The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Calling All Virtual Lushes--The Bar Is Open

It's been about a month since the last drinkfest, so it felt like a good morning (because virtual drinks can be consumed before lunch without completely fucking up your work day) to set out a sign for drink specials: the current theme is "anywhere but here" and we're serving big, tropical cocktails to go with the dreary winter weather.

So pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink and let everyone know what is happening in your life. Maybe you have good news to share and we'll all toast you with a glass of wine. Or maybe you just need to vent about your RE. Or have a good, long cry. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone like Watson until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved mug while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

And for anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about right now, you can continue reading the paragraph below from the Friday Blog Roundup following the last open bar. Or click here to read the original post that kicked off the monthly drinkfest...

All the girl drink drunks in the house say "yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I have to say that pouring drinks for the last 48 hours has been as emotional and cathartic as the creme de la creme list. Just sitting down with a bunch of awesome women and hearing what was happening in everyone's life. It was much better than a night out on the town because I didn't even have to leave my own living room. The best part was when I'd go to someone's blog and someone else would have been there before me saything that they read about how they were going through X and they were going through X too. And that's the whole point of having a place where
everyone knows your name. Because everyone is comfortable reaching out to anyone else who comes through the door and you meet new people who you didn't even know were going through the same shitty experience as you or thinking the same shitty thoughts as you. And suddenly, you're not so alone. So I'm calling a monthly
drinkfest. My bar is always open, of course, but once a month, I'm running specials for 48-hours where everyone can come to my virtual bar and drink and bitch and comfort and cry and laugh. So there. That's my new New Years Resolution--more imaginary alcohol and girl time (boys are welcome too, but you guys never show. Come on, Smarshy. Pull up a barstool and have a good vent). Another drinkfest to follow soon in February--remember to drink responsibly and such.

Yes, Smarshy--you're still invited to become a girl drink drunk (and so is DI Dad, Dynamo Dad, and Richard--come on, where are the men?). So now that you're caught up on the idea of a virtual bar, pull up a seat and tell me your order.

56 comments:

Carla said...

I LOVE the monthly drink-fest idea. I'll just have hot chocolate, can't do alcohol or caffeine--IUI #1 is next week! We are excited and hopeful, but trying to stay realistic about the chances for a BFP. So, hot chocolate (but mentally I'm having a huge frozen pina colada!)
Carla

Bea said...

Singapore Sling, I think this time. I'd forgotten about the tedium. Oh the tedium of cycling! The constant when-will-I-get-voted-off-the-island? The hurry-up-and-wait! It's so terribly wearing.

Bea

Heather said...

I'll just do lemon drop shots with a few peach schnapps and sprites mixed in for good measure. Since we are on a break and my job is about to give me a nervous break down - I think drunk Monday sounds like a superb idea.

Also, if anyone wants to put voodoo spells on my boss I would greatly appreciate it.

A.M.S. said...

Let's see, it's cold and wet outside. Not much better inside, what with the f'd up heat (or lack thereof) in this office and the drafty window right next to my desk. How about a steaming hot Irish Coffee? Extra whipped cream, if you please.

Tomorrow is the consult for the IVF cycle we'll be starting in earnest in April. I'm beyond nervous about this new stage in our quest. I think I've done a pretty good job of resisting the what-ifs and the should-we's these past few months, but they're piling on now. I've got my list of questions ready for tomorrow. I just have to get myself ready to hear the answers.

May said...

I need a gin and tonic. With a wedge of lime and star-shaped ice-cubes. And then, I need a second one. I looked at my chart (Fertility Friend) this morning - looked properly, that is, rather than glancing vaguely at the 'Enter Data' button and, err, entering data. I have been bleeding for 50 days in a row now. How the heck does that happen? I'm surprised I haven't shrivelled up like a giant raisin. Coupled with the 'You never listen to anything I say! Oh alright, except that time, and that other time, and, OK, you always listen to what I say but still manage to make me feel like you don't!' melt-down I had at my husband last night (for no reason at all, but don't tell him that), I, well, let's say I'd quite like to get quite drunk. Just until, say, I've forgotten who I am.

