheers, Ladies (and thank you, Mr. Bar-tender!)

A.M.S. said...

Protein, protein is good. And it has all those calories, right? That's good too. I need all the help I can get these days. Real food isn't cooperating, so maybe virtual cocktails are the answer. At the very least, maybe it will help me not feel so guilty for feeling so crappy over how things are going right now. I know I should look beyond the momentary misery and be happy at the big picture and I feel bad that I can't just yet. Even worse, I know that I don't have it as bad as some and I STILL can't get past the "woe is me" bs. I know how lucky we are, I really do. I just don't handle the constantly feeling sick very well. Pain I can do. Sickness I've never done graciously.

So, keep 'em coming. I'm not sure how many rounds have been bought, but I'll add another one and raise my glass to all of the SQs and SPJs at various points on this long journey we've all undertaken. Good luck to everyone and best wishes!

Julia said...

Need a few stiff ones today. Husband's sperm count results are due today or at the latest tomorrow. I did a good job not freaking out over the weekend, or even during the preceding week. But I am anxious now. So did I mention that I'd like a couple of stiff drinks? I meant a few... Oh, five or six ought to do it.
Also, I start a new job a week after my ultrasound to check on a big ass cyst is scheduled. If it's still there, I need surgery. Which I really hope to get before the bloody job starts. If it's not too much to ask, you know? RE is away at the conference, and the nurses and schedulers are not clear on what they can book for me ahead of time, although they are plenty sympathetic to the predicament.
So that'd be my whine for the day.

K said...

Well, I'm new around these parts and still struggling to get my bearings. I hope it's okay if I pull up a stool while I drown my sorrows. I miscarried our much-wanted first child last month and am currently riding out a doctor-prescribed waiting period before giving it another go.

I'd really like a mimosa to make up for the one I didn't really enjoy yesterday, as an in-the-dark-re-my-recent-miscarriage friend commented over said mimosa that P and I were going to need to start popping out kids soon to justify buying a bigger house. (We aren't planning to buy a bigger house -- I just commented on a nice house for sale in another friend's neighborhood.) This the day after my (also in the dark) MIL let me know that if P and I ever have kids, she has boxes of things to give to us, including little coats with Ps name on them, and tiny pants, and other things she saved. I had to wait for her to leave to cry. So after the mimosa, I'll take something a little stronger.

hope548 said...

I kind of drank too much Saturday night, but I suppose I can have an egg-drink to toast everyone in IF-land. Latest stuff here is that we are approved to adopt and we (I say that loosely because hubby hasn't done any work on it) are almost done with our profile. Got to finish the draft version, get approval from the agency, and then finalize. It scares the crap out of me that soon our profile will be shown to expectant mothers and one might pick us to parent her child.
It's getting real!
A toast to all you cyclers and all who have experienced loss!

Ms. Infertile said...

Great, this is just what I needed today! I'll take one of those egg-drinks. Make it two.
I'm waiting for the day to trigger for my upteenth IUI and trying very hard to handle the increasing number of stupid insensitive comments I've been getting from people lately. I wonder did people in my world somehow become dumber lately or am I just noticing the comments more?
I also don't know how much longer I can keep going to work where the pregnant bellies are growing faster than I don't know what and conversations now revolve around pregnancy on a daily (if not hourly) basis.

I'm having a hard day - make that three drinks please.

Thank you bartender!

Meg said...

What a nice comment to LJ from her hubby :)

I'll take a drink or fifty.

I have no words as to how I am feeling right now....

PCOSMama said...

Any part of an egg in a drink turns me off of it, but I'm always happy to have something fruity.... maybe a regular old strawberry margarita? Since it's virtual, go ahead and keep the tequila in it!

I am blessed to have nothing to complain about right now, other than rushing to get a zillion projects done, so I just want to extend condolences to all of you experiencing losses and best wishes to everyone cycling right now!

Ally said...

Hanging out in the 2ww here. Trying not to think about POAS. Also trying not to wonder if, when the 2ww is up, will I not want to POAS just because it might be a BFN. I'll take one of the special egg drinks and raise my glass to all of us-Best of luck to you all, wherever you are in the process!

Kami said...

No drinks for me. I am currently one of the lucky ones.

I am lamenting my lost genetic connection, but got a bit of a lesson the other day. My sister was telling cute nephew stories and in that moment I was so grateful that we might actually get a live baby out of this. As for the genetic connection? My heart was saying "Screw it! I just want a baby!!"

