By which I really don't mean the end, but Josh has pointed out that it sort of becomes impossible to hide the blog from people we know once the book comes out. I mean, picture-on-the-book + name-on-the-book + topic of infertility + blog name on the book = everyone-knowing-about-my-21-day-cycles-that-my-doctor-claims-is-"normal."
I have mixed feelings about this. I mean, on one hand, it will feel good to merge my whole life together. There are a lot of friends and family that I assume know nothing about this space. Of course, they might be reading along right now and not saying anything. But going under the assumption that they don't know, it will make it easier to speak in front of them.
For instance, I often want to discuss something I read with Josh and I have to always be mindful when I'm speaking in front of someone else and using a name like "Ms. Prufrock" (since I have a policy of only using a person's online name even if I know their real name so that I don't accidentally forget one day and use the incorrect name in a post). And a name like Ms. Prufrock stands out a bit. Just a bit. For some reason, it appears strange to people if you're not on a first name basis and refer to others in your age group by their title. And stranger still if said last name is part of a T.S. Eliot poem.
So it will make speaking easier and it will make remembering who knows and who doesn't know easier. But, at the same time, it will be a little bit like swimming topless (as an American). I remember the first time I swam topless. It felt great and was completely freeing. And at the same time, I worried incessantly that a barracuda would bite off one of my breasts and I would have to explain from that point on to all future partners: "well, the reason my left breast is missing is that I had this brilliant idea to go swim topless in the Caribbean Sea. I encountered a barracuda and the rest is...well...mammary history."
Not that I believe people will begin gnawing off my breasts ("Oh dear! How awful--did you hear what happened to that blogger? People in her face-to-face world discovered her blog and they ate. off. her. boobs. Ate them clean off. Why? I'm not sure"), but it's the same mixture of bliss and fear. Do I care if family members scroll back through the archives and read about my cervical mucous? Not really. I mean, I'm assuming most of them will vomit into their Cheerios and then quickly delete the site from their bookmarks.
It just creates this strange state of people knowing and not really knowing at the same time. It creates an imbalance. It creates an awkward Pesach seder where everyone is possibly thinking about my ovaries.
So let me just state this here in case you've found my blog for the first time but you've known me since I was a nubile young thing with squash blossoms:
- I don't write about anyone else unless I've gotten their permission or they are a public figure. I can think of only one post where I have done otherwise and the subject of that post told so many people on their end that I have to assume they are okay with me writing about them.
- If we are in a situation together and I want to blog about it, I will obscure enough details about your identity (change the name, not put in anything that would make it obvious to someone who knows both of us) so that no one knows that you were the one who thought it would be a "good idea" to make an illegal left right in front of the police officer (I finally worked that into the blog! I told you I would, you-who-will-not-be-named).
- Anything you tell me is private remains private no matter how much I want to write out my emotions about it.
- I expect you to let me know at some point (not as a formal announcement but mentioning something that lets me know you're reading) that you're reading this space. If not, it's sort of creepy. Actually, it's very creepy.
- For the love of Jesus Christ, if I didn't tell you something directly but you read it here, it is not appropriate for you to refer to it in a discussion/argument. A blog post records one moment in time. You know the world is much larger and complex than that. For every blog post, there are 1000 additional blog posts that should have been written as a follow-up afterwards as feelings change. But they're not written and it isn't helpful to make assumptions.
That last question was directed at all face-to-face people who are now finding the blog because people sent around the book site link.
But to all the normal blog readers I ask: do you have a divide between those who know about your blog and those who don't and how deep is that divide? Is your partner in the know? Are a few close friends and family in the know? Do you not work to hide it so you have no clue who knows and who doesn't know? Are you open with everyone and anyone? For me, it's a strange mix of those I've told, those who have surprisingly found my blog and told me, and those that I have actively kept the blog hidden from and those who have never been told because it simply never came up and didn't feel important to do so. Oh, and those who are reading and I have no clue that they know every emotional up and down from my year.
And that is all I meant by the end is nigh.
*******
Just your friendly, neighbourhood reminders (to quote Mrs. Spock. I miss that little Clicker sign off). The IComLeavWe list is up for December. The Creme de la Creme broke 100 participants this week--keep sending your favourite posts. The list is going to amazing this year. Make sure you set aside time on New Years Day to start reading. With a cup of Irish Breakfast tea.