The Town Criers said...

Carla--good luck with this first IUI!

Artblog said...

For once its not the 2ww thats making me nervous! My H. and I just made an offer on a house we viewed and we're nervously waiting for the real estate agent to call us back. But would you believe their closed today!!!

I hate Europe and their 6 working day tradition. Everything's closed on Mondays because they work Saturdays!

So, we waited the whole weekend to find out today and we forgot that their closed.

Talk about anticipation, I'm going mad here!

Can I have a scotch on the rocks please. Make it a double!

Carey said...

Well, it's only 9am where I am, but sure, why not... a drink sounds great!! Although, I'm thinking something more along the lines of Bailey's which is really just grown-up chocolate milk, right??

Might as well drink since we're just twiddling our thumbs over here waiting for our damn periods to start so we can rev up DP's ovaries for an IUI (which we think is weird- going backwards after doing 2 IVFs - but hey, those were my eggs - IUIs work fine for her) and so I can start thawing out my frozen kidcicles for an FET cycle. Fun times, fun times I tell ya... Pour me another... make it a double.

Chris said...

Monday booze-fest sounds like a dream come true. What great timing!

Vodka tonic with a twist for me, please. 4 more days in the 2ww and a not so positive looking chart. Was hoping the third time would be the charm with IUI - this wait is killing me (but the vodka will help, I'm sure of it).

sharah said...

I think I'll stick with hot chocolate this am -- well, maybe a shot of godiva liqueur in there wouldn't hurt.

I'm on my last day of clomid, and I have monitoring and bloodwork scheduled for Friday. Manly's SA is Wednesday afternoon, so this cycle is moving by pretty fast. I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in a while that we might actually get a real-live baby out of this one day.

Gypsyhick said...

Tequila. And lots of it. And a wheelbarrow to take me back to my hovel when we're done. The "what could have been" blues is heavy on me today, with a side of "why is it illegal to kill idiot relatives" blues...

Thanks for the drinkies, Mel!

Emmie said...

Martini please, anyway you like. I'm not all that picky really--I just want to feel heard once in awhile from the people who call themselves "close to me." Why are IF bloggers that I don't know in real life better listeners than the people who are a part of my daily life?

Thanks for bringing us all together, Mel.

Hopeful Mother said...

I'd like an OJ please... cause I'm pregnant from IVF/ICSI #3! Got our beta on Thursday... 198... so we are in the "nothing bad has happened yet" and excited/dazed/confused/scared stage.

To think, last time you opened the bar, I had a Diet Caffeine-Free Dr. Pepper because I had just started my cycle...

serenity said...

I LOVE THIS TRADITION.

And as it turns out, I'm in a really crappy mood today. PMS. My mother. AF's location - I just want to start cycling already. SIL's pregnancy. Sense of impending doom about the fact that my own sister is TTC ... and how a pregnancy will affect my relationship with my mother (probably even moreso than it does now). Oh yeah. And today I have pain way down low, near my bladder, which increases when I have to pee. *sigh*

So I think today's drink will be a chocolate martini. Actually, make that two. Please?

hope548 said...

Mai tai please to make me feel like I'm in Hawaii. No more treatments for me, just wishing it would happen naturally. Things have been up and down, but I seem to have a handle on things this Monday. Just checking in with everyone else.

Gil said...

Hmm, something fruity this time around Mel. Oooh, a strawberry daquiri please.

I'm still on a self-imposed break, and LOVING the "no-meds" thing. I'll cycle in a month or so. For now, I'm just thrilled that a renovation project in our house is complete (woo hoo!) and my mom and aunt are coming to visit and spend 11 days with us. I get to see my family so rarely; it'll be a wonderful treat.

Cheers folks! *raises a glass*

Tina said...

In celebration of the upcoming St. Paddy's Day, I will have Bailey's on the rocks, please. Heavy on the rocks, since alcohol does not agree with me anymore. :(

Nothing new on the TTC front - still having anxiety attacks, which means still my Lexapro/Xanex cocktail, which ultimately means no TTC. *roll* Just on a vicious cycle that won't stop and let me get the TTC bandwagon going again...

