The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Drinking...I Mean, Thinking Way Too Much About Avatars

This is the problem with avatars. My picture is this bright orange, smiley rendition of myself in Microsoft Paint. Which works well when things are good. Saying happy birthday, celebrating after a positive beta, congratulating someone on clear tubes after an HSG--all good uses for my avatar. But when the post is serious, when you are trying to give support as the shit goes down, it is a little disconcerting to have that bright, smiley picture in deep contrast with the words.

It's interesting to look down the comments on any given post and judge the appropriateness of avatar to words. There are belly shot avatars there to console someone after a pregnancy loss. Or a picture of a dog used as an avatar that is left on a post discussing the loss of a pet. It's a little strange, nu, when you stop and think about it? Of course, the same avatar is the perfect avatar for a different situation. Like my own.

I thought about replacing my orange picture with a neutral head shot. Straight mouth revealing neither happiness nor sympathy. But then I thought about how a happy face is like a stopped watch, correct two times a day if not more. A monotonous face is rarely appropriate unless you're answering a question like "do you take cream or sugar?" So I scrapped that idea.

Changing avatars based on the comment I leave would tack a few minutes onto leaving each comment, ensuring that I leave fewer and fewer. I'm not even positive that's possible to do. And I considered going a different route--something that worked in all cases--a star or a leaf--something that conveys no emotions. But how would it look if we were all inanimate objects? And there is something about the human face--even in cartoon--that creates the voice. That makes you imagine the very real person who is saying these words to you. Because, on the other end, we are all very real people.

So I am back at square one, with a orange, happy avatar, sometimes leaving comments on very sad posts and feeling this discordance between the frozen look on my cartoon face and the heartfelt nature of the words. Tell me what you think as I pour you a drink.

As always, it has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation.

Martini shaker in hand and a midori sour for myself on the bar. Who else is drinking today?

57 comments:

ekunkelmann said...

I think too much about my avatar, too; namely, that I wish I were as good-looking as my Yahoo avatar. I wonder if plastic surgeons will see an upswing in clients requesting to look more like their avatars.

I think your avatar is emblematic of who you are, Mel, and your role in the community.

It's 5:00 somewhere. I'll take anything n/a... I started Lupron last night for IVF #1. Today there is the tiniest pink mark below my belly button, and the crumbled foil wrappers of two post-injection chocolates on the counter. : )

andrea_jennine said...

Honestly, I don't think too much about avatars; I don't have one myself, and I don't pay much attention to those of others. So I say keep the orange happy face!

Do you think alcohol is approved for the clear-liquid diet I'm supposed to be on for the day before my upcoming laparoscopy/hysteroscopy? If so, I'd like a bottle of shiraz to save for next Thursday. My new doctor discovered a blocked tube, probably a hydrosalpinx, which means that all our previous IUIs and IVFs couldn't possibly have worked. So now I need a lap, and I'm scared of what will be found. I'm tired of hearing everyone else's optimism - "This could solve all your problems!" - when all I feel is that I'm facing another pitfall and my fertility might be even worse off than I thought.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Gosh, I wish I could drink a really stiff ANYTHING right now.

Last week was the week from HELL! My husband was in a car accident, one of my dogs needed surgery and on Friday I was told that while I'm on leave my position will be eliminated due to reorganization. I'm the second pregnant/new mom that they've done this to in the last month. So, while trying to get everything ready for my baby that I worked so hard to have now I'm contacting lawyers and trying to figure out what I'm going to do as far as employment once my leave is over! I never in a million years thought I would be dealing with this sort of discrimination-I thought we were past this sort of stuff in 2008!

Fertilize Me said...

I keep meanjing to change my avatar - being that it is a picture of a theoratical biological clock and i am physically 21 weeks pregnant today (not mentally though). I keep wondering to myself if people find it some what offensive or saddening. Then some days I do not even think about it at all. I have my anatomy scan today at 2 - so i could use anything to calm my nerves - guess it can't be alcoholic for now- so i'll take a n/a strawberry daiquiri for now!

Cece said...

See - that is why I don't have an avatar. Too much to think about!

As for the drink - beer please. Found out last week that my cycle was delayed do to my IVF suite flooding.

Awesome. So - I was on lupron for a whole week for nothing. Love it.

calliope said...