I hope the feeling lasts.

Shelby said...

Why not- I'll try the Egg-stravaganza. I'm supposed to increase my protein intake anyways!

Mr. Badger- you had the tears going! What a sweet husband! I wish he and LJ the best of luck for their upcoming (and hopefully LAST) cycle!

No complaints for me today! Getting ready to head out of town for a conference in California, and 5 whole days of freedom!

I raise my glass to all you amazing ladies and gents who belong to the IF club! You are all amazing!

Deathstar said...

Okay, I'm quitting drinking.... after this one. Sounds interesting. I'm wondering why I didn't go the gym today, I have no excuse. It rained all day yesterday and yet I felt compelled to do laundry and play online Scrabble. Does that burn calories?

Mary said...

Start pouring and keep them coming. My beta results came in at 13...13!!!! I didn't think you could be a little bit pg. They want to retest on Wednesday, but I am feeling pretty hopeless. This was our last chance to have a baby that was biologically related to one of us (DH.) Now we have to hope the donor embryo list starts moving faster (we are currently number 6.) I was really hoping this was the one. SUCKS!
Bartender, another please.

Meghan said...

I loved all the protein comments...I like how you girls think...this drink is practically healthy!

I'm pulling up my stool and will take one. On CD 51, waiting to start IUI #1. Was going to start Provera last week but it turns out my P4 was I maybe O'd and they won't let me fill the rx. Back to waiting. Only thing to do while waiting is have a give me some more eggy-deliciousness!

Michell said...

I would love to have one of those egg-stravaganza thingys but since as of this morning after a very stressful weekend thinking I was IUI'ing too late, I am now in the TWW I think I will just have a decaf frapaccino. Peppermint mocha please.

mchope said...

I'll take one of those Mr. Badger specials, please. You had me at brown honey rum! I could use some of that luck when cycling. Starting BCPs tomorrow for our first ever IVF. It has been a couple of years since we've cycled in any way shape or form...been on the bench for quite a while. Hopefully I still remember how to ride this rollercoaster! Thanks for the drink! *tip*

REBECCA said...

Newbie here...Just wanted to stop by and hand out a few hugs to those that need them, say I'm so sorry to those grieving, let you all know I'm hoping for those waiting, and give a huge primal 'INFERTILITY SUCKS' scream on behalf of everyone!

I'm currently driving myself crazy waiting for Wednesday to get here. I have an appointment for a physical and to discuss the results of my thyroid workup I had done last Wednesday. Grasping at straws hoping something will reveal some answers as to why I haven't been able to conceive in the past three years.

Hey barkeep...slide me a strawberry margarita down the bar. Let's all raise a glass...up infertility's ass! =)

Samantha said...

I'll also go with the house special tonight. I mean raw eggs, rum, sounds the like the perfect drink for the tww--virtually!

Yep, I'm in the midst of ending FET #4, and have slowly been losing my sanity. My thaw went poorly, and I lost three embryos, so this is my last chance, and it's freaking me out. Not to mention my horrible transfer experience. If anyone else out there has had horrible transfer experiences (like have to have a stitch sewn in your cervix so that the RE can pull on the string to straighten the cervix to get the catheter through), feel free to stop by and commiserate with me!

Schatzi said...

Oh, I'm a lightweight-- just give me something with a little umbrella in it.

I'm 5 days into IVF #7 stims. Number 7. Damn... I never in a million years would have thought I would be stimming 7 times. Wow. That just hit me. Happy (and sad) to say it will be my last. So I am raising my little umbrella to my (soon to be)LAST lupron headache, last stims injections and to all those other ladies out there who have tangled with the IVF ogre.


Jess said...

To Mr. B's wife!!!


I'll indulge in a drink or two. Worry eats at me, of course, as always. Delivery worries now...worries that are probably totally unlikely, but worries nonetheless. An infertile heart, you know.

