The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Friday Blog Roundup

It was a sad week in the blogosphere. And strangely, last year, I was leaving for Chincoteague when Cancer Baby died. And this year, I was also leaving for Chincoteague when I read that Lisa had succumbed to cancer. If you never read More Than My Share or conversed with Lisa off-blog, you missed out. I have been sitting in front of the computer for quite some time now, trying to pull out words. And in the last 45 minutes, the only way I can describe this loss is that in the middle of this bright, buzzing blogosphere, there is a small corner of emptiness where a light just burned out. And I'm so sad that there's no way to relight it again. There was only one Lisa P.

I don't have the heart to take her name off of the peer counselor list. She was the person who gave me the questions to ask the hematologist and she is the person who told me to push for the Folgard that I take every night. And I can't stand the thought of not having her name there. So I removed the link to her email address and left up her name. Because she was here and she was in our community. And she will be missed.

It is really hard to write anything after writing that. It is probably very hard to read anything after reading that. There is no pause long enough.


Two weeks ago, I asked for songs that made you feel good. That made you feel like rolling down the car windows or marching into the RE's office and grabbing the dildo cam like a microphone (wait...what? Mel never said anything about grabbing the dildo cam. I don't even do karaoke...).

This week, switching gears. Because sometimes you need a good cry. This list is the absolute best movies to bring on a cry. A loud, cathartic, entire-box-of-tissues cry. I will kick it off with Steel Magnolias. Say what you want about Dolly Parton and Julia Roberts and big hair, but that scene after the funeral? I still cannot watch Sally Field in anything else without thinking about that scene. Brokeback Mountain almost killed me (especially when he visited the parents). Late Summer Blues (and I've seen it 3000 times so I always know what's coming). Contact (when she sees her dad). Run with it: what do you watch when you need to have a good cry and get it all out? Put down as many as you can think up before you hit "post" on your comment.

It feels very strange to take two days off from doing Lost and Found. It almost feels like there needs to be a weekend edition when I'm back to unguarded Internet access.

Lori has yet another cool idea that will reveal the interconnectedness of our blogs. Click here to read more.

So...we're almost at that time...the 30th...and the end of the First Happiness Challenge. I'm going to be frank; I really sucked at this. Next month, I'm stealing Calliope's idea and taking myself out for coffee once a week. But if you are participating, starting looking through any notes you took over the course of the month and post about the Challenge starting on the 30th (Sunday). Here are the original directions from the post:
Keep a running post about your ritual that you will publish on September 30th. Keep it in your draft folder, but add to it over time to talk about your ritual--how it makes you feel, whether or not it is bringing you happiness, whether you had to change your ritual mid-challenge, whether you'll keep at it indefinitely. If you don't have a blog, keep your thoughts on a Word document that you can send to me right before September 30th and I'll post it for you.
Hope you have had more luck that I have in keeping to the Challenge. Next month's challenge is maybe a little easier? Harder? Easier? I'm not sure. More about that next week.

Do you know what would make me happy? To win this. You should enter too. There's still time. A warning before you click over, the blog is called 5 Minutes for Mom. But the ladies there are very very cool.

Now, the blogs...

I was absolutely transfixed by Kami's recounting at Are We There Yet? of her egg donor's retrieval. Not the actual procedure since that was pretty textbook, but the emotions behind a known egg donor cycle. It was so moving, the friendship that has grown between these three people, and so honest, raw, emotional. She writes: "Sometimes it is hard to take in - the things you have been willing to do, the unwished for events that you learned to embrace, the next best option you decided was no longer on the "will not do" list - all in a quest to have a child. A quest others achieve by simply falling into each others arms in a moment of passion. It boggles the mind." Even more moving is the end of the post where Kami and her husband repeat a ritual they have done for every IVF cycle: "That night, Brad and I drove to our clinic so we could wave at our embryos from the parking lot. It has been a ritual to visit our embryos every day between retrieval and transfer since our first IVF. I don't think that they can sense our warm thoughts and expressions of love from five stories below, but maybe they can. Either way, it helps us feel more connected to them. Last night was no exception, but it was different...[but] those embryos know us. They know Brad because it was his body that grew the sperm. They know me because the eggs felt the love and support I had for Belinda while they were growing. They already know our energy and now they are waiting to come home." And if that doesn't make a cry catch in your throat, you have no heart. Go over and read the whole piece. It is long, but well worth it.