Serenity: Hoping you beat your sister to the punch! ;) Will be watching your blog more... :)

Hopeful Mother: CONGRATS on that BFP!! Hoping all goes well for you!

Meg said...

Since I cant have any alcohol I will take an OJ since I am in the 2ww. I am very depressed right now I think my 5th IVF has failed we transferred 3 "ok" I say crappy embies on Fri. Been there done that just waiting for another negative.

twirl said...

since it's virtual, it's not snowing and cold. since it's virtual, i don't have to worry about it being the thing i do wrong this cycle. since it's virtual, i don't have to worry that i'll have an attack of clutz and fall down yet another set of stairs!

since it's virtual, i'll have a margarita. rocks. salt.

(and heather, i'll work up a voodoo something on your boss if you like =)

Dee said...

Champangne for me! We are FINALLY out of review! It's looking like there really is going to be a baby at the end of all this.

Furrow said...

Oh, I think I would just like a really good beer. Something that goes well with a lime wedge. How about a Negra Modelo? So dark and creamy.

I'm at 9 dpiui. This was our 4th this month. I'm in a real crisis about whether it's all worth it. And I'm feeling guilty for feeling that way. But sitting with you fine chicas at this warm beachside bar is helping a lot.

sarah said...

We're still on our lovely break until IVF. I keep pushing back the date (bad IFer) -- I think I'm scared to start it for fear of it not working.

Anywho, in the meantime, I am becoming a gym rat and am spending all my free time researching a trip to Paris. ;) I'm tired of living my life as if a baby might just pop in any minute. So DH and I are going to Paris in October for a week of champagne and brie and yummy bread. We can't wait!

And I finally started a blog. It only has two entries so far, so try to be nice if you visit. :)

Dianne/Flutter said...

Mmmmm....Rum Runner. Mentally picturing a beautiful beach....Grand Cayman or maybe St. Marteen. Choices, choices....

Well, I'm surviving from this last BFN. I truly sucks how much hope I had. It only makes me mad at myself that I haven't learned to ignore her yet. And, I'm starting to really prepare for the IUIs. I need to finish the insurance saga, before we go forward.

Starting to think that I am dragging my feet on that for a reason. Could I be scared? oh yeah! Especially since I/we decided that after three IUIs and a GIFT cycle that will be it. And I have such mixed emotions of getting off this ride as much as staying on it.

Also, since my parents are helping us pay for the insurance, etc. (Long story plan on talking about it later.) And they BELIEVE it will happen. They have no doubt. How disappointed are they going to be?

Yes, I think I might need a shot of vodka with that rum runner. Err....or two. Thank G-d for the BFN right now!

Karaoke Diva said...

I can actually drink this time so I'll take a shot of your finest tequila (with the salt and lime. WHAT?! I know I'm a wuss.)

I'm two and a half weeks out of my miscarriage and between that and the rest of my family drama, I may just need the entire bottle of tequila. Luckily, I have an appointment with my RE tomorrow so I will soon have a new plan of attack. Something to focus my energy on other than throttling my mother.

Tigger said...

A copper camel or 6 for me please! Looking at yet another 2ww in which this was a completely useless cycle. :) And I'd rather be anywhere other than having to study for all the exams I have this week and doing homework. Blech! It's also been raining for 3 days, and they said it might rain all week. Double blech!

DEMummie said...

I'll have a fuzzy navel, thanks. No concrete plans for an FET to add to our family... maybe late summer or fall? Maybe not at all. (ha ha it rhymes!)

Thanks for bringing us all together and mixing the drinks.

K

Carol said...

It will have to be something carbonated for me, with maybe some saltines on the side - since I feel like I'm going to barf all the time. My favorite 'mocktail' lately is mostly Pellegrino with a splash of gatorade for a little flavor.

I'm hoping this BFP sticks around and that we see one (or two!) healthy heartbeats on the 21st. A little nervous about it since that first u/s is where it all went wrong the last time.

Inglewood said...

