The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Friday Blog Roundup

We took the twins to see their first movie last weekend--Ponyo. It's the story about a little fish who wants to be a girl, a weak plotted version of the Little Mermaid (where once the fish tastes human blood, all she wants in the world is to be a little girl. It's just like when you eat a hamburger and all you want to do, with all your heart, enough to leave your family behind forever, is to turn into a cow).

Absolutely necessary to watch a movie in a theater for the first time: three stuffed animals, two necklaces, a bracelet, and a bag of chocolate chips. The Wolvog watched the first 80 minutes from Josh's lap and finally decided that he could handle having his own seat even though movies are simply too intense to combine with eating. The ChickieNob handled the first 90 minutes in her own seat, but moved into my lap for the remainder.

The most exciting moment in the film came when the mother served the children ramen noodles. Ramen noodles! After our own successful ramen noodle chase which unfolded over Twitter last Friday night. There is only one vegan ramen noodle option out there and Josh drove to three stores to find it; a truer sign of his devotion than the sea king asking the little boy if, you know, he could love Ponyo whether she was a fish or human. Did you hear that, Fujimoto? My husband drove to three stores to buy me the saltiest food known to man. That is love; that is devotion.

Eating ramen reminds me of a spring in college where I boasted that I could eat for under $3 a day. And I did. Two meals of ramen noodles (which came to 40 cents), a cucumber (about 75 cents) and the rest on coffee. Such a healthy life.

But the absolute best part of the movie came when we walked into the theater. I am such a fucking wholesome person that I have only once stayed in the theater and watched a second film for free. I mean, I have seen two movies in one day, but I have WALKED OUT OF THE THEATER AND PURCHASED A SECOND TICKET. Because I'm that wholesome.

But once--once!--when I was pregnant with the twins, we went to see Shrek 2 and it was so awful that I started crying about how we'd never see a film again once the twins arrived and this was our last chance and it was a terrible film and we wasted it--we wasted it. So Josh told me that we were going to see Mean Girls too. And while I had a massive guilt complex, I went along with the plan, but bought extra popcorn to make up for the thievery.

Of course, I was seven months pregnant so I had to pee every few minutes and it order to get to the bathroom, I had to pass the ticket taker. I could tell that he knew that I had been in the theater and peed way too many times for a single feature, and I had such a huge guilt complex that my heart was literally beating out of my chest like the Tell-Tale Heart, but the man never said anything to me. He would just raise his eyebrows when I passed.

That was the man who took our tickets.

He was not as enthralled to see us as we were to see him.

So...the first round of Blogger Bingo begins Monday morning, though the list closes at 11 p.m. on Sunday (EST). And then, that's it. You'll see your friends playing and you'll wish you signed up too. But it will be impossible. And you'll never be able to undo it, never be able to go back in time and be part of the very first Blogger Bingo.

I'm just saying.

Sort of swallowed by the whole Blogger Bingo thing was that a new book was announced for the online book club. We're reading Heather Armstrong's (aka Dooce) book, It Sucked, and Then I Cried... Please join along if you're interested in discussing the book.

And lastly, in case you missed the email, August's IComLeavWe begins today. I know--it's like summer camp over here. But get commenting and finding new blogs to read. This month's list will close later today. And September's will open on the 30th.

We celebrated Coming Home day this week, the five year anniversary of the day they came home from the NICU. I carried on our fine family tradition of purchasing sparkling juice and calling it champagne. Thank you, Izze soda, for helping me with this deception. We drank it out of fancy Ikea wine glasses. The twins seemed wholly unimpressed by the milestone. They did not want me to reminisce and play the music we played when we drove home from the hospital. They really didn't want to do anything which interfered with them dumping out 1000 Legos across the living room floor to construct a labyrinth-like town that was on fire. Did I hear that? The whole town was ablaze. And that was far more important than a silly anniversary that didn't involve presents or cake.

And now, the blogs...

No Regrets has a post about letting go after stopping IVF. She questions the mourning process--there is not a person to pour the grief into. There are the embryos; all the lost embryos. She writes of the loss: "Nobody showed up with casseroles or thoughtful words with hugs or condolences. Nobody stopped by to share our grief, wipe our tears, or listen to us share our thoughts." It is a beautiful post about the importance of closure as she mourns her biological children.

Artblog has a post not about seeing a psychic for answers about her future, but mediums, for answers from the past. Though I never went back again, I did once see a psychic/medium and got to communicate with people from my past. My feeling is that whether or not it was real, it gave me the cathartic release I needed to let go of some long-held feelings. And so, in that sense, it was worth the trip. It was just an interesting post about whether or not you'd take the opportunity if you could reach back to your past for answers rather than your future.
The Weekly What If (whoa...what is Mel up to, tucking it in here?): If you could either know answers about your future or connect with someone from your past, which one would you choose?
All Grown Up has a brief post that packs a punch about her friend's news. I love how her gut and heart are divided amongst the two emotions, it is so real, so honest, and the emotions wholly accessible to so many.

