The impulse for this question will come clear when you read one of the blogs in the roundup, but it boils down to the friend-that-got-away. I think most of us have one; that intense friendship that ended abruptly and the person will not really explain why they have severed the tie. Mine took place during my sophomore year of college and it was a long, painful breakup. If she would have been amenable, I would have gone to couple's counseling--this woman was truly my heart. I still remember the first day we fell into "friend" and I still remember the last time we spoke which was at 4 or so in the morning during my 21st birthday.
For a while after we broke up, I wanted an answer. Nothing she said was really good enough to warrant throwing away our friendship. Later in adulthood the reason dawned on me, but it doesn't feel right to google her (okay, I googled her. How can you not google her after you read Shelli's story?) and send her an email out of nowhere saying, "hey, is this is the reason we broke up?" Because why we broke up has ceased to be important. We have now moved on to the sadder stage (which is mingled with the angry "why" stage) which is that we have broken up.
I think the reason we are so sad when friends exit our lives is because each person who interacts with us--especially those on an intimate level such as a best friend or a roommate (of which my person was both)--know a piece of us that no one else knows. Josh may know me best right now, but he never knew me during sophomore year or high school or middle school like my friend did. She is the only other person in the world (except for all of you, right now) who has the same collective memory of the price check on the tampons at People's Drug. She knows a certain Melissa and having someone else hold a piece of you--a piece of your shared consciousness--and not having them in your life is disconcerting. Especially when you know that they're walking around out there, holding your collective memories.
She is holding a literal chunk of my heart.
Which brings us to the blogging question in all of this. When you write a blog, you sometimes (depending on the type of blog) share a huge piece of who you are. You share collective memories of things you've read. Each of us share a collective memory of the losses that rocked the blogosphere for the past two months. We each share a collective memory of the Creme de la Creme and the creation of the Braces Bunch and all of the other small pieces that quilt the blogosphere. Years from now, when we're old and grey and our granddaughters are talking about their own infertility because everyone is infertile in the future due to movies-coming-true syndrome (MCTS) as well as the Great Coffee Tidal Wave of 2038, we will tell them about Julie and Serenity and Bea and Lori and all of the other women in the blogosphere. And the man-pies. I will be telling my granddaugther about Smarshy. Which means that I am walking around with pieces of you and you are walking around with pieces of me.
Right now, we are all accessible to one another and there is rarely a falling out that precludes the person contacting another. The blogosphere usually operates on a "just slip away" tendency. But what do we owe each other in terms of that friendship? And how do we view that idea of collective memory in something as amorphous as the blogosphere? You intimately know my thoughts and feelings yet you don't actually see me (except for bloggers I meet face-to-face) and you hold these pieces of me yet you're somewhat unreachable because sometimes I don't even know who is reading this.
Which is a topic for a different day.
The point is that idea of the lost friendship and what they take and what we willingly give away on the Internet and what we keep. Beyond that, I'd love to hear your friend-that-got-away story because for a few years, I truly thought I was the only person on earth who had broken up with a best friend. So...discuss.
Sometimes, when I don't post a Connections Abound it is because I am lazy...I mean, busy. But other times (like this week), there wasn't enough news to post on Wednesday. Is this because nothing was happening across the blogosphere or things were missed? I'm willing to guess the latter.
There are clickers for different categories reading through blogs, but you can greatly help the process by (1) sending in your own information when you need support, want to celebrate something, or are seeking information on a specific situation. (2) If you are shy about sending in your own information, ask a reader or friend to post it. (3) If you are reading a blog and the person looks like they could use some good thoughts or support, send it in for them. Send it here and my email is always in the opening at the top of each post.
I'm just saying, the resource is there. Anyone in the community can use it. Don't be shy--I don't always write back, but I do post anything on-topic (meaning, if you are a cooking blogger and you want to talk recipes, well, I'm not sure why you're posting on an IF/pg loss/adoption blog, but that has happened in the past. On the other hand, if you are an IF/pg loss/adoption blogger and you want to talk recipes, well, by all means, send a blurb). If nothing is happening in your life right now where you need specific support or celebratory comments or questions answered, just keep the idea in the back of your head for a time that you do.
And in other news, I created a list of common abbreviations specifically for IF/pg loss/adoption blogging and added it to Operation Heads Up. It's #53 on the list. If you see common abbreviations missing, let me know so I can add them. Hopefully, one day, we can make MCTS so commonplace that it can be added to the list.
And I'm still adding to the Creme. It's trickling down--the new posts. It's sort of like popping corn when it gets to the end and only a kernel or two is going off. I will retire the little icon down the sidebar when I go a little bit without a new update.
*******And now the chunk that is the actual purpose of this post, the blogs:
Shelli at Hydrangeas Are Pretty had the post that kicked off the questions above. It's not only well-written, but in reading it, it made me think about my own friend-who-got-away and the deep sadness that comes with such a loss. So my heart went out to her and it started me on a mad googling spree. It was nice to see that my old friend was running 5Ks and taking care of her heart with exercise. I still wish her only the best.
Speaking of heart health, when I read this post by Julie at A Little Pregnant, I laughed so hard that I had one of those moments where my heart hurt from laughing too strenuously. My reaction to an already amusing image was compounded by the ChickieNob's current "can it eat me" stage. As in, can a tiger eat me? Can a lion eat me? Recently she asked if a pigeon could eat her and when I answered that pigeons are too small to eat her, she thought for a moment and returned with "can a pigeon eat my finger?" I hope the pirates did not turn bad and eat Charlie's head. Nor any of the other children.
Marjorie at MomBrain had a very touching post called "Tempting Fate." She grabbed my heart at the beginning of the second paragraph: "What I am is most kindly — or at least euphemistically — worded by the big red words on the chart my OB carried into each appointment with me while I was pregnant: Advanced Maternal Age. Those big red words still feel like a hot embarrassment, my very own scarlet letters, as if I had sinned by getting pregnant when a smart woman my age would be helping her teenagers with their college applications." And she only gently set it down with the question that comes towards the end. You need to read this post if you have ever simultaneously mourned and been blessed by fate.
On the topic of fate and choices and change, M at The Maybe Baby had a post about her recent cycle. She asks about the decision to start down the IVF road: "If things fell to sh*t right now and we decided to not try again, to leave this dream behind, I would have no hesitation saying that the exploration, the process was all worth it. I was pregnant, if only for a few days. That's what I would say today. Catch me at another time and I might rue the day that I ever started to question my childfree life. It wasn't/isn't so bad, is it?" It is truly a gorgeous, heartfelt post.
Lastly, you must click over to read this single-paragraph post by Baby Steps to Baby Shoes on the topic of menstruation. It's as simple as that.
Still with me at the end of this chunk? Apologies for the extreme length. So, to roundup the roundup, send stuff for Lost and Found if you have stuff for Lost and Found or if others have stuff for Lost and Found. Plus what are your thoughts on the ideas on friendship as well as your friend-that-got-away? Much peace this weekend.