Seeing as this is virtual, I would like a red wine, cab sauv to be specific. Now I am going to sit in the corner and enjoy this taste sensation with many soft smelly cheeses.....mmmmm....

TeamWinks said...

Hang on let me peruse the drink menue...umm...hell...my brain's to frazzled to decide. I'll have what you're having. My brain is too busy swiring with recent personal developments, and my body is exhausted from pushing my doctor mandated physical exercise program. Five more weeks of our foster to adopt classes. Whew! Soooo, I think I will just prop my elbow up on the bar and listen to everybody around me. OH, and fellow infertiles/adopters in the Huntsville, AL area...pull up a seat next to me. We're trying to get a support group going. Ok, that's all I have now. Love this Mel. Thanks for the drink!

mandolyn said...

I'll have a Cherry Coke and sit down for a while. I'm up for listening today.

DI_Dad said...

4 guys and how many women? And how many of the women are on hormone drugs? Those are odds my wife would not want to hear.

Jackie said...

Despite the fact that I am currently undergoing Clom-vulation (ovulation following clomid); I am pretty sure this cycle will amount to what all the ones in the past have amounted to: jack-squat. So, I will peruse the wine list along with the freedom fertility drug list and choose a most delightful cocktail for an upcoming COH/IUI.

Katherine said...

Peppermint hot chocolate sounds really good right now. Lots of whipped cream on top, please. Our next ultrasound is on Friday and I'm feeling good about this.

Kris said...

Just pass me the whole bottle of Grey Goose. FET#1 was a total bust. It's been a year since IVF#1 failed and I've had nothing but additional failures since then. A whole year has passed and I'm no further than I was then. In fact, I'm no further along than when we started trying nearly 7 years ago. And I don't know where we're going next. Hmm... You may as well pass along the Absolute, too.

mary said...

Ok, don't laugh (well you can if you want to) but I really want a "Stiff D*ck" (Baileys and butterscotch schnapps.) I'm splurging, so make it two, maybe followed by a "Screaming Orgasm" (don't know what it is, just know it's good.) Since our last drunkfest I have finally finished m/cing (only took 2 months.) Two babies: one uterine, one ectopic. Found out the donor had a rare genetic disorder and had to destroy all remaining frozen embryos (don't remember if I told you all this before. If so, please forgive.) I picked a new donor I like, but she is unproven so I have to convince the husband that it is worth the extra $2000 for testing to take the risk. Only bright side is the RE is willing to waive his fees since he feels so bad for us. Wish the egg consultants would do the same. I need some Dutch courge to tell the husband exactly what the costs will be. Pour me another please!
~Mary
mrsfumbo@cox.net

Susan said...

Oh, how I love this idea! I'm in the 2ww, but dear god how I am craving a Captain and coke. So, I'll take a virtual one if I can't have the real thing. And, let's just pretend I've had 2 or 8 by now and I'm stumbling around and slurring, "I loooove you guys. You are the bessts, you (hiccup) know that? I couldn't get through thisss without yous." Because, really, its true... thank you to the blogging vets who have welcomed me to the blogosphere. And thank you to my fellow newbie friends. You rule.

My Reality said...

Since I am a really cheap drunk, will someone carry me out of the bar? If so, I will have a scotch on the rocks!

I am just waiting for my period to show up next week so I can start my IVF cycle. I got sorta good news today - my meds will only cost about $3500 for this cycle instead of $5K since I had a change in protocols. That is something to celebrate, right?

Jules said...

I'll have what she's having...on second thoughts, make it a double.

OK, I better have a water instead. Alcohol might not agree with the anaesthetic after this morning's EPU.

Why is this TTC journey so f**king hard? (Sorry about the language).

Does anyone know of a magic pill? You know, the one that you take & you're all of a sudden 6mths pregnant. Anyone. I'll be happy to buy a box full... I might even be interested in a carton if you twist my arm.

ava said...

Woohoo, since it's virtual I'll take a margarita -- rocks with salt, please!

Because the anxiety of my fledgling little pregnancy is enough to want to drive me to drink. And since I can't in real life, the virtual bar is exactly where I need to be.

