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LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Jumping to the Lushary

A few sips into the Manischewitz at the seder and I suddenly remembered my beloved Lushary. Do you ever jump mentally to your blog when you're in an uncomfortable space? You're having a conversation with someone about their pregnancy, but mentally you're tracing the borders of your blog's banner? You're talking to them about how you should just have a drink and relax so it "can happen" but your mind is really running through the list of blogs in your Google Reader?

Do you remember that scene in The Phantom Tollbooth where Milo, Tock and the Humbug all end up sailing out of their car and landing on the Island of Conclusions with Canby? That's sort of how I imagine myself when I am ensconced in an uncomfortable conversation. I just picture my body sailing out of the room and landing firmly between two Microsoft Paint icons.

Is this unhealthy or healthy having a mental space to retreat? It sounds like something you would learn as part of a visualization technique and yet it's not really on par with the whole waves-lapping-on-the-sand-happy-place we're always led towards.

We haven't yet opened the doors to the bar this month and it seemed like a perfect time to do so. As always, it has been a bit more than a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

You may have tied on four glasses of wine at your Pesach seder, but how many imaginary drinks can you down at the Virtual Lushary?

55 comments:

loribeth said...

Ooh, am I your first customer?? (Can you tell I've been hankering for a Lushary visit?? lol) Even if it's not yet 9 a.m. (!), I will have a frozen margarita -- outside on the patio. I'm finding the arrival of spring (FINALLY) has really lifted my spirits.

I don't always jump to my blog, but yes, my mind does tend to wander at times. I suppose it's harmless, except that sometimes dh will be talking & I'm someplace else entirely, & then I snap out of it & have to ask him to repeat himself. Uh oh.

TeamWinks said...

Give me something really strong please. My retrieval is today! I'm nervous and excited all wrapped into a very hungry and ready to get the show on the road little 'ol me.

Caro said...

Have you got anything that brings on labour? I'm 5 days past my due date and would really like to meet the little guy who's been kicking my ribs.

ourowncreation said...

I'll take whatever you pour me as long as you promise to keep refilling the glass as soon as it is empty. I'm looking for complete and total amnesia in a bottle for today, perhaps the rest of the week. Haven't slept well in days. Find myself fighting down the urge to just scream at the top of my lungs.

My mind frequently wanders, particularly during those more uncomfortable conversations. I don't know that it goes to my blog though. I tend to make mental lists instead.

Elizabeth said...

Can I have like a whole jug of wine? Would that bring my blood pressure down? I'm currently on bedrest, and in the hospital for monitoring mild pre-eclampsia. Even though the baby is doing great, and I likely will not deliver for a few weeks yet, my head is still spinning at this unexpected complication. It feels like we're being cheated - again - as my plans come falling apart.

Sometimes I want to share things from my blog life with people who don't know about the PWP blog, but then I bite my tongue.

Heidi said...

I'm not sure if I should be drinking or not, so I'll just have an orange juice.

I want to be knocked out for a few days until this crazy roller coaster ride is over. I personally don't have much hope, but everyone around me is ignoring my feelings and acting like everything is just peachy keen. I want to scream, but know that no one is listening anyways.

Cece said...

Champagane please! We saw a heartbeat yesterday - I'm 7 week 5 days - farther along than I've ever been.

I'm SO excited!

veeandjay said...

Large gin and tonic please, plenty of ice, and leave the bottle with me.

I think I've retreated to my online life physically as well as mentally these days, because I can't bear to talk aloud about how angry I am that this IVF, which was supposed to be our golden hope, the happy ending to the last two years of trying and failing, got cancelled because my FSH is now through the roof and no-one thought to flag this up as a problem or test me for this earlier. I'm scared that I've just wasted my last two decent IVF years dicking around with home insems and IUIs and now I'm all out of eggs and luck.

I'll go and sit over there in the corner seats, where I can be a miserable drunk without driving out your other punters...

shinejil said...

How about a Brandy Alexander? I need something to freeze my aching face and distract me from my fantasies that the recent surgery worked miracles.

Jess said...

I want my ever faithful Mai Tai. :) I haven't had a real one in FORever (since a WHILE before I got pregnant, and Ethan is almost 5 months) and it would taste.so.good.

I'm a little stressed about getting Ava's first birthday stuff around and everything ready for vacation. AND we're hosting part of the youth event on Sunday, which is ALSO my dad's bday...so things are a bit crazy here.

Piccinigirl said...

