The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Friday Blog Roundup

Has it been unusually quiet this week? I had to declare bankruptcy with Google Reader and start over after last weekend. And there have been no posts. Okay, there have been some posts, but there haven't been the numerous posts that piled up during the final two weeks of August. Were a lot of people taking last vacations this week? I thought everything usually went back to normal after the first of September.

I'm just looking around, a little confused.

I am inside this strange lull--there's so much to do to get life back into order, and yet it feels as if everything has been swept from my plate all at once. I had this huge wedding last weekend (must remember to write down the story of the turkey cutlet)--by huge I not only mean that there were many guests and activities but also huge because it was my best friend's wedding and I was hugely happy for them and there were huge emotions that translated into huge talks. And then...snap. The wedding is over and the couple leaves for the honeymoon and that is off my plate.

And then I went into the marathon writing session, emerging from the bedroom only to cry and take M&Ms out of the candy box. And then...snap. The manuscript is turned in and that is off my plate too.

You should also know that I don't do well with transitions. I enter this state where I just don't know what to do with myself, as if I've suddenly slipped on someone else's skin and it doesn't feel quite right. A little too tight around the heart, a little too saggy around the knees.

And then, the twins went to preschool. It was the final large item on my plate that I needed to get through. I had been dreading it all summer. Sometimes, we'd be laughing about something and suddenly, I'd remember and this stillness would descend.

They were fine. I was the wreck. I was the wreck. I literally didn't see one other child or parent cry. Two year olds were happily going into their classrooms, parents were dropping off their kids and heading to Starbucks. I cried all morning and stayed in the building like the neurotic freak that I am. I read a book (hey Angie and Evelina!) in the school library. I hung out in the principal's office, trying to sell her on all I have to offer the school (I can come every day and do cake decorating with the kids! Such nimble fingers! We can put them to work with sugar art. Please let me stay).

Like I said, I'm not great with transitions.

What was the biggest thing that happened in your summer? And is summer over?

And now, the blogs.

Baby Smiling in Back Seat has a fantastic post charting how she entered her current state of empty and frantic, the incremental steps that took her farther and farther from life before trying-to-conceive. She writes: "I think back to the time before I started TTC. Without idealizing, I can honestly say that I was happier in a lot of ways. Not that I was always happier than I am now, but for several years before we started thinking about children, our marriage was great, and other aspects of my life were on the upswing. Oh, mid-20s, how rosy you were." It was gut wrenching to see the emotions mapped out--the sleeplessness and sadness. And at the same time, I have to imagine, also a cathartic post that took the story out of her headl; hopefully to clear room for the next state.

The Not So Secret Life of Us also had a post looking back. It was literally one of the most moving posts I read all week and it made me want to jump on my chair and pump my fist in the air a la Dead Poets Society. My heart literally swelled at the ending as she twists your vision of what it means to be a failure or a success in the face of infertility. If nothing else, read it for a post that contains this thought: "At times, I’ve had to literally white knuckle it, I’ve had to hold on so tight to my sanity, I’ve had to hold on so tight so as not to completely loose control and fall over the edge into the abyss of complete over wrought emotion and insanity." She brings you from that moment to the epiphany. And it will change the way, perhaps, you view your own journey.

Growing Inside had a post about her daughter's death certificate (as well as her birth certificate)--her daugther, Tikva, who lived for two months in the NICU. The line that made me hold my breath came in the middle: "But it's not the tower that pulls me, it's the fact that my daughter lived her entire life in that hospital. And now she's not there anymore, she's nowhere I can go to see her, touch her, feel her." Intellectually, you can comprehend the statement. Emotionally, it is impossible. It is a gorgeous and heartbreaking post.

Lastly, Today's the Day had a post about the adoption storyline on 90210 (how much do I miss the original version of that show?) and why huge emotional situations just aren't suited for a 42-minute drama on the small screen. Especially when so many viewers are watching, their hearts raw due to their proxemity to the plot and then the road always taken is revealed and the same stereotypes are reinforced for the general public.

