Back when I was in middle school and I watched thirtysomething, I thought those people were so old. Children? Careers? Cancer? Mortgages? Divorce? Who the hell deals with that shit? Old people. And now I'm walking through the theoretical set of thirtysomething and thinking about how young they actually were but I didn't know it then. I was so worried about turning thirty and being old that I never thought about how much I really really wanted those things they had on the show. At least, the good things (not the cancer or the affair). I wanted the husband and the mortgage and the children and the career. I mean, even in middle school I knew I wanted these things in the future. But I didn't want to get old to get them. And it never occurred to me when I was 13 that some of these things might be hard to achieve.
That it wasn't just a matter of turning thirty and having all of these things handed to you. And it sucks when you find that out. That it's so hard to find someone who can be a good partner. It's so hard to make that leap and buy a house and have that responsibility. That getting a job may also mean a large dose of rejection as you apply and are turned down for positions. That having a child was going to be so fucking hard. And in order to have that child, you were not going to romp around in bed like Hope and Michael. You were going to conceive in an office. And you were going to say goodbye to a bunch of not-yet babies along the way.
Oh my G-d, can I have a more downer birthday post?
I am actually quite fond of birthdays and cake and celebrations in general.
But just to get back to the angst for a moment, being thirty in my world is all about fertility, and that was something that never seemed to come up on the show. Or if it did, I was so far into my middle school world that I didn't notice it. Fertility--do I still have it or is it gone? If I have it, will I be able to conceive on my own this time? Or will I more likely return to the RE in the fall? If my fertility is gone, what is the next step? Is it donor egg? Or is it adoption? And how does all of this fit into how I envisioned my life and how does all of this fit in with what is actually in front of me as a thirtysomething.
Pretty heavy thoughts for a birthday post.
Let's talk about this instead. A big public thank you to this woman. And she knows why even if you don't. Not to be mysterious or anything...
The odes for Secret Ode Day have started trickling in. They rock so hardcore. And I really don't want to spoil any surprises, but I wanted to print one just to give you an idea (and by the way, this blogger sent in two--TWO--and offered to write more--MORE--which simply means more love). Just in case you're sitting around all bored this weekend and don't know what to do, you could look at your blogroll. And write a paragraph. Or two. Or eight. Or even thirty-three. If the entry gets too unwieldy, I'll put the entries into more than one post. Easy peasy (I've always wanted to use this Jamie Oliverism and now I've gotten it into my 32nd year just under the wire!).
I was first drawn to [this] blog because of her hilarious stories. She has a family full of amazing characters. They do some crazy things but you grow so fond of them because of the way she writes. We all have crazy family members and I love that she just puts it all out there. [This chickie] is a pleasure to read because of her wit. She is super smart and her writing pulls you in. I've been able to fall in love with a city I have never seen. I can't wait to visit!So, you'll need to check back on the 21st to actually find out whose blog the person is describing, but I thought that was a really sweet write-up of why she likes this person's blog. And if you were the author, wouldn't you walk away from your computer smiling (at least for the rest of the day if not longer)? Everyone needs some love. Everyone needs to know that they are important. And if you are a piece of the puzzle making up the blogosphere, you are important because without your words, the puzzle would always have this little gap. And you'd never be able to see the completed picture. Let a person know how much they've changed your day or your outlook or your life with their writing.
Wow...this roundup is really all over the place today. And we haven't even gotten to the blogs.
I am beyond in love with this post from Infertility Sucks! and the introduction to the term Leak Week. In googling Leak Week, I was also treated to many other new favourites including Red Beard's toothpaste, ordering l'omelette rouge, and falling to the communists. And I finally discovered what "tin roof's rusted" means when the B-52's say it during "Love Shack". Wait, but back to S and Infertility Sucks (I told you this post was all over the place). Not only do you get the term leak week, but you also get a lovely song composed by the divine Ms. S. So click over and read the whole post and be prepared to laugh. A lot. Even though S was dishonourably discharged from the Uterine Navy.
Laura, the Reluctant Baroness, has an open note to a pregnant friend. This thought really moved me and sent me running to the dictionary to find the right word...though none exists: "I wish there was a different word to use rather than jealous or envious. Those words have such negative connotations. I wish I had a word to tell you, 'Damn it I wish it was happening to me, but I couldn't be happier for you.' Because without that word, I feel like such a hypocrite when I say 'Congratulations,' but then I burst into tears. I'm just glad you didn't see the tears. I don't mean to detract from your good news." It's just a fantastic letter that really explains how much you can hurt while still feeling happy for another person.
Pamela's post on Coming2Terms that wove together her own story with Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" chilled me and expanded my understanding of that poem to a completely different level. Until the day I read her post, I always assumed that Frost's poem was about taking risks and reaping big rewards. It simply never occurred to me that the difference could be regretful. That the road not taken was the one he actually wanted to take. And yet this gorgeous, aching post shows the two roads diverging--both with its benefits and drawbacks. And how she can almost glimpse how her husband would have looked on that other road when he picks up the child. And how she is still searching for the difference. This post simply kicks ass.
And I swear I love this post for something more than the fact that Chicklet mentions Infertility's Common Thread. On Blurb This, Chicklet has a post about tying on the pomegranate string: "On day 1, the husband helped me tie my present around my wrist. On day 2, I left presents on two friend's desks at work with instructions for their right wrist. Day 3, I helped tie the present around one of said friend's wrists. And day 4, the presents already started working! Day 4, that SAME friend told me that she didn't know the other friend at work was going through it too - that she'd seen her wearing her present and couldn't believe it! And for me, that was totally what these presents are about. Two people who don't think they have a lot in common, who don't normally talk a lot, just see each other's wrists and know they actually have this crazy HORRIBLE thing in common - without saying a word." And that is exactly it--finding out that the person you never knew could support you is right beside you, understanding your world. And I just loved this post.
So...that's it. I'm off to go gear up for my birthday. Eat some cake. Go for a hike. Relax and read. The good things of being a thirtysomething.