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Sunday, February 10, 2008

Vote (Children Mentioned)

I've decided to bring the ChickieNob and Wolvog with me to vote even though the last time I brought them to an election site, the Wolvog broke free, ran to the center of the room, lifted his shirt and screamed to the voting masses, "Peoples, these. are. my. niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipples!"

Voting is interesting for them simply because it involves pushing buttons on a computer. If it's exciting in the checkout at the grocery store, it's certainly exciting when deciding the fate of a nation. But I've been trying to impress on them that it's not just button pushing and fancy computer screens. There are issues at stake and I am beyond undecided at the moment. And beyond my own lack of a decision, there is the problem I bring to the table.

I always back the losing candidate.

Therefore, it stands to reason that whoever I vote for will certainly not be the democratic nominee for President. And that is a huge responsibility to have--do I vote for the one I want, knowing it means without a doubt that they won't win or do I vote for the one I don't want, essentially forcing my favourite candidate into a winning seat? Or will the fates know that I am trying to circumvent my losing streak and punish me accordingly? It is all so hard.

It began with the Weekly Reader election in first grade. My first vote. I went with Jimmy Carter because I existed solely on peanut butter at that time and I had heard my parents say that he was a peanut farmer. We all know how that election went. I was for Dukakis, I was for Paul Tsongas before Clinton, I voted for Gore when Gore won and didn't win, I backed John Kerry. You're seeing a trend, right?

All joking about voting on the annoyance scale aside (except for a certain woman running for Congress in my district. Seriously, lady, you have run such an annoying campaign, calling my house three times a day with prerecorded messages and littering my lawn and mailbox with handouts that you lost the vote I was planning on giving you just because I can't stand the thought of giving a vote to someone who has wasted so much of my time with hanging up on your campaign messages and recycling your flyers. Wait, what am I saying? I will vote for her. I was going to vote my convictions, but instead I'm going to vote my spite. Yeah, you've got my vote--also known as the albatross--around your neck. You're going down!), voting is a huge responsibility--bigger still when your vote means a person will lose instead of win.

And I have to make a decision now because if I waver on Tuesday, if I left my electronic pen hover over a candidate's name for too long, I know the consequences. The good people of Maryland will get a good look at my son's nipples.


Denise said...

Thanks for making me laugh on a dark day.


Lori said...

Wish I could vote for Wolvog. Good nipples are the key to good government, dontcha know.

This post had me cracking up all the way through. :-)

Io said...

Nothing wrong with a little nipple action when voting. It's just a display of free speech, really. Your child is quite the 1st Amendment rights activist.
I am quite excited this year because there is a chance my state primary might actually mean something this year. Unlikely, but maybe.

Shelby said...

I hear you on the phone calls! That same person's campaign has called me at least 2 to 3 times a day for the last 2 weeks. And they visited my house today. I hate being nagged.

And I loved the nipple story! Great!!

MLO said...

I live in MI so my vote wouldn't count in the primaries and the candidate I wanted was not on the ballot.

Yep, I was, in essence, disenfranchised.

B said...

hee heee

Here's a quote from my last visit to the polling booth in my local school (cardboard polling booths with very large bits of paper for us - nothing electronic!). The school of course was doing the mandatory fundraising bbq so everyone was salivating while casting a vote. I heard a dad say to a kid "Breathe in my son....... this is the smell of democracy"

Grad3 said...

Your son rocks! Good times, good times :)

I am going to guess your son leans to the liberal side ;)

MoMo said...

I can imagine a nipple bringing such great entertainment at the polls. I think you have to go with your gut-I know it sucks when they don't win but hopefully it won't be the case this time. My situation was worst..I just moved to CT...I registered to vote but didn't declare a party-I didn't think it was necessary. Well, I went to vote Tuesday and I wasn't allowed to vote if I am not affiliated with a party!!! I almost cried I was so upset-I knew Ct was such a tight race and every vote counted. Good thing my candicate won CT--or I would have been so upset!!

Sassy said...

For my entire voting life I have voted against John Howard. Now Australia FINALLY has a new PM I have no idea how I'm going to vote. :)

Really I think the nipples should make an encore appearance. I bet the other voters appreciated the half time entertainment. Just get some of those Janet Jackson nipple stars and you could go on tour.

Michell said...

Ok, I'm laughing too. I can just imagine the looks on the faces of others who were there. How funny.

Elizabeth said...

I wanna do that nipple thing now :-)

Maria said...

LOL, that's a great way to vote!

Thanks so much for your comment!!!

Tammy's Thought Pattern said...

YOu are lucky, my candidates keep quitting. Grrr...

Personally, I think more people would vote if they were promised a little nipple action! :eek:

That was a very cute story. OH, and definiately vote your spite ;o)

SaraS-P said...

I always back the loser, too. Being a liberal in the South makes that easy.

I wish your son came to my polling place. It would make my day to see him show up his nipples!

Rachel said...

Your son sounds quite a character.

I am just bummed that the candidates will most likely be chosen before we get the opportunity to vote in MAY. Too bad we still have to endure the non-stop election coverage until then.

Julia said...

Oh, you have no idea the anguish I had selecting who to vote for before Super Tuesday. I am not happy with either of them, frankly, but of course will vote for whoever wins the nomination in the fall. And, of course, I have the same problem you do in terms of the voting record. Except for the last election for the governor of my state.
I feel better now that it's out of my hands. And into yours. Hehe.
Well, maybe you will feel better after it's out of yours too.

Bea said...

It made me laugh! (I hope he has good nipples.)


katd said...

I hope there ARE nipples shown at the polls! :) I am so jealous you're voting today. We don't get to vote until May, which feels like a complete after thought. It's SUCH an exciting race, isn't it? I'm a political junkie, though, so I could go on and on. :)