I just baked a cake.
And when I say, "baked a cake" I don't mean I ripped open a box of Duncan Hines. I mean I hauled out the professional cake-making equipment and made a cake with four sticks of butter--which is okay because my professional cake pan feeds 60 people. And by okay I mean that you're only getting several hundred grams of fat in each bite.
Welcome to my new series on DIY channel--infertility-induced hobby collecting.
Come on, you know you have strange equipment stashed somewhere in your house. Is it quilt making? Knitting? Bread-baking?
Because this is what happens to a Stirrup Queen when she gets that infertility label. She cries a lot. She avoids places with babies. She realizes that people who are pregnant are rarely starting huge new projects so she throws herself into one of these huge new projects. She takes a quilting class to distract herself. Or joins a knitting circle. Or has her desperate husband buy her a bread stone and a bread-baking cookbook and say, "here, here, distract yourself. Just stop peeing on those sticks, for the love of G-d!"
(clears throat, glances at the bread stone, mutters, "I'm not that crazy.")
Which is how I ended up with professional cake-decorating equipment (as well as the bread stone). I started taking decorating classes because they were a good distraction and because I secretly thought I would need these skills once I had a child because I would be making birthday cakes. And then I became crazy about cake decorating because I was pouring all of my making-a-baby energies into cake decorating. If I couldn't make a baby, I would instead be the best little cake decorating woman the world had ever seen. My cakes would be my babies. I would only lock myself in the classroom bathroom once each lesson to cry for a few minutes.
I dropped out of this class after wedding cakes but before the final fondant lessons. A classmate became pregnant and loudly discussed her pregnancy. And I started spending more time in the bathroom crying because she was ruining my child-free space. For the sake of self-preservation, I dropped the class. And turned to bread baking.
It's nice to have these skills. I mean, there is a silver lining that can come from throwing yourself into a new hobby or drowning yourself in work. It just always gives me pause when I take out the cake pans and remember why I have them.