The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Friday Blog Roundup

This is a week that has been in my head for five years. We were told that by age five, the twins' adjusted age should catch up with their actual age. Within five years, we wouldn't see a difference between the Wolvog and ChickieNob and their full-term peers. Melissa of now says "bwaaaaah!" to that fact, noting that we still clap when they're on the charts growth-wise at a doctor's visit. They are small kids. You can tell they started out small and they're still small. They are a very young five, developmentally. And that's fine--I get babyhood that much longer. But the earnest Melissa of five years ago thought the whole world would look different on this date, when the two ages meshed and I thought prematurity would be chucked out the window.

Wasn't that earnest Melissa so sweet? I just want to pinch her cheeks for a moment.

Of course, you can only have retrospect with time and the fact is that this date was the receptacle of my hope. I placed all my hope in it when footing felt off in the beginning. I knew there was an end in sight and while it may be far off, all would be okay at that point. Life doesn't truly work like that and I think my head knew that. But like so many other places in my life, my heart has a louder voice. And I'm glad sometimes that it does because I needed to have that hope then, just as I need to just be in the moment now.

Lindsay and my mother came over and we all had milk and cookies to celebrate.

So happy Mesh Date, ChickieNob and Wolvog. May you always grow strong and healthy and may you always be yourselves and happy in your own skin.

And it's funny because September 11th had obviously already happened by the time the twins were born--the event happened right before our wedding--and yet I never connected that this week would also be the anniversary of that day. I still think the 100 words project served as a perfect memorial to this day.

My contribution:
After the children were picked up from school, after I drove home to our apartment, I met Josh in our front hallway. It took him several hours to get through the traffic leaving the city. I was so thankful that he hadn't taken the metro that day. We laid in bed because we were unsure of what we should do or what we could do. We were so immobilized, it just wasn't clear to us if it was okay to go to the supermarket to pick up something to eat. It was as if we were waiting for a voice to come booming out of the ground, telling us what we were allowed to do in this new normal.
I always think about a certain obituary on this day. The couple were newly married--only a week or so back from the honeymoon, the ketubah not-yet-framed. The man died in the Twin Towers. His wife went from newlywed to widow. I remember holding the newspaper and telling Josh that we couldn't wait to start trying for a child; life moves in shifts and starts--not in a clear line. I'm so thankful we didn't wait. I'm so sad for that woman whose name I don't know. I wonder if she knows that her story helped bring two people into this world, albeit years later.

It's hard to follow thoughts of September 11th with any other information.

Sign up for the next round of Blogger Bingo will take place early next week. Just a reminder that there will be no free space on the new board. If you want a free space, you have to earn one (and you'll get to place it over any square you wish). You can find the directions here. The ability to collect a free space expires on September 13th at 11 p.m. EST (your comment needs to have a timestamp before that hour). After that, you can still play the next round of Blogger Bingo but others will start out with one space already marked.

The Weekly What If: What if you could only watch one movie over and over again for the rest of your life? What movie would be good enough to endure multiple times as the only movie you'll get to see?

And now, the blogs...

Bottoms Off and On the Table has a post called "Break Down" which moved me to tears. I could not do it justice by describing it; it is truly something you need to experience. I promise, you'll cry too so bring tissues.

Loribeth had already made me see this time of year from a completely different angle with her post earlier this week, and then MeandBaby's Blog made me rethink holiday weekends. It is about how she views the extra day off and simply put, her post opened my world a little larger. I love the line: "For years I’ve told myself I’m the only one who can change things; I’m responsible for my own happiness. I’m working towards changing part of it. I just hope I’m not too late." I am sending her so many good thoughts for that plan.

Infertile Ground asks a very important question in her post, one that I hope in highlighting here leads to a really good discussion over there: "Don't we adjust our heartfelt perspectives to align with our rational, cold-hard-facts-based decisions?" Adjusting to living child-free after infertility, Lisa has both faith and questioning of the future in a gorgeous post about the paths we're on.

Lastly, Anona-mom has a fantastic story about the lesson a destructive raccoon has taught her about life. I think many people will relate to the end of the story that comes beneath the photograph of the lily. Read this short story and see how it fits with your own life.

The roundup to the Roundup: Happy Mesh Day, ChickieNob and Wolvog. Remembering a nameless couple on September 11th. Last chance to earn yourself a free square for Blogger Bingo. The Weekly What If. And lots of great blogs to read.


loribeth said...

