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LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

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My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Friday Blog Roundup

Last weekend, the Wolvog lost his iPod (by the way...children are mentioned in this section of the Roundup as well as the next one if you want to skip down to a child-free space). You may wonder why a 4-year-old boy has his own iPod. I often wonder this myself. Can we skip that explanation?

Regardless, we tore the house apart trying to find this iPod; literally ate up about two hours of time searching for it and finally found it in a random cabinet. He didn't know why it was there either but he went on his merry way, listening to U2 and doing a dance in front of the mirror that involves running in place as quickly as possible with his legs as far apart as possible. I'll give you a moment to stand up and try out this position so you can get the visual.

The next day, literally the next day, he lost Little Stevie. For those unfamiliar with the unusual amount of stuffed animals named Stevie in our house, the original Stevie was given to the ChickieNob by my brother and named after his roommate at the time. Stevie is a guinea pig who apparently poops a lot (and shouts out "goodie!" while he does so) and enjoys eating bedroom slippers. While in Harper's Ferry this winter, the Wolvog found a tiny stuffed guinea pig that he named Little Stevie. And my mother gave him an enormous guinea pig puppet who we call Big Stevie.

He tells us that he can't find Little Stevie and it's heartbreaking. I mean, the lost iPod was annoying, but he was distracted easily during the hunt and actually helped us look. With Little Stevie, he was immobilized, sitting on the floor like a survivor in the wreckage repeating over and over again, "I've lost him." We took apart his room and our room and the living room and searched every article of clothing in the laundry basket and random drawers in the house. We couldn't find Little Stevie and I had an appointment with the periodontist that I couldn't miss, so we put the Wolvog in the car where he just stared out the window, his little lip quivering as he tried to consider a world without Stevie (all while his sister sat beside him helpfully informing him that she still had her Stevie).

And it bothered me all fucking day.

I literally couldn't stop thinking about his stuffed animal. We were out at the Portrait Gallery for most of the day and I was mentally searching our house, opening cabinets and shaking out pillows inside my head. That night, when I went to make the popcorn pre-movie, I could hear Josh in the living room, sifting through toy boxes. While he popped in the disc, I took one last swing through the Wolvog's room (he was, by the way, sleeping out at my mother's because it was Josh's birthday and a date night).

I started methodically and then felt this sense of panic that we truly didn't know the whereabouts of Little Stevie. As I tossed aside all of the stuffed animals in the bed, my hand went inside the puppet and lo and behold, Little Stevie was tucked up in Big Stevie's belly. It was 10:30 at night. I immediately emailed my mother, she took the news upstairs to my son, and he was able to finally relax and fall asleep knowing Little Stevie was safe and sound.

It had taken us a long time at the video store to choose a film because Josh wanted to keep me in a certain mood and that meant forgoing all dramas that might make me cry. It meant no horror films that would fill me with "what ifs." It actually knocked out every documentary that could potentially piss me off. We were down, pretty much, to Ghost Town.

We were laughing, we were laughing, we were laughing...and then I was crying to the point where I couldn't breathe when we got to that whole squirrel stuffed animal story. It was probably only an hour and a half from when we found Little Stevie and it hit a little too close to home. I couldn't stop saying, "what if we had died before we had found Little Stevie? He would have slept every night with Big Stevie never knowing that Little Stevie was just tucked up inside of him. And we would be gone and Little Stevie would be gone. We would be deaaaaaaaaaaad!"

You would think that I also would have laughed pulling back and seeing how hard I was crying in relief over finding a plush toy. But I didn't. Because I was just that shade of hormonal.

The next morning, we brought Little Stevie with us over to my parent's house where my son greeted him with pure bliss. We told him where we had found him and he laughed to himself. "Oh yes, I made Big Stevie pregnant with Little Stevie."

Seriously, I'm even lapped by a stuffed animal. And a male one at that.

The ChickieNob asked if she came from Ikea. I told her no. She said, "I think I may have been made at Ikea." I told her that I knew where she was made and it wasn't Ikea. She finally tried one more time: "I think a doctor may have put me together at Ikea?"

Josh was really offended by her line of questioning. He was like, "honestly, for what it cost, it was really more like Ethan Allen than the Ikea of Babies."

The Weekly What If: What if you could end up "accidentally" locked-in at one place after hours. You'd have the whole place to yourself, but you'd be all alone, so you'd also have to weigh the creep-factor. Where would you choose? As a second part to the question, if you could find one person (any person in the world) there who was also locked inside, who would it be?

And now, the blogs...

