I am further embarrassed to admit that despite the advice that is actually sinking in, I still spent today in the building after pretending that I was on my way to do research for an article. Instead I cried in the bathroom until the hallway was empty and then slipped back down to a lesser-used wing of the building to my library space. I lied to the other parents, lied to the twins. I am a big, filthy, pathetic liar.
I really don't want to be this person.
But the only way I can describe it is that I feel completely unable. In the same way that I feel unable to make myself jump from the high dive. Intellectually, I know I could do it. But I can't seem to be able to will my body to take either plunge.
And, forgive me, September 11th just doesn't feel the correct day to push this issue.
I have decided to print out all of the advice, find a quiet space Thursday night, and meditate on each suggestion until something clicks. And putting something (at least a small step) into action on Friday. You'll hear how it goes with the roundup. And since I can already tell that multiple suggestions are coming together to form one plan, I am placing all names in a hat and randomly choosing the winner. Just so you know that you weren't the most brilliant, but simply, the most randomly lucky. Now I must think up the prize by Friday.
If you were not already aware, Bridges is running a post about September 11th every half hour from midnight (in other words, a half hour from now) until 11:59 p.m. on September 11th. They are heartbreaking and gorgeous and emotional and gut-wrenching. Hopefully, you will feel move to leave your own thoughts on September 11th in the individual comment sections.