tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post7986383084901590261..comments2023-08-15T05:02:58.115-04:00Comments on Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters: Thanks for All the VodkaLollipop Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-33145654143731837582008-01-24T17:46:00.000-05:002008-01-24T17:46:00.000-05:00Yes.I refuse to do another cycle. I just can't. ...Yes.<BR/><BR/>I refuse to do another cycle. I just can't. But I want more children. I delude myself (though can it be called deluding when you know you are doing it) that we could just get pregnant. You know, from sex. Maybe B's sperm have, you know, suddenly learned how to swim. <BR/><BR/>Maybe not.<BR/><BR/>Most likely not.<BR/><BR/>It hurts when I am on message boards with women who talk about starting TTC ("you know, it took me 9 months last time") and deciding how to TIME their next pregnancy. <BR/><BR/>Infertility hurts all around. And it never stops, it just sometimes recedes into the background.Staciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04505622963819102492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-56647003288312877772008-01-24T06:18:00.000-05:002008-01-24T06:18:00.000-05:00So it turns out drunk blogging can come out right....So it turns out drunk blogging can come out right. <BR/><BR/>It sucks. It all sucks.<BR/><BR/>BeaBeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-44783719468008720422008-01-23T23:56:00.000-05:002008-01-23T23:56:00.000-05:00Thanks so much for your honesty. It all does suck ...Thanks so much for your honesty. <BR/><BR/>It all does suck and we need other<BR/>people to share our common experience with. <BR/><BR/>I got a glass of wine next to me right now....<BR/><BR/>Best of luckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-542330193473943922008-01-23T08:13:00.000-05:002008-01-23T08:13:00.000-05:00aww, Mel. I am so sorry that night, and many othe...aww, Mel. I am so sorry that night, and many others have been so sucky, cruel, and just unfair.<BR/><BR/>It sucks, it just does. And I hear you on the one-suckmanship that can go on. We all have different stories, which is why, I think, some of us read. <BR/><BR/>I'm obsessed with fairness as well, and I also have this belief that whatever "it" is, I should be able to get it. Not in a physical sense, but mentally, to comprehend. And this, infertility, I don't get it. And that sucks.LJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08398924875071245573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-40621665698892060502008-01-22T21:51:00.000-05:002008-01-22T21:51:00.000-05:00oh, dear Mel. You said it all, even knowing that's...oh, dear Mel. You said it all, even knowing that's only the tip of the iceberg... I'm with you through all of the miracles and distances on the interwebs... much love & tenderness. and luck, and miracles.Celestehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00184873535611737473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-16524200841634280322008-01-22T14:01:00.000-05:002008-01-22T14:01:00.000-05:00Well, you're always offering us drinks at the virt...Well, you're always offering us drinks at the virtual lushery, you deserve a few real ones of your own too. {hugs}Samanthahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02799401502134619497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-86706756566020483972008-01-22T12:26:00.000-05:002008-01-22T12:26:00.000-05:00It sucks so completely. I can absolutely understan...It sucks so completely. I can absolutely understand what you are writing. My colleague always says: Under every roof there is another sorrow!!!Yokahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05252039848521013049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-72058375351255517832008-01-22T10:57:00.000-05:002008-01-22T10:57:00.000-05:00Wow and BRAVO! But seriously, have you been in my...Wow and BRAVO! But seriously, have you been in my head lately? I think your sloppy post just put into words what so many of us think and feel all too often. As for your comments on secondary IF, AMEN!!!!!Mindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16137863271039042064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-47959165887311197942008-01-22T10:06:00.000-05:002008-01-22T10:06:00.000-05:00All I have to say is A-freaking-MEN!!!! It's all o...All I have to say is A-freaking-MEN!!!! It's all one great big, unfair, suckage palace when it comes to anyone's IF. I'm sorry....KatieMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01788333330983257409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-64607783624080655692008-01-22T09:19:00.000-05:002008-01-22T09:19:00.000-05:00You're right. All of it sucks. I wish that you d...You're right. All of it sucks. <BR/><BR/>I wish that you didn't have to go through this. I wish that I didn't have to go through this. I wish that none of us had to go through this.