I love avatars. One of the things that bugs me about the blogger software is that it doesn't recognize avatars from other platforms. On wordpress you can use something called a gravatar- it is an avatar attached to a specific e-mail acct. Each time you leave a comment the image that shows up will be whatever it is that you have assigned to that e-mail acct.

My avatar (when you can see it) is a close up of my plaid boots: a source of great empowerment for me. I think your avatar is a sign of who YOU are, Mel. When I see it I think of it as a beacon of sunshine and warmth.

now...someone get me a drink! I'd like something fruity with chunks of pineapple floating with the ice cubes.

I am super happy to be bleeding again as I am hopeful that it will help bring my beta down and I can move forward. I am amazed that the process of becoming unpregnant after a chemical/miscarriage is so time consuming. I had no effing idea. & I had no idea how emotional it would be...for so long.

Samantha said...

I don't think much about the little avatars/images that people use as conveying meaning - it just helps me unambiguously identify the commenter. If you started changing your avatar all the time, I think I would find that more confusing than not (is there another Town Crier?)

I'll take a glass of red wine - Malbec if you've got it. I'm hoping to conclude my 3 month break following the string of unsuccessful IVF cycles and try a new protocol for stimming, maybe as early as this weekend. It feels weird to get back into treatments, both moving forward, yet backward. I don't even know what my protocol is, which is a good thing, or I'd be obsessing about it! I'll find out Thursday.

ourowncreation said...

Tequila, limes, salt. Leave the bottle. Anyone who wants to get blotto in the corner is welcome to join me. I have up days and down days. Today is shaping up to be a down day. I wish I knew how to predict which it was going to be on any given day so I could just call in sick and stay in bed.

I say you are overthinking the avatar thing. I do it too. I've often wondered about having that happy, smiling couple next to a post offering my deepest sympathies to someone. Then I realize (and now I know from experience) that the recipient in those situations isn't looking at the avatar. The sentiment behind the words matters more, trust me.

Tigger said...

I'd like a Banana Banshee please. The name of that drink suits my mood pretty well these days. There isn't anything up on my blog about this just yet, because I am contemplating starting a separate one.

They found my mother's cancer. It's in her liver. She has decided not to do any more treatments. She and I both think that she has about 6 months, if we're lucky.

I am still trying to come to grips with this. I am very angry with my sister. I've never lost anyone really close to me, so I don't know what to expect. My counselor tells me that I can expect the emotional rollercoaster I am on to continue until the end, and even after that for a while. And here I just got off a fucking rollercoaster by coming to some relative type of grips with IF!

Also, my hours at work have gone to hell. Instead of the usual 25, I got 7 last week. School has my admissions all screwed up and I have no insurance at the moment. Life is hell.

Ah...here is not the place for me to be ranting all this out. I'm trying to get a blog up and running, but am stuck on a name of all things.

Heather said...

I thought the same thing, but then I decided that I like using the same image all the time because it connects me. You know, the face with the name - even if it is smiling when you are sad.

But, I get my comments via email and I don't see the avatar of others...

I'll have a large fancy glass of pomegranate juice. With an orange slice on the rim. According to the internet, I am 5w3d and I'm going crazy. I don't go to the doctor until Saturday for my first ultrasound to verify if there is anything really in there. I'm dying to know...and I had a miscarriage dream this morning which has had me shaking all morning.

shinejil said...

My lord! These past few weeks have been hell for many of us, it seems. I am so sorry to hear about y'all's woes! Floods and firings and other terrible IF force majeur!

Just get me a very, very cold bottle of Polish vodka, a small plate of excellent homemade pickles, a few slices of black bread, and a couple shot glasses. Feel free to come over and sing at the top of your lungs with me! I need something to break me out of these late-winter doldrums...

JJ said...

I love your avatar--even on the downtrodden posts of mine that you comment on, its a comfort to see your bright orange smiley self! Keep it=)

On to the drink! Going on vacation next week, and its desperately needed...we are in the "quiet time" again of deciding what to do next, and I can't tell you how loud that quiet time is. So I'll take a large apple martini, strong on the tini.

Meg said...

I dont think to much about avatars. I just enjoy the comments. I will have a stiff one after being teased with a positive beta after my 8th IVF. Now waiting to miscarry. First beta was 79 second only went to 103 and third dropped to 44. Just want it to be my turn already. And I figured it out already this will be yet another holiday season childless. Cheers......

loribeth said...

