In lieu of the Friday Blog Roundup, I thought I'd look backwards for one week instead of current...
It's fun to look back through my favourites folders in Internet Explorer and see what I thought was worth bookmarking for constant reference. I have a folder called "babies" and it reads as a guide to the journey of the infertile. The first few links are cute baby sites like Babycenter and 101 Early Signs of Pregnancy. The list continues into the slightly confused Basal Body Temperature (what factors can affect your BBT) and Trying to Conceive Success Stories. And then spirals down into a now-defunct list of infertility-friendly employers (new job would equal new insurance which would hopefully equal IVF coverage) and RESOLVE's website.
Tucked into the list are a few parenting blogs--those early journals that they posted on Babycenter. My favourite was Bringing Up Ben which became Bringing Up Ben and Birdy when her second child was born (and has since moved to blogspot). I liked her because she was the first blog I ever read and she was from Amherst near where I used to live.
I read them because I was always looking for the secret. What did they know that I didn't know? How did they get pregnant so relatively easily? In the beginning, I really thought that there must be one piece to the puzzle that I didn't know, that someone forgot to tell me. And I'd discover it if I asked the right questions. Reading blogs seemed like the this covert way to get the information. Access to someone's diary. And weren't they certain to record how they went about creating life?
And there was one I found during one of my frantic google searches (which were usually about early pregnancy symptoms). It was called Kate's Oven and it was a young woman--I believe in Australia--trying to conceive. When I started reading her, she was pregnant and she was so excited that I became excited for her. I checked back every few days, watching her pregnancy progress and reading her entries about food aversions.
And then she lost the baby.
And I sat crying in my empty classroom during my grading period.
I was so sad for Kate and the little bun.
She wrote for a while after the miscarriage, but she finally closed down her blog and stopped writing about trying to conceive. I always wondered what happened to her. You read the intimate thoughts and details about another person's life and they become so entangled in your own that you start talking about them with your husband as if you really know this person. And then you see the broken link to their old blog in your favourites folder and the thoughts pop up again like suddenly realizing what song comes next on a mix tape you haven't heard in twelve years.
I want to know what happened to Kate. Did she go on to conceive again? Did she end up going through more losses? Did she choose a different path to parenthood or is she living child-free? Does she think about her pregnancy loss as much as I think about her pregnancy loss since I don't know her through any other means except her loss?
Did anyone ever read Kate's Oven? And who do you miss from the Blogosphere (or the bulletin boards)?
And who did you show up too late to read and you're now kicking yourself for not starting sooner? On my list is Chez Miscarriage and Baby Hungry Man.
This post is dedicated to Cancer Baby who I was thinking about yesterday because she had a wonderful post last Thanksgiving about her husband and how he went without his beloved green bean casserole last year. And when she died this summer, all I could think about was how that was the last Thanksgiving they had spent together.