The Last Best Hope had a post this week where she misunderstood the police officer who was taking her fingerprints for her adoption profile. It is sort of impossible to give you any more information without ruining the post, by which I mean, click over and read it in full because it is short and funny and wistful all at the same time.

C By the Sea had a post about seeing that smile of hope on her husband's face. It begins: "last night...i saw it that smile. the one with a hint of hope and the excitement of adventure." It is a sweet, cautiously hopeful post that is so familiar and yet uniquely her own moment.

Infertility Rocks! had a post where the fat pants cometh. Eve asks, "We all have fat pants, right? The pants you keep at the back of your closet with a little extra room in the hips area after too many brownies, extra room in the butt area after too little exercise, and extra room in the waist when you’ve had too much Ovidrel." As someone who...cough...needed a pair of Bloat-eaze on many an occasion, I think Eve may be onto something with her marketing plan. I also cracked up over the security call.

Twice the Fun had a post (yes, I know it was technically last week, but I read it this week) that struck close to home for me--a similar story of infertility followed by a premature birth. My heart twisted when she described the NICU experience as "THEY needed help. They needed help breathing, they needed help staying warm, they needed help eating. They needed help LIVING." But it isn't truly about the journey to get there as much as it is a post about how the moments that came before--the need for help that came before--is the adhesive that is holding her to the one element of the journey that she has done without help. And how we hold tight to the places that feel normal after so much out of the ordinary.

The roundup to the Roundup: Little Stevie is lost and then found. The twins were not made at Ikea. Weigh in on the what if. And excellent posts to read and comment on. Catch you here Saturday night for Show and Tell.


N said...

What if...

Ever since reading From the Mixed Up Files... as a child, I've wanted to be locked overnight in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Just. yeah.

battynurse said...

Totally cracking up at the whole Ikea baby vs Ethan Allen baby thing.
The weekly what if? I used to work at Target, for like 6 years. I did many over night shifts. A few by myself with only the cleaning crew but mostly with a team of coworkers. We used to do things like try out roller blades, try out bicycles. One night we dressed our male coworker up like a woman complete with leggs pantyhose eggs (remember the egg they came in?) for boobs (his idea, not ours), wandered the store basically goofing around, sat and watched movies etc. It was great. I think it would be fun to get at least most of that team of people that I used to work with back there and see what they are all doing now.

Kristin said...

Ummm...can't make up my mind about the what if. I've narrowed it down to two places...the library or the Louvre. Wait...I think it would have to be the Louvre and I'd want my hubby locked up there with me so we could share the art.

Delenn said...

Glad my son doesn't read the blogs--he's ten and has no I-Pod or cell phone...or gameboy for that matter...

Boy, I deprive those kids! :-)

Glad you found it!! And he has excellent taste!

Mrs. Higrens said...

Wouldn't it be easy if you COULD just pick up a baby at Ikea - maybe a little customization like you can with some of the chairs and tables, that sort of thing?

LJ said...

Patrick Dempsey, in his bedroom - duh.


A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

I sooo related to this post. My daughter has misplaced her "Special Baby" coveted doll on two occasions...DH and I were almost as distraught as she was as we searched high and low until her dolly was found.

Hmmm. I love N's answer and "From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler" is one of my favorite children's books. I think I have to copy her answer. I'd like to tour the museum after hours with my DH. :)

Brenna said...

Oh, so many good moments in this post! Getting lapped by Big Stevie, the pregnant Guinea Pig puppet...and babies from Ethan Allen vs Ikea. Snort.

I'm thinking the zoo, with my husband. He's as fascinated by animals as I am, and we could spend all night with all of those different creatures without fighting the crowds (though zoos also make me a little sad...but that was my first thought, so I'm sticking to it).

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I would like to be trapped at Disney World with Walt Disney. I'm going under the assumption that he would know how to work most of the rides. And I would love to hear the stories behind the park--also making the assumption that since he's back from the dead, he also knows everything about the rides that were made after he died. I mean, because you have to be pretty special to come back from the grave. So you would think he has also worked out a way to listen in on meetings from beyond.

Jendeis said...

I want to be locked in a library with comfy chairs, and a servant who will bring me tea and food, but won't disturb my reading.

Melissa said...

Glad you found little stevie!! My daughter is obsessed with a $5 ernie from target, so if she ever lost hers, it's easily replaceable thank God.

Lori said...

I'm with BattyNurse -- Josh is hilarious.

Also, sorry to say I'm snickering that you got lapped by a male plush toy.

Hmmmm. Locked in a library (with internet access). I'd find myself there with one or both of my sisters (don't make me choose).

And we'd find that there was an Italian food (ravioli) dispenser in the corner.

Chickenpig said...