Also on the egg donor front is Bylthe's post on Over Hard about choosing an egg donor. Or, as she states, her replacement. She goes through numerous traits and why they are important to her, adding, "Again - my understudy should be as close to the original cast as possible, no?" It was an entirely new way of looking at donor eggs that I hadn't considered yet. The idea of finding a "you" out there in the ether. At the end of the post, she is on the brink of hitting send. It really is a moment of holding one's breath, the possibilities of finding yourself out there.

GirlH at More Than a Tata has a post I like this week that promises to be continued once life settles down over in Tataville. It is about the friendships that don't make it through infertility and loss. You should read this post now so when GirlH updates soon, you'll know what she's talking about. You will probably spend at least part of the post nodding your head in agreement.

Jenn at Adventures In-Fertility had a great post about the hurry-up-and-wait nature of infertility as well as the idea of time moving too fast to slow down or too slow to speed up. The waiting waiting waiting is well-known in infertility. But Jenn writes about the waiting that takes place even after the long-awaited baby arrives: "And yet, somewhere along the way, we want that baby to reach its 'milestones' as quickly as possible. So we hurry up and wait. And while we were hurried, and while we were waiting, we find that the baby is only five weeks away from her first birthday. And I am typing through tears as I realize that her whole life is going to be lived in fast forward from this point forward. I cannot slow it down. I wish I could 'freeze frame', slow-mo, whatever you call it. I want her to reach those milestones, I am so excited for every single one of them. And yet, with each one that she reaches I realize she is that much closer to her independence. One day she will be completely grown, and I will have to hurry up and wait for grandchildren to start the cycle all over again." She really captures the bittersweet nature of watching a child grow, the sense of life moving on fast forward.

Lastly, this post at The Maybe Baby cracked me up. I think it was the graphic. But still, that dream...

Wait...I said, wait...give me your sad movies. Your clutching-an-entire-wad-of-
tissues-while-sobbing sad movie. The one that made you feel like you had been cleaned out from the inside by the time the closing credits rolled. Anything that brings on the cry

Pictures from Chincoteague (including deer that were five feet away from my camera--yes, mum, I walked that close to tick-infested deer while on vacation) coming soon. Including another ode to why I love this crazy island and how Josh has scared the SHIT out of me by quoting An Inconvenient Truth since we arrived, reminding me with every breath about island erosion.


BethH6703 said...

OMG, I'm the first to comment?!?!?! I'd better be quick then!

My guaranteed cry movie? Beaches. And I'm so not a movie crier.

A non-movie that gets me every time... the season finale of Sex & The City!

Kristen said...

OMG, I LOVE Beaches! Add that to my list for sure!

Some others:

The Notebook
Forrest Gump
City of Angels
Brokeback Mountain
My Life (with Nicole Kidman and Michael Keaton)

BethH6703 said...

I must edit... in my haste to be first, I said "season finale" when I meant "series finale". Oops.

Yeah, I agree with Notebook, City of Angels & Titanic, too!

JJ said...

The Notebook
Saving Pvt Ryan
Dead Poet's Society
Patch Adams
My Girl
Message in a Bottle

Erin said...

One movie that does it for me every time is The Color Purple.

Oprah may be a pain in the arse now, but she was great in that movie and the last scene is amazing.

SarahSews said...

I'm a big cryer at movies. And when I watch TV. Doesn't matter what it is.

Message in a Bottle kicks my ass. As did Sommersby. I cried the whole way home from the theatre after that one.

Recently, No Reservations made my cry for at least half the movie.

Last night's Ugly Betty had me in tears.

Jess said...

BEACHES. Definitely. Beaches. I thought no one would remember it! :)

And the Notebook is a good runner-up. But nowhere near as tear-jerking as beaches.

calliope said...

Me too on The Color Purple! I cry just hearing the soundtrack.
I also go weepy watching Breaking the Waves, Terms of Endearment, Annie...
Actually I can pretty much cry at anything. Anytime a character is being wronged I cry. Any time a character is crying I cry.
What a sap!

megan said...

i'm very sad to read about Lisa. i didn't know her or her blog, but sending my sympathies to the blogosphere just the same. i think you're right to leave her name on the peer counselor list. she belongs there.

here are my movies:

The Hours ( i think i might have cried during the majority of this movie... )
Terms of Endearment

Road Blocks and Rollercoasters said...

All of the movies listed already have made me cry, but one that surprised me and made me SOB and made G tear up as well (which was surprising) is Big Fish. The end of that movie is just killer.

dmarie said...

One weekend I went out and purchased Beaches, Terms of Endearment and Steel Magnolias. Can you say tear-fest?!

Hope Floats
Living Out Loud
Life is Beautiful

MLO said...


