Feh--your name in lights is overrated. And theater work means leaving your cozy living room and doing your hair and all sorts of personal hygiene things that don't impact participating in a book. I'm just saying. As my deadline for the manuscript ticks ever closer, expect more of these questions.
Read this: Two things: (1) you can either email me a response directly or you can leave it in the comments section below. You can also grab this question as a topic for a post on your own blog, write a long response, and then email me the url for the post. (2) in either case, if you have not been interviewed in the past by me or participated in one of these before, provide a pseudonym that I can use for the quote (aim for semi-common such as Jane, Alicia, Tamara over descriptive such as Uterus-of-Doom-Lady). And include a way to get in touch with you--email address, blog url, etc--in case I have a follow-up question.
So, the topic I'm posing today is the criteria you used for making the choices you've made so far on your journey.
Let's say that there are four main paths out of infertility: treatments (and this is anything used to treat the problem--from timed intercourse and alternative therapies to IVF, ICSI, and assisted hatching), third party reproduction (donor gametes and surrogacy), adoption, and living child-free.
You may have tried multiple paths, therefore, each time state which path you are speaking about out of the four, and the criteria you used to make your decisions. Did you forgo IVF due to religious reasons or embrace it due to personal beliefs? Were there familial or societal pressures unique to your situation that pushed you down one path rather than another? Did you follow in the footsteps of friends or other family members or forge your own path unique to other people around you? Was your decision clear-cut or did you agonize over the choices? Did you create a flow-chart or simply go along with whatever your RE/adoption agency director suggested? If you have a partner, did you make choices together or did one of you have a stronger hand in the decision making?
Equally interesting is commentary on the lack of criteria. To be honest about our own choices (as in Josh and my own), I'm not sure how many of them were made thoughtfully (as in full of thought) and how many were made because we were going with the flow, trying the next thing, and generally trusting that our RE knew the bigger picture. Granted, not all paths bring with it the same level of questioning, but all decisions should be made with mindfulness and in the interest of full disclosure, I'm not sure how much mindfulness was going on in our end. There were flow charts from time to time. That said, this second time around, there is a lot more mindfulness. Same choices made, but this time knowing why we're making them over others. If that makes any sense. At the same time, you may not have even realized that you were using criteria (feelings about a certain treatment, a comfort level with western medicine, a bad experience somewhere in your past that relates to IF) until you think about it. And probably, if I searched, I would realize there were reasons why we made the choices we did the first time around.
By the way, for the future, each time I do one of these, the post will be titled: Your Pseudonym in Ink. Another one is definitely coming later this week. And I thank you profusely in advance for helping make this book multidimensional instead of simply my own little stunted point-of-view.