- Though a couple will be getting along on all other days of the year, they will have terrible arguments twelve hours prior to ovulation so they miss the perfect window by fuming instead of having sex. This correlation is noted even more accurately when ovulation predictor kits are used to time intercourse. Especially if the couple is financially-strapped and they had to think twice about purchasing said OPK.
- If you are to receive blood test results on a Friday, the doctor will only call during the three minutes of the day when you do not have cell phone reception. He will leave a vague message and you will not be able to find out the results until Monday morning.
- If you are using a mail-order service for medications because it is less expensive or more convenient, when the medications arrive, you will either be missing several parts of your order OR the box will arrive a day after your first injection.
- If you refrain from drinking alcohol and coffee, partake in daily yoga classes, and eat a healthy, balanced diet, you will not get pregnant.
- Sperm lives in a woman's body for 3--5 days ONLY if you are a terrified teenager who has no clue (1) when she ovulates and (2) if she took her birth control pill. Sperm lives in an infertile woman's body for 3--5 hours, therefore making lining up timing with ovulation nearly impossible. This rule also wrecks havoc with the first bullet point and arguments around ovulation. Doctors do not believe this fact and therefore often repeat the idea that sperm lives in all women's bodies for 3--5 days.
- If you need to run a progesterone test seven days after ovulation and you sigh in relief that you will ovulate with days to spare before you leave for a big trip, you will invariably ovulate too late, therefore making it impossible to test progesterone that cycle.
- The more hand-holding and the more awkward the relationship is with your inlaws, the more likely they will schedule their visit to fall during retreival or transfer. If they are the type who need a gourmet meal cooked nightly and a spotless house, they will arrive one day before your beta.
- The month you run out of your prenatal vitamin and say "fuck it" since you're not even cycling anyway and angrily put off refilling the prescription for two weeks will be the month you get pregnant.
Watch Uterninus's Law
* Um...don't try to google it. I made it up just to sound smart and all academicy. There was no Uterninus.