This week in blogland I'm talking a lot about my fears and how it's just not like what I thought it would be...

Sky said...

May I join you, ladies? I'll have a large hot chocolate, please, although later on in the week I may need large quantities of alcohol, so please put a couple of bottles of wine on ice for me for later. I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant after 3 miscarriages, and have my first scan on Friday. They don't do betas here in Ireland unless you're doing IVF, and 9 weeks is the earliest they would scan unless I was bleeding, so all I have to confirm that I am pregnant is the pregnancy test I took at 4 weeks. I have loads of symptoms (actually, could I have some cookies with that hot chocolate too, please) but that is of limited comfort as I had plenty of symptoms on my first missed miscarriage (discovered at 11 weeks).As the scan date gets closer I worry more and more.
Anyhoo - love the idea of the virtual bar. Everyone needs a good night out with the girls every once in a while!

ms. c said...

Hi Ladies, and Gentleman! It appears that I'm a bit late to the party, but here I am nonetheless. Mel, I'll take a gingerale... I don't really feel like drinking this morning.
Just stepped in to listen to what everyone has to say. I'm here to lend a shoulder or to give some hope to whomever needs it.
As for me, I'm kinda in limbo here on CD14. I was supposed to go in for a scan this morning where I was hoping that I would be presented with my hCG trigger. But they just called to reschedule the appointment for tomorrow. So, I'm a trifle bummed, but what's another day? It's already been so many...
Love you all... Group hug!

Sarah said...

Hi ladies... I started walking in yesterday, but then got really mad and had to take a walk around the block.

Yesterday, as I started to type “I just started my first month of fertility meds,” I let myself acknowledge the anger around that statement. Yes… other people have had longer and arguably more challenging experiences in their attempts to have a baby, but that doesn’t invalidate my frustration, pain, and anger at being in this situation. ~20 months ago I was within 15 minutes of having a healthy full term newborn. Now I’m wondering whether Letrozole will help me ovulate and hoping that my day 21 progesterone will be higher than the 5.5 it was last month.

CRAP!!!!! I hate this.

It is lovely to meet you here. Thanks for being a space to vent.

Allie said...

I'll have a chocolate milk on the rocks with a side of tums. I've got heartburn.

I thought I'd share a little hope at the bar tonight. After being told I miscarried on Jan 18th, I went back in to find out that I had not and am in fact 9 weeks along.

Holy PCOS batman... turns out Metformin worked wonders for me.

Now hopefully this one sticks.

Now someone had me some more salsa... I need to work for the heartburn...

sariel & shlomit said...

where have i been?! hope the bar's still open!
hmmmm....what'll i have? actually, a nice cold beer like a harp or something would be perfect!

i am sitting on shpilkes here....we are on a 'month off' (although i think we all know who will be timing their intercourse next week! what an old fashioned idea, eh? never say never!)...we are heading to florida on thursday (once we make it through toronto and buffalo during a blizzard!)...and we are going to hang out with my mother in law and 12 year old step daughter...i'm super excited and just a bit nervous...love, love, love my step-daughter but as we see her only 4 times per year, it can be a little...shall we say, intense. But mostly excited! I've got a new pedicure/manicure, i've got a tonne of books...i'm ready!

when i return, i have to go back to work.
:-(((((( (that's a major, bottom-lip-sticking-out pout!). and shortly after that our next cycle starts. and our one kick at the can (puh, puh, puh) at ivf with icsi. and praying hard that these 40 year old eggs don't fail me. sigh. but that's more for next month.

for now, i'm sipping my nice cold beer and dreaming about the feeling of sand between my (now frozen) toes....

peace
shlomit

Adrienne said...

Does anyone know a drink that spontaneously brings on AF? I'll have one of those, please!

Waiting for my body to recover from December's m/c (Day 54 and counting...) so we can get some basic bloodwork done and then schedule IVF#1 with the RE. Sigh. Just tired of it all today.

And congrats to Hopeful Mother on the BFP! Woohoo!

aah0424 said...

