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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

To Take You To Your Happy Place

These two days were very good for my ego. Awash in bright lights? Looking young? Hair described as "pretty" instead of "rat's nest"? I must post pictures of myself more often. It will become a blog simply of photographs of me. Me eating toast. Me vacuuming with the Dyson that I need, need, need. Me slipping my feet in the clinic's stirrups and seductively asking my doctor, "how many follicles, dear?"

Actually, the sonographer always does the follicle check. So if you do end up seeing a photo of me in a compromised position with a vagacamera inside my hoohaahooterus and my doctor benignly smiling at the screen, you know that I staged it.

I have to admit, I felt pretty panic-y after I posted the pictures. Sort of a "what was I thinking" moment because I haven't really put my face out there. I mean, I meet fellow bloggers all the time so there are plenty who know what I look like. But there is that fear when you put that image out there that people will say, "oy, I thought she'd be different. Feh, I could really take her or leave her now. Guess I'll go read something else." My panic was confirmed when comments started coming in saying, "you're pretty brave to put that out there." Brave? Gulp. I'm not a brave person.

It also doesn't help that my blog hits are slightly down and I'm wondering if it's because of something I wrote, something I look like, or simply the rise and fall of traffic dependent of seasons and weather. You can tell me which one if you've stopped reading. Er...or I guess if you've stopped reading you wouldn't know that I wrote this question. So. Perhaps I will never know.

I leave you with a favourite piece of flannel board from the library. This piece of flannel board has brought LJ and I minutes of amusement. This not only creates a good game of create-a-caption, but it is a fine image to go to in your head if you are slightly dying at the Thanksgiving table when your Great Aunt tells you that you should get on with the baby making because you aren't getting any younger. Gee, isn't that a moment of pass-the-gravy thankfulness?

Now create your own caption for screaming woman. As in "you're putting that dildo cam where?" And feel free to use this image as your happy place while you're dining on mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie.
  • "I'm OOOOvulating, Harold! Get your skivvies off!" (from Lori)
  • "WOW! That ultrasound gel is CCCCCCOOOOOOOOLLLLDDDD!" (from Kristen)
  • "This IVF cycle is going to cost HOW much??!!" (from Samantha)
  • "Whoop! Dildo Cam... Wrong Place!!" (from Heather)
  • "Oh no! My stirrup-induced leg spasm has just knocked my nurse unconscious!! Did you happen to catch a follie count before she bit it?" (from JJ)
  • "She unleashed a turkey-flavored can of whoopass when her inlaws asked AGAIN, "so, when are you going to get pregnant?" (from Jendeis)
  • "Holy SH*Tballs! It's a Pregzilla! Run for your lives!" (from Barb)
  • "That giant PIO needle goes WHERE??" (from AMS)
  • "I have HOW many follies???!! YAHOO!!!!" (from Nancy)
  • "Oh no, you don't! No more speculums here!" (from Maria)
  • "Take it home honey!" While cheering her husband on from the corner of the porn room... (from Grad3)
  • For the newly-found Stirrup Queen on her first follie scan: "You're putting that where?" (from Kim)
  • "Owwweeee! A probe, up there? I don't think that my basement has been in THAT kind of working condition since after the war, dear. Just ask your grandfather" (from Geohde)
  • add a caption in the comments below and I'll move it into the post.

24 comments:

Lori said...

"I'm OOOOvulating, Harold! Get your skivvies off!"

My counts are down, too. All this thankfulness is sucking up peoples' blogging time.

Ellen K. said...

I think counts are down across the board.

Kristen said...

"WOW! That ultrasound gel is CCCCCCOOOOOOOOLLLLDDDD!" LOL

My counts are down, too. Have our dear friends actually gotten lives outside of the computer?

Samantha said...

"This IVF cycle is going to cost HOW much??!!"

We love you Mel, don't you worry!

Jen said...

I am so glad to hear that everyone else's counts are down too. I was hoping that it was the holidays but secretly fearing that everyone hated me all of a sudden.

Heather said...

Whoop! Dildo Cam... Wrong Place!!

HomemakerAng said...

do you have an email i can email you at? I have ??'s about reglan

thanks
Ang

Homemakerang@hotmail.com

JJ said...

"Oh no! My stirrup-induced leg spasm has just knocked my nurse unconscious!! Did you happen to catch a follie count before she bit it?"


Ive noticed a downward traffic flow too...but no worries for you! As Samantha said, you are loved =)

HomemakerAng said...

thanks so much for taking the time to answer me! God bless you!

A.M.S. said...

My counts are down too, of course, I haven't been posting much lately. I'm blaming the holidays.


"That giant PIO needle goes WHERE??"

Jendeis said...

"She unleashed a turkey-flavored can of whupass when her inlaws asked AGAIN, "so, when are you going to get pregnant?"

nancy said...

I see her as in the middle of excited shock. The shock of something good.

"I have HOW many follies???!! YAHOO!!!!"

Maria said...

"Oh no, you don't! No more speculums here!"

Thanks so much for your comment! I love your blog. Also, thanks for adding me to your links!

ps- My counts have been down too. I'm glad it's not just me!

Barb said...

Holy SH*Tballs! It's a Pregzilla! Run for your lives! ;-)


Anyway, I think it's just the normal rise and fall of traffic. :) You probably still get a lot more traffic than the average bear. ;-)

Celeste said...

commenting sans caption to inquire: if we read you through bloglines or the like, would that account for less clicks?

Grad3 said...

"Take it home honey!" While cheering her husband on from the corner of the porn room.

Good times, good times.

I liked your pics by the way!

Malky B. said...

very funny guys.

christina(apronstrings) said...

hahahahaha. those are funny.

i think people read blogs when they're at work, and a lot of people are off this week.
maybe i should read your blog 2x a day for the week?
you know, sometimes, i won't comment on your blog, i'll just read it in bloglines b/c when i try to pull up your blog my computer freezes?

have a happy thanksgiving.

hey, i liked your pictures. you looked exactly

Kim said...

For the newly found Stirrup Queen on her first follie scan: "You're putting that where?"

I have to say, that when i first started with the scans I had NO idea that it was done internally!

noswimmers said...

I'm not nearly as witty as the rest of these lovely ladies, so I'll just sit on the sidelines and have a good chuckle over all the comments.
Thanks for the laugh!

Aurelia said...

I'm with celeste, sometimes I just read on bloglines and don't click through, bad me.

Plus, holidays, etc. Maybe?

ms. c said...

I love that you used the word "Feh". You are definately not feh.

Lori took the words right out of my mouth, so I have nothing clever to add.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Try as I might I can't top any of those. Well done, ladies!

Geohde said...

"Owwweeee! A probe, up there?

I don't think that my basement has been in THAT kind of working condition since after the war, dear. Just aask your grandfather."