Back when I was in middle school and I watched thirtysomething, I thought those people were so old. Children? Careers? Cancer? Mortgages? Divorce? Who the hell deals with that shit? Old people. And now I'm walking through the theoretical set of thirtysomething and thinking about how young they actually were but I didn't know it then. I was so worried about turning thirty and being old that I never thought about how much I really really wanted those things they had on the show. At least, the good things (not the cancer or the affair). I wanted the husband and the mortgage and the children and the career. I mean, even in middle school I knew I wanted these things in the future. But I didn't want to get old to get them. And it never occurred to me when I was 13 that some of these things might be hard to achieve.
That it wasn't just a matter of turning thirty and having all of these things handed to you. And it sucks when you find that out. That it's so hard to find someone who can be a good partner. It's so hard to make that leap and buy a house and have that responsibility. That getting a job may also mean a large dose of rejection as you apply and are turned down for positions. That having a child was going to be so fucking hard. And in order to have that child, you were not going to romp around in bed like Hope and Michael. You were going to conceive in an office. And you were going to say goodbye to a bunch of not-yet babies along the way.
Oh my G-d, can I have a more downer birthday post?
I am actually quite fond of birthdays and cake and celebrations in general.
But just to get back to the angst for a moment, being thirty in my world is all about fertility, and that was something that never seemed to come up on the show. Or if it did, I was so far into my middle school world that I didn't notice it. Fertility--do I still have it or is it gone? If I have it, will I be able to conceive on my own this time? Or will I more likely return to the RE in the fall? If my fertility is gone, what is the next step? Is it donor egg? Or is it adoption? And how does all of this fit into how I envisioned my life and how does all of this fit in with what is actually in front of me as a thirtysomething.
Pretty heavy thoughts for a birthday post.
Let's talk about this instead. A big public thank you to this woman. And she knows why even if you don't. Not to be mysterious or anything...
The odes for Secret Ode Day have started trickling in. They rock so hardcore. And I really don't want to spoil any surprises, but I wanted to print one just to give you an idea (and by the way, this blogger sent in two--TWO--and offered to write more--MORE--which simply means more love). Just in case you're sitting around all bored this weekend and don't know what to do, you could look at your blogroll. And write a paragraph. Or two. Or eight. Or even thirty-three. If the entry gets too unwieldy, I'll put the entries into more than one post. Easy peasy (I've always wanted to use this Jamie Oliverism and now I've gotten it into my 32nd year just under the wire!).
I was first drawn to [this] blog because of her hilarious stories. She has a family full of amazing characters. They do some crazy things but you grow so fond of them because of the way she writes. We all have crazy family members and I love that she just puts it all out there. [This chickie] is a pleasure to read because of her wit. She is super smart and her writing pulls you in. I've been able to fall in love with a city I have never seen. I can't wait to visit!So, you'll need to check back on the 21st to actually find out whose blog the person is describing, but I thought that was a really sweet write-up of why she likes this person's blog. And if you were the author, wouldn't you walk away from your computer smiling (at least for the rest of the day if not longer)? Everyone needs some love. Everyone needs to know that they are important. And if you are a piece of the puzzle making up the blogosphere, you are important because without your words, the puzzle would always have this little gap. And you'd never be able to see the completed picture. Let a person know how much they've changed your day or your outlook or your life with their writing.
Wow...this roundup is really all over the place today. And we haven't even gotten to the blogs.
I am beyond in love with this post from Infertility Sucks! and the introduction to the term Leak Week. In googling Leak Week, I was also treated to many other new favourites including Red Beard's toothpaste, ordering l'omelette rouge, and falling to the communists. And I finally discovered what "tin roof's rusted" means when the B-52's say it during "Love Shack". Wait, but back to S and Infertility Sucks (I told you this post was all over the place). Not only do you get the term leak week, but you also get a lovely song composed by the divine Ms. S. So click over and read the whole post and be prepared to laugh. A lot. Even though S was dishonourably discharged from the Uterine Navy.
