The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Resolving

The final part of our trip to New York came on Tuesday night. After mooching some free wifi off of Lindsay's brother--thank you!--we went back to my brother's apartment to get dressed and got caught in a torrential downpour where the streets flooded and our clothes were sticking to our body (and the ballet flats that shredded the back of my ankles were ruined, which may have actually been a good thing, but is a point worth making because it features later in this story).

My brother told us to leave our clothes in the bathroom and he would dry them for us so we could pack when we returned that night. We quickly got showered and smeared on some make-up (me...not Josh) and Josh called a car service because I was unsure I could do the subway in heels due to the aforementioned shredded ankles.

The Night of Hope was held at Tavern on the Green, which had this fantastic hallway with chandeliers and mirrors that made me miss the ChickieNob. Every time I walked down it, I thought about how she really would have sucked the marrow out of this event. And while I hope she never experiences infertility, I hope that she attends the Night of Hope one year in the distant future just to give respect to the organization that helped her parents so much.

So, here I am, smiling a little wanly outside because I am shy as all get out and I'm terrible at shmoozing. Then we went inside and Erica from Parenthood for Me found us. She was the only other blogger there. It made me feel better to have someone from the blogosphere in the flesh.

They had a great program where they talked about the enormous blogroll. When the program was written, the number was about 1700. When I went on stage that night, the number of blogs on the blogroll was 1828.

I got very emotional right before I went on stage to accept the award. I don't know why. I think it just felt very surreal to be there and all I could think of was this night many years ago when we discovered that there were books on infertility out there and we dragged a pile to a table at Borders, trying to figure out which ones to buy. And one of the books was Resolving Infertility, which was written by Resolve. And I remember crying at the table and putting my hands up on either side of my face like blinders and my shoulders shaking so hard as I tried to cry quietly and not fooling anyone else in the cafe area. Just wanting to wail because we had done the gleeful bookstore trip for baby books almost a year earlier and there was no baby. And here we were buying Resolving Infertility and this just wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

So as I was standing in the wings, I missed everything the host said as an introduction because I was thinking about that night and how far I've come, how surreal it is to think about the night I started the blog and to now be having the blog honoured or how surreal it is to think about the night where I bought infertility books instead of baby books--I lost the glee long before that night, but certainly, it could not have been a more different trip from the one we took to the bookstore when we first started trying. Resolve has been there for me for so long--for so many years--and it was crazy to think that I was now there for them. If that makes any sense. It was like finding out that your professor in your 400 person introductory seminar class knows your name. You have learned so much from them; you can't believe they would reach out and know who you are too.

The award is lovely. This picture really doesn't do it justice. But it is hard to photograph crystal when you don't know how to use your camera. I missed everything the host said about me, but this is what I said about you as my thank you speech.
There are currently 1828 blogs on my blogroll and that number grows daily. My thank yous need to begin with them. To the people who are unafraid of sharing their story and connecting with others in order to provide support, take comfort, and disseminate information. I am so proud to be a part of the blogging community and I encourage every person in this room to Google stirrup queens when you get home to find my site, click on that blogroll link in the top left corner, and peruse the blogs. It is an invaluable resource to understand what those experiencing infertility think and feel.
I thanked Resolve and the ChickieNob and Wolvog and the doctor who helped make them (who was my tablemate that evening!). And, of course, Josh. "And, as always, my most enormous thank you goes to my husband, Josh, who does everything with me as an equal partner, from infertility to parenting to the book/blog. You are my heart—thank you."

After the award ceremony, I met the third celebrity of the trip. Perhaps she is not on television like Mario Batali or Judah Friedlander, but she means a lot more to me than those people. What have they done? Made people feel full? Made people laugh? This third person has brought calm, and I cannot think of anything more important than helping a person find peace of heart.

The same night that we bought Resolving Infertility, we also bought Conquering Infertility by Ali Domar. In hardback. Josh asked me if I thought I could wait for the paperback edition and I looked at him and said, "do you think I can wait for the paperback edition?" Had I not just cried in a Borders cafe? We bought the book and I still use one of the visualization techniques to this day. In fact, I taught my visualization to the twins to use for our afternoon meditation times until they can come up with their own.

I was too nervous to go up to her until Josh dragged me to her at the end of the night. She was so gracious, so grounded, so funny and smart and straightforward and bad-ass. The best way I can describe speaking to Ali Domar is that you feel as if you're on a sound stage and this is the movie about the therapist who saves all of these people and you're in the final scene where the music is playing in the background and you think about all of these people who wouldn't have made it to the other side without her; what would have been lost. Too much? It was such a huge experience for me to meet her; her book helped me so much. Hence the huge, nervous smile on my face. It was this strange night where I felt like I was yanking at my infertile roots and here was this person who had brought such calm to me when I felt like I was in a storm that I just could not find a way to weather.

At the end of the night, we decided to take the subway back to my brother's place because the car service seemed to take forever. Plus, my ankles had someone stopped their bleeding due to the fact that my heels are too big that my foot isn't really against the back of my shoe. Though it begged the question: how would I get home tomorrow with the ballet flats ruined, my ankles bloody, and tottering along in heels with a long walk ahead of me?

We stopped by the CVS and examined the most atrocious flip flop display imaginable. I had my pick of florescent pink flowers, beads, or feathers. I went with the flowers even though they barely fit. They were the $7 I had to spend in order to get home.

And after 48 hours away, all I wanted to do was go home, shnuzzle with the kids, and get in my own bed. And while this was not a single perfect moment, it was a string of perfect moments and therefore, I think it qualifies for Perfect Moment Monday.

46 comments:

Julie said...

I love everything about this post. Absolutely everything. Even, my God, those atrocious shoes.

loribeth said...

Ahh, so that's why you were in NYC!! I remember you writing about the award before -- what an awesome experience that must have been!! And to meet Ali Domar! The infertility counsellor I consulted recommended "Healing Mind, Healthy Woman" to me & I've read all her other stuff since then, even since I stopped treatments. I love how her focus is not specifically on achieving pregnancy but helping women deal with the stress of infertility.

one-hit_wonder said...

Wishing you congratulations! :)

eden said...

"They were the $7 I had to spend in order to get home."

And you had the power to get home, all along.

Fantastic award for a fantastic person. xox

Vintage Mommy said...

It's hard not to smile when I see the photos of your wonderful, bright smile! Congratulations, Mel.

Loved the part about CVS; haven't we all bought an umbrella or plastic shoes or something there that we would never usually buy - but desperately needed at that moment? I can smell the store now . . .

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Congrats to you on your wonderful award!

LOVED your post! It was moving reading about you and Josh...and relating to purchasing infertilty books instead of baby books.

Speaking of which, I'm nearly finished with YOUR fabulous book. Can't wait for the book talk at the end of the month. :)

Congrats again, Mel. THANK YOU so much for uniting this community via blogland.

Miriam said...

Congrats Mel- well deserved :) Wonderful post- thanks for sharing it with us!

Ellen K. said...

Sounds like an amazing event. How awesome that you met Ali Domar! Congrats on your award, too!

Tash said...

You're amazing. Congratulations, Mel!

wordgirlredux said...

I was thinking of you this weekend when I read the article in the Times about blogs -- and how so many go unread -- people's thoughts go unconnected -- and I thought of how much we all owe to you -- in giving us a kind of connective tissue -- a community that allows us to find one another -- exercises that urge us to go out and connect, to respond, reach out -- to find one another.

We owe so much to you Mel -- congratulations!

Xo

pam

Kymberli said...

Many congratulations to you! I read the blow-by-blow updates on Twitter as they were happening! I'm so proud of how you represent all of us each time you receive accolades. I know there will be many more to come as your book blows up. I think that somewhere soon, someone will view your book the same way in which you view the books of those who helped you. You will help and *are* helping others weather the storm, and for that, I am grateful.

***BTW - my surrogacy attorney was in attendance at the awards!

Beautiful Mess said...

I've got the chills! Congratulations, Mel! You do an amazing job here on your blog. You never cease to amaze me. I hope the high you got from your wonderful award, stays with you for a long time.
*HUGS*

Delenn said...

Congratulations on the award..it does look lovely. Those flip flops on the other hand...

Hillary said...

Many congrats on the award, Mel! You do us so proud :)

meandbaby said...

Congratulations on an award so well deserved. I can't imagine going through this process without the great resources and community connections you help provide! I even got a little teary reading your acceptance speech. :)

In Due Time said...

Congrats! Precious award! :-)

NoodleGirl said...

Such a well-deserved award - congrats!! And I actually like those flip flops, am I gonna be banned for tackiness? ;)

Jen said...

Congratulations, Mel! If I gave out awards, I would give one to you.

annacyclopedia said...