The roundup to the Roundup: Where is everyone? What was your big event or accomplishment this summer? Lots of good reading. Oh, and the Friday Open Thead at Bridges.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the mention Lollipop, that post was a HUGE realization for me and I hope it well help more of us to feel less guilty and like failures.
My new favorite quote is: Its not how you finish the race, its how you ran it!"

Jamie said...

The post-Big Project time period is always so hard for me. I have all this momentum, then . . . nothing.

Anonymous said...

I can't say that weeping is my preferred way to start my Friday morning, but your summary of posts was so moving, so heart-wrenching, so full of things I can relate to (TTC with loads of infertility treatments for a number of years, miscarriage, though earlier on than 36 weeks) and things I fear (the loss of our child), that I couldn't help but weep. I was never able to take the full journey to giving birth but, as a partnered lesbian, one of the potential upsides is that my wife (we married in Canada last year and live in California, so I love that I can use the "wife" word) gave birth to our daughter. Sophie, nine months ago, after her third IVF and after being told by our doctor that we should consider an egg donor, since her eggs weren't looking too perky (but, hey, perky ain't always all that, as I learned with my more-gorgeous -8-cell-embryos-than-I-could-count). We've decided to try for another child--just, just decided to start the process--and I find all of my old infertility anxieties and pain resurfacing, even though I won't be trying to conceive. Reading today's post helped ground me in knowing that those feelings are integral parts of me, that honoring them is important, yada, yada, yada. Long way of saying thanks for posting about other posts and thanks for the wonderful work you do.

luna said...

I hope you are easing into this transition well. did you ever get something to do at the twins' school? something tells me you will be the world's greatest volunteer mom, signing up for everything! am I right? you don't even have to answer that one.

thanks for the roundup, as usual. I just spent 45 minutes bawling my eyes out reading the story of tikvah and holding her memory...

yes, sadly, I think summer has come to an end. my biggest accomplishment is our home study. we applied in june and the first draft should be complete today... yay us.

Jess said...

Well...we're currently wrapping up our last summer vacation (we're on the way home from Edisto, SC) so that's where I've been. Summer is almost over at home and it's almost time for harvest.

We bought the kids' fall wardrobes on vaca, so fall must truly be right around the corner.

loribeth said...

I think a lot of people generally have been busy with back to school stuff. Having no kids, of course, I'm not sure what MY excuse is. ; ) For a short week, it felt like a really LONG week.

Tara said...

The biggest thing that happened this summer was moving from a little townhouse to a big house with a big yard. All the lead up to it and then the actual move itself was huge. And now I'm trying to transition into my new life and I'm deathly ill with a cold or allergies or something of the sort. And with all that, having a hard time getting into the blogging - both writing and commenting.


Io said...

Despite trying desperately to cling to it, yes, summer is over. Oh, now I want to cry...but then I realize it means all this waiting will end and something will happen.
The biggest thing this summer? All the crap with Al failing and losing his job and making it so we couldn't do IVF this fall. So maybe it's not so bad to leave summer behind after all.

Natalie said...

Two major things I had to get through this summer: my SIL having her baby, and me getting a new job. I've gotten through both of them, so it's a good thing.

Anonymous said...

Sigh...I was that mom sobbing her eyes out when I left Builder Boy at preschool last year. I likened it to rubbing him in raw meat and putting him out in the wild. It was so awful!! I feel for you. I hope this transition for you goes smoothly. Transitions are no my strong suit either.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Thanks for the shoutout and the praise!

Cathartic, yes. Summer is far from over for me since I am currently on the other side of the world from where I normally am -- hot and a vacation, that's summer. Yesterday DH and I were having a fabulous adventure and he said, "Are you feeling empty and harried now?" I said, "It was frantic, actually, but no, I am not feeling that way at all." I am dead tired from sleeping 14 hours in the past 3 days, but feeling good.

The biggest thing this summer? Since the adventures are still in progress, I can't even begin to choose. Big but definitely not best, though? Failed IVF #1.

Thanks! :)