The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Friday Blog Roundup

I am beyond excited that people are answering the call for Clickers. I'm going to redo that page this weekend and if you've sent me an email, you'll get information soon. For anyone else who wants to be a Clicker, this is the blurb I put in the Lost and Found yesterday:
Have you been looking for a rock star-like position that will bring you plenty of work AND plenty of love? Consider becoming a Clicker for the Lost and Found. What does it entail? Simply clicking down a set section of the blogroll once or twice a week and sending in any news that you find along the way. Don't worry, don't worry, I'll send you an email on what to look for. You're reading blogs anyway, why not have people send you eternal love when they discover that you are the person who brought them tons of support? Email me ( if interested; I can't draw you in Microsoft Paint right now, but I am redoing the Clicker page this weekend to reflect the current Clickers and new Clickers too.
So, if you were just begging for a project that will suck up at least an hour of time each week, here's a great opportunity. Of course, even if a Clicker exists for a category, you can always send in your own announcements. This is just to ensure that no one who needs support gets left behind. If you're already an active Clicker, I'll add you to the email list in case you want to switch categories or add another.


And the blogging questions keep coming.

I am fairly circumspect and often sit on posts for a few hours to make sure I feel good about the whole thing because I constantly think about the people who could find it. For all I know, they are reading this blog right now. I truly don't know who reads and who doesn't.

But what about the people who I do know read this blog or will read this blog? What about writing about Josh? Is it my place to tell his stories? Especially the ones that don't feature me? Or the ChickieNob and Wolvog? I have always felt squeamish when writing about them, not because I'm embarrassed of them or even because I'm sensitive and thoughtful. I feel squeamish because I'm never sure what is my story to tell. The unicorn wedding--was it my story or the ChickieNob's story? And if I don't tell it, will it ever be told because I'm sure she will not remember in detail her days as the toddler rabbinate. Should stories be lost simply because the other person was too young to write them down?

Or will she be pissed off as all get-out later on to find out that I told that story to the good people of the Internet without her expressed permission?

I sometimes write about people who read this blog--I'm talking about friends and family members, not other bloggers; I obviously do that frequently--and I wonder how they'll feel when they turn on the computer to read what I've written and see a piece of their life on the screen. I try to always give a person a heads up before I write about them and sometimes have been denied permission and I respect that. But my neighbour, for instance, was written about in an anonymous manner but how would he feel if he opened up that post and saw how I processed his words? Were they my words to tell since the story was more his than mine? Was it wrong of me to tell his story (as it relates to me)? Was it okay because I protected his identity?

I've really struggled with this idea of whose story is it since I started the blog. Not just in writing about Josh and the twins, but in even recounting stories from the past that feature other people. Because I can't go backwards and contact each one and ask them how they feel about me telling a story. But I often think how I would feel if the same story ended up on their blog. And how I would feel reading about my own life in that manner. I am not speaking about a negative post; simply the retelling of a story that involves more than yourself.

But, on that front, what about the negative posts? Is it wrong to write something negative about another person--vent about your RE or your partner--if they might read it one day? How do you navigate this fact about blogging--in order to write about yourself, you need to write about others as well. And in the end, how do you decide whose story it is to tell? What rules do you use if any?

There are a slew of questions buried in that long list, though I think these three bolded questions at the end sort of sum up the whole idea. So discuss, though first, here are some wonderful things I read this week.

Jennifer at Our Little Penguin wrote a post called "Seth's Beautiful Belongings" about giving her son's things to her SIL. A deep love for her SIL and her SIL's needs is what moved her to part with Seth's belongings. She followed it up with a second post about the actual exchange and ended it with this heartfelt thought: "Later, after she left, I was amazed at how great I felt. Sure, I was sad. But that sadness is because I don't have my son, not because his things aren't in his room. And this morning when I woke up I knew in my heart that I had made the right decision. His things have made a HUGE difference in my SIL's (and her baby's) life. Before I left the hospital after our baby had died I told my husband that something good has to come from our sons death. That this horrible tragedy can't be just that and nothing else. So, on our son's 3 month anniversary, he was able to make a difference." I can't begin to imagine how difficult it would be to part with these items but I thought these both were beautiful posts.

Eshururu had a post called "Spinning" where she explained the concept of time within international adoption. She writes: "Adoption is a strange process. Not a bad strange, but just unlike anything I will most likely ever experience. It is a suspended happiness. A true grass is greener situation where we will be happier when we add to our family. Don’t misunderstand me, we do live everyday to the fullest and really are appreciating this stage of our family, but for the past 5 years we have existed on a precarious slope teetering between the extremes of emotions and anticipating living...Adoption makes you feel like you are spinning your wheels constantly. You crank through one part only to realize there are many huge hills ahead." I thought the post was so well-written; that she perfectly conveyed this experience of waiting.

Sluggish Butterfly made me want to redo the garden this summer with her post, "Seed Order." Through the post she explained what she is planting this year and the process of growing your own food. She ends with a bittersweet thought: "In this, at least, I am a fountain of fertility." What can I say? I'm a sucker for posts about plants.

Lastly, Creating Motherhood had a post called "Something Good." She was going over the people who were in two pictures on the wall with her grandmother (it's worth the click over simply to see the two gorgeous pictures) and her grandmother couldn't recognize her. Calliope writes: "I smiled and pretended like she made a funny and then said that the girl in the photo was me and what was my name? Again. Stumped. No idea what my name was. And I know that this disease robs so so much, but I kind of like my name and I am utterly saddened that it might be gone for her. Just like grapes. She has no idea what a grape is either." It was such a sad, small moment and it moved me beyond belief.

And that is the roundup, my dears. Return to my blogging question of the week and think, think, think. And then answer. Oh, and if you want to be a Clicker, drop me an email.


shinejil said...

Thanks for adding me to the round-up! I am so flattered and delighted.

I'll give you a report on the taters. I'm especially eager to see how the purple fingerlings do.

When it comes to telling others' stories, I guess I let myself be guided by telling what is mine in them. Sure, there are lots of hilarious things that have happened to my husband, but like you, I'd feel weird talking about them unless I had a part in them. I think the unicorn wedding, as something you participated in, was a fine thing to share. You had your take on it, after all, and weren't just gushing about CN. Lucky her, to have such a considerate mom.

Have a good weekend!

Jess said...

I, of couse, am a private blogger. So I write about whomever. BUT I do know who reads it....and since none of them really know most of my IRL people, I feel like it's ok.

When I've had occasion to post publicly, I edit names. Because a lot of things are maybe sensitive. It's not that I feel bad telling it, because after all it is MY story, TOO, but it's that I don't want to injure anyone else.

I liked hearing about the unicorn wedding. I used to have Popple (Poppel?) weddings. Yep. We have videos.

So video your Unicorn Wedding!! It'll be amusing in 15 years or less when she starts dating. lol!!


Have a good weekend, Mel. You're such a sweetie for even thinking of such things. We're all lucky to have you.

Julia said...

You know, I try to be fair in telling stories. Fair enough that if a person ever found it, I wouldn't change a word. This also means that I sometimes won't tell a story if I don't think I can be fair or as fair as I could be, if that makes sense.
About whose stories they are. They are yours too. There is a reason why the toddler rabinate story appealed to you enough that you wanted to tell it. There is a reason why each story touches us. And it's usually not just because we should write something, already. Our reactions to the content, what we see in it, make it our story. And telling our stories is what we do here. Because this is how we tell the world who we are-- our stories, and our views of the stories we tell.