The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Friday Blog Roundup

Okay, so the blogroll is really messed up. This is what happened. As I read, I go through sometimes and move blogs around. So if someone says that they've decided to use donor eggs, I'll move them over from IVF to the donor egg category just to have people more spread out (some categories have many people in them and some categories have only a few) and so people can find similar stories to their own. So, I started spliting up the pregnant or parenting after infertility category into smaller groups when I noticed that some people hadn't updated their blog in a long time. And my heart stopped.

Because the last time they wrote, they were 8 weeks pregnant and going to a sonogram. And then the blog simply stopped. No post-sonogram update. No goodbye. No I-have-terrible-morning-sickness-and-I-have-no-time-for-a-blog-anymore.

It's not that I feel like bloggers have an obligation to continue writing if they don't want to write. And certainly no one owes me details about their fertility or their pregnancy. But it's a bit scary when someone stops writing abruptly. You wonder if they're okay. You wonder if the pregnancy is okay. You leave a note in the comments, but they still don't update their blog. Nor do they take it down. It is simply frozen in a moment of time.

And I'm not sure what to do with these blogs on the blogroll. I often leave on blogs that aren't being updated or even ones that have a final post saying goodbye because they have good archives and you never know when someone is going to decide to begin posting again.

But I don't know how to handle the ones where the person has a pivitol appointment looming on the horizon and they stop posting. Do I move them out of pregnancy after infertility because they may have lost the pregnancy? And where would I move them? A new category of bloggers who have stopped posting? Am I the only person who pauses when they see that a blogger has stopped updating his/her blog?

A blogroll with categories makes for brave new world of etiquette questions.

I have been creating new categories including a pregnancy after infertility category because there have been many posts this week on various blogs about how pregnancy after infertility is a whole different bag of fears. So, again, in order for people to find like-minded comrades in order to get through those 9 months, I felt like it was best if they had their own category. If there are categories missing that you think should be created, let me know. A new one I've been thinking about is paths to parenthood with health issues since I found a wonderful group of women making their way to motherhood after cancer.

So I'll be picking at the blogroll on and off this weekend in between Purim carnivals.

But here are some cool things I read this week:

There has been a question circling the blogosphere this week--would you want to return to the person you were prior to infertility? Bea at Infertile Fantasies tackles this question by comparing her attitude when she was young vs. her attitude now by relaying an interesting story about her desire to own a horse. I love this story because it captures the fact that anything can happen. And we don't know how life will turn out or what will fall into our lap. There are the girls who will get their ponies easily, but we are the girls who will try and try and try. And hopefully--one day--it will work. Either through the path we've been trying to walk or on a different path to parenthood.

Samantha at Southern Infertility also tackled this question with a different analogy: her brother's death and her life after this terrible event. It's a gorgeous post that carries you through the good and not-so-good lessons that come from infertility. How they have changed a marriage and changed a woman.'s just damn good writing.

On that same note, Alexa at Flotsam has a piece that I loved this week. It's called "Now Let Us Never Speak of It Again" and it meanders through a doctor's appointment where the doctor called her pudgy. Which to me goes against that Hippocratic Oath to "first, do no harm." Alexa has a way of taking the heartbreaking and making you smile through your haze of tears and mucous. She sums up that fine line between a second loss and a third like this: "After I lost my first two pregnancies, I had to beg for testing, because two is only one more than one, and everyone who is anyone has one miscarriage, and two is nothing to worry about. But three, apparently, gets your uterus upgraded from 'unlucky' to 'cauldron of DOOM.' At least, that was the impression I got from Dr. Doctor’s sad, worried face and her intense insistence that we not try to get pregnant again until our genetic testing comes back. We hadn’t planned to try until after the wedding anyway, but it is a bit disconcerting to have one’s normally chipper medical professional looking grim and calling you a 'habitual aborter'.” But now you need to go over and read the whole post.

Sara at Of Course You'll Get Pregnant throws out an interesting "what if" about fate. It made me think about who became pregnant quickly after I connected to them as well as who I connected with prior to the cycle that worked. It's a cool post--go over and read it and think about the first time you came out to another stirrup queen.

Lastly, Bumble at Me and the Bumblebee has a post this week about the teacher who messed up her life as well as an excellent recount of the quinessential home-ec project: caring for a baby. In our school, you had to carry around an actual sack of flour which was supposed to be the same weight as a baby. Bumble has come to the realization that the point of that project was probably suppose to make us run for the birth control, but since flour doesn't howl at 3 a.m., all it did for me was make me want a child even more. Making me sit and daydream about babies all day long didn't keep me from wanting to make one. But most of all, this post has a wonderful fuck you to the teacher who essentially sealed her fate and sent her on the road to IVF.

So now it's back to pruning the blogroll...

Is it just me or does everything seem "off" this week? Not sure where this mood stems, but it feels like everyone and everything has this grey, hazy film over it--both in the blogosphere and in real life. I am not in the mood to do anything nor be with anyone. Perhaps, I should simply crawl back into bed until this mood passes. Sniff.


katd said...

YES! Everything seems very "blah" this week. Is it because it's March which hints at spring, but is really not quite? Who knows, but I feel it, too!
And Mel, I wish your bar was open right now. I'm having a crappy week and currently am at the bottom of a class of Woodchuck hard cider...Happy Friday :)

Melissa said...

This is definitely a yucky week. Even as I receive good news, I get bad news that cancels it out and still leaves me with a heavy heart.

As for the bloggers who've stopped posting - I think a new catagory would be good. Perhaps you could simply title it something like "IF Blogs in Limbo" or "Where are you?" I'm sure that someone cleverer than I could think of a better name.