I linked to the book site in the top navigation bar and I'll keep adding to it as new information arises. Um...what else?
I linked to the book site in the top navigation bar and I'll keep adding to it as new information arises. Um...what else?
*******
A somewhat odd question--I haven't actually seen Frosty the Snowman or Rudolph since I was a child, but I wanted to see them this year. How do you know when they're on? Do they still show them on the main networks in December? Is there a place to look it up? A secret claymation website?
*******
And now, the blogs...
Getting There's very brief post called "Nothing" was like a haiku. With very few words, she managed to convey an emotional cycle that is slippery and ever-changing. An amazing feat.
In Search of Biscuit 2.0 had a post about her pap smear appointment. And frankly, until I read it, I wasn't really in-touch with my own reason for putting off my yearly exam. I have been dragging my heels and it is because who wants to enter a space that is such a strong reminder? Where the subject du jour is going to be your hoohaahooterus and its inability to do what it is supposed to do? It is the one place where you know the topic is unavoidable. I am sucking it up and making my appointment after reading this post.
The Not So Secret Life of Us had a post that everyone should do on their own blog. She wrote out the lessons she learned this year (the one I wished I had learned was "eating too many chocolates can and will make you fat but following a dietician’s instructions does help"). It is a sweet post and it made me want to enter a quiet space and untangle what was learned this particular year vs. in other years.
Lastly, Helping Make Sense had a post about genetic links. The image from the post that haunts me is a reference to the war: "Many, many members of our family did not survive the war. This is on both my mother and my father's sides. I have an image in my head of a tree, a family tree. And, next to the tree, is a pile of broken-off branches. That's what Hitler did to my family - broke off huge branches of the family tree which can never be reattached." The magnitude of the decision before her is incredible and you can't help but want to enclose her in a hug and breathe a collective sigh. It is a beautiful post and an emotional post.
The roundup to the Roundup: how out are you about your blog? Lots o' reminders of stuff. When will Frosty be on? And blog posts aplenty to read. Catch you here tomorrow night for a very sweet Show and Tell.
Getting There's very brief post called "Nothing" was like a haiku. With very few words, she managed to convey an emotional cycle that is slippery and ever-changing. An amazing feat.
In Search of Biscuit 2.0 had a post about her pap smear appointment. And frankly, until I read it, I wasn't really in-touch with my own reason for putting off my yearly exam. I have been dragging my heels and it is because who wants to enter a space that is such a strong reminder? Where the subject du jour is going to be your hoohaahooterus and its inability to do what it is supposed to do? It is the one place where you know the topic is unavoidable. I am sucking it up and making my appointment after reading this post.
The Not So Secret Life of Us had a post that everyone should do on their own blog. She wrote out the lessons she learned this year (the one I wished I had learned was "eating too many chocolates can and will make you fat but following a dietician’s instructions does help"). It is a sweet post and it made me want to enter a quiet space and untangle what was learned this particular year vs. in other years.
Lastly, Helping Make Sense had a post about genetic links. The image from the post that haunts me is a reference to the war: "Many, many members of our family did not survive the war. This is on both my mother and my father's sides. I have an image in my head of a tree, a family tree. And, next to the tree, is a pile of broken-off branches. That's what Hitler did to my family - broke off huge branches of the family tree which can never be reattached." The magnitude of the decision before her is incredible and you can't help but want to enclose her in a hug and breathe a collective sigh. It is a beautiful post and an emotional post.
The roundup to the Roundup: how out are you about your blog? Lots o' reminders of stuff. When will Frosty be on? And blog posts aplenty to read. Catch you here tomorrow night for a very sweet Show and Tell.
40 comments:
But to all the normal blog readers I ask: do you have a divide between those who know about your blog and those who don't and how deep is that divide? Is your partner in the know? Are a few close friends and family in the know? Do you not work to hide it so you have no clue who knows and who doesn't know? Are you open with everyone and anyone?