I was just thinking we hadn't had a Lushary gathering in awhile!

Re: avatars, I've always rather liked your avatar, Mel -- as JJ said, bright & cheerful! I haven't put one up myself (yet?), mainly as a privacy thing.

Not much exciting going on in my life these days. I am back at work (where all heck is breaking loose) after a quiet long weekend (dubbed "Family Day" here -- ugh...)... during which AF showed up, as well as a cold sore. And it's snowing. AGAIN.

So a pina colada for me, please -- perhaps it will help me fantasize about lying on a beach somewhere...

Rachael said...

CD3 on somewhere close to my 30th cycle and still absolutely fucking nothing to show for it. Yes, I'm angry.

Jendeis said...

I agree with JJ. I love your orangey smiling face, Mel!

I will take anything that has enough alcohol in it to kill my sore throat, yet fruit enough that I don't taste the alcohol. Yes, I'm a lightweight.

I'm the one passed out (from sleepiness) on the bar, lying on top of a to do list with the same items on it written over and over.

HSG on Thursday morning. After reading all your comments, I'm freaked and worried that I won't be able to do my business trip to Atlanta that day. 'Course, it could make ATL that much better to be drunk or passed out on Valium.

luna said...

I like your avatar, Mel. as the others said, it's a reflection of you. maybe not happy and cheerful all the time -- unlike your avatar, you are human after all -- but bright and endearing all the same.

sounds like others have had a rough time lately too. one nice thing about the lushary is no one likes to drink alone.

I'm still deciding if I'll go with a bottle of good red wine -- yes the whole bottle -- or a series of strong pomegranate vodka lime concoctions. hmm...

I also started lupron last night for my FET in March. I'm trying to be hopeful for the chance it will work, but I'm also terrified it will fail because we don't any options left. it's been one of those months where nearly everyone I know is pregnant -- even in my virtual support group -- or parenting. feeling the isolation mounting and wondering how I will cope. hey can I start a tab? ~luna

Erin said...

I like the avatars, but I rarely pay much attention to them.

I just need a couple of good, stiff shots of tequila and to be poured into bed somewhere. The emotional rollercoaster of the elation of going to get my son in Ethiopia next week coupled with a work-situation hell is taking a very large toll on me.

r_is_moody said...

Mel, I agree with the other ladies that your avatar is a bright ray of sunshine and represents who you are.

My avatar is weird and I think most people don't know what it is, but no one asks. I think a lot of people don't even pay attention to them.

As for drinks, I'll have what Luna is having. It sounds very yummy.

Just finished my first IUI with injectibles and waiting until monday for my beta. Feeling hopeful, but afraid I am going to be crushed once again. This is cycle 38 for me and we will only do one more and then we are done. Unless I get some guts and find a new job that has IF coverage.

Lori said...

Ya see? You gave me an all-purpose avatar, Mel.

Celebrating? Have a mojito!

Feeling sad? Have a mojito!

That said, I'd like your to pour me a nice, chocolate-y and figgy Cabernet.

I'm wondering what my purpose is.

With my life, you know.

BethH6703 said...

I love your Avatar, Mel. I don't pay much attention to them as a rule (especially since I get my comments via email). But anytime I'm reading someone else's comments (especially if there are a lot of them), I scan thru looking for your smiling face against a bright orange background.

As far as the drink... I think a nice, BIG, pom martini should do me well. And keep 'em coming.

MIL is still hanging in there, my FIL is still driving me nuts, work is insane, surgery is scheduled for 4/18, and I just found out some ASSHOLE stole my check card # & ran up some charges in my name.

{gulp, gulp, GULP} I'm ready for #2, barkeep!

SarahSews said...

The weight of all the sadness is getting to me. I was feeling happy last week -- I switched to a kinder gentler OB who delivers at a more family friendly hospital, I was making progress on leave and child care issues, and I was feeling some movement. But the last two days I've been terrified that we'll get bad news at our 20w anatomical u/s tomorrow (Wednesday at 3:30 PT). I beg the baby to move just so I'll know it's okay. We're almost halfway and the fear still feels like it could eat me alive any second.

So can I have a really cold beer? I've been craving one like mad for days...

littleangelkisses said...

I don't think much about them I guess...