I would love to be locked up in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Or the Louvre....yeah, go for broke and make it the Louvre :) With my husband. Then maybe he'd understand why I became an art historian, even though it doesn't pay the bills.

And the lost lovey thing. I can totally relate. D however has taken to hiding his bunny so he can sob and moan like a paid mourner. If he ever really loses that thing he is SO out of luck because my husband and I no longer give a damn.

Tash said...

A really good restaurant with a really good chef. We'll just nibble all night and go through a bottle of wine.

I would think Roche -Bobois on the kids, no?

Jess said...

LOL at the Ikea/Ethan Allen baby making! hahahahaha!! LOVE IT.

I'm not sure where I'd want to be locked in at...I'd prefer home, actually. With the fam. I know you said one person, but you know....I choose them as one. :)

Emily said...

So glad Little Stevie was found. I STILL have my baby blanket ;P

Love the Ikea/Ethan Allen convo!

I would like to be locked inside Wegman's grocery store with my husband. We would cook & eat and explore all kinds of new foods and ingredients. We would read magazines and share a bottle of wine. We would talk in the cafe for hours eating cookies and drinking tea.

Elizabeth said...

University library, no question.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

He made the guinea pig pregnant - what a clever little guy!

I think I would like to be locked in the American History Museum because I've been so many times, but feel like I'm always rushed. I might actually like to be alone because another person might distract me.

Rachel said...

I could be locked up anywhere that I don't get to spend much time in: IKEA, a gourmet grocery store, one of the Smithsonians. If it was only for one night I'd want to be with a friend or my husband. It actually kind of sounds like fun.

I'm glad you found Little Stevie. I would have reacted the same way.

loribeth said...

Bwahahaha!! Your kids (& your husband) crack me up!

When I was a kid, I loved to fantasize about being locked up in Eaton's department store (which sadly is no more). I'd spend most of my time in the book department, naturally, but then there'd be the restaurant if I got hungry, etc. ; ) I think it came from one of the Bobbsey Twins books where Freddie fell asleep in a department store & got found by the night watchman. : )

These days... I'd probably still opt for a bookstore. With a coffee shop, so I could make myself a cup of tea. ; )

Guera! said...

Probably in a movie theater with my husband and we would know how to work the movies of course and we could watch all the ones we wanted by ourselves. And the popcorn machine would work too.

Anonymous said...

Love your post today! The Ethan Allen comment is so funny, and SO true.

Your question makes me think of my favorite 80s movie Mannequin...

I'd probably pick a fabulous, world famous restaurant or wine cellar...with the Chef there to cook for me all night!

serenity said...

What if?

Totally the Museum of Natural Science. In Central Park. I LOVED that place as a kid.

And I'm so happy you found Little Stevie. And see, you wouldn't have died before you found him. Because you were BOTH searching for him before you could sit down and relax.

LOL at Ethan Allen, btw.

Cassandra said...

Uh, Mel, I hate to burst your bubble, but Walt Disney was kind of famous as a Jew-hater. Also I doubt that he'd know how to work all of the rides.

There's a department store in Tokyo that is truly the most amazing place I have seen, anywhere on earth, including any of the Wonders of the World that I've visited. 17 or 18 stories of everything you've ever imagined and so much that you haven't, including 5 stories of food (the very best everything from all around the world... OMG, I can't even express the wonderment). Plus, there's furniture, so I could sleep in a bed when I was tuckered out from all of my eating and playing with random objects. I wouldn't even bother trying any clothes on -- nothing there would fit me (width-wise).

My husband can come too. But nothing will fit him either (height-wise).

Bea said...

Inside Big Stevie. That makes so much sense in hindsight.


Anonymous said...

Ethan Allen! Too funny! Thanks for the nod at my post....I'll put some on order for you, if you'd like.


Jen said...

Your idea is so perfect! I choose that!

It seemed totally logical to me that the Wolvog has his own iPod.

Mary said...

Also a huge lover of "From the Mixed Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler." (I am forcing my 2nd graders to listen to it just so I can read it aloud.) But, being originally from Illinois I must say I always dreamed of running away to Marshall Fields on State Street in downtown Chicago. Sadly, it was bought out by Macys and will never be the same. I would want to be locked in with my best friend so we could try on all the clothes and then eat tons of Frango mints. Oh, I wish.......

Billy said...

Locked up in one place?? Not a place in the world. But if I had to stay in some kind of field or forest, then yes I would choose being "locked up" if some kind of forest (but not one with too many trees that light doesn't come through :-)), not any in particular in mind.
As for a person.. I think I would rather be there alone! But if I must, I think I would go with my little sister. Oh, and if animals are allowed, then I would love to have my late dog with us!