I will take a Cosmo, (celebrating my excitement at the SATC movie!!) plus it will be the first drink (virtual or otherwise) that I will enjoy in 5 long years. I can't wait for my first real drink/drunk now. I have been so leary about drinking for so long , it will be nice to not worry about having one.
When my mind wanders, it goes LOTS of places. I end up somewhere saying, how did I get here? It happens frequently lately, seems twins suck all the brain power out of you. HA

Manda said...

11:30a.m.? Perfect time for a drink. Vodka. Straight up. No Ice. Tall Glass. Thank you very much, my dear.

People keep having babies. People who aren't me. And I really truly am HAPPY for them, it's just that I'm so tired of not having a baby myself. And the husband and I seem to be fighting kind of a lot, and a lot of it can be attributed to the stress of infertility and IVF and all this crap. I need this to be over soon. I'm beginning to think I'm going to be a one IVF wonder of sorts - win or lose, I don't think I'll be doing this again.

rebecca-star said...

I'll have everything you've got and more besides.

I am angry that infertility has stolen the chance for my father to be a grandfather. Now he will never meet his grandchildren and that hurts so much.

Rebecca @ Clumsy Kisses

rachel said...

i'm fairly new to your 'establishment' (i started reading a few weeks ago).
i'll go with the traditional manischewitz buzz (which ended up being a real case of vertigo midway through hosting a large seder last year, but i digress...)

i find myself thinking about adoption while i am supposed to be doing other things (like working). we are in the midst of deciding whether to switch countries (from ukraine to russia... my parents are eastern european, so that part of the world feels comfortable). we are blessed with our son and have been trying for a second child. we have suffered the loss of 2 pregnancies and one failed ivf (my husband only felt comfortable with one cycle) and are now looking for a little girl that someone else brought into this world but needs us to be her family...

Michell said...

I think I'll have a margarita. Any flavor, or all the flavors. I'm just generally stressed about the idea of packing up my house and renting it, bringing my dog to Cali how much money I do and don't have. Oh and my employer just called and apparently the job is trying to get out of paying me for one of my nights they cancelled me.

Vacant Uterus said...

Straight up whiskey on the rocks, oldest stuff you've got. And Snatch? I'll take the rest of the bottle. Put it on my tab.

It's been that kind of week.

I'll be back to my normal self soon.

Bec said...

I'll take a Caipiroska please, I just love that sour lime flavour. Thanks for opening the bar up tonight, this is my first visit.

I'm petrified of starting another IVF attempt. Of putting my heart, body and soul into something that statistically probably wont work. I can't not put 100% of myself into it though.

I am so tired of it all, tired of my life being about infertility - yet what else is there? There is nothing I want more in this world than a child. Nothing.

Julia said...

A fruity cocktail would be great. Something tropical. I am in a funk with a very long to-do list.
Hopefully, I can snap out of it and get shit done, pronto.

Haha.. my word verification is "badasa." Yup, that's me. Not quite a bad ass, but trying.

Mrs. Higrens said...

Bellini here please! I want to celebrate the positive effect Valium and a Lortab had on today's HSG (my first attempt ended in a panic attack, so this was a little stressful). And also to celebrate that there weren't any surprises. All was as it should be.

Kathy V said...

I will have a straberry daiquiri please with lots of real crushed strawberries and extra whip cream on top. That should be nutritious enough for the little one in my uterus. We have made it to almost 11 and a half weeks. Things are going well.

In fact give me another one of those!

SarahSews said...

I'll have a virtual beer please. I've been craving one like mad and sweet hubby freaks out like I'm going to poison the little guy with just one beer. Ugh.

Reading all the posts so far reminds me of how far I've come. At this time last year I just couldn't imagine a positive outcome for us from ART and I was terrified of the unknown. Now I have trouble wrapping my brain around the idea that shockingly, it looks like I'll have little tiny baby in my house come summer. At night I try to imagine it and it is so wonderous that I still kind of don't believe it. Despite his furious jabbing.

Lindsay said...

I'm a new customer. I've lurked on again/off again for a while, just didn't have the courage to stop and say hello.

Hello, and give me whatever you have that will give me the courage to go to the infertility support group meeting this weekend.

I'm just tired of hoping all the time. I want to feel joy.

Cathy said...

Perhaps a little something to add to the formula to knock the boys out for a bit, and then a big old something to knock me out as well?

One kid is sick, the other has at best not gained and at worst LOST weight in the past week. I have cramps and other various pains from the endometriosis but the RE swears I'm suppressed and thus making it up, or in any case out of luck. It's just a colon, who needs it anyways.