I'll take anything to make the embies stick after transfer thursday! I JUST found out we have THREE embryos. This is huge news!! So anything pineapple and sticky to get me ready for thursday is good!!

Angi said...

I love looking at everyone else's avatar - it usually gives you a little bit more insight into their personality beyond the writing. I am really not all that pleased with mine right now, but I don't have a very good picture yet of me, DH, and our newest addition - considering she is 4 months old today I really need to work on that!

After our meeting with DD's birthparents on Sunday I could use a really large bottle of wine...preferrably Riesling, but what a mean hangover there would be tomorrow.

Kathy V said...

I kind of like the images. You know as a familiar face. Somebody else said it ahead of me that the words in a case of support are more helpful than the little pictures. If you change yours, then nobody will know who is giving them the support. That being said, I haven't found one that fits me and that is why I don't have one.

I sit in the middle of a 2ww. I am driving myself crazy. Hope is creeping in and playing with my head. Please pour me a strawberry daiquiri with big strawberry pieces in it.

candy said...

my avatar is a nice faceless shot of my waist with my camera hanging down on it. my youngest daughter's hand (we have 2 adopted daughters) is around my hip. i think it's the most realistic picture of me ever taken. i'm not sure it's on my wordpress blog, but it should show up here under my blogger account next to this comment. i like yours, mel, and all those other happy ones. i always find them warm and friendly, and especially on a bad day it's nice to be smiled at, even from a cartoon!

looks like it's not just me in a rut these days. i'm with lori on wondering what my purpose is. i'm feeling very trapped right now, a little smothered by decisions that were beyond my control that i can't undo, and probably wouldn't want to if i could. i actually blogged all about it yesterday (twice!) if you want more details.

pour me something hard. i don't drink in reality, but i'm guessing a whiskey or bourbon would do the job today.

hugs to my fellow barmates.

www.candysland.wordpress.com

Stephanie said...

I like your avatar Mel, it suits you. I don't think you should change a thing.

This is the first time we purposely haven't 'tried' in nearly 30 months, so pour me something good. Maybe the pomegranate concotion everyone raves about. Yum!

This is a much needed break. I just learned my day 3 FSH is 11.9 so I'm trying not to panic. I'm waiting to retake the test in a week or so...maybe it was a mistake?!

Cheers!

Elizabeth said...

I changed my avatar to socks because I noticed the same disjuncture between my smiling face and the tenor of sympathy or condolences I'd leave in comments.

However, when reading other people's comments, I just see the avatar as a signifier of the persona represented, not a literal snapshot of their face (or whatever) at that moment in time.

I need a nap right now but meanwhile a round on me to all SQs in the house!

Beagle said...

OK, a few people are going to hate me for saying this, but pg belly shots and inutero U/S images as avatars for what are often sad comments are a bit distressing in the infertility community (IMHO).

Your smiling face has never upset me. I can always use a smile, even when I'm down. But someone's pg belly mocking my pain . . . not so much!

(OK, I just lost three readers.)

Shoot me now.

xo
B

Jess said...

I think about that, too. I really do!! Because mine is a belly-shot one, with my hands making a heart over the belly. I've thought about it, especially leaving it on sad posts, but also about any post in which the blogger is IF and has not yet acheived pregnancy at all. HOWEVER, my hard-won pregnancy was so special to me, and that shot means so much to me family-building and hope-wise, not just pregnancy-wise, that I can't stand to take it down.

I like your avitar, though, Mel. Don't change it!!

Oh, yeah, and I'll have a mai tai. Surprise. hahaha

Io said...

Ok, it's already been said like 30 times, but I think your avatar represents *you* and you are this amazing sympathetic person. So it make same feel better when I see your happy orange face. Plus, you're holding coffee, so I can imagine it being the drinking coffee and smiling-but-it's-a-*sympathetic*-smile type of face. Which is totally appropriate in sad situations.
I do have to say, I have seen happy *pregnancy* avatars used on sad pregnancy news, and that kind of bothers me because it is so specifically the opposite of what the person needs to see right then. But a smile is always welcome.

May said...

I like the avatars, and as many have said above, I don't pay much attention to them except to sort out who is who among the commenters.

I am on an emotional upswing right now-- I survived the amniotic fluid embolism and even my kidneys have started functioning again. No more dialysis for me! I'm not yet testing my newly restored kidney function with alcohol yet, though, so make it a pomegranate juice, please.