There is one movie that even men cry at that I have been afraid to watch called "Graveyard of the Fireflies." It is about children in wartime Japan. It does not have a happy ending - and it is not a happy story. Even the write-ups make me cry. One of the warnings on the movie is that no matter how happy you are when you start watching it, you may feel "suicidal" at man's cruelty by the time it is over. Several critics consider this animated movie to be the best civilian war time movie ever made. For 4 years it has sat, unopened, on my shelf. Read the reviews at IMDB or Amazon at your own risk!

Oh, and the spiritual "May the Circle Be Unbroken" brings me to tears every time. I haven't a clue why.

On those who have been lost:

Perhaps an "In Rememberance" section of the blog - to those whose journeys cost more than expected.

It might help remind people there is nothing "safe" in any part of trying to conceive or giving birth - or even in living. We never know what life is going to give us.

I learned this a long time ago because I can accidentally die just by walking into the wrong place. It puts a whole new perspective on what constitutes happiness.

Perhaps it is my family's natural tendency towards the maudlin (Welsh/Irish/English/Cherokee/German/Dutch) that makes us the way we are - or maybe it comes from growing up with stories of death and war and struggle. I was always taught life is just not fair and that you have to work for everything, and, sometimes, no matter what you do, you won't get what you want.

As to happiness? I didn't participate because I learned something a long time ago, happiness is in the littlest of things. The enjoyment of your pet sneaking a carrot (thinking he is unseen). The beauty of fluffy clouds on a clear day. The random act of kindness that comes even in the darkest of days. The chemical bliss of chocolate!

We all have to find our own ways back to happiness from despair - and sometimes that is a cathartic cry.



Sunny said...

Dying Young does it every time. My Life will kill you. Whats the movie where the mom has cancer and her daughter helps her? UGH my brain!

In and Out of Luck said...

Mine are maybe weird:

Betty Blue (37.2 le matin is the French title). There's a pregnant/not pregnant scene that is just harrowing and the end - you just have to see it.

Au Revoir les Enfants

My Name is Bill W. with James Woods, about the founder of A.A.

T said...

Mine are a bit off as well:

Au revoir les enfants - definitely

Forrest Gump - too true

Schindler's list - I think I sobbed through the entire thing.

Betty blue - def - my french friend I went with bawled his eyes out.

Leon/The Professional (the end)

V for Vendetta (the end)

Fight Club (just kidding!)

T said...

So then my husband flicked over to "The Patriot" and it may be a bit on the cheesy side, but anything patriotic/revolutionary/Rob Roy/Braveheart will get me too. I actually may cry if the red sox lose tonight though too - so I'm not a great gauge right now I think.

Rebecca said...

Philadelphia. I cry like a three year old in nursery school.

Kim said...

My Girl makes me cry, 'cuz I'm a loser.

elizabeth said...

Out of Africa. I actually used to fake being sick once a year in high school to have the house to myself so I could watch this movie and cry, and cry, and cry.

Hilary said...

Well I don't know if these count because they're not technically movies, but the last episode of series Six Feet Under made me cry so much I still can't even think about it without getting choked.

Also, the PBS series Anne of Green Gables - when Matthew dies...OMG it's too much!


Baby Step said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend Lisa P. What a tragedy. I didn't know her, nor did I know her blog, but I took a peek and she seemed like a really special person.

As for movies that make me cry -- I cry at Pedigree dog food commercials, so I don't know if I am the right person to ask! I also have a very eclectic list, so bear with me.

Roman Holiday
An Affair to Remember
Breakfast at Tiffany's
The Wedding Singer (yes, I know)
House of Sand and Fog
13 Going on 30 (when she crawls into her parents bed during the thunder storm)
Never Been Kissed

Did anyone watch the show "Felicity" -- I cried at almost every episode

Anonymous said...

Anybody ever see "In America?" It was nominated for several Oscars but I don't think it was widely distributed. It's about a family from Ireland who come to New York illegally, as seen through the eyes of the two young daughters, who are just amazing little actresses. Underlying the story is the loss of the couple's young son, and how the family deals with it (or doesn't). There is a subsequent high-risk pregnancy depicted in the movie as well. As a bereaved parent myself (dd stillborn @ 6 mo pg), I bawled my eyes out through the whole thing, but felt uplifted at the end at the same time.

Lori (loribeth)

m said...

Hey, glad I at least gave you a smile . :)

As for movies:

The Color Purple - I still remember my dad walking in and teasing my mother and I for crying uncontrollably.

