Okay, so the blogroll is really messed up. This is what happened. As I read, I go through sometimes and move blogs around. So if someone says that they've decided to use donor eggs, I'll move them over from IVF to the donor egg category just to have people more spread out (some categories have many people in them and some categories have only a few) and so people can find similar stories to their own. So, I started spliting up the pregnant or parenting after infertility category into smaller groups when I noticed that some people hadn't updated their blog in a long time. And my heart stopped.
Because the last time they wrote, they were 8 weeks pregnant and going to a sonogram. And then the blog simply stopped. No post-sonogram update. No goodbye. No I-have-terrible-morning-sickness-and-I-have-no-time-for-a-blog-anymore.
It's not that I feel like bloggers have an obligation to continue writing if they don't want to write. And certainly no one owes me details about their fertility or their pregnancy. But it's a bit scary when someone stops writing abruptly. You wonder if they're okay. You wonder if the pregnancy is okay. You leave a note in the comments, but they still don't update their blog. Nor do they take it down. It is simply frozen in a moment of time.
And I'm not sure what to do with these blogs on the blogroll. I often leave on blogs that aren't being updated or even ones that have a final post saying goodbye because they have good archives and you never know when someone is going to decide to begin posting again.
But I don't know how to handle the ones where the person has a pivitol appointment looming on the horizon and they stop posting. Do I move them out of pregnancy after infertility because they may have lost the pregnancy? And where would I move them? A new category of bloggers who have stopped posting? Am I the only person who pauses when they see that a blogger has stopped updating his/her blog?
A blogroll with categories makes for brave new world of etiquette questions.
I have been creating new categories including a pregnancy after infertility category because there have been many posts this week on various blogs about how pregnancy after infertility is a whole different bag of fears. So, again, in order for people to find like-minded comrades in order to get through those 9 months, I felt like it was best if they had their own category. If there are categories missing that you think should be created, let me know. A new one I've been thinking about is paths to parenthood with health issues since I found a wonderful group of women making their way to motherhood after cancer.
So I'll be picking at the blogroll on and off this weekend in between Purim carnivals.
But here are some cool things I read this week:
There has been a question circling the blogosphere this week--would you want to return to the person you were prior to infertility? Bea at Infertile Fantasies tackles this question by comparing her attitude when she was young vs. her attitude now by relaying an interesting story about her desire to own a horse. I love this story because it captures the fact that anything can happen. And we don't know how life will turn out or what will fall into our lap. There are the girls who will get their ponies easily, but we are the girls who will try and try and try. And hopefully--one day--it will work. Either through the path we've been trying to walk or on a different path to parenthood.
Samantha at Southern Infertility also tackled this question with a different analogy: her brother's death and her life after this terrible event. It's a gorgeous post that carries you through the good and not-so-good lessons that come from infertility. How they have changed a marriage and changed a woman. And...well...it's just damn good writing.
On that same note, Alexa at Flotsam has a piece that I loved this week. It's called "Now Let Us Never Speak of It Again" and it meanders through a doctor's appointment where the doctor called her pudgy. Which to me goes against that Hippocratic Oath to "first, do no harm." Alexa has a way of taking the heartbreaking and making you smile through your haze of tears and mucous. She sums up that fine line between a second loss and a third like this: "After I lost my first two pregnancies, I had to beg for testing, because two is only one more than one, and everyone who is anyone has one miscarriage, and two is nothing to worry about. But three, apparently, gets your uterus upgraded from 'unlucky' to 'cauldron of DOOM.' At least, that was the impression I got from Dr. Doctor’s sad, worried face and her intense insistence that we not try to get pregnant again until our genetic testing comes back. We hadn’t planned to try until after the wedding anyway, but it is a bit disconcerting to have one’s normally chipper medical professional looking grim and calling you a 'habitual aborter'.” But now you need to go over and read the whole post.
Sara at Of Course You'll Get Pregnant throws out an interesting "what if" about fate. It made me think about who became pregnant quickly after I connected to them as well as who I connected with prior to the cycle that worked. It's a cool post--go over and read it and think about the first time you came out to another stirrup queen.
Lastly, Bumble at Me and the Bumblebee has a post this week about the teacher who messed up her life as well as an excellent recount of the quinessential home-ec project: caring for a baby. In our school, you had to carry around an actual sack of flour which was supposed to be the same weight as a baby. Bumble has come to the realization that the point of that project was probably suppose to make us run for the birth control, but since flour doesn't howl at 3 a.m., all it did for me was make me want a child even more. Making me sit and daydream about babies all day long didn't keep me from wanting to make one. But most of all, this post has a wonderful fuck you to the teacher who essentially sealed her fate and sent her on the road to IVF.
So now it's back to pruning the blogroll...
Is it just me or does everything seem "off" this week? Not sure where this mood stems, but it feels like everyone and everything has this grey, hazy film over it--both in the blogosphere and in real life. I am not in the mood to do anything nor be with anyone. Perhaps, I should simply crawl back into bed until this mood passes. Sniff.