Dreamer4agift said...

I like your avatar:)

I'll take anything at this point. I'm tired, stressed about finishing school, stressed over finances, and stressed at the fact that while I'm getting ready to start OI, my body won't quit having af every 5-10 days for 14 days at a time...I'm not sure what to do about it. While I want to start tx, I'm never sure whether THIS is af or not, and I don't want to be wrong.

Yeah, I'll take a double of whatever is being given out.

Rachel said...

I've been feeling pretty emotional as I approach the anniversary of my miscarriage next Monday.

I know that I am blessed in that I now have a son, but I am still aching for the baby we lost.

And I agree with ekunkelmann, I wish I looked as good in person as my avatar.

sharah said...

Mel, totally off-topic, but this post made me realize something: even though I've met you and I've heard you speak, when I read what you've written, your "voice" in my head is totally different. You don't "sound" anything like you really do. Which is very strange for me.

Anyway. I'm contemplating whether or not to go back onto birth control. I don't expect anything to happen any time soon, but since I'm hunting a new job and you don't get FMLA unless you've been somewhere a year, I'm feeling anxious. But I really, really, REALLY hate the side effects of hormonal birth control. Choices, choices ...

FattyPants said...

I like your avatar. The only ones that ever really bothered me (even though I am pregnant) are the belly ones. Some days its just hard to have a belly in your face.

I'll take a virgin strawberry belini. I swear I'd kill someone for some juice right now.

Tash said...

I don't have an avatar because I'm a blogger dork. That said, you know, I really don't pay much attention to them other than to identify the user, so it really doesn't hit me one way or another if the avatar is appropriate to the post.

Last week was exhausting. I don't know how you blog almost every day.

TeamWinks said...

These days I'm not sure if I know my head from my...well, you get the idea. My brain is full with trying to sell our house, building our new one, finishing up Lucky's adoption, and starting IVF. Crazy!

So, for a beverage. How about a nice mudslide. I felt like something completely different. Thanks Mel!

Monica Fayth said...

As far as the avatar thing goes, I don't think it makes that much of a difference. I get most of my comments through email anyway. I only see avatars when I read other people's comments. But they do help me indentify the commenter (esp when so many people have the same name). Personally, I just use a pic of DH and I instead of worrying about an avatar.

Since this is my first time in the lushery, if you'll fix me a strawberry margarita, I'll tell you a bit more about myself. My husband (Josh) and I have been married a little more than 3 1/2 years and have been TTC for almost 2. I'm a teacher, but since I moved a little more than a year ago, I haven't been able to get a full time position and am working as a substitute. Josh is in the Navy. He's on shore duty right now, which is why we've decided now (or 2 years ago rather) would be a good time to have a baby. Unfortunately, he's in GA until April so we've had to take a break for a while.

In regards to IF issues, I have a short LP and a weak/late O when not on Clomid. I also take Prometrium for my low progesterone. Josh has a low sperm count. We have done one IUI so far. Before doing anymore, I want him to see a urologist to see if there's anything we can do to increase his count. We also need to save up more money before doing any more treatments.

That was kinda long, sorry. But that's kinda where I am at the moment. Thanks for reading.

S said...

Ditto on what everyone else said, Mel-I really like your avatar. Please don't change it! Mine is just as sarcastic as I am, so I don't think that I'd want anything else-unless I can find something suitably snarky....

As for me, send a mojito my way, except put a syringe in as a stirrer instead of the usual sugar cane-I'm due to inject my first Lupron shot this evening, for our fourth (and probably last) IVF cycle. Seriously though, I think that I just might down a glass of Chianti before I shoot up-at least I won't feel it as much....

Sunny said...

I love your little face. Don't change it. :) It is SO you on a good day or a bad one.

Pour me some wine so I can whine! IVF coming (FREAKED OUT), inlaws coming (SHOOT ME) and work just SUCKS (now there are 12 pregos and my kids are awful). See I told you I was whiny.

GypsieMaggie said...

Ugh...bottoms up for the new girl who on her first day openly approached me saying "I heard you are trying to get pregnant...I have a book on herbal teas that talks about stinging nettle for fertility." Mind you...she is about 4 yrs younger, not in a committed relationship and has no children.

I need whiskey.

Roy said...

I have no avatar. I am entirely too lazy and have a severe lack of motivation when it comes to anything techie.

Ummm, not much going on around here, I'll just take my amaretto sour and sit at the end of the bar. Seems like a good day to just people watch. I'm always up for a chat if anybody wants, you know where to find me.

Vacant Uterus said...

I haven't had a white Russian in ages. An alcoholic one, that is. My husband is sitting right next to me. I'll take a double, bartender!

So, I've got Jimmy Hoffa (aka a septum and "schmutz") in my uterus. It should have been detected years ago when I was first being worked up for infertility but it wasn't. And it killed the two babies I miraculously managed to concieve after those tests. And I'm pretty damned angry about that. And I know we'll never concieve again.

I'm glad for the donor FET and I want it bad. I stand by the comment I made for your book. But I'm not done grieving my lost children. I want to not have lost them because of a medical mistake or someone's carelesness. I believe that life begins at conception which is a hard belief to have because I? did not have a chance to even bury those much-loved, much-wanted babies of mine. They went down the toilet like so much waste with the rest of the blood and endometruim I passed that night. That is a knot of grief that I think I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

~Flicka

kch said...

I don't think I have an avatar. Do I? I don't remember setting one up.

Mostly, they just annoy me when someone has an avatar where my computer asks me if I'm really really sure I want to display both secure and non-secure items and am I reeeeeeally sure? Bleargh.

I have had a problem with belly pics, I guess--it feels like they're everywhere already, and especially after my m/c, it hurt hurt hurt. But for the most part, avatars are small and I can skim over them. I've never had a problem with not matching tone--mostly I like that I can scan and find my favorite commenters quickly and easily.

So, I've been reading for a little while. My husband and I have played along at home. Our hand: a testicular biopsy, an abdominal myomectomy, IUI+clomid, donor sperm, and one miscarriage at 10w. Now we're at 30 weeks and holding our breath.

So I'll take a virgin pina colada and just smell everyone's wine. I hope you don't mind if I just squeeze in a little? :)

Julia said...

I am never bothered by the avatars, even on my saddest posts. But then nobody who comments on my blog has a belly shot avatar.

Since the drinks are virtual, I will take a stiff fruity drink, say a pink grapefruit margarita.

Michell said...

The only thinking I've done on avatars is how I can make one for myself and actually get it to be a pic on my blog. Mel, I love yours and you don't need to change a thing. It always makes me smile a bit to see it, even if I feel like shit. Which lately seems to go back and forth from minute to minute. That said, I'll take a whole freaking bottle of something. Anything, I don't really care as long as I can mix it with something else to make it taste a bit like kool-aid. I have no reason anymore not to drink so I may as well drink.

Kim said...

I like your avatar too! I have no good pictures of myself, so I use my kids as my avatar.

Sometimes it still gets me that I can type kids. How did I get three when I was once faced with the thought of having none. I feel blessed but also guilty. Silly I know but having gone through infertility I have a new group of sisters; a special kinship. I feel the pain of others and understand it.

I think of others often and hope and pray for a success for them. I post comments and do think about my kids in the avatar.

But then I think that I want them there because I am so proud of them and so proud of the journeys that it took to get them here. The belly ones never bothered me because I felt an understanding. When one of my 'sisters' has a triumph, I feel a little bit of their elation too. It is kind of like rooting for the underdog when you have been one yourself.

For the most part, I know what those women have gone through and felt and I respect that. Even though I might have longed for my own belly, I was happy for them. After reading the post or seeing a picture I am not saying that I wasn't upset and maybe even shed a few tears. But in the end I was toasting to another who overcame the odds and achieved a hard fought victory. In some strange way, every pregnancy achieved and every baby born to someone with infertility issues gave me a renewed hope and fueled the fire in my fight again.

I am in the minority, but for the drink - a really cold light beer in a bottle. So cold that it gives you goose bumps there is an icy film floating in the bottle! But that will have to wait until after I am finished breast feeding - nien months down and a few more to go!

annacyclopedia said...

I'm feeling spent from the recent realization of how much trust I need to put in a sperm bank, most likely in another country. Trusting that they've done all the right tests, that there weren't any mistakes in any of the tests and I won't get HIV or herpes or HPV (already have that one, but I can do without another strain, thanks) or anything else, trusting that they comply with the law and with common decency. Trusting that we'll get sent the right samples, that I won't wind up giving birth to a child who looks so little like either Manny or I that everybody will know that something is up. I don't have a whole lot of trust in the universe left, and I'm having to spend a great deal of the remainder on some sperm bank? Unfair.

