The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Praise for the Living

I didn't time this Virtual Lushary to coincide with St. Patrick's Day (which is generally celebrated in America with a lot of green beer) but since we're here, can we turn to one of my favourite Irish traditions? The wake.

Apologies; I know that was sort of a buzz kill.

It's not that Jewish funerals are so different--we use Shiva to reminiscence about the person. But today is St. Patrick's Day--not Pesach--so we're going to go with the Irish tradition of toasting the person after their death, remembering every good point about them.

I hate the idea of people saving their best words for when the person can't hear them.

I know it is helpful for the mourners--after all, funerals are for those left behind, not those already dead. But I read something this week that really struck me. I was reading about the Hudson River plane crash in People (and I swear that I read more magazines than just People; it's just that I find so much to quote in there) and it said, "she's heard from friends who have been out of touch for 20 years. 'It's as if I went to my own funeral and didn't have to die to go,' she said. 'There's been such an outpouring of love'."

No one should have to die to go to their own funeral. I can't tell you how good it feels when someone writes a kind comment or simply tells me how LFCA has positively affected their day. You carry those words with you all day.

Therefore, I propose today, in addition to catching up everyone on your life, you take a moment to write something kind about another blogger. Why another blogger? Because they're most likely to read it here vs. your Great Aunt Mildred who probably isn't skulking around on blogs. And the point is to make sure that they know your words. I don't want to call this a massive funeral for the non-dead because that just feels...wrong. But I think you all understand the sentiment.

Let the world know--very publicly--how much you appreciate the other person. Because that is part of the wake too--that the words are spoken in front of others
. Please link to the other blogger in your comment or give the title of the blog so people can find them via the blogroll. And to make this clear, let's all start with our compliment and then finish the comment with our own news. You may leave as many compliments to others as you wish. The more, obviously, the merrier.

Because isn't there some saying that on St. Patrick's Day, we're all Irish?

As always, it has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life and a compliment for another blogger. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.


Jendeis said...

I feel like I'm blunking (thank you Mandy) for writing this, but I love you all you guys!! Everyone has really been there for me in our section of the universe and I can't express in words how much this has meant to me.

Much love to everyone! If you're not into beer or abstaining due to treatments, try a green bagel (it's just food coloring)!

loribeth said...

It is very hard to pick just one blogger to praise, because there are so many special ones out there whose words touch me every day.

So I'll pick two, representing the two subjects I write about most myself: Pamela Jeanne at Coming 2 Terms, for being such a huge inspiration to childless-not-by-choice women; and Mrs. Spit, who so often finds exactly the right words to express what babyloss mothers feel.

I will have a glass of Bailey's on the rocks to toast these two bloggers as well as the others ahead of & after this post.

And Mel, your first sentence made me laugh. I just KNEW when I clicked on your blog today that I was going to find a St. Patrick's Day edition of the Virtual Lushary. I would have been disappointed if I hadn't! ; )

Not too much interesting happening in my life right now. But there are signs of spring, & not a moment too soon! I did learn on the weekend that stepBIL's baby is going to be baptized on Mother's Day (!!!), but I'm not going to think about that just now...!! (Where is that Bailey's??)

Anonymous said...

Hello one and all,

I'm bad for lurking, and I have read so many great wonderful things across a wide swath of IF blogland. One that I keep going back to is Antigone's story ( Her story, and her triumph has captivated me, and I aspire to have as much power as she displays!

I'm giving myself my first ever Puregon injection tonight, for an IUI with my very own Dr. E.vil. He holds out so little hope for me (for many reasons), that I seek out hope from other sources. This is one of those places!

So, while I abstain in rl, I plan on whooping it up here! Make mine a full pint of Guinness (the only time in the year I will drink it!).

And, to be sure, a toast/blessing to you all: "May the holes in your net be no larger than the fish in it."

-Tally (whose rl name is very irish!)

Emmy said...

I'll start with a thanks to Ella, She has been there for me even when she has had a lot going on in her own life. Although, now things are looking up for her!

There are so many others, but it is just hard to think of everyone.

I'll take a green=appletini or 7. I'm off to go make funeral arrangements for my brother who just passed.

JamieD said...

There are so many blogs and bloggers I absolutely adore and Mrs. Spit,, is at the top of the list. She can make me laugh as easily as she can make me cry and she always know the perfect thing to say when I need comfort.

I also look forward to reading Murgdan at when she posts. She always says exactly what I'm thinking only funnier!

--Babies mentioned--

This is the first time I've been able to pull up a seat at the virtual lushary on a good day. After my OB appt this morning, I left feeling like I might actually come home with a baby and for the first time ever, I'm excited to be pregnant. It has been a long time coming.

Dora said...

I know I'm repeating myself by singing her praises here, but Angrycanrn has given me so much. And I don't mean just the beautiful embryos she donated to me, but her love, her faith in me, and most of all, an incredible amount of hope. Hope can be so fragile and fleeting sometimes, but she has been my life raft.

I'm tired from getting up before dawn for monitoring this morning, so how about an Irish coffee to mark the day. Maybe it will help the headache I have from the bagpipes and snare drums outside my office window. Yes, I work in midtown Manhattan. Right on Fifth Avenue. Starting point for the BIG parade.

Dora said...

Emmy, just popped over to your blog. I'm so sorry for your loss. How unbelievably awful.

Carrie said...

I have been lucky enough to stumble upon Brenna's blog, The Real Bean.

She is certainly one of the toughest women I've ever "met" and I have loved reading her entire story backwards. She faces daily grief and always has a kind word for other bloggers, including me. When she wrote this post, I was truly inspired to tell others how much I admire them. Check it out!

I would LOVE to drink today, but am awaiting a 5 day transfer of some cute little embryos on Friday, so I'd better stay on the wagon. I am excited, nervous, okay TERRIFIED that it won't work. Can I sleep until the Beta?

Happy St. Patrick's day!! :)

Heather said...

Lately, I've been bitching about my husband's girlfriend (not really, our next door neighbor is crushing on him and I like to tease him) because she is starting to become a bit stalker-ish.

One of my fav bloggers is Tobacco Brunette - she is hilarious and brave.

Another is Bloorb - because she is just AWESOME - and she just got her BFP (although it wasn't how she thought it would be - it is still great news!)

Another Dreamer said...

I can't praise just one blogger. There were so many who comforted me, held me up when I was drowning, so many are still holding me up. They have all been wonderful, and they know who they are. I will never be able to come up with the words to express the gratitude welling up in my heart.

I'm recovering physically from my second miscarriage, and awaiting my appointment to begin repeat loss testing. It's a strange place, not trying, not pregnant, not anything but mending.

caitsmom said...

Tipping a glass for

Amy at for writing beautiful prose, poetry, and posting images that honor her baby and all who walk a similar journey. Nearly every post I read, nod my head because her words resonate. You may not have found her on Stirrup, yet.

Stephanie at she posts bereaved parents' art in image & verse and shows her understanding of the need for Art in healing.

Mother Henna at who also shows and prompts all to use Art for expression, healing, and celebration.

Mrs. Spit at who writes compassionate, loving and sometimes painfully raw stories of life and love after loss. She challenges us to look within and discover a better we.

Snarky at who never fails to leave a comment of support, love, and validation from one baby loss mommy to another. We both have an overall belief that one should speak and make your voice heard. (Though, I'm guessin' to be polite I'll be lifting sparkling water to this lady!)

Oh, dear, I'm hogging the blogo-comment-space, and I'm getting e-tipsy! I have so many more bloggers to tip my glass too. Everyone who's on my blog list--sending much love and peace.

Anonymous said...

Me too, cant pick just the one, impossible, too many fantastic bloggers out there :) x

sunflowerchilde said...

I would thank beautiful mess ( for being so incredibly supportive of me as a relatively new infertile (and new infertile blogger). I also love reading Murgdan's hilarious posts at Conceive This!, and she has been super supportive, too. (

IRL I just had a delicious chocolate shake from Jamba Juice. Otherwise, I'd like a nice, rich, fruity glass of red wine.

I'm just getting started on my second IUI cycle - baseline u/s today!

Jess said...

I know this flies in the face of St Patty's Day, but I hate beer, so I'll just have a Mt Dew/Capt Morgan mix. Hey, it's green!!

I'll give me praise to Cathy at Tomorrow is Another Day because her snark keeps me sane all day long.

Liv said...

May I have a virtual Australian Shiraz please!

I'd like to toast 2 Bloggers:
Beautiful Mess from Life Induces Thoughts Mostly Random.
Check out her post from Sunday March 15th. She writes about how she questioned her place in the ALI community. GASP! I can't imagine this place with out her. Who cares if she has never had to deal with ART treatment, she belongs here. So if you have ever received the same amount of loving support from her, please go and leave a comment on her blog, that you're glad she's here!

Eve from Infertility Rocks.

This IF stuff is heavy and I always feels like she helps me lighten my load with her antics and humor. She is very talented and I wish I could be as inspired to write as she does.

As far as moi? I'm five days into a 2ww on IUI#2. I'm sucked into the reality that if this is unsuccessful than there will be no baby in 2009 for us and that IVF will be our future in June/July.

But, on a positive note, I'm pretty excited about the fact that I just mailed out a very difficult letter to my pregnant SIL. She has been a bit miffed about the fact that I haven't been able to be joyous about her pregnancy. I feel good about it. Your welcome to check out my recent post how/what I wrote.


Beautiful Mess said...

Hopefully I can type without TOO many typos here because of the tears that are swarming in my eyes, threatening to spill over *blink blink* OK, got em under control. Liv and Sunflowerchilde, your toasts to me are so sweet and "thank you" doesn't even begin to cover how you are making me feel right now. If I could list every blog Ive ever left a comment on, I would. I would like to toast every single one of you! ALL of you are an inspiration to me and make me strive to be a better woman. Since I gave up beer for Lent, I'll have a delicious glass of red wine. Thank you so much for allowing me into your life and hear through your beautiful words. I would also like to have a glass of wine for my mom. Today is one of those days I'm wishing I could call her and hear her voice.

annacyclopedia said...

It is hard to pick just one or just a few, but I'll sing the praises of Deathstar, since I just met her yesterday and she is as splendid in real life as she is on her blog. I wish I could spend hours with her every week - her wisdom, her humour, her stunning beauty, and her enormous, loving heart - she is amazing.

I'll have a lime margarita to help quell the nausea. And cause it would match the bright green flamenco shoes I just bought yesterday.

Io said...

Oh yeah. My grandmother's funeral was the drunkest drunkfest ever. I was twelve and my uncle was giving me shots. Lordy. I swear despite bloggy evidence appearing to the contrary that my liver is intact.

I would like to give props to *everyone* but to pick one at random who is amazing, I would like to give mad props to s.e. at
So often when I am feeling like crap and just doing nothing but rolling about in my own muck, I will click over and no matter what difficulty she is facing s.e. lists what she is grateful for that day. I think that is beautiful. I think she is beautiful.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I just fell in love with Caitsmom's term: e-tipsy.

Faith said...

I love, love, love Mo and Will at Their Sundays of Grace have helped me keep perspective. Such beautiful thoughts. They address the struggles we all face with humor and humility. Hat tip to them!

Anonymous said...

This is my first time here and my stupid computer is not allowing me to hyperlink, but I really want to openly let Martha at know how much her relentless support over the last few months has kept me afloat. Thank you Martha!
So after putting out the fire that is my mom's alcoholism, I have stepped in the dog turd of infidelity. I think. Kind of. I guess it is more like pre-infidelity. Anyway, my guy and I are working it out, but I could use advice, and a drink. So here I am.

Meredith said...

I toast Mel--you are amazing and your writing is a balm for the spirit-- and Chris + Lani at Their love for each other and Silas comes through in all their posts. I would like to toast everyone with sangria featuring fresh slices of orange, lemon, and lime.

Anonymous said...

First of all, thanks so much Liv for metioning me in your toast. I'm going to have to toast back to her for a post that I have read several times about her gratitude for her RL friends and blog-friends:

So many more wondeful ones! I'm such a newbie here but so grateful to everyone for letting a kid like me join the team.

As far as my life...well I'm on my first 'bigtime meds' cycle and an IUI...which is exciting. The NOT exciting part is that my hormones are indicating POF (premature ovarian failure), so I'm thinking the show may be over for me soon.

I'm drinking a RL golden margarita as I type. Jealous?

The Steadfast Warrior said...

I have received so much support from this Community, that it often leaves me stunned for words.

But I'd like to give a special shout out to WiseGuy ( She is a special lady; always thoughtful and often goes the extra step of sending me email comments about something I've said on her blog. She's also got a great sense of humour, which I can appreciate. I love her honesty and openess.

*Pregnancy Mentioned*

Pour me a lovely virtual, well anything! I'm celebrating another great ultrasound and appointment with my OB. Bean was bouncing around and I'm getting confident that this pregnancy will conclude with a baby.

How about some sparkling wine?

battynurse said...

I would like to thank all of the bloggers I've come in contact with in the IF community. I don't think I would have made it through the last 2 years without you all and know I wouldn't make it through the next one or two without you all.
As for my drink, I used to get this keylime margarita with grahm cracker crumbs on the rim that was so yummy. I'd like one of those please.

B said...

Heres to the lovely Luna at whose big heart shines through each page of her blog.

Love to you

(and to the many other inspirational and courageous women who've become so important to me over these last few years)

Parenthood For Me said...

Josh as he navigated the library parking lot: "Do you think that guy is Benjamin Buttons? Because he looks young, but drives like an old man."

This is hilarious. If you read the 25 things about me, you'll know that these are thet types of lines that will keep me laughing for days. (I may even steal it)

Chickenpig said...

There are so many blogs that are great and I have way little time.
So... I would like to thank Mel for this blog. It has allowed me to find so many other cool blogs to read. (I'm checking out all the ones mentioned here today, even though it will probably take all day) The other is InfertilityRocks! I would have liked to be reading this blog while still in the trenches of TTC, but even though I'm not, I find this blog really entertaining. Eve, you rock! You too, Mel :)

Fingerboard the blarney stone!

Liana said...

I'm fairly new to exploring the world of Internet IF support. Besides this blog which has been a tremendous resource (thank you so much for making it so!), I've been checking out


regulary. I'm also grateful for the comments here, which are pointing me towards more places to get my fill of Me Too.

Personally, waiting for my period (this is an off cycle) so we can start Clomid #4 and IUI #1 (and hoping for ovulation on the right side this time so we can avoid magical tubal migration).

serenity said...

Tipping my glass (I'm in the mood for a sauvignon thank you very much!) to Chicklet at Bloorb as well (I have NO IDEA how to link here, sorry). She just rocks. On SO MANY LEVELS.

Anonymous said...

I must say there are many, many worthy bloggers out there and I can't list them all. But here are some of my faves:

1. Mel from Stirrup Queens - a safe place in the storm of infertility. One of the places that helped me make sense of what I am going through and where I belong. You are awesome.

2. Luna from Life from Here - all of her posts are beautiful, well written, they just speak to me. One of the posts that I bookmarked and come back to is this one:

3. Awake in the World: another awesome writer and a person who has provided me with much support and encouragement, even while she is going through some crappy sh*t of her own.

4. Chicklet from Bloorb because she is awesome and funny and inspiring and has the courage to say a lot of the things that I am thinking but have been unable to get out, either verbally or on my blog.

And there are many more out there, too many to list here. But thank you to all bloggers for making this community a safe, helpful, hopeful place.

My status: trying to figure out our next move, trying to find the BEST DAMNED RE for our last chance second opinion. (Suggestions and referrals welcome.)

I'll have a pomegranate martini while I'm here. Cheers!

elizabeth said...

Ok, I'm toasting a WHOLE BUNCH of people, starting with Mel, the Stirrup Empress, without whom so much interconnectedness simply would not ever happen. I LOVE YOU MEL! And I'm not just saying that b/c I'm drunk! Because I'm not! Yet! :-) Hey, it's only 4 p.m, give me time :-)

Toasting with a Guiness:
Mrs. Spit, because she is amazing. Heart of gold doesn't even capture the richness of this woman's soul. She writes so movingly and beautifully, and SMART? Are you kidding me? Must read.

Antigone, who has been to hell and back, who has some serious backbone, who inspires me.

Dr. Grumbles, who is sarcastic, funny, smart, and one of the most determined people I've ever "met."

Nica, because she loved Mama so much.

Rachel, who has such a sweet and tender heart, and is a major, major talent with cakes. I seriously had no idea cakes like that could exist.

Farah, who tells it like it IS.

Alexa, who has the kind of sense of humor I only aspire to - completely witty, great zingers, and overall such a way with words.

Natalie, Devin's mother. She is one of the most courageous people I can think of.

As for me... (Parenting after IF), June is just around the corner - my mental deadline to start TTC again... I'm scared spitless when I think about it. Not knowing what my ovaries will do after weaning V. Not knowing whether our sex life can survive the current sleep deprivation. Not knowing how long to DIO before going back to the Drs. Just not knowing. Trying to live in the moment and be thankful, which I am. Daily.

Ok, pour me a Nutty Irishman!
1 oz Bailey's® Irish cream
1 oz Frangelico® hazelnut liqueur
1 oz cream
over ice. MMMMMM!

Erin said...

I'm going to thank Dramalish at, because she always amazes me with her compassion even in the face of struggles, and Kate at, because she makes me think and think some more!

I'll have something with a lot of alcohol. There's a lot going on in my life right now that I wouldn't feel comfortable blogging about, and so I think about my blog and haven't written in ages. I missed writing about K's one year anniversary home, which I'd been planning forever (I even had a partial draft saved). There were other events that I thought "Ha, I'll have to blog about that!" But when I sat down at the computer, the words weren't there. And so my blog remains empty of new posts...and I'm not sure how to start again.

Kristin said...

I'm tipping my glass (filled with a mudslide) to the wonderful Dora. She is a truly fabulous lady with so much class and style. I hope and pray this cycle works for her.

Cassandra said...

I had a delicious sangria "sin alcool" in Spain, so I'll take another one of those.

My status: simultaneously thrilled, shocked, and scared shitless after my sky-high 2nd beta yesterday and the way I got pg in the first place (IUI with no reason to work).

Dora ( is a truly wonderful person. Lori ( gives me new insights constantly. And I am the luckiest girl around because I am supposed to meet both of them in person in the near future.

Coffeegrl said...

I want to toast Kym at
I'm a Smart One because though our stories are quite different she makes me laugh and she inspires me.

And most importantly, I want to toast Mel because she made me feel like it was okay to be part of this community. And I know for sure that whenever I'm having a bad day, I'll find words of comfort from her or from one of the many hundreds (thousands?) of other wonderful people on her blogroll.