Laura, the Reluctant Baroness, has an open note to a pregnant friend. This thought really moved me and sent me running to the dictionary to find the right word...though none exists: "I wish there was a different word to use rather than jealous or envious. Those words have such negative connotations. I wish I had a word to tell you, 'Damn it I wish it was happening to me, but I couldn't be happier for you.' Because without that word, I feel like such a hypocrite when I say 'Congratulations,' but then I burst into tears. I'm just glad you didn't see the tears. I don't mean to detract from your good news." It's just a fantastic letter that really explains how much you can hurt while still feeling happy for another person.
Pamela's post on Coming2Terms that wove together her own story with Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" chilled me and expanded my understanding of that poem to a completely different level. Until the day I read her post, I always assumed that Frost's poem was about taking risks and reaping big rewards. It simply never occurred to me that the difference could be regretful. That the road not taken was the one he actually wanted to take. And yet this gorgeous, aching post shows the two roads diverging--both with its benefits and drawbacks. And how she can almost glimpse how her husband would have looked on that other road when he picks up the child. And how she is still searching for the difference. This post simply kicks ass.
And I swear I love this post for something more than the fact that Chicklet mentions Infertility's Common Thread. On Blurb This, Chicklet has a post about tying on the pomegranate string: "On day 1, the husband helped me tie my present around my wrist. On day 2, I left presents on two friend's desks at work with instructions for their right wrist. Day 3, I helped tie the present around one of said friend's wrists. And day 4, the presents already started working! Day 4, that SAME friend told me that she didn't know the other friend at work was going through it too - that she'd seen her wearing her present and couldn't believe it! And for me, that was totally what these presents are about. Two people who don't think they have a lot in common, who don't normally talk a lot, just see each other's wrists and know they actually have this crazy HORRIBLE thing in common - without saying a word." And that is exactly it--finding out that the person you never knew could support you is right beside you, understanding your world. And I just loved this post.
So...that's it. I'm off to go gear up for my birthday. Eat some cake. Go for a hike. Relax and read. The good things of being a thirtysomething.
29 comments:
That is soooo wonderful about the IF Common Thread speading! How many of us actually wear ours? I have...but it keeps getting wet. I think we should think of a way to make this for all of us, just not with yard. Any ideas so it doesn't fall apart?
Holy mamasita, I can't believe I made your roundup! I'm honored, and giddy, and you really really made my day. Here's hoping you have a wonderful birthday, and at least get some moments where you're not thinking about these things that loom over us in our thirties and how none of them are what tv makes them out to be.
Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great weekend.
Also, I loved reading chicklit's post about the thread. I bought myself two little skeins of thread, so I'd have extra in case anything happened. I braided three strands and tied it on 2 weeks ago and it's held up perfectly. No one has asked me about it yet (which is actually fine with me at this point), but in some ways I love that it's this special little secret of mine for now.
Happy early Birthday - enjoy your day. Your still young :)
Happy Birthday!!
Hope you have a super one!
Hope you have a happy birthday tomorrow with lots of delicious cake. Hope that this summer brings you a wonderful birthday present. Hope that this time next year you are thinking, "Wow, I had three children early."
The happiest of birthdays to you. I hope this is the year that brings you everything you desire. Oh wait, aren't we supposed to be careful of that one? What the hell. I'll bet you can handle it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! A Gemini -- I just knew it -- takes one to know one!
Also, many thanks for your kind words about my post. I truly appreciate the support and acknowledgment you and others in the IF community share so generously. What the heck would I do without you all? Wait, I don't even want to think about that...
Back to you. I'll be sure to raise a glass in your honor tomorrow! And, I'm turning the tables. This time I'll be your bartender. What'll you have?
Wishing you the happiest of birthdays!!
And sending gratitude your way for continuing to organize the IF blog community in ways that honor the wonderful women who make it the heart-wrenching and inspiring place that it is!!
Thanks for solving the Tin Roof mystery. Those crazy B-52s...
I, too, loved "thirtysomething" way before I was. My group of 3 friends even got shirts with our 30-something name on the back. I still have my Hope shirt.
When I turned 33, my Hubby deemed it my "Christ year." Time for changes and metamorphosis. Twas true, but not in the way I expected (when is it?)
Happy birthday tomorrow!