Anyway, though, To Mr. Badger's wife...and to hope!

amy said...

hi, I'm with the poster who wanted to start a tab... I'm sorta new to the blogosphere but unfortunately not to infertility (sucks), so thought I'd offer my thanks for the space you've created here...

about me:
38 years young
3.5+ years ttc, with nothing to show for it...
pg 1x, but lost him halfway to heaven (at 21 wks)
4 surgeries in 5 yrs
fibroids, blocked tubes, aging eggs
4 rounds clomid
3 failed iuis with FSH
up next, last chance for baby: 1 IVF attempt or domestic infant adoption...

as I face the possibility of never having a biobaby, I find great comfort in knowing I am not alone on this journey. thanks and blessings for all you do...

MLO said...

Lessee, gimme something that will knock me out so I don't have to think of my adventure over the last week. 2 Tylenol + 4 Ibuprofen + Vicoden + Morphine should not equal THE SAME PAIN after a procedure. Details are at the private blog - if you want access and are from Mel's Lushary, just email me (mlo at otherinfo dot com) for the password.

I confused the doctors. But, I guess that is normal for me. The good part? I get to cycle in November/December but have to find someone to take care of my dog for two weeks. ::sigh::

I'm a little self-involved right now, but will try and come back to support others soon. I guess two nights with no food, water, or painkiller will do that to you after complications...

Sunny said...

I need a drink that is hard and just hard. Tequila? Vodka?

This is the second month we have missed dtd for the sake of trying. I know it would have been a lost cause but it was a chance. I hate months like this. Yes the pressure is off. The hope doesn't have to rise. I don't have to have that maybe feeling knowing good and well it won't happen on my own. But whatever...

Second I HATE HR! Sorry if you work in the HR department but mine SUCK! They were rude to me. Accused me of trying to lie and cheat. All I needed was the date the insurance would pick me up once Grumps dropped me. It took 10 min. of arguing and her pretty much yelling at me. So no insurance until December. Just call me the Queen Of Waiting!

Cheers to you all! Now I need another something hard to get me through teaching today!

Grad3 said...

I would just like to celebrate my current situation and support others today.

Serve me up a Mike's Hardberry (it's virtual) please!

Carla said...

Oh, anything at all would do right now. Two newborns in my office in the past 2 weeks (of course, right after the beta for IUI #3 was negative). This was our last attempt with the RE this year (had to do some necessary home repairs earlier this year, so funds are very tight). Plus, Hubby has been very stressed at work and has not been very pleasant to be around latel. Uugghh, just keep filling my glass!

Tina said...

I'll have a Shirley Temple, please! No alcohol going to invade this body (virtually or otherwise) until we know more on this PG!

I'll donate my Egg-Stravaganza to those ladies who really need it around here!

My 1st u/s is tomorrow morning...and, the fear of the unknown is setting in big-time here. So many signs that things are progressing right this time...but, that was what I thought with m/c #3 and the worst happened. So, I am just hanging on until tomorrow...and praying I get past hurdle #2 (a good u/s).

Nessa said...

I think I might saddle up to Frenchie and start me a tab too. Bring it on.

I am depressed and sad and angry and frustrated and don't know how to cope right now. I will start Progesterin this cycle and am waiting to ovulate, although at the moment that doesn't look to promising.

I cried at Costco last night because I am tired of sex and tired of not being pregnant and tired of people telling me to relax. I want to rip out all of my hair. I want to drink myself into oblivion and stay in a ball for a really long time, at least until I wake up spontaneously pregnant. What, that can't happen?

I do love the support from the blog world. It's amazing how invisible people can give such support through their own words and strories, even when they don't know they are doing it. So thank you, you are keeping me going, keeping me from giving up on the one thing I want so badly.

Tracy said...

I love it! Can I have a Cosmo, though? They're my favorite...

I guess the most significant news I have this month is our decision to move on to donor eggs. You can check out my blog, but since it's still being visited by friends and family in the real world, I haven't included details about the donor egg stuff.'s a secret.

But, we are very, very excited, and I am putting general details about our cycle there. I'm so happy to have this cyber world where I can share more details with people who really do understand.

Maybe I should come up with a code? Anybody have any suggestions? If so, post them on my blog comments...discreetly of course. I'll know what you're referring to.

Baby Step said...

Yes, I need a few drinks. Make them Crushed Velvets (lemon drops with a layer of chambord on the bottom).

I am on day 18 of BCP and day 5 of Lup.ron for my very first IVF cycle. We have been TTC for 5 years with nothing to show for it, not a single, dingle BFP, EVER. I am bloated, I feel like I have gained 10 pounds, I have a headache, I haven't been sleeping (night-sweats) and I am weepy (weeping right now while at work - YAY!). And my boobs are SUPER sore. Can't wait for the stims to start (I hear they will make me feel even worse!)