Lastly, Exile in Kidville has a great attitude outlined in her post on the early days of parenthood. She writes about a realization during a difficult patch: "I realized that I spend a lot of time on what is SUPPOSED to be instead of focusing on what IS. There are a lot of difficult parts to motherhood, but I find that many of them can be made easier if I start by looking at them simply for what they ARE." And how she returns to this idea during a recent sleepless night, transforming her frustration into an opportunity to embrace her son. It's just a lovely post.

The roundup to the Roundup: Ponyo, Ponyo, it's a kid fish. Blogger Bingo, Dooce's book, and IComleavWe. Celebrating Coming Home Day. And lots of great posts to read with the Weekly What If tucked inside.


JJ said...

Wow that is a tough questions to answer...I think connecting from the past, because I dont want to be anxious about living my life for what is to come.

Thanks for the roundup, Mel!

calliope said...

I can not WAIT to rent that movie! Spirited Away is one of my top ten favorite movies EVER.

Happy belated coming home anniversary!

& that is a serious tough question because so so so many days I feel like I would give nearly anything to have one more conversation with my Grandfather. But with all of the uncertainty in my life (coming up on month 7 of no employment for Mother) I sort of think that a glimpse into what is around the corner would be more, er, productive (I HOPE!)

T Lee said...

Wow... tough question. I think I would probably go with knowing things about the future (because I have questions about what to do with my life)... plus, I assume I'll see people from my past eventually anyway, so why waste a trip, haha.

The Unproductive One said...

I'd want to know answers from my future. My only question I'd want answers is if we were going to become parents. If we weren't, at least then I could finally move on, living in limbo sucks ass.

If we were to become parents, I could stop stressing and driving myself insane about it.


K said...

I've only stayed for a second movie twice, and both times were anxiety inducing. The last time was the night before my lap. We saw Revolutionary Road "to keep me distracted", only it's the most depressing movie we'd seen in a LONG time. I walked out in worse shape than when I came in, and DH ushered me right on over to Bride Wars, LOL.


Chelle said...

Ha ha! I love the 7 mos pg at the movies part. I hope you don't still feel guilty. Hollywood makes more money than you or I will ever see. Can you tell it wouldn't weigh on my conscience? lol

If I had to pick between past and future, I would pick future. My past is gone and done, but I would like to know what things are to come so that in the words of Elizabeth Gaskell, "[I] could calculate [my] actions better."

Eileen said...

Happy coming home day! What a wonderful anniversary to celebrate! I recently went to see a psychic before my IVF, crazy I know. I guess we'll find out in 9 months if he was right or not. He assured me that there would be no more Wouldn't that be fabulous if he really was right.


WiseGuy said...

You did not like Shrek 2??? How could you hate my favourite ogre!

Would I go to the past or go to the future...I thought I would spoil the surprise that tomorrow is, by seeing it today!

Which means, that I did rather travel back in time. Such small corners on the street and we did not know what building we would reach, had we taken a different path.

And I did read the No Regrets post about Letting Go. It was wonderful, heartbreaking and sobering at the same time.


areyoukiddingme said...

I would go with the future. Mostly because my family who is no longer here consists of very opinionated people, and I don't really need any lectures on what I should have done with my life. :)

Somewhat Ordinary said...

We were just talking about this at work less than an hour ago-weird.

I would rather go back than forward. If I knew what was going to happen I think I would always be anxious for that day to come.

Happy Coming Home Day!

Jen said...

Oh, I just loved hearing about the twins first movie. It made me all warm and fuzzy.

Journeywoman said...

Tomorrow is the 23rd anniversary of the day we lost Grandma--so I'd speak to someone from my past.

Flying Monkeys said...

My past. I can make better choices for my future, be kinder and gentler, work though my pigheadedness and stubbornness and to the better thing (because I hate the phrase the right thing) but I can't undo what I've already done or didn't do when I should have. I'd like to tie up loose ends and make apologies for things that haunt me, which make them sound titillating, which they weren't, but transgressions are transgressions regardless of their degree. And if I went forward and found out something bad happened I would live in fear of it, waiting for it, instead of living today.

I've always wanted to sit through the second movie but I'm a chicken.

Lost in Space always does a brilliant job expressing her feelings.

Furrow said...

I was just reading an old post that mentioned your virtual bar. I came here looking for a fix. Did the economy do it in?

Looking forward to Z's first theater movie. I think it will be several years off, though. sounds like you littles did great.

Emmy said...

I would definitely connect with people past-- my brother, father, and good friend most notably.