<BR/><BR/>I'm thinking of you.Ms Heathenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06404067891155971103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-25567503267991003782008-01-22T04:57:00.000-05:002008-01-22T04:57:00.000-05:00Yes. It does. Infertility sucks. I wonder if I goo...Yes. It does. Infertility sucks. <BR/><BR/>I wonder if I googled "infertile sucks" how many hits I'd get. I know I'd hit here and my own blog. <BR/><BR/>I think I'll try it. <BR/><BR/>Hold that thought. <BR/><BR/><BR/>9,390. <BR/><BR/>That sounds about right.Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04150585209390355119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-34148239129418105932008-01-21T23:20:00.000-05:002008-01-21T23:20:00.000-05:00I'm sorry it sucks so much.And you know it gets wo...I'm sorry it sucks so much.<BR/><BR/>And you know it gets worse when you are drunk and feeling maudlin, and you know that it will feel better in the morning, after the hangover wears off.<BR/><BR/>For me...I've been struggling with IF and loss for so long, I've forgotten what it's like to get pregnant and be pregnant the other way. Somewhere along the way, I lost the expectation it would happen any other way. And the suckage became less. Not gone, but less.<BR/><BR/>After you finish being hungover, maybe you need to embrace it. Stop trying to not have it exist, and just embrace it for what it is.Aureliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13691032415028867902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-13187566201333331122008-01-21T22:41:00.000-05:002008-01-21T22:41:00.000-05:00Sending you a hug. Thank you for recognizing that...Sending you a hug. Thank you for recognizing that the pain of primary infertility is always there under the surface, even after parenting.GLouisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15146524259296901512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-11535161304169531182008-01-21T21:42:00.000-05:002008-01-21T21:42:00.000-05:00I love your honesty. And do you know what sucks t...I love your honesty. And do you know what sucks the most, that you don't have a basement to go and scream and break those Crate and Barrel dishes, it's a wonderful outlet (and usually without the hangover :) )SMiLeDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14340513065620539939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-3292548855238813572008-01-21T21:13:00.000-05:002008-01-21T21:13:00.000-05:00Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for puttin...Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for putting this into words. You have captured everything I am feeling right now, and I'm primary infertile. This is my first time posting here, but I've been a regular reader. It's nice(?) to know that there are others out there to feel the same. OH, and I'd like to add that it sucks that this entire thing has completely shaken my faith. Because it totally has. Much luck to you!Sullyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00395292624496101789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-34915107947551178112008-01-21T21:09:00.000-05:002008-01-21T21:09:00.000-05:00I like your style. Vodka and suckage and the whol...I like your style. Vodka and suckage and the whole lot of it. Maybe because I live in a townhouse and I also have a vodka stash for just such moments. And other moments.Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18384206429432741119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-4284404951277878262008-01-21T19:21:00.000-05:002008-01-21T19:21:00.000-05:00Nodding my head to everything in the post. Especia...Nodding my head to everything in the post. Especially that sentence saying how most people talk about "when" to have kids, or the next kid, and we talk about "if." It's another universe to live in "if" and the "when" people can never understand it, just as I can never understand what it might be in the 'when" crowd. Even pregnant, I can't imagine it. What must it be like to stand in a crowd of mommies giggling about how we don't want to have them TOO close together! Unimaginable.In and Out of Luckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11211825510910211158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-1565424135454881612008-01-21T18:23:00.000-05:002008-01-21T18:23:00.000-05:00Primary or secondary IF doesn't really matter when...Primary or secondary IF doesn't really matter when it comes to how you feel. Both suck ass and both come