Happy birthday to you!!! I hope it is a good one with lots of cake and family etc. I understand a little of what you mean about being in your 30's. I had always thought I would be married with children by now. I hope though that all your bithday wishes come true this year.
Happy Birthday to you! Hope it's amazing!
Happy day before birthday!! Start the celebrating now so you can get in more of it!
I agree with Tina, and I think many others have mentioned this before too, about the common thread bracelet and wishing for a more durable choice. I have no idea what we could come up with... but maybe if we all brainstorm? I know a little bit about making bead jewelry - maybe we could all make something with a clasp so it can be removed before showering, swimming etc? My thread one kept getting stretched out from getting wet. Maybe there's some kind of fertility charm or something we could incorporate into a simple bead bracelet? Sorry, I'm thinking out loud....
All I should be saying here is happy birthday! So.... Happy Birthday! ;)
Happy happy happy Birthday! Many cakes and general loveliness, and may all your future birthdays be each more wonderful than the last.
Aw....shucks *blushing*....you love me, YOU REALLY LOVE ME!
I made the round-up, I made the round-up *singing childishly and doing the happy dance* :)
Seriously, I'm honored by the lovefest, really-and, there's more insanity where that came from! I'm glad that I could give a laugh in this shitstorm we call IF.
So, have a very happy HAPPY birthday tomorrow, complete with cake....caaaaake.....mmmm....oh, wait, I lost my train of thought...
Cake kinda does that, doesn't it?
Have a great day tomorrow-you deserve it!
I remember thinking that the reason they titled it "Thirtysomething" was because once you hit 30, no one cared as you were just "old". I use YOU collectively, I hope you understand.
I would give anything to be able to continue to say I'm Thirtysomething, but I only get one more month and that's if someone even bothers to ask.
Happy Birthday, Melissa. The best really IS to come!
Happy Happy Birthday! Great round-up=)
I agree with Tina and PCOSmama that we should think of ideas on how to maintain our bracelets. Although personally, I'm fond of the thread idea cuz it's easy and cheap and anyone can get it. Plus it's not really to anybody's 'personal style' which I think is important so everyone wears it. Maybe all we need to do is look for somewhere online that sells this color thread, and delivers internationally, and we can all buy batches? It means every couple weeks/months we replace it, but in the scale of how much time we spend thinking about infertility, maybe 5 minutes to do a new bracelet would be welcome therapy? At least for me it would. Happy BD!
Whhhaaat? I didn't expect to see my name in your roundup. I'm incredibly giddy right now. It's like a celebrity just waved at me or something. Thanks! And thanks for all that you do for the IF blogosphere!
Oh, and have a very happy birthday! (I can't believe I forgot that.)
I'm one of the girls who works with Chicklet. She gave me the bracelet but I didn't notice my co-worker was sporting one too, she noticed mine in a meeting. So of course a recent memory floods back of me saying "So are you planning on having kids?". Argh! Oh well...ignorance was bliss!
Happy Birthday Mel! :-) Enjoy your weekend.
I love your scattered post!
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY! You know I dreaded hitting the 30's. I could only think about the show too. They were so old to me. They dealt with some crazy hits. I was 30something minus the kids. It was hard but now I have come into my own with or without children. I like this place! :) I will party for you at the VA wine festival tomorrow.
Happy birthday!
I asked a whole group of female relatives (ages ranging from 20's to 90's) what the best age was, joking that I was going to stop when I got there. They all (well, the older ones) said this: don't stop. Each age brings its own unique joys or sorrows, and its all part of a full and rich life.
Now I *have* to get onto the blogaversary stuff. What was the deadline again?
Bea
Happy,Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful celebration. I just left the 30's last week, but I try not to say it out loud because I don't want my ovaries to hear. And I did enjoy your scattered post!
Happy happy birthday, baby! You're definitely still young.
I hope you guys did something terribly fun today - and stayed cool. It is SO hot out there right now.
happy birthday to a fellow gemini!!
Happy birthday! 33 was a GREAT age for me :-) Like Bea mentioned, my mom (who's now in China with my dad for the 4th time this year) says that it keeps getting better and better.
Wishing you a belated happy birthday! We are kinda sorta twins, by a couple of years and 2 days :-)
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