Perhaps it's residue from last night's weather or the fact that I'm slogging through six books on pregnancy loss simultaneously, but I'm in a mood today. You know exactly what I mean--nothing is wrong, yet you feel completely wrong. And you want to crawl right back into bed and remain there for the rest of the day (perhaps reading pregnancy loss books). But...that's not really an option. So let's talk about blogs instead.
There has been a lot of loss this week. A huge amount of loss. And a big ache has opened up in the blogging community. And I can't really put my finger on why this week over other weeks. This is not the first time that there has been multiple pregnancy losses in a given week. But for some reason, the heartbreak is amplified. If you haven't already done so, please stop by Mary Ellen and Steve at Our IVF Journey, Amy at Inconceivable, and Julia at Here Be Hippogriffs. It's hard not to grieve with them when they each write so eloquently about loss. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so sad today. My apologies if there were others I missed--you weren't left off this list intentionally.
Dee at Chasing China is still waiting for her referral. And while she waits, she has started a new business that was born out of her slip into motherhood. Because Dee has stepped over that line I've been talking about this week from wanting a baby to becoming and thinking like a mother. It began when she realized that it wasn't realistic to bring a stroller over to China when she went to pick up her child. There would just be too much to juggle. She started researching baby wearing which led her to make her own wrap which led to her making wraps for others. The birth of Family Tais. If I had a child small enough to fit into a sling, I would buy one in a heartbeat. The next time a friend gets pregnant, I know where to go for a gift instead of Buy Buy Baby. And it's also nice knowing that the money I'm spending is funding someone else's adoption rather than lining an already rich CEO's pockets.
Flmgodog at Sugar Donor has an amusing ode to Clomid-induced hot flashes. She went into Clomid with the same thought everyone has--how can 5 pills over 5 days cause any true side effects? And then the hot flashes hit and you're like, damn. Seriously. My face is flushed. This grocery store is freakin' hot. Is it okay to take off my clothes and go stand in the freezer section? I think what makes it feel so freaky is that the heat is emanating from within as if you've sprung your own personal hell in the center of your body. Hang in there, Flmgodog, and hope the drink boy shows up with a large, icy cocktail soon.
The Road Less Traveled at From Here to Maternity told her father that she's pregnant. As a single mother by choice, she felt like a child again when she had to tell her father. And this is how she described the moment: "Then it happened, I was 16 years old again, and wondering if I was going to be lectured or screamed at. I made him promise not to be angry and told him I didn't want his opinion. He didn't say much, I think because he was in shock at my matter of fact way of telling him about this baby's conception. He said well you're a new generation so I can 't judge, and that was the end of that." I liked this post very much. Maybe because she wrote it so well that I felt like I was with them in the car, driving to the bookstore, with everyone unusually quiet and tense. And it made me think about the ways we tell people that we're pregnant after IF. And how it's never the way you thought you would get to tell people pre-IF. Or pre-single motherhood. There was a time back when you first started dreaming about babies and it included yourself telling your parents or your significant other or a good friend about the pregnancy. And it just never quite turns out like those day dreams. Not necessarily terrible. Just different.