And we're about to host a christening/welcome to the world party for 30+ people in our tiny house that I have no idea how it will get cleaned .. and it's going to rain.

Yes, yes a drink is in order.

Nessa said...

I'll take what Manda is having, only make mine a gin!

Even though we're totally over the moon with how well the adoption road is going (mind you we JUST started, so I excpect bumps) people seem to have forgotten all about the fact the we CAN'T have our own baby.

I get people saying stupid things all the time. And you'd think with over 2 years of trying I'd be accustomed to the idiocy, but no. So far my favorite is this -
At least you don't have to go through pregnancy and birth. Ugh,that part is totally horrible!

My response to that is usually a head nod because in certain situations I am polite. But what is screaming in my head is - Yes, you are so right! How silly of me to want to experience my OWN CHILD moving and growing inside of me and to know that exhiliration of bringing our child into the world. How terribly silly of me.

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

I would like a kosher for passover Chocolate Martini, please. Actually...I would like 14 of them. Ahhh...bliss. Now, back to reality...my best frenimy just had her third baby. And to all the wonderful women that say how happy they are for their friends that are having babies...I am so jealous of their goodness. But I am too big a bitch for that. her fertility makes me hate her a little. And I wish she would shut up. All she does is complain about the two other kids. She doesn't do anything with them except send them to daycare when they turn 18 months (let's hear it for being a stay at home mom to two daycare babies). I don't get it? I'm all for having as many kids as you want....just stop complaining about them, and ENJOY them! You know, I think I need another chocolate martini....

jodie38 said...

A Dirty Martini for me, please... I'm having IVF w/ DE the first week of May, and I am scared to death. I don't have much else to say - don't want to go all drama queen on y'all. So many of you have been through so much more than me. I'm just hoping for strength and grace.....

andrea_jennine said...

I'll take something calming, like a cup of rooibus tea, as I wait until Monday to find out if lap + removal of a little endo + IUI#4 = pregnancy at last.

**susy** said...

Nice place you've got here! Hello ladies!

I'll take Mojito w/ real mint leaves, and a sugar cane stick in a tall glass on the rocks pls!!

I just got results from a colposcopy / cervical biopsy and its normal! Woohoo! I should be able to continue w/ my 1st IVF soon. I just keep dreading I'm going to hear a "but..." from a Dr or nurse, since it seems my good news in ttc doesn't last very long.

I am ALWAYS drifting off, especially when ppl IRL talk abt ttc or babies. No specific place I go to, just away.... from the conversation, and then I'm back after a bit.

Oh, and for last call I'll have another, to go. =]

Kymberli said...

I'll take a sex on the beach with extra pineapple juice, please.

Whether or not we will have gestational surrogacy IVF#2 in May is still hanging in the air, dependent on detecting my intended mother's ovulation between now and next Thursday.

I'm in a bit of a funk, feeling somewhat trapped between the two worlds of parenting after IF and still dealing with IF as a GS.

JJ said...

Id like a pomegranate martini please--I actually had my first real one this past week, and it was so divine that Ill gladly have another!

So we are getting ready to start IVF#2. A lot sooner than I thought--a good thing, but Im scared. Scared we won't even get to start based on the test results we are waiting on for Mook, scared that we are running out of money for all of this.

Just plain scared.

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

Pour whatever works best for liquid courage. I am the cowardly lion lately. Although I am so at awe about this miracle, I am also terrified waiting for something bad to happen.

katedaphne said...

Good day for the lushary, thanks. I'll take a manhattan, or three.

Today it isn't IF that has me in its clutches, it is plain old life. A friend has decided to break up with me, over something I can't change -- and while that's sad, what's worse is I miss her bf, who has been a better friend to me for more years, before she was ever in the picture. But b/c of HER, I can't talk to HIM. Sigh. I miss my friend.

Andria and Co. said...

May I have an amaretto sour? Heck, I'm not that picky. Boone's Farm or Wine-in-a-box will do just fine also. So, ya wanna know about me?
I was raped when I was a teenager, and a pregnancy resulted. I kept the baby, and raised her alone for 7 years. I then met my (sometimes) wonderful husband, Jason. I never thought that I would have any problems getting pregnant- boy, was I wrong. I miscarried three times, and finally told my doctor adios. Found a new doctor, who diagnosed me with secondary infertility, endometriosis, and a total lack of progesterone. We had artificial insemination, and I had two fetuses. (Does that make it feti?) Lost one at 7 weeks. Blake was born in November of 2007.
I blog about my bout with infertility, and the depression it caused. Marriage, parenting, etc.

