Finishing up a chapter and I need feedback/comments. We’ve been compiling a list of the usual suspects—comments and questions presented by the non-infertiles to the SQs and SPJs of this world. We drew these either from our own personal experience or your comments thus far on the blog. We’ll be posting a list of quotes that we’re using in the chapter when the chapter is complete.
The chapter is presented like this: the statement or question leads the section; we state what is probably the intended meaning (or why the non-infertile thinks this is a good thing to say); we state how the SQ or SPJ takes these comments/questions; and whenever possible, we give a better way to say the same thing (or warn them repeatedly to stay away from trying to say certain things in any manner).
The list of questions/comments follows below. Obviously, there are many variations that fall into each category—we’ve just listed the umbrella phrase. Please let us know if we’ve left off an important topic that we need to cover. Also, write in with any stories concerning these questions/comments. We’re trying to give many personal examples. As always, your name will be changed for the book.
Thanks, SQs and SPJs. What would I do without you?
1. When are you going to have a baby?
2. Just stop thinking about it (or trying so hard) and it will happen.
3. Just relax (or you just need to take a vacation) and it will happen.
4. Unsolicited advice (have sex more/less often, lose weight, different positions, etc).
5. This is G-d’s (or nature’s) way of saying that you’re not fit for parenthood.
6. Are you sure you want to do this? Fertility treatments are dangerous!
7. You can always adopt (and the ever popular—if you adopt, you’ll get pregnant)
8. I know exactly how you feel… statements.
9. You’re so lucky that you’re not pregnant (that you don’t have kids) because… statements.
Also covered in this section is when infertile couples are not invited to children’s birthday parties.