Many people know about my blog. We've been not so good at "hiding" and just use our initials. I've told friends about it, and met new friends through it. It's not something I -hope- my family would read, but should they find it, I don't think it's something I'd be horrified about them reading (other than the usual, ew, I don't want to think about my mom thinking about THAT type reaction).
I'd hope so, anyway.
I originally had my blog merely as a way to communicate with our families who are many miles away. But, once I had problems with infertility and found the community, I felt a part of that community too—with responsibilities, etc.
I know that my blog is “out there” so I try to edit myself—the whole truth is not there in my blog, but if the people in my life want the whole truth—they can ask me.
Despite that, I find myself pretty open on the blog, especially about infertility. I change names to protect for privacy, and I usually only talk about immediate family. But, I feel that the internet is such a vast wasteland of blogs, etc.—I am a drop of water in that vaste ocean, so hopefully nobody will nibble on my breasts…(that was WAY funny).
As for X-mas programs—they come out pretty early in the year—look for them on the networks—also ABC Family has like a 25 days to Christmas programming where they show a lot of shows. We just buy the DVDs…oh, you could check Netflix out too, I bet!
Love this post, Mel.
I know of many locals who read my blog. I know of many non locals and I have a sneaking suspican that there are plenty of lurkers.
I'm ok with all of it. Hell- my mother asked to be on the email list. She reads EVERY post!
My link is on my business card and on the website I'm designing. Yes - I said, I'm putting together my own, but I did email Calli to make my header. She just rocks!
I can help with holiday movies... Rudolph was on TBS the other night and I can imagine it will be on 4,342 times again before Santy Claus actually visits. And "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" was on ABC on Tuesday night I think. Which does you no good but to know that they're actually all alive and well in the Land of Misfit Toys. I would check the websites of USA, TBS, TNT, and Comedy Central, and maybe even the Hallmark Channel if you get that. They usually have a holiday movie on every night from now through the end of the month it seems. Wow that was a supremely unhelpful comment. :)
I wish I wasn't as out as I am. My blog started as a way to share with my family who lives far away pregnancy updates.
Now I wish I could talk about more, but I don't because I know my nother is reading.
I was wondering how you would handle that. I was thinking if I ever published anything about my, well, you know, that I wouldn't tell anyone in my real life, either. They might find out, but I doubt that many people peruse the deadbaby titles. Very few people in my real life know, some know I blog but have never asked me the title of my blog, and I've made extremely sure that none of my family knows.
And I like it that way.
I am not 'out' on my blog. I started it so I could have an anonymous space to record what was going on, to seek out support, and to give me a safe place to rant and rave when it all gets too hard.
My husband knows I have a blog but he doesn't read it (he doesn't really 'get' blogs). I suppose someone we know could find it and put two and two together (although I try not to include too much identifying information in it- I almost wrote personal and then decided you don't get much more personal than spelling out how many follicles you have and how big they are), but it would take some detective work.
I'm happiest that way. Because as much as my friends and my family try, the only people who I feel really truly understand what it's like are in the IF community.
Mine was supposed to be a fairly secret thing, except from the few people I told as I was starting it and one or two more I gave the link to since, at least up to and including any subsequent early pregnancy. So now that I am past that, it's not as important to keep things hidden. But I still nearly bit my sister's head off for mentioning the word "blog" in front on the parentals this past weekend (and she wasn't even talking about mine). Because I am just soooo uncomfortable thinking about my mother reading. Not because I don't like her, I do. I just don't want her in that particular world. And I just figured out why. The same reason I stopped telling her anything about our attempts at getting pg sometime last fall-- because after A died she kept saying that it's so hard to watch your child suffer. And I just couldn't deal with that-- I kept feeling like I was responsible for her well being, and I couldn't also assume that responsibility. So I figured if she doesn't know how bad things are, she doesn't have to feel so bad. A bit of willful blindness there-- I don't have to acknowledge that not knowing is hard for her too, because she is not, in that case, watching me suffer, at least not literally.
A few irl ppl know about my blog...and read. A few others know abstractly (this is to say if they're not stupid, if they are, then they don't know...it hasn't been said "I have a blog" but it's been REFERRED to) and are not invited.
The reason is that...I HAVE a family blog to update ppl when we are/were cycling/adopting/the kids are doing stuff. The Problem With Hope is much more...touchy feely, and to a level I'm not comfortable with most of my family.
