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Okay, this is a pregnancy mentioned question. I am finally out of the closet about this pregnancy. So, now that everyone knows, the stupid advice has started flowing in mass quantities. It has barely begun and I am already going crazy.
Everyone wants to know if I am taking the right kind of vitamins and whether I know not to eat soft cheeses and sushi. My mother-in-law just told me that I have to stay away from cats because they kill unborn babies. I have yet to receive any actual, true advice. Not a single person has told me a real fact yet. And the next person who emails me that cell phone story will not find out about any future babies until they can talk well enough to announce themselves.
I am smart enough to do my own research (especially being that no one has even been right yet). I majored in psychology in college and I spotted every error in that cell phone study before the authors of the study themselves announced that it proved nothing and the media was blowing it out of proportion. The worst part is that everyone means well and it’s just because they care and are really excited. (This is the worst part because I have to bite my tongue on all the sarcastic comments that are dying to slip out of my mouth. Plus, I am too nice to actually be mean in return.)
My question is does anyone have any good ideas of things to say that are polite but might get my point across? I need a few answers that I can memorize, so that the polite answer can come out of my mouth while my brain processes the sarcastic things I would like to say. I will also take funny stories about things that other people said to you, so that perhaps I can begin to laugh about this and it won’t bother me as much.
--Jen from Here We Go Again
See, that's the whole problem, the person means well and is giving the advice because they love you and they desperately want to be involved. There's not a lot they can do when the child is still in your belly. Sure, they can help you shop or set up the room, but for the most part, they're left standing around staring at your belly, throwing out whatever small tidbits they've managed to collect since the last time you spoke.
Advice you can't use is the worst kind of advice because you can't get angry--the person meant well--but you get angry because they are inadvertently calling into question your intelligence and judgment.
Barring that the person is speaking from a place of animosity, make your first response sweet and kind. Make your second response firm. If you have to get to a third response, I give you full permission that it can be a free-for-all. So, what are some sweet responses you can practice?
- Wow, I didn't know that.
- That sounds like a very interesting study.
- Thank you for letting me know that!
- I know you mean well, but we're only taking advice from our doctor.
- Thanks, we heard the same study but our doctor told us not to worry about it.
- I know you're saying these things because you care about us but do you really think we're not capable to taking care of ourselves?
- We really need a moratorium on the advice; all of the stories are simply giving us more stress than helping.
Er...um...oh, this was Grandma giving the advice? Then maybe a "shut your piehole!" is better?
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