I was pretty busy yesterday so I didn't get much of a chance to stop by.

Today I would like something that is going to hit and hit hard. Something that will knock me out until the fall. Shots of Jager, maybe?

I just read that when we do the testicular biopsy next month and if they find some sperm to use we'll still have to wait like 6 months until we can move forward with TESE/IVF/ICSI. I feel like evey couple of months we get all ramped up and then we have to wait again!

decemberbaby said...

Hot chocolate with a splash of amaretto, please.

We're on day 6 of our second cycle with Femara, and I think I'm gonna push for an IUI instead of timed intercourse this time.

I've just realized in the last day or two how anxious and stressed I am - it's off the charts. So I'll be working on my stress levels this month.

Oh, and we bought a house. I get to renovate and decorate!

Bobby and Ivy said...

Busy busy busy!!! Aside from hoping and praying I don't have gestational diabetes (but why not, let's add it to the list of crap that has gone wrong in getting pregnant and staying pregnant...) we're finalizing the adoption of our first three kids!!! Tomorrow they will finally share not only our hearts, but our name as well!! Oh tomorrow, come quick!!

On another note: seems almost surreal that our struggle to concieve led us to have four kids...only one pregnancy..only to find that I should never get pregnant again. That thought has been bothering me for a while...

Bobby and Ivy said...

Oh, and as for my coctail of choice...would you believe I would give anything to be able to drink strawberry milk?

Jess said...

I still want a mai tai. And a plane ticket to Kona. Lovely lovely lovely. And since this is our suppression cycle, I could toatally HAVE a mai tai. However, we are pretty pathetic on alcohol around here for the last three years. (Zip it, I know that three years ago I was underage, but I was still loving those mai tais)

We're impatient to hear more from our adoption agency. And impatient to start our next IVF. So much going on!

Natalie said...

I'll take a White Russian... heavy on the vodka. (Actually I think I could really use a real one.)

Well I just found out that my cycle was cancelled before it started - my third clomid/IUI cycle. My lap was scheduled for the 2ww and they never noticed... after me thinking that wasn't quite right I called and asked about it. And they cancelled my cycle. I'm rather irritated that a) they scheduled the lap in my 2ww and b) they never NOTICED and never mentioned that could be a problem, I had to find out myself.

So now we have one month forced break and probably two more months voluntary break. We've decided to skip our last IUI and move right to IVF. Return on investment and all that. Maybe I'll actually get pregnant at some point this year.

Oh and AF? Is on her way. I'm thinking she'll arrive just in time for valentine's day.

Cathleen said...

Oh...how about a Chai Latte. Gotta love that foam...

I'm a little late to the party but better late than never, right? :)

baggage said...

Coffee? Energy drink? Someone? Hi there! Last week I had one almost 11 year old. Today I have an 11, 8, 3 and a 1 1/2 year old. I'm exhausted. I am stinky. Sit by me anyway please.

Twisted Ovaries said...

Well I sure as hell want a drink. I may be in the middle of a 2ww, but if this is a virtual drink then dammit, I've earned it.

Champagne please.

(What? Don't look at me like that, I know it's a girlie drink, I just love the stuff.)

Sami said...

May I join - I'm a little late to the fest, but as this is virtual and well since I can't drink right now though god knows it sounds good I'll have a sex on the beach followed up by a long beach iced tea... yeah uhmm it's been a rough week.

I know NBHHY and a lot of great things have, but it feels as if those hurdles just keep getting bigger and bigger and well I have short legs so how many can I climb? This pregnancy while appearing to go well just makes me feel anxious that something will go wrong so to speak. I wish that I could say I was confident like some of the women on one of the bulletin boards - they never worried about loss. I on the other hand look at my past and see nothing but loss. Yes we've gotten this far, and we never had before, but that doesn't mean we're out of the woods. I don't know when I will be, but at the very least thanks for the drinks! I'll be over in the corner muttering - don't mind me :)

Vee said...

Am I too late for a drink ?

I have been sipping real cocktails by the sunset. :) I am back and itching to do my FET now, only virtual drinks for me soon.