As for infertility and all that, I'm actually VERY open, but I don't wish everyone to know each time I'm offended or feeling bad. You know?
But to all the normal blog readers I ask: do you have a divide between those who know about your blog and those who don't and how deep is that divide? Is your partner in the know? Are a few close friends and family in the know? Do you not work to hide it so you have no clue who knows and who doesn't know? Are you open with everyone and anyone?
Some people know about it, some don't. I think some found it by accident, or from me commenting on their blogs. I wonder if frenemy knows about it. I've blogged about finding hers and how awkward I felt about it. I wonder if she knows I read hers. I wonder if she reads mine. I don't think my family would find mine, they wouldn't know how. I am not sure I want them too.
I just bought the Christmas "classics" on dvd. They had a set of 4 of the well known ones (Frosty, Rudolph, etc) at ye olde local Walmart. Now they are on whenever I say they are on!
As for blogs - I have two, one more family oriented and one definitely more loss oriented. They are linked to each other and so it is no secret - anyone scrolling through the sidebar will find the links. I would imagine most of those who have been to one have been to the other. I'm a pretty open book as it is - not much that I write that I haven't already said in one form or another. If anyone has a problem with anything I have written in either spot - no one has said anything. So, either I am extremely tactful (ha ha!) or no one I know likes to be confrontational. I suppose they could all secretly be thinking I am overly dramatic and wallowing.
I don't think many people know about my IF blog... except for the odd reader from (one of) my other blog(s). I have our 'struggle' kinda spread out on the internet between two blogs, and a private chat board, so I've kinda of lost track of who knows what...
There are only two people IRL that know about my blog. DH is not one of them. I don't think he would be too keen on having the free world know about the details of our sex life and my visits with Charlie. He's too private for that. But I'm okay with that. Although I haven't been writing much it's still one of the best outlets I have for dealing with IF.
Rudolph was on CBS on Wednesday night at 7pm. Don't know about Frosty.
I am not open about my blog. My husband knows of it, but he does not know the name, url, or the name I write under. He could easily find out, but respects my privacy.
I did recently mention it it my sister. At first she wanted to know my name and site name, but then she changed her mind. I assured her that I do not write about her. In fact I try not to really write about anyone lest they put two and two together.
Some know that I blog; most do not have the blog address. If they find me, they find me.
John Dear knows and refuses to read anything unless I specifically request him to do so, and pull it up for him on the computer.
But to all the normal blog readers I ask: do you have a divide between those who know about your blog and those who don't and how deep is that divide? Is your partner in the know? Are a few close friends and family in the know? Do you not work to hide it so you have no clue who knows and who doesn't know? Are you open with everyone and anyone?
I haven't told anyone about my blog. Not even my DH. I've had myspace and facebook and after I started adding family and in laws i had to edit and watch myself too much. I wanted a space where i was entirely "free". I don't care if anyone finds it. they can suck a lemon if they don't like it. I just need a place to type furiously and let some steam off. :)
I have told a few select friends who I have shared my personal struggles with and whom I trust but my blog is not common knowledge among most friends, family and acquaintances. I am actually surprised by how personal I get when writing but it has been therapeutic and the support I recieve through the blogging community has been more than I could expect in my "real" life. But I do try to keep it a secret from most people.
For a long time, my family had vague knowledge about my blog but they didn't have the info to find it. I think I managed to "out" myself when I gave my mom a link to a blog I comment on a lot. I guess I was ready to deal with it.
DH knows by now that I have a blog. But I haven't given him the url. He might have been sneaky, but I definitely don't want to know about it. A few friends know I have it, but I never sent them the link. I only gave the link to a group I met at a fertility retreat, but I don't know if any of them reads it.
About the holiday movies, I just saw they now have a box with all the classics in DVD being released this year. I thought of getting it.
Thank you, my dear, for understanding how difficult this decision I'm struggling with really is....thank you....
Blogging - yep, I'm pretty much out. I link to my blog on some message boards. I have several relatives who read it and I've also put a link on my facebook page. One of the things that has helped me continue to move forward is the hope that I might be helping someone, anyone, else. So, yes, while my blog is very personal and about my story, if it helps me spread the word about infertility, through one woman's experience, I'm happy to be sharing it. That said, I don't hand out cards on street corners advertising it, however!!!