Aurelia said...

Yes, I'm struggling with this. I need categories, but can't decide on them since I myself fit into multiple categories.

I think I've decided that after I do my most recent prune & add, I'm going to put people in multiple categories. That is, list them 2 or 3 or 4 times.

Or not, I'm feeling so grey and foggy I may just say to heck with it and get drunk instead!

Hopeful Mother said...

Yes, it is a crappy week - just waiting for it to be over...

speaking of blog categories, I am listed under Male Factor (which is correct!) but I would like to ask to be added to the "Pregnant with Multiples after IVF" also... we are currently pregnant with twins. :-)

Sami said...

The weather is yucky and well... life has been chaotic for me - maybe that's what has occurred for everyone else. I too fret about the bloggers I read who quit updating. I want to email them and say - at least let us know how this ends. Whether it be good or bad we're here to give you support. Happy Purim (is that what you say? I have no clue.) enjoy the carnivals.

Sophia said...

its been a crappy 2007 with all sorts of job troubles, family drma and the cherry on the cake of it all hearing my doc say "Diminished Ovarian Reserve" "genetic tests needed" and "the state IVF grant won't cover what you need"

Anonymous said...

Yes I agree eveything is off, this week has been tres crappy, but for no particular reason. The cosmos are not aligned, I'm sick of all the freaking snow and I want to see some flowers and some sun. I am a bad blogger. Sill no baby, still trying, decided on drugs, stuggling with this alone thing. Okay that's the Coles (Cliffs in the US) version of my blog life. Now I'm off to catch up in the blog world.

decemberbaby said...

It has been a very "off" week.

Thanks for the shout-out!

Baby Blues said...

I'm amazed how you update your blogroll. I just recently decided to put everything in one list because I feel although we may have different situations and various modes of treatment or paths, we all definitely have a common goal! :-)

Tigger said...

Very icky week - I think it's the weather. I hope it goes away soon - I'm ready for some sunny skies again.

As for categories - maybe put those who haven't updated in a "lost bloggers" or "Needs updating" section. They might see their names (if they're still around) and remember to let you know what's up.

Here's hoping next week goes better.

Sunny said...

I have thought the same thoughts when I get to someone's blog who hasn't posted in forever. I start to worry. My imagination goes crazy wild. But I keep them on. I have one blog that hasn't posted since Oct. I check her blog during my round of blog reading every time. I hope to hear from her. I hope to hear that she is pregnant again after her miscarraige. I am constantly holding out hope.

I guess you could make an "on hold" cateory.

Sara said...

It's not just you. I don't know what's up, but something is definitely off in the universe. I'm hoping that it rights itself next week.

Jess said...

Yeah, I feel off this week, definitely, but it's because I'm sicker than a dog and have been for two weeks! Sorry about your mood though! Hoep you get a nice bubble bath or some ice cream or something! :)

I often have a hard time with bloggers who stop posting, too. I have had two on my blogroll for a long who was worried in her last post that she would lose her baby and another who had had good news and was going to her second or so u/s.

I leave them, because you never know.

I think if you're categorizing, though, you could make another category. I like "where are you" a lot! :)

Stacie said...

YOU are my categorizing problem, and I only have two categories; do you belong in the "multiples" groups, because, well, you have multiples, or the "other stuff" group because this blog isn't actually about the multiples? I've tried it both ways and neither is quite right.

Princess Barren said...

Thanks for the add to the blogroll!

I agree, everything has been wonky this week. I'm hoping it all goes back to normal (whatever that is) after the DST change on the 11th.

I think having a separate section for inactive blogs is a great idea. Maybe you could call it "Lost Souls" or "MIA."

Natalie said...

Yes indeed, I've just felt so down for a few days. No real reason either, I just feel like crawling into bed and not coming out for a while.

I really hate it when someone just stops posting. I always wonder and worry about them.

Carlynn said...

Yes, I agree, it has been a very blah week. Maybe we are all waiting for spring which we can see but can't feel yet and then we are hoping for our own personal spring of abundant fertility and new life.

At least we have the book club to look forward to, otherwise my blog entries would be "Had coffee today. Had lunch. Worked. Went home. Depressed about lack of pregnancy." Viva la primavera, please, please, get a move on and sprout some new shoots!

Michelle said...

Not that I want you or others to be in a funk with me, but I felt better seeing your post and the comments. I have been so off this week - feeling disconnected when I'm awake and having wild, disturbing dreams when I'm asleep. I've chalked it up to concerns over my grandmother's health and pregnancy hormones, but I like thinking that it's some imbalance in the universe that will (hopefully!) be righted soon.

Bea said...

Blogroll etiquette is tricky. I pause too, when I see those stories just stop. I leave them in the category where they stopped - the blogger may have moved on to somewhere else, but the *story* ends there. I guess my reasoning is to a) stick with what I know and b) categorise for the benefit of the reader trying to find a blog - with a disclaimer that the writer can request it moved. I know I've got a couple of notes saying "story incomplete" as well.

Hm. Someone should write a blogiquette guide for this sort of thing.


Esther said...

yes, I've wondered what to do myself with bloggers when their blog seems to go inactive, for no apparent reason. And of course it's none of my business as to why they have gone into hybernation....

Thanks for bringing up this topic.

I like your blog. Well done. I only found it just recently. I have an adoption blog you my like as well. Feel free to stop by.

Esther at

Celeste said...

i lost my whole 4-paragraph reply... and now i have to get dressed and go to work.

i guess i'll just say HI to Mel and all the rest of the amazing women here, and thank Mel again for this blog... it's a gem.

and i'm so behind, it's not even funny! :blush: