My brother told us to leave our clothes in the bathroom and he would dry them for us so we could pack when we returned that night. We quickly got showered and smeared on some make-up (me...not Josh) and Josh called a car service because I was unsure I could do the subway in heels due to the aforementioned shredded ankles.
The Night of Hope was held at Tavern on the Green, which had this fantastic hallway with chandeliers and mirrors that made me miss the ChickieNob. Every time I walked down it, I thought about how she really would have sucked the marrow out of this event. And while I hope she never experiences infertility, I hope that she attends the Night of Hope one year in the distant future just to give respect to the organization that helped her parents so much.
So, here I am, smiling a little wanly outside because I am shy as all get out and I'm terrible at shmoozing. Then we went inside and Erica from Parenthood for Me found us. She was the only other blogger there. It made me feel better to have someone from the blogosphere in the flesh.
They had a great program where they talked about the enormous blogroll. When the program was written, the number was about 1700. When I went on stage that night, the number of blogs on the blogroll was 1828.
I got very emotional right before I went on stage to accept the award. I don't know why. I think it just felt very surreal to be there and all I could think of was this night many years ago when we discovered that there were books on infertility out there and we dragged a pile to a table at Borders, trying to figure out which ones to buy. And one of the books was Resolving Infertility, which was written by Resolve. And I remember crying at the table and putting my hands up on either side of my face like blinders and my shoulders shaking so hard as I tried to cry quietly and not fooling anyone else in the cafe area. Just wanting to wail because we had done the gleeful bookstore trip for baby books almost a year earlier and there was no baby. And here we were buying Resolving Infertility and this just wasn't the way it was supposed to be.
So as I was standing in the wings, I missed everything the host said as an introduction because I was thinking about that night and how far I've come, how surreal it is to think about the night I started the blog and to now be having the blog honoured or how surreal it is to think about the night where I bought infertility books instead of baby books--I lost the glee long before that night, but certainly, it could not have been a more different trip from the one we took to the bookstore when we first started trying. Resolve has been there for me for so long--for so many years--and it was crazy to think that I was now there for them. If that makes any sense. It was like finding out that your professor in your 400 person introductory seminar class knows your name. You have learned so much from them; you can't believe they would reach out and know who you are too.
The award is lovely. This picture really doesn't do it justice. But it is hard to photograph crystal when you don't know how to use your camera. I missed everything the host said about me, but this is what I said about you as my thank you speech.
There are currently 1828 blogs on my blogroll and that number grows daily. My thank yous need to begin with them. To the people who are unafraid of sharing their story and connecting with others in order to provide support, take comfort, and disseminate information. I am so proud to be a part of the blogging community and I encourage every person in this room to Google stirrup queens when you get home to find my site, click on that blogroll link in the top left corner, and peruse the blogs. It is an invaluable resource to understand what those experiencing infertility think and feel.I thanked Resolve and the ChickieNob and Wolvog and the doctor who helped make them (who was my tablemate that evening!). And, of course, Josh. "And, as always, my most enormous thank you goes to my husband, Josh, who does everything with me as an equal partner, from infertility to parenting to the book/blog. You are my heart—thank you."
After the award ceremony, I met the third celebrity of the trip. Perhaps she is not on television like Mario Batali or Judah Friedlander, but she means a lot more to me than those people. What have they done? Made people feel full? Made people laugh? This third person has brought calm, and I cannot think of anything more important than helping a person find peace of heart.
The same night that we bought Resolving Infertility, we also bought Conquering Infertility by Ali Domar. In hardback. Josh asked me if I thought I could wait for the paperback edition and I looked at him and said, "do you think I can wait for the paperback edition?" Had I not just cried in a Borders cafe? We bought the book and I still use one of the visualization techniques to this day. In fact, I taught my visualization to the twins to use for our afternoon meditation times until they can come up with their own.
I was too nervous to go up to her until Josh dragged me to her at the end of the night. She was so gracious, so grounded, so funny and smart and straightforward and bad-ass. The best way I can describe speaking to Ali Domar is that you feel as if you're on a sound stage and this is the movie about the therapist who saves all of these people and you're in the final scene where the music is playing in the background and you think about all of these people who wouldn't have made it to the other side without her; what would have been lost. Too much? It was such a huge experience for me to meet her; her book helped me so much. Hence the huge, nervous smile on my face. It was this strange night where I felt like I was yanking at my infertile roots and here was this person who had brought such calm to me when I felt like I was in a storm that I just could not find a way to weather.
At the end of the night, we decided to take the subway back to my brother's place because the car service seemed to take forever. Plus, my ankles had someone stopped their bleeding due to the fact that my heels are too big that my foot isn't really against the back of my shoe. Though it begged the question: how would I get home tomorrow with the ballet flats ruined, my ankles bloody, and tottering along in heels with a long walk ahead of me?
We stopped by the CVS and examined the most atrocious flip flop display imaginable. I had my pick of florescent pink flowers, beads, or feathers. I went with the flowers even though they barely fit. They were the $7 I had to spend in order to get home.
And after 48 hours away, all I wanted to do was go home, shnuzzle with the kids, and get in my own bed. And while this was not a single perfect moment, it was a string of perfect moments and therefore, I think it qualifies for Perfect Moment Monday.