My original blog started out as a secret from people. Just a way to connect to others who have gone through or are going through similar experiences. And to rant about IF treatments and the road to possible parenthood.
Now that I've changed my blog focus to parenting after IF I struggle with whether to share the link with people who could then easily find my older blog. I don't have too much to hide but there were posts that showed a lot of emotions (sometimes very negative) toward people in my life, who probably had no idea that I felt that way at the time.
I may put a post up using your quote about a blog post showing emotion from just a moment in time and start sharing the link with friends and family, so they can read updates about our boys now. That way if anyone reads something I wrote when i was angry, or hurt, or sad, they hopefully will know that those were just my feelings at the time.
My husband knows about my blog, but no one else. I'm just starting out, so I haven't found my groove yet. I'm sure once I decide that my blog is interesting and entertaining, I will tell a couple trusted friends. I wish my husband weren't so nosy though. Since he knows, I can't complain about him, because he absolutely hates to think that I might say something that makes him look bad. He says some mighty obnoxious things that I would like to vent about sometimes. Good thing he's a pretty good husband, I guess.
Dh knows that I have a blog. And some of the girls from the childfree boards I post on do too. And that's the way I'd like to keep it. I try not to name names (I use initials or madeup names, like Dr. Ob-gyn & Dr. Placenta) or get too specific on places, etc.
Dh once mentioned my blog in passing in our support group. I shot him a "look" & said after the meeting, "PLEASE, don't mention the blog!" & he said sorry, it just slipped out. I don't think any/many of the people there that night are too web-savvy (I hope?). About two years ago, though, we had a group of young clients who all started talking about their blogs. I went home that night & found every one of them in about five minutes flat.
Let me guess...I am referred to in conversation with your husband about matters such as curtain twitching. I am here to help.
For the first three years of my blog, my husband was the only person from my "real" life to know about it. Within the past few months, both my brother and good friends living in the States have joined the fold. My brother found it by detective work and trickery, but that doesn't really bother me. I do sometimes feel like I can't talk about certain things, like, my vagina, but who wants to hear about that anyway?
As for my friend, I'm fine with her knowing and was going to gently roll it out to my US "real life" friends at some point anyway.
With that said, that is my comfort limit. I don't want people from my daily UK life to find it, and I would be mortified if colleagues found it. I have referred to my boss as a "cunt" before, so uh, that could get kind of messy if she knew about it.
I do have the occasional visitor who comes from my US city or UK city, and I panic like a child with her hand caught in the cookie jar. I'd like to avoid moments like those.
I am not the slightest bit OUT about my blog. I have one IRL friend who reads, but otherwise I'm fully covert. My partner is aware that I read and comment regularly on blogs, but she doesn't know about mine.
I absolutely love the freedom that comes with secret blogging. I can use my partner and child's real names without worrying about anyone finding or harassing them. I can rant and scream and process ugly feelings, knowing that my small band of readers are safe and compassionate.
When I read the rockstar blogs and see the strong web of connections that form between the out and proud bloggers, I feel a slight twinge of regret. I wish I were that brave, that comfortable in my own skin.
Hey, speaking of rockstar blogs, I have a feeling that anyone who discovers yours will hardly notice your descriptions of lady bits... they'll be too blown away by the community you've been able to create and support. Thanks for what you do, Lollipop.
No one in my "real life" knows about my blog, not even my husband. I consider it a journal of sorts and I would freak out if someone I knew found it and read it.
I've been pretty out of the closet from day one. Except for my in-laws.
You know, with the book, you're going to be waaaay out of the closet now.
Still your friendly neighborhood clicker,
Mrs Spock
A few of my close friends "in real life" (hate that!) know about my blog. I think they only read it on occaision to check up on me though. I wouldn't care much of anyone I know read it, except that I have talked about work probably too much. I'm sure I've breeched some confidentiality issue or two by complaining about my students or other things with work. And that's the only thing that kind of worries me. That and... I don't know if everyone that I know needs to know about my cervical mucus and that my bladder had to be drained at transfer! Some of it is TMI, but important to the story that my MAIN readers understand exactly what happened - many of whom have gone through the same thing.