Happy Mesh Date! And thanks for the shout-out, Mel!

The Sept. 11th story I think I relate to most was of a young investment executive who worked for a brokerage in the tower across the street from where my dh & I work. He had a meeting at Cantor Fitzgerald that day & never returned. His pregnant wife came on the trip with him & was out shopping that day. She & their kids were recently featured on the front page of tbe Toronto Star.

It may sound a little presumptous, but the fact that he worked right across the street -- & that my dh works for a brokerage on the 65th floor of our high-rise office building -- made Sept. 11th all too real for me. The story talks about the jets practicing for the airshow on the long weekend. I can hear them (& dh can see them) from my cubicle, & it's kind of unnerving, especially at this time of year. I have had many dreams/nightmares since then about going down (& down, & down, & down) endless staircases, trying to get out of my office building. (And I'm only on the 6th floor.)

The only thing that bothers me about the story is the whole, "My kids are my life, they give me the reason to go on" theme. I understand that -- but at the same time, I can't help but wonder about all those women who didn't have children & lost their husbands & loved ones that day.

As for the movie -- I've already seen "Casablanca" umpteen times, but I never get tired of watching it, & in fact, I keep noticing new little details every time I see it.

Tara said...

The movie would be "Edward Scissorhands". It's always been my favorite.

Jendeis said...

Happy Mesh Date! Virtual Tom Waits Cookies to the whole fam!

Nothing real articulate to say about September 11th. I still get a little freaked out when I hear low-flying aircraft; it reminds me of the scrambled fighter jets flying over school on their way from Andrews to the Pentagon.

Chickenpig said...

Is it possible that your twins are small due to genetics and not prematurity? If you are small, they may always be smaller than their peers. My twins were born full term and full size at 38 weeks. My big one was 7 lbs 1 oz, but at almost 4 years of age he's only 32 lbs and he weighed only 29 1/2 at his 3 year visit last November. The specialists we are now seeing were extremely surprised to see that he was not a preemie.

Jendeis said...

Ooh, forgot to add my movie. I watch so many movies a million times, this is hard to decide. I'd probably have to go with Weekend at Bernie's. I know, now I'm the Ringo. :)

Cassandra said...

Groundhog Day!

No, just kidding. Let's go with Wizard of Oz.

Happy Mesh Day, C and W!

Cassandra said...

Ha! I suggested Wizard of Oz before reading your BlogHer column.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Mel. I had to get my emotions in check (sitting at my desk at work!) before I could comment. First you got me emotional talking about your babies and 9/11 and then you not only recognized me, but your words came on a day I was feeling low. You and this community are a tremendous gift!

AND I have a response to the The Weekly What If: The movie I would watch over and over again is "Return to Me" with David Duchovny, Minnie Driver, David Allen Grier, Carol O'Connor, Robert Loggia. It's a sweet romantic comedy about two people brought together by fate after struggling with traumatic events. Carol O'Connor plays the doting grandfather and runs an Irish-Italian restaurant. He and his chronies are really funny and the movie is touching.

JuliaS said...

Movie: Fiddler on the Roof. It was the first movie my father took me to on a daddy/daughter date - so there are the sentimentally sappy connotations to begin with. I love how Tevye speaks to G-d, it is such a personal and friendly relationship on his side. The music is great, the dream sequence in the graveyard I could never tire of. Romance, wit - love it. Could watch it over and over and over again. (In fact, I pretty much do!)

FET Accompli said...

Sound of Music would be my pick. Wizard of Oz is another favourite.

areyoukiddingme said...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail because there is no limit to how many times "I fart in your general direction" is funny.

Lavender Luz said...

You've made me think a lot about synchronizing.

Happy Mesh Day to the twins!

Sunny said...

Happy Mesh Day to the kiddos... and to you Mel, who has come so far and done so much good in the past five years.

What movie. Hmmmm. I'm going to have to go with Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Not only does it make me laugh every time, but I have happy associations of watching it with loved ones.

luna said...

hooray happy mesh date! really a wonderful achievement. go twins!

I love the raccoon story, thanks for including it. and thanks for the shout out on your related blogher post!

Stacie said...

Happy Mesh Date, C and W! (I just want to hug the Melissa of 5 years ago!)