I just found out that my husband will not be in town for three upcoming dates: My "base-line" u/s to see how my ovaries look before stimming (11/2), my egg retrieval (11/11-ish) and my embryo transfer (11/14-ish). It isn't his fault, he is a pilot and work takes him a away. A lot. But it is so disappointing that I feel I am doing this all alone. And I am scared shitless it won't work. Nothing else has worked, why will this work?

Yes, I need a few drinks, please. Keep 'em coming.

perchancetodream said...

I'll take a couple of those too! :-)

Follistim is potentially working too well for me so we're waiting to see if the big follicles get bigger and the smaller ones go back where they belong so that we can do this IUI cycle.

Bottoms up!

sharah said...

It's cool and rainy here today, and I wore inappropriate shoes so my feet are cold. I think a warm mulled red wine would really hit the spot.

I'm sitting here in the first month of this new "child-free" phase. This might be just a long break, or it might end up being a permanent change -- we're not making that decision for a year or so. No more treatments, but we're not preventing either. Just trying to see where life takes us. It's strangely liberating, while still being an incredibly sad place to be in.

May said...

Damn it, late to the party. Sorry. Are there any of those lovely Egg-stravaganzas left? (Mr Badger! So sweet!).

I am now going through my very first ever two week wait. Unexpectedly. By accident. It is very very strange. How do you ladies who do this every month manage without having a complete melt-down?

Dreamer4agift said...

I couldn't come over yesterday because I had to work, but I'd like to belly up to the bar today.

I'd like my regular--Frozen Margarita with Salt please.

I'm totally stressed out. I have issues with this being the last cycle before being referred to the RE. We can't afford that. We're having really bad financial problems. I'm going to school right now and it's an excellerated course. Plus, I just found out yesterday that my sister, BIL, and their 2 kids are getting stationed in Colorado. My sister's just bein' a bitch about it b/c she doesn't know why everyone's so upset, and I can't stand the idea of not being able to see my neice and nephew grow up. I'm just very stressed, and very upset.

Okay, make that margarita a double please.

Mr. Badger said...

Aww, thanks for all of the wonderful comments! (BTW, this is my first "official" blog comment!) I actually came up with this drink as kind of a joke. I was out with LJ on a Saturday morning accompanying her on a visit to our RE, when she joked that I should come up with a drink with egg whites (symbolizing EWCM or eggs) and grenadine (symbolizing the redness of the womb). I did a bit of research and played around with some different combos before arriving at the October Egg-stravaganza. And there you have it.

I just have one small complaint: the suffix "-trix" is feminine. Dealing with IF is enough of a blow to my fragile male ego.... Can my name be changed to "Cocktailinator"? :)

In Search of Morning Sickness said...

I have to agree w/ Mr. Badger.. He should be a Cocktailinator. :)

I couldn't make myself do the egg whites, so I joined you all with a Lemon Drop Martini. Yum!

Waiting to O after my miscarriage 2 weeks ago. Just want to get one normal cycle under my belt.

SO GLAD for the support online, it's been a horrible two weeks but I know I'm not alone. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

I'll have one of those margaritas too, please. October is always a melancholy sort of month for me -- in October 1998, I returned to work after the stillbirth of my daughter in August, only to have to leave three days later because my grandfather died. My grandmother died almost a year to the day later, and my uncle the week after her.

I spent last Saturday scrapbooking at a local store, which I enjoy, but not surprisingly I had to listen to lots of mommy talk from the other women there (& of course, nothing to share myself in that vein). Also, Monday we celebrated a 27th birthday at the office. This girl was born the year I graduated from high school, & her mother is one year older than I am!! And she & the other 20-somethings (who seem to be the majority in our office these days) were moaning about the pressure they are under to pop out grandchildren. None of them were around the office at the time of my loss -- there are very few people here left who were, and probably fewer still who might realize that anything baby related could be painful for me, especially after all these years.

Pass the salt shaker!


amy said...

As usual I need a margarita on the rocks...go ahead and make two because i'll zip through this first one!!

It looks like I won't be having a margarita until June...that's right! IVF #1 was a success!!! We've seen a heartbeat and are excited beyond belief. My heart is still aching for all of you still on the journey!!