There are many things I love about blogging, but mostly I do it for the connections with people who are going through the same thing, and the documentation/comparison aspect. I need to know I'm not in this alone, even if it's just on screen contact.
That said, you'll notice I'll probably NEVER post a link to my blog on facebook, although there are a few bloggers (like you) in there who know me. My facebook is so eclectic, people from all walks of my life!
I'm pretty sure that almost everyone I know IRL knows that I have a blog and that I read a ton of blogs, but I have never shared my blog with them. My Sister asked about it one time, but I let her know that it wasn't something that I wanted to share with family. She was offended, but I'm guessing she got over it since she hasn't mentioned it since. My husband knows about it and could read it if he were interested, but he doesn't seem interested. I'm guessing he feels that if there's something I want to share with him, then I will come to him with it.
Thanks for the mention Mel!!!
(((Hugs)))
I love all those Holiday classics too - the claymation Rudolph, Frosty, etc. ABC Family is doing 25 Days of Christmas with a new movie every night. They've played the Grinch so far but not sure of the others.
As far as my blog(s) go(es), I think some family may have found it. I would like to keep it somewhat anonymous since it is pretty frank and at times brutally honest, which may be hard for some to take. But at the end of the day, it's my space and I won't change myself or what I have to say because someone can't handle the heat. Does that make me bitchy? Obstinent?
this is fascinating to me.
my hub encouraged me to start blogging, and he has read every post and most comments. he even guest blogged once. there have been a few times I wished I had a place to vent without his eyes. but for the most part, I know my words have not only helped him understand how *I* feel, but have helped him process his own feelings too. so he is a fan.
once I was busted by him for venting on another blog. he was using my computer and trying to find a webpage he had visited the week before. let's just say we both felt violated. not pretty. lesson learned.
as for everyone else, I blog under a pseudonym and very few people have the url. BUT a number of people know that I have a blog that I use for support. IF they were savvy enough to enter good search terms, it wouldn't take them too long to find me. I've done it. from my story and the photos I've posted, I could be "outed" pretty easily.
I would NOT be happy if certain people found it and figured out I was referring to them, but I feel completely justified in that it's my therapy and I've never named names or given enough info to hurt any feelings. I would NOT want work-related people reading it, which is one of my big reasons for using a pseudonym.
I would definitely feel WORSE if people I knew were reading and did NOT mention it. creepy, yes. but I don't actually think they would tell me if they found it. unlike your high profile blog, mine is still under the radar. I think people would think now they knew my little secret and they have one too. you're right, it's like reading the diary left open. creepy.
just in case my novel wasn't enough, I wanted to clarify...
I treasure my blog as a private outlet. I know it's not private and is very public, but I am protective of my space. I use a pseudonym not to hide behind my words but to protect my identity.
also, when my hub and I started a family blog to update people on our adoption related issues, we good some nice feedback, but a lot of lurking. while I don't expect to be overwhelmed in comments by our loved ones, it felt kind of odd to know that most were reading but providing no feedback at all...
**Do you have a divide between those who know about your blog and those who don't and how deep is that divide? Is your partner in the know? Are a few close friends and family in the know?
For me, the divide between those who know about the blog and those who don't know ... is the same divide that exists IRL. Those with whom I feel 'safe' IRL have access if they want it. And those who are not 'safe' do not. I am actually pleased if the 'safe' people come and read. Most of what I post is what I might say or type to any of them if they called or stopped by or emailed to check in and to chat. When there isn't time to check in ... but only time to sneak a quick read ... then the blog is helping to keep a connection open. Which is cool.
My husband knows that I blog ... warns me/teases me all the time about being careful about what I post. But he doesn't even read all of the (really short) emails that I send to him ... so he doesn't read the blog either. He's not the blog reading type. But it would be fine if he did. I don't think anything that he would read there would suprise him in the least. Bore him, maybe. LOL.
It would also be ... mostly fine ... if the 'unsafe' people found the blog. (Not entirely sure about that.) It would be, as you say ... like finding my diary and reading my biz without my blessing. And they *might* read some things in there that are hard to hear and things that are not what I would have *chosen* to share IRL. But I stand by what I post on the unlocked blog. Of course I say this now, when I have few readers and have never been outted to my knowledge.