100% agree with t - V for Vendetta. I am bawling by the end. And then I want to go out and raise a ruckus. (but I never do)


Offside - this is an Iranian film about a few young women who try to see the national soccer team, get caught (it's forbidden for women to enter the stadium) and their quest to watch the game. I think I cry through the entire second half of the movie (but mostly happy tears. it is a stunning movie. I so recommend it).

Isabel said...

So, this isn't a movie, and so, you know. But I sobbed my heart out at the end of the Doctor Who two-parter, Family of Blood. Perhaps you have to be English, perhaps you have to be a geek, or perhaps you have to know someone who went to the poppy fields and came back.

And that Japanese movie about kids during the war? Sobbed for twenty minutes so hard that I was covered in snot like a five-year-old. In the Chem building lobby where our college showed movies on the weekends.

50 First Dates, when she sees her kid at the end.

Isabel said...

Oh good heavens, almost forgot the commercial that makes DH and I sob like idiots. Some yogurt commercial in Mexico. Reduced to tears in 30 seconds... wtf?

InfertileMadWoman said...

Ok, my biggest ones are:
Steel Magnolia's
The Notebook
Pay It Forward
The Sixth Sense

It is the unjustness of the endings that get me every freaking time!!!

The Dunn Family said...

One of mine is Running on Empty with River Phoenix. That makes me cry every time.

Anonymous said...

Armageddon (say what you will)
The Note Book
Forrest Gump
Life is Beautiful
Friday Night Lights (the movie)

I have been known to cry at TV shows every episode of Cold Case, Ugly Betty this week near ripped my heart out, and of course any commercial made by Hallmark. Then there are the Hallmark Movies. Well then, it's official, I'm a sap also.

T said...

How could I forget "in the name of the father?!" When his father dies in prison? Oh yeah.

Wordgirl said...

I wish I had followed Lisa's blog. I did read a few comments -- someone recounting the intimacies in the last moments, and I admired the openness of her husband's heart to be there with her, and the kindness to share it with the community that clearly meant so much to her -- it reminded me of a book I read in college -- Ken Wilber's Grace and Grit -- his wife's battle with breast cancer.

As for movies --

I cry easily.

I actually, embarrassingly broke into huge wracking sobs in the theater in college when I saw Dances With Wolves -- when the WOLF got it. My mother may have moved a few seats away from me at that point.

Boys Don't Cry has the ability to move me every time I've seen it -- and I've taught it for seven years -- and each time I get chills when Brandon meets the woman he is to fall in love with...and its aftermath.

Brokeback Mountain -- I loved this story when Annie Proulx wrote it and and didn't imagine a film could do it justice -- but the cinematography broke my heart for a place I miss so deeply, and the love story.

And yes, Stepmom -- which is probably one of those Julia Roberts films that sank out of sight immediately, except on cable -- and as a stepmom I thought it captured alot that never makes it to film. Classic grab the kleenex box tear-jerker.

Anonymous said...


Little Women
The Spitfire Grill

r_is_moody said...

I also am one that cries at almost anything.

Here is my list.
A river runs thorugh it. (I don't think i have ever cried that much at a movie.)
Last of the Mohicans
Hope floats
50 first dates
Ever after

Kathy said...

Great idea for a list of movies! :) I second so many of the "make you cry movies" in your your posts and can add a few more:

On Golden Pond
Stealing Home
The Family Stone
The Man in the Moon

I totally agree too with the poster who commented on the scene when Matthew dies in Anne of Green Gables!

As far as TV...I was also a huge fan of Thirysomething, My So Called Life and Once and Again when they were on TV, so many of those episodes got me all choaked up. The producers/writers of those shows capture real life on televison so well.

I also love how in the movie Broadcast News Holly Hunter's character breaks into tears somewhat randomly throughout the movie, as so many women do in real life...

Anyway, thank you for your awesome blog and listing of everything related to IF and Pregnancy loss! I came across it today, I think for the first time, and can't stop reading and following links, etc. I was also presently suprised to see that my blog was actually listed under the Secondary Infertility catagory! So, thank you and keep on doing what you are doing!

Take care,
Kathy :)

Henny Penny said...

Harold and Maude

Soupy said...

Terms of Endearment
E.T. ( I sobbed the 13 times I saw it in the theater as a kid)
Life is Beautiful
Sliding Doors (the "what if" movie, the only time I liked Gwyneth Palthrow)
Steel Magnolia's
Sex & the City when she says goodbye to Big
I cry every week over Cold Case - my DH makes fun of me
I've never cried over TV as HARD as I sobbed over Denny dying on Grey's Anatomy
The Color Purple
Forrest Gump
Brokeback Mountain
Legends of the Fall
Schindler's List (for obvious reasons)