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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

An Essay in 500 Words or Less on Why I Hate April Fools Day

This is the main reason:

It makes you second-guess everything. And not just for 24 hours. It's sort of like the commercialization of all holidays by this point--you start second-guessing anything around April 1st. By March 15th, I start adding a caveat after every "yes"--"sure, I'll do that unless you are fucking with me and this is some sort of April Fools Day thing." April Fools Day makes one sound extremely paranoid.

Josh and I made a pact that we would never trick each other. That didn't stop us from plotting some real knee-slappers last night to mess with the twins. "I could put saran wrap across the potty," I said gleefully. "Then, when the Wolvog pees, it will get all over the floor. And I can clean it up! Or, I'll put a fake spider in the ChickieNob's Cherrios and after she dumps them on the floor in horror, I'll clean it up!"

You can see the inherent problem in all tricks played on them. Well done, twins, limboing unscathed under the April Fools stick.

As much as I hate April Fools Day, I do like a good trick. I simply don't like this day because it makes you live like you're caught in the build-up music on a horror film for 24 straight hours. One of my favourites came from back when I was teaching. A parent (the one who created the public living, in fact!) gave me a trick camera that squirted water. During my off-period, I went into a class that was taking an exam and explained that the admissions office had asked me to take photos of them for the new catalog. They should keep working on this test and I would move around the room trying not to disturb them. I still remember the look on one boy's face as the water rained down on him. Though, the joke was on me. The tests became soaked and no one could write on them.

Um...perhaps that wasn't the type of story you wanted to hear about a private school that charges you over $10,000/year for tuition.

I earned a bad reputation at that school. There was once a 5th grade class that was standing in our hallway and I came out to greet them and welcome them to the middle school. One girl looked back at her friends and said, "we know exactly who you are." With a smile frozen on my face, wondering if this child had a parent on the board and knew something I didn't know about the stability of my job, she continued: "you are the teacher who teases too much."

I didn't want to be the teacher who teases too much. But the siren song of changing my door's name plate daily was too loud to resist.

Last night, I had an April Fools-like dream. I dreamed that we made a lateral move to the first townhouse we ever bid on. In real life, we thankfully lost the bid because on second thought, we didn't love the neighbourhood. But in my dream, we had moved into this house except there was tremendous work that needed to be done. There was a hole in the ground with fetid water in lieu of a toilet. There were mouse nests in corners. The place was a wreck and the ChickieNob and Wolvog were dancing around in the living room while I paced about, trying to figure out why Josh would move us to a neighbourhood where we didn't like the schools and we were now stuck with the same amount of space but with more work to do. I did pause in my dream to snap a picture of two copies of Huck Finn (do I even have one in real life?) on the bookshelf because I had to do Lori's book meme.

And then I woke up and instantly cursed my mind for playing a trick on me.

I was also cranky when I saw the opening page of gmail this morning and said, "another feature? I cannot learn anything new. I really give up, Josh. Now I have to set the date on the email?"

He pointed out that this was a joke.

I really don't like April Fools Day.

But the main reason why I dislike April Fools Day--a few bloggers came up with a really cool idea behind the scenes that you will want to participate in because it helps one of our own. But I'm too scared to post it and have people think it's a joke. So I'm holding off a few hours. But come back later to see how you can help with this really cool idea. Damn you, April Fools Day, cursed wretch of a holiday.


HereWeGoAJen said...

I hate April Fools Day too. I don't mind a funny joke (my mom used to dye the milk green with food coloring) but most of them are just mean. If you are doing a good joke, everyone should laugh, not just the people who are playing the joke.

Mindy said...

I've never been a big fan of the day myself -- too gullible I guess.
My daughter must have learned about April Fool's Day at school, because last night she was pulling her hand into her sleeve and saying "look, I have no hand", then screaming "April Fool", and then laughing hysterically. I love my kid, but I'm not looking forward to extra 5-year old humor today. Hmmm? Maybe I'll fool her. ;)

Meghan said...

Ha! I didn't realize that gmail thing was a joke either. I thought it was ridiculous! Yeah, I'm way gullible, which is why I also am not a fan.

Kim said...

lol My kids had fun last night - all tricks were played on their Dad! They put his underwear in plastic zip-lock bags and hid it under his socks. They put plastic bugs in his shoes and used packing tape to hook all of his shirt sleeves together. HE leaves before they get up, so they got a phone call early this morning! Hubby forgot all about April Fools at first and had no idea what happened with his stuff!

Shauna said...

I could have written this post. April Fool's is my least favourite day.

bleu said...

I am either way with it but I have usually known when I was being tricked and never had a bad experience. I choose not to do anything yet because at Bliss's age I do not think he would get the gist of it without it turning to thinking it was a "be mean" day which it should not be or a "lie day" which is still not it.

I was out with a friend and her kids yesterday at a trampoline place and after we went to lunch and they were trying to figure out how to fool their dad, her husband, and then she told me a story. A friend of hers fooled her husband one year by telling him she was pregnant. They were in their forties and had teen-aged kids. My friend was saying how sucky the joke was but it made me sad.
My friend's daughter said to her mother that she should tell her husband she is pregnant and my friend said "oh no, daddy would not react upset to that news."

LJ said...

Yep - me and Mr. Badger don't play tricks on each other as a rule. I am way too gullible to deal with 4/1. I loathe it.

Rachel said...

Wow that teaching story hit home. I used to be a teacher, too. Curiously, I was the teacher that you couldn't use the term "fag" near. That would cause a very long lecture explaining why that shouldn't be used as a derogatory term.

Way off topic, I know. But that resonated with me.

Julia said...

Aspril Fool's was a really huge deal in the Old Country. I don't remember ever being gotten too badly, but I do remember a few good ones I pulled. This year, I didn't know Monkey knew anything about the day, but she told me she heard about it in school. So we quickly came up with a good one to play on JD. And it worked! Loads of fun it was, mainly because I got to see Monkey execute the joke almost entirely on her own. You know, all grown and all...

Antigone said...

Nobody in my corporate world enjoys the holiday. We need some levity d@mnit.