Family, actually are the ones that I would prefer NOT to read the blog. Because those relationships are the most complicated. Many of the 'unsafe' appear to me as very rigid and judgemental or competitive or just plain different-minded (nothing wrong with that) and those qualities undermine intimacy ... when the blog is about processing the personal (not limited to socially and politically correct themes and emotions). NTM many of the relatives themselves keep conversation/communication with us well above the most imtimate levels. So for them to read along would be a forced level of intimacy which they haven't earned. Whether that would be a good or a bad thing in the long run is very hard to say. There is something to be said for discretion in certain relationships ... you don't say everything you think for good reason. But it doesn't mean your thoughts are *wrong*.
I have actually thought about starting a family blog ... where the whole far-flung unit could post to keep in touch, because IMO there should be more of that. Blogging is a great medium ... big families can harness it. But what holds me back is the fear that I might slip up and somehow out the personal blog.
**Do you not work to hide it so you have no clue who knows and who doesn't know? Are you open with everyone and anyone?
I hide it selectively. It's very personal. It's a creative space that is not open to everyone who knows me IRL. Because not everyone IRL can appreciate it for what it is or respect it or get something (positive) out of it, which one hopes would be the reason for anyone to read -- no eye rollers allowed.
But for those with whom I have a certain kind of connection or with whom I am building a connection, it's useful.
PS. HUGE congratulations on the book!! :):):) So thrilled for you. Thank you for all that you have shared and continue to share.
The only person IRL that knows about my blog is my husband and like Turia's husband, he doesn't 'get' blogging. I have encouraged him to read it but I don't think he ever has. After my last miscarriage I made him read the comments left by all of you wonderful bloggers and he understands a little more now.
I try to be mostly vague on the details but I know if someone that knew me stumbled across it, they would recognize me immediately.
I don't really want IRL friends to know about it. I want a place that is safe to go and vent my most personal feelings. But sometimes I want people to know *ME* and my blog is the true me - in its most raw form. Yet I hide it from them.
I often wonder if my Mom knows about it. She is pretty internet savvy and spends a lot of time on posting boards. I don't think she would ever tell me if she did.
Not sure if you remember my infertility blog ("Inconceivable" -- www.whotalkedmeintothis.blogspot.com), but only a couple people in my personal life knew about that blog. I kept that one pretty hidden. My new blog is a family blog and everyone in my personal life knows about it. And what's funny is that it doesn't get NEAR as many hits or comments as my Inconceivable blog got. I guess the private stuff is just more fun to read about, huh?
A few friends and family members know about it and even fewer have the url.
My husband knows about it but doesn't read it, I've never told him the url but don't hide it either.
At one point, I did write about my marriage as it was unravelling as fast as I was and of course, I talked about my husband. He did read about it and was quite upset that I talked about him. However, I was disappointed that he didn't take the opportunity to actually learn about some things about me and how I felt, he just took issue with his sense of invaded privacy. Other friends know about it, and I'm not sure how often they read it or what they think about it. I don't ask and they rarely mention it. Kind of a don't ask, don't tell policy.
My husband is the only offline person who knows about my blog. He reads it voraciously.
He is also the only offline person who will ever know about my blog. None of our friends who know about IF know about the blog. Even if we end up telling family about IF someday after we successfully have a child, no family member will ever hear a peep about the blog.
I've been noticing that your level of openness on the blog has been gradually increasing over the months that I've been reading... Your name, photos, etc have all be slowly creeping in to the point that it doesn't seem like as big of a leap to the level of openness the book now creates. I've still be wondering how you would handle this. I find seeing how others juggle the privacy aspect of blogging fascinating.
I do wonder how I would feel if people in my real life were to know too much about my blog. I always write assuming that it could be found, but I hope it doesn't. Particularly now that I am starting to meet up with real life IFers with whom I've shared how much blogging has helped me have an outlet - particularly for the negative emotions that I rarely share in real life. I've felt fairly safe given that I am living so far away from so many people, but once I lost the google analytics as a way to track where people were reading I became a bit skittish.
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