1208467282s21309 said...

Hi Lovely Ladies!

Can I please have a mojito IV? And keep it coming...

Think alcohol is the only way out of this funk. Husbando has decided he wants to wait a bit longer before we try again, the house looks like a bomb has gone off and my in-laws arrive for 3 weeks in less than a week... And some friends who just had their first child in Nov are planning on trying again for their 2nd. How come they get two and I get none?

SAHW said...

I'll take anything virgin! Something fruity would be nice...but I'm not picky since I'm a newbie to the world of IF blogging! I definitely need a pick-me up...I'm having a hard time adjusting to my only IRL friend who was on the TTC journey with me announcing her pregnancy...happy for her without a doubt, but sad to be alone again...

Queenie. . . said...

Mel, is it okay if we do jello shots and dance on the tables to some Gloria Gaynor? I really need to just let loose and get crazy, and then I can come back and deal with crap again.

VA Blondie said...

Please pour me a nice cabernet. I am an oenophile, and wines are my weakness.

I feel like I have not established myself online, as of yet. My blog is not always in the back of my mind. My mind does wander sometimes. I hope my eyes do not glaze over as someone else tells me about their children, or who is pregnant, or who had infertility treatment. (I am in a new job, and asking about children seems standard.)

Hubby and I recently moved across the state. The move occurred right after we discovered male factor infertility is likely why we have not gotten pregnant. Hubby is still trying to deal with this fact. I am trying to be patient as he works it out and we work toward a better financial situation. I am 34 and some days it feels like we will never have children.

I guess that means I can drink. Pour me another glass of that lovely red wine.

sariel & shlomit said...

Yes, yes, two nights of seders and many glasses of wine...BUT not enough!!
I am back at your bar Mel and I've got some mighty big sorrows that need drowning. Just put a bottle of red in front of me and step away.
Not sure I'll do much talking today and I'll probably do some crying.
Still, it's nice to be here, with my sistahs and all.

peace
shlomit

Shelby said...

I'll take a glass of red. Actually, can you just leave the whole bottle?

I have definitely had moments where I've jumped to my blog and my bloglines mid conversation when it got uncomfortable.

Today I am sad, because it was the last day I got to spend with my son by himself, before he starts day care. I'm heading out of town to see family for a week, and then when we get back, he starts day care. How can the time go by so fast? It feels like he just got here, and now I have to send him away. Then I feel stupid for being sad about it, because I'm so lucky to have him in the first place.

Samantha said...

I'll have an Irish coffee, so I can get two drugs at once! Returning back to the blog world after a hiatus, and currently in the two week wait after some stimulating my ovaries to ovulate, hopefully with no hospitalizations this time (it's look good so far). Ovulation without hospitalization - it's not pregnancy, but a step in the right direction!

JamieD said...

Old school margarita, please. Lots of salt. And tequila does make my clothes come off (it's not just a song) so be prepared!

I am still early in the TTC game, though it feels like it has been an eternity. I went for a visit with my OB-GYN and she is giving me three more cycles before she refers me to a RE. I know you ladies have all been through so much, so please don't be offended when I say it makes me sad. I think I have just been kidding myself thinking we have just had bad timing and bad luck but now I feel like my OB has given up on me. Don't get me wrong - I am glad she isn't wasting my time. But this week I received the official diagnosis - Infertile.

Another margarita, please?

Jackie said...

I was so moved when I saw my neighbors praying outside with their children and grandchildren last Friday night. Their togetherness in their Passover celebration was beautiful.
I've heard that spicy things can get labor started (old wives' tale?) so I'll take the spiciest bloody mary you can conjure since I'm a week overdue. Let's watch my hands swell!!

B said...

It's my first visit to the Lushary, so after taking in the nice deco and checked over the drinky drinky list I think I will plump for a Sauvingon Blanc.

I am between cycles after failing 4already, concerned that a 4 day trip in July is the worst timing EVER and I can't get out of it, so who knows when we'll cycle again (actually, AF knows, lets hope dhe is kind to me for one).

Thanks and cheers!

Ms Heathen said...

Could I have a very large glass of well-chilled dry white wine, please Mel?

I'm going to look on it as a final treat before I start the stims for IVF#2 early next week. Our first cycle was cancelled due to poor response, and I'm petrified the same thing is going to happen this time round as well.

I'd just like to be able to switch off from it all for a while - the virtual lushary seems like a good place to unwind!

katd said...

A Cosmo for me, too!! I am counting the days until the SATC movie; does that make me pathetic? :)

I'm having a really hard time dealing with my mother in law lately. She's not a mean person, and I know she loves us, but she is TOO involved, if you know what I mean. I know it's not really IF related, but I do feel like I'm a bit more sensitive to her demands on Lily's time because I feel like I've waited so long to be a mom and to experience all the "firsts" that when she takes them over, I want to scream. Or hit her. Or get drunk:)
And yes, I retreat to my blog ALL the time. I like to compose posts in my head when I'm bored or in situations I don't like. :)

jenn said...

I am feeling very hot right now- so I would love a great big gin & tonic!
I am very conflicted in how I feel right now- I am ecstatic that I get a 4 day weekend to play tourist with a best girlfriend in my lovely city, but after a near perfect chart followed by 2 consecutive negatives I am also pretty bummed. We are in a limbo period after testing (all clear) and before we can move on to treatments (finances are keeping us from even IUI's or Clomid at this point). So I am going to acupuncture & trying to watch my diet as much as possible based on that diagnosis.
I've already given up all caffeine, cut WAY back on sweets & sugars, and alcohol is a distant memory- so please make mine a triple. (once I do get my period though, my friend & I will be living it up- for the weekend anyway)

I am hopeful & hopeless all at the same time & could really use a drink while I let my emotions settle.

r_is_moody said...

Mel, I will take a mojito please.

Not much going on with me. Just waiting. Seems like all we do on this journey is wait. Gonna be 12wks tomorrow. But of course terrified that not all is well. I miss my weekly sono's. It sucks being a "normal" patient at my ob's office. I was spoiled by my RE. But I do get a peace of mind sono Monday so praying and hoping all is well.

Melanie said...

Hmmm. I would like a lovely, big cabernet. With some water on the side. I'll need it so I won't be as hung over after I finish the bottle and start on a second.

I'll be starting IVF #2 sometime in the near future, just waiting on some test results. The waiting isn't actually so bad because I'm not waiting on results that could potentially trigger mental illness. Another negative or miscarriage could do that. I've just realized I'm a mental coward.

Another drink please!

littleangelkisses said...

I dunno what I want, but I could use something strong.

I feel a little lost yet...we have no real plan now...other than work our butts off to make the old house sell. I had to dig BB's out of the walls over there last weekend b/c the biotch of a person I rented to (as a favor while she got a divorce) let her son F up the upstairs...carved letters into the walls, burn marks on the carpet...and b/c she was a friend and I work with her, stupid me didn't have a lease. So now we have to put $$ into it to get the pittance that this market will let us have out of it....(can you tell I'm bitter)

Plus I'm still reeling a bit from that discussion thread I found re: lawyers and IVF. Who knew us infertiles were so full of ourselves huh?

So...strong lady, strong!

Cali said...

dayum! This joint is jumping. Odd request, but do you have any lime flavored Zima? I know it sounds gross, but I saw it at target the other day and I keep thinking about it. And zima was that first thing that ever got me drunk...ah, 1994...

Buying a round for everyone here and sending love and support to those that need it most.

As for the mental blog leap- yes. Totally do it, all the time. But I honestly don't think I could face a lot of things in my life if I didn't have the support of our community. Plus I am an over-sharer...

clinking glasses with all...

Karen said...

This is my first time here and I'm not sure what to order. Maybe I should get something virgin. It depends how the next few days go. ER is tomorrow and I have 2 lousy follies. If this fourth IVF is a bust, I'm jumping off the IVF rollercoaster and on to the adoption one. Why is it always rollercoasters? Why can't I just get on the damn merry-go-round for once?

Screw it. . .give me a shot of Patron. And keep the bottle close by please.

rella12 said...

Bring me something to help me "Snap out of it". I got a BFP this morning and am trying to stay hopeful after two terminations for medical reasons and one living child. I'd love to give my son a sibling, but I can't let myself get my hopes up. I am numb without drinking alcohol.

Stacie said...

Let's see, my husband just had major major back surgery and while he was in the hospital we decided to cycle again. It will probably take a year to get the insurance stuff straightened out (we live in a mandated coverage state but there are hoops) so pour me something stiff. But girly. A pina colada with extra booze.

Bea said...

I think most people have that space, in one sense or another. You just have a distinct idea of what that space is.

I'll have a... some sort of virgin fruit cocktail.

Bea

Mrs. Spit said...

Sangria please.

I'd like to at least pretend that it's spring here. . .

What with all the snow we've had this week.