with a rampant range of emotions. I recognize your suckage and hope that it goes away quickly and with little incident. :)RBandRChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06018306370247688896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-80874548477816821362008-01-21T18:05:00.000-05:002008-01-21T18:05:00.000-05:00Amen.Amen.Nearlydawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17132169507140828802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-78649631959309976192008-01-21T17:32:00.000-05:002008-01-21T17:32:00.000-05:00I acknowledge your suckage. Your suckage does not ...I acknowledge your suckage. Your suckage does not detract from my own suckage. Both our suckages suck. <BR/><BR/>Ooooo. The secondary IF thing ... I have a big post brewing. I think I'll go work on it for a publish tomorrow. It'll be on my "other" blog if you want to take a look when I have it done.<BR/><BR/>Sorry about your suckages.nancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04479202205264710056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-62220969122029368972008-01-21T16:19:00.000-05:002008-01-21T16:19:00.000-05:00Ah, it does suck. Suck, suck, suck.While primary ...Ah, it does suck. Suck, suck, suck.<BR/><BR/>While primary IF hurts like a bitch because you don't know if you can even be a Mom at all, I can well imagine that secondary hurts easily just as much...you jut have the comfort of at least BEING a mom. Of not failing altogether. Pain is pain, and want is want. And it SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS that anyone at all has to feel either of them.<BR/><BR/>I never have felt much of a loss because of not being able to get pregnant in my own home. I always viewed assisted reproduction as the ultimate sign to your kids that you love and want them. So that wasn't a biggie for me, but...there is so much else lost, too. Money, yes, but that's small in comparison to the way IF changes your mindset and shapes your joy. Or beats it down, rather.<BR/><BR/>I felt often that perhaps I would get over myself if I was to get pregnant. Then if I was to get into this trimester or meet that goal, perhaps THEN I wouldn't worry. But I spent my almost perfect pregnancy scared to death. I thoguht maybe if the ending was happy I could look to another pregnancy in the future (if we decide to try again) not being as sucky and scary. But you know what? That isn't how it is, because I'll still know what I know, and in the end, I'll still be scared. Because I KNOW this gift is precious and easily lost. I KNOW that things are hard to come by and that shit happens. I know, and you can never UNknow it once you know.<BR/><BR/>I wish you'd never known. I wish nobody ever knew. <BR/><BR/>I hope you don't have to go to the clinic long.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05181924375187173030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-28839500824621139342008-01-21T15:32:00.000-05:002008-01-21T15:32:00.000-05:00Yep, it all just sucks. Period.Yep, it all just sucks. Period.Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01484007558206947938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-72144323840431379132008-01-21T15:25:00.000-05:002008-01-21T15:25:00.000-05:00Trying so hard and coming up empty . . . that is t...Trying so hard and coming up empty . . . that is the worst. I know it is better to count our blessings, but I think you have to mourn the losses too.<BR/><BR/>It may be too early for this - to count your blessings - but you have something I will never, ever have - children that are the product of you and your husbands genes. How lucky is that?Kamihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01215000341567119958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-80038311408885910902008-01-21T15:04:00.000-05:002008-01-21T15:04:00.000-05:00Mel, I won't say that I know how you feel, because...Mel, I won't say that I know how you feel, because I don't. But I do know that IF sucks. All of it. Even when you think it's all over and done with...and then it isn't...it just sucks.<BR/><BR/>*hugs* Thinking about you.spyderklhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10185788515433172400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-28251778641010321482008-01-21T15:00:00.000-05:002008-01-21T15:00:00.000-05:00I'm sorry Mel. It is all right to recognize the s...I'm sorry Mel. It is all right to recognize the suckage. And to secondary sucks too. <BR/><BR/>So hold on to your babies, gain solace and know that "hopefully" this suckage will pass. <BR/><BR/>P.S. If you didn't have hope, you wouldn't be trying.Esperanzahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14841585672805438897noreply@blogger.com