Congratulations, Mel! I am so glad you were honoured in this way - you and Stirrup Queens were my Ali Domar. I've said many times that finding your blog was a revelation and the beginning of healing for me, and it truly was. Not only that, but I know that there would not be a support group in my city right now had I not found support and understanding on the blogs, because without that support, I wouldn't have had the strength to found the group. So I hope that when you look at that award, the crystal refracts and reflects the infinite and evolving ways you have contributed to change in the world. It truly is worth marveling at and celebrating, and I hope you carry this with you always.

Anonymous said...

RESOLVE was honored to have you as part of our evening! Congrats!

Rebecca Flick
RESOLVE

calliope said...

so so so proud of you, sweetie!!
I get shivers thinking about all the amazing work you have done to help SO many women. You are beyond a trail blazer- you blaze the trail, keep it lit with warm light, and you hold our hands as we walk the path to the unknown.
CONGRATS!!!!!
p.s. you looked hawt!

Clare said...

Congratulations Mel! You most definitely deserve this award! I am so proud to be part of the blogroll and I don't know what we would all do without you - thanks for keeping this community together. I hope your feet have recovered!

Heather said...

You have such an encompassing, encouraging spirit--that award is just perfect for you. Congratulations!

Someday a future RESOLVE award winner is going to blog breathlessly about meeting you at the ceremony, you know.

Another Dreamer said...

How absolutely wonderful!

Congratulations on the award, and all the mingling you did :)

Kristin said...

What an amazing trip. I am still in awe over everything you do for this community.

areyoukiddingme said...

Congratulations! A well-deserved award!

Anonymous said...

Well, you just made my week! Those were some of the nicest words I have ever seen said about me and I am floating.
You need to give yourself a huge pat on the back for all the good work that you have done for all those people out there in internet-land who can use all the wonderful support that you provide. Huge kudos from me to you.
And I so enjoyed getting the chance to meet and talk to you. A lot of my patients are big fans of yours.
Thanks again. It was a real Chandler o-m-g moment reading it.

Ali Domar

Lavender Luz said...

Look at you in your perfect makeup and hair. As lovely as always.

What I love so much is that you hold the community with you wherever you go.

And this: "suck the marrow."

Really wish I could have been there to cheer you on.

And give you sandals advice.

(Just kidding -- I LOVE them!)

'Murgdan' said...

Love it. That is just so so cool Congrats on your awesome award, you deserve it. Thanks for sharing this story and the pictures.

Hope those ankles are doing better.

Tara said...

Congratulations! Thanks for all you do.

JamieD said...

I wish I were there so I could have given you a big hug and the sincerest thank you.

Vee said...

Congratulations Mel! You are amazing you deserve it and more.

VA Blondie said...

Congrats on the award! You definitely deserve it. You truly bring this community together for me. And like Annacyclopedia, you are my Ali Domar.

Sounds like it was a wonderful evening! Congratulations, again!

Cara said...

Your life is just exploding around you and I am so glad to be along for the virtual ride.

jeez - nearly felt like I met these people too...

Michelle said...

Congraulations Mel! You deserve it!

This post was beautiful. It sounds it was a truly AMAZING time!

Paz said...

What exciting times these are for you. Congrats on the award, they chose well when they chose you.

See, being 35 ain't so bad after all. Ali Domar is commenting on your blog, life is good.

Jamie said...

I can't think of anyone who is more deserving!! :) You bring all of us together!

Mary said...

Oh Mel, so well deserved!!!! But I have to ask.... which purse did you pick?

WiseGuy said...

Mindblowing award....thanks for being there! Hoping even more recognition comes you way! You so deserve it!

Good Luck!

Coffeegrl said...

What a tremendously thrilling experience. Excuse me while I momentarily live vicariously through you!!

Bluebird said...

Wonderful and beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes. All of it. Well done :)

JJ said...

So bummed I missed seeing you and Lindsay in NYC by only a few days! But so happy you had such a memorable time-and received such a well deserved award!

Dora said...

Late to the party, but this is so deserved! You are truly a beacon in this community.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

And I agree with Cali, you looked totally HOT!

Billy said...

Congratulations on the award!
You so deserve it!!

Jennifer said...

Congratulations!!!
WOW what an awesome post!!!

itsazooaroundhere said...

Congratulations, Mel! You so completely deserve it, for everything you do for us. Thanks for sharing the trip!