My mother spoke with a medium about a month after my brother died (this past march) and felt better from that hour long conversation than she did from support groups or therapy. I really want a turn.

Lorza said...

I do believe I would go back. To my grandmother that I never met that everyone says I am so much like I could be her clone.

Anonymous said...

i'm honoured to be mentioned here, Mel. thanks.
re: person from my past of answers about my future...i have to pick neither and choose the now. is that an option? :)

Mrs. Higrens said...

Did you ever hear the urban legend about the international grad student who in trying to live within his means, spent all of his grad student years eating only ramen and ended up dying of malnutrition before he received his degree? It's a classic!

As for future or past? I think future, but only if it can be sufficiently unclear, like a tarot reading. I don't want to know details.

Nicole said...

Thanks so much, blog roundup!

Thanks to everyone who offered there support, either in writing or in their hearts--we've all been there, I know.

Echloe said...

Ponyo sounds like a really weird movie. Not sure I want to know why she tasted the human blood to begin with.

Happy ICLW Mel

Paz said...

I would never want to know the future! I usually enjoy connecting with people from the past, but not always. (That's what I don't like about FB, 'hello, remember me? We went out on one date in 1983?' ugh.)

Congrats on your milestone with the twins. What a great way to celebrate by building a community and burning it, or was it building it while it burns, now that's tricky stuff.

Kathy said...

Happy ICLW & Coming Home Day! :) I love the way you and your family have such special traditions and honor such important milestones in your life.

So you got me, I am going to participate in Blogger Bingo afteralll! I am likely crazy to try while already doing ICLW this month and having enough on my plate right now, but you suckered me in with all your talk of being part of the first group to ever do it... ;) Looking forward to it! :)

Have a great weekend! :)

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

hi mel! i joined ILCW for the first time this month and you are my first comment. im really excited to view many IF blogs and "meet" new women. thank you for arranging it each month!!

Fertility Chick said...

I think that I'd have to go back to the past too - only because I know myself too well to know that knowing what's ahead would drive me batty!

I followed the ramen noodle adventures via Twitter and also enjoyed many a ramen noodle meal in college! Cheap and cheerful!

Thanks for all of this!!

I've only pulled a 'double feature' at the movies once - and felt so guilty through the second film that I didn't even enjoy it.


kathi said...

I'd definitely want to connect with some much-missed folks from my past. The future is supposed to be a surprise!

:: ICLW :: - and thanks for all of your time and work for this great project!

battynurse said...

Tough one. I think I'd pick to know the answers. Not sure though.

Coffeegrl said...

Hmmmm. I don't think I'd really want to do either. I think I'm glad I have hazy ideas and answers from the past as I'm afraid I'd be terribly disillusioned if I actually knew some of the answers to my questions. As for the future...I *know* I'd get wedded to a prediction and then live my life accordingly instead of allowing it to unfold naturally. I'm better off not knowing either way!

kate said...

Eesh. I don't think I'd want either! Actually, I would want both, but I would be scared of actually taking either path. There's only a few people I'd want to connect with from the past (er, people that I couldn't connect with now due to, um, living status), and I know how drastically my relationship with other friends and relatives have changed over the years, and I really don't want to call those people back from the dead only to find out that they are just as disappointed in me as the living ones are.

And as for knowing the future-- oh, what a danger that would be! I mean, if my life were to turn out fantastic in some way, would I be angry that it hasn't been that way yet, and wonder why the fates that be have decided that I don't deserve to be happy, not just yet at least. And if it turned out that life was terrible in the future, would I just sink into a depression, sad and sick because I feel like I've been through enough already? And if the future was just the same, wouldn't I lose my mind with the monotony of it all?

So yeah. I think I'm better off not knowing.

(Oh, and I thought the same thing when I saw previews for Ponyo-- isn't that just the Little Mermaid, essentially? I wouldn't have gone to see it anyhow, but I think you've convinced me that I'm 100% assuredly not going to miss anything!)

Lost in Space said...

Thanks for mentioning my post, Mel. I am beyond touched.

As for future or past, I have to go with the past. Even thought there is nothing left unresolved, I would give most anything for one more moment with my dad. I think knowing my future would only make me anxious with waiting for what is to come instead of enjoying the now...hmmm, I could take a lesson from this one in relation to IF. (-;

Happy Coming Home Day!

Neil said...

I just saw the movie too. Not as good as Spirit Away, that's for sure. I am a very honest person, who has never shoplifted anything, but hearing your guilt over sneaking into a second film takes the cake. I say -- they deserve it for charging so much for a movie! Ok, I know that is a rationalization and not something you want to teach a child, but it was actually MY MOTHER who taught me how to do it!

Bea said...

Apparently you may have ruined Ponyo for Mr Bea. Or my reading your review out to him did. It sounds like there might be a viewing in our future to sort this whole thing out.