I don't really know how to begin this post.
I've started it twenty different ways in my head and none sound quite right.
AMS from Our Own Creation gave birth on Thursday to her twins, Zoe Harper and Lennox Maximilian, at a little over 24 weeks gestation. Lennox died on Saturday in his mother's arms while holding his father's finger. I don't think the word heartbroken can truly sum up where this family is right now.
She turned off her comments on her blog but she gave me permission to collect letters from you--emails to read at a later date when she is ready. I would like to actually collect two types of messages--those for AMS and her husband and those directed at Lennox for Zoe to read when she is older. She has, as AMS writes, lost her first friend.
I think one of the most difficult parts of neonatal death and pregnancy loss in general is that people don't hold hundreds of memories of the person you are missing. You knew your child--you felt your child or sensed your child and loved your child. But unlike an adult who has held his own relationships with others, your child is remembered solely through you. And that is a very heavy burden to carry--a small group of people: a mother, a father, grandparents, aunts, and uncles--being the only ones who remember that a person was really here. Was really loved.
Therefore, I am going to ask you a favour. Help them carry that burden by writing your letter to AMS but also writing your memories of Lennox in-utero and all of the excitement his parents felt and all they went through to conceive him. I think this could be helpful for Zoe later on and for AMS and her husband now. To know that there are other people out there--even if they are not people they intimately know--who are helping carry this memory. Personally, I think this is a small thing we can do for each other--for fellow bloggers who share a huge part of their heart online--whenever there is a deep loss. We can help them carry a memory.
If it's a brief note, you can leave a comment on this post. It would be inappropriate to offer advice or any cheering up--they simply need support right now. They are in the moment with Zoe and Lennox--their concentration today is not on the future. If you have a longer note or a private note (that you don't mind me seeing), email it to me. I will compile all the messages and send them along to her since comments are turned off of her blog at this time.
Thank you in advance for stepping in and helping my friend and your friend, AMS. There is no way to make this any easier for them. Words lack the ability to change time and events. But barring the ability to hug her right now, I want her to know that the world is thinking of them: AMS, her husband, Zoe, and Lennox.