If you don't already have plans this Valentine's Day, may I suggest a lovely little Lupercalia ceremony--the predecesor of our Hallmark holiday? In case you want to know a little more about the celebration before you commit, Lupercalia was a Roman fertility festival. Sounds good, right?
Oh. You want to know what it entails? Well, according to Wikipedia, Lupercalia began with a ritual sacrifice of two male goats and a dog. This sounds relatively straightforward. The blood was then smeared across the foreheads of two men--presumably to symbolize the human sacrifices that were originally part of Lupercalia. If you're worried about having to deal with blood stains that may drip onto your carpet, may I recommend performing the ceremony outside? Or on top of a tarp? Does Home Depot sell Lupercalia tarps for sacrificial occasions?*
After a feast, the high priests dressed up in the skins of the sacrificed goats, cut themselves pieces of hide, and ran around the city, whipping everyone who came near. The whips were then dipped in blood and the female inhabitants of Rome would line up along a route to be whipped with these blood-dipped skins. "This was supposed to ensure fertility, prevent sterility in women and ease the pains of childbirth."
Or...what...you think romantic, candle-lit dinners and boxes of chocolates beats out being smacked with a piece of bloody hide?
*No offense was meant towards anyone who does practice sacrificial offerings or enjoys whippings--either for fertility-sake or other reasons...