So I'm tired. And having trouble deciding on my drink. I guess I'll take a few fingers of your finest single malt, neat, please. And thanks. And here's a mighty tip, you fabulous barkeep.

kate said...

Put me down as another one who likes your avatar just the way it is. I don't tend to choose avatars that are either happy or sad. My current one is slightly humorous and slightly sentimental, but only if you know the story. And frankly, you have to click on it to see the picture clearly enough anyway, so I hope that:
1. I'm not confusing those who don't know what a DB is.
2. I'm not offending those who DO know what a DB is. (see the last post in January on my blog for a full explanation)
3. I'm not presenting any sort of happiness or sadness that would offend someone whose blog I chose to comment on.

And yeah, I'll take a cocktail with a Xanax chaser. I'm feeling really nervous about my gall bladder surgery coming up on March
6th. And it's kinda-sorta my first step towards using medicine to assist with resolving my infertility (really shouldn't get knocked up with the GB in it's current condition, plus this forces me to confront medical fears, which I imagine might otherwise paralyze me from moving forward and seeing an RE). So, that's where I'm at.

Thanks for the drink and the open ear!

soapchick said...

I'm at the bar and I just ordered a glass of Spanish rioja wine....hmmm delicious.

Gearing up to do a second IVF at the end of March. In the meantime I gave up worry/stress/impatience about my infertility for Lent....so far it's working....I'm much more relaxed about all of this.

serenity said...

I like your avatar, personally.

Mine is my cheshire cat tattoo I got for my 30th birthday. I HEART my tattoo. :)

Yes. Drinks. Can you just inject me with some coffee please? Preferably the strong stuff.

I am.freaking.tired. Work is hell these days, my sleep has been interrupted and/or not even close to long enough... and I'm just kind of done with everything. Ever get to the point where your brain is so full it just shuts down?

That's me right now, I think.

Worse yet, I'm sick of LISTENING to my bitching. So I end up not really saying much at all. Just going through my routine of work, come home, eat a cheese sandwich, get ready for bed, and sleep. Rinse, repeat.

What I really need is a week of catching up on my sleep... a long run on a beach... a meal of sushi. And martinis. Or margaritas.

Or something.

*sigh*

Chebbles' Mama said...

I've wondered similar things, particularly about a shot of a kid -- is that somehow lame when someone's struggling with bad IVF results? And also, to compound the situation, my pregnant status -- who wants to hear from a pregnant lady? NOT I, when times are bad. So do I just kind of sit around and root people on silently? Rather than flouting my swollen gut? Anyway, a thoughtful post.

MsPrufrock said...

I've thought about changing my avatar, but my Johnny Cash giving the finger at San Quentin avatar is just too me to give up. Perhaps it's a bit...aggressive for some, but I chose it not only because I love Cash, but I view it as symbolic of my hatred and eventual defeat of infertility. Well, the first time round anyway.

As for drinks, I'll take a Cherry Coke. I'm non-drinker as it happens, but I love the bar atmosphere, social butterfly that I am.

MsPrufrock said...

I meant to then talk about my oh-so-exciting life.

In reproductive terms, I'm pondering that whole having another kid thing and getting nowhere. I want to try, but I also want to get a bit further in my career before I take that step. There is of course the issue of whether it would happen at all anyway, blah blah blah, same old story.

Sometimes I wish I did drink.

nancy said...

I like your avatar. It stands out :)

The bar. I actually just would like a water. I'm a sucker for cool bottles of water that are way too expensive. So please, yes, I water today.

I start Lupron in 2 weeks. I may be pregnant in 6 weeks. "may" being the key word. I don't know how to feel. I'm thrilled at the prospect. I'm scared to death about impending failure.

Searching said...

A little late, but more than happy to get drunk. Just been a really, remarkably, splendidly awful time. I narrowly avoided a complete breakdown last night because my mind just went numb and thankfully at some point all the sleeping pills kicked in. I'm still in the in-between stages though, not quite okay but not on the verge of doing something unthinkable anymore. So just hit me with whatever.

I like your avatar.