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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Director's Commentary for Uterninus's Law

Who better to interview me than myself? I sat down with myself over a dulce de leche latte and asked these hard-hitting questions about my latest film, Uterninus's Law.

Interviewer Melissa: (crossing her legs demurely at the ankle and taking a lady-like sip of her latte): My goodness, you're much more beautiful in person than I ever imagined. Your period-induced acne is gorgeous! So tell us, what inspired you to create Uterninus's Law?

Filmmaker Melissa: Thank you, Melissa. The idea actually came from a recent post from Trisomymommy where she listed the differences between how she handled her first time around with infertility (acupuncture, cutting out the coffee, eating pineapple, doing yoga) and how she handled this past FET cycle which turned out to be a success.

It feels like so many people have a story like this: the only cycle where we actually carried past eight weeks was the one where I did everything wrong and pretty much mailed-it-in since it was a final IUI thrown in before we could start an IVF cycle. It was the most stressed I had ever been during the two years. It feels like the fertility gods have a sick sense of humour because all the times that I did everything right, I never conceived or I would have my emotions jerked through a chemical pregnancy. But the one time I really didn't care because it was simply biding time before I could "really" cycle? That's the time I saw the heartbeat.

I wrote this song the day before Mother's Day when I thought that I wasn't going to ovulate this cycle. The new OB had asked me to not take Prometrium this cycle and test my 7dpo progesterone levels. So this cycle was essentially going to be a wash and I accepted that. But I needed to ovulate by CD20 in order to be around 7 days later to run the test. Simple--I usually ovulate by CD16 at the latest anyway so it wasn't going to conflict with our trip. Of course, this is the month that I ovulated on CD21. Uterninus's Law strikes again. Well played, Uterninus, well played.

It seems like everyone has an example of Uterninus's Law--from hyperstimulation on the first cycle after surgery when you're so hopeful to the friend you warned about the problems with waiting who got pregnant.

Interviewer Melissa: So true, so true. Tell our readers a behind-the-scenes fact that they can only get about the film by reading our interview.

Filmmaker Melissa: Well, I don't really like to point out our gaffs, but we have a continuity error on the frames were Sharon Barren is pouring out the wine inside her Starbucks cup and it turns the screen wine-coloured. If you look at the letters on the Starbucks logo, they don't turn with the cup. We're not exactly sure how this happened, but we decided to leave in the frame rather than re-do the picture. We did go back in and redraw several frames including the ones where she is running for the falling cell phone and the one where she is sitting in the glider.

The opening sequence is a homage to "We Built This City" by Starship. Specifically the line:
"Who rides the wreaking ball into our guitars," though in this case, the "wrecking ball" is actually the guitar and it is knocking the negative pee stick out of the way. I think Grace Slick would approve. Actually, I can't really say that. Maybe she wouldn't. I hope she would. I hope she'd be honoured by this homage.

Interviewer Melissa: Did you receive a kick-back from Starbucks for featuring their brand so prominently as well as mentioning them in this interview?

Filmmaker Melissa: I wish! No, nothing from Starbucks. But if any executives are reading this and want to send me a few free drink coupons, I'd be happy to keep brand loyalty.

Interviewer Melissa: So, what is happening next at Barren Von Stirrup Shtup Productions? Any exciting projects in the works?

Filmmaker Melissa: I'm glad you asked that, Melissa. We recently recorded a new song and have started working on the drawings for the film. It is actually a parenting-after-infertility film that explains infertility, ART, adoption, and donor gametes to children. It's running about three minutes and again, it's a colourful cartoon. We were looking for books and songs that spoke about our family and blew the concept of natural vs. artificial out of the water. In other words, we were sick of hearing "are they natural" in regards to the twins as if conceiving through fertility treatments somehow made them "unnatural". And when we couldn't find anything that spoke about the multitude of ways that people become families after infertility or assisted conception, we decided to create our own movie. One that represents to the best of our ability every family-to-be or family within the infertility and assisted conception community. We hope to have it completed in the next few weeks. There will be a sequel that will explain pregnancy loss in simple-to-understand words and imagery for children as well.

At the same time, we've already composed the music and are writing the lyrics for our entry in the next International Infertility Film Festival. It has a seasonal theme and all I can say right now is that our four verses each cover a different season.

Interviewer Melissa: Thank you so much for taking the time to sit down and talk with me.

Filmmaker Melissa: Il n'y a pas de quoi. I'm always happy to talk with you. You're just such a witty and intelligent interviewer.

Interviewer Melissa: I'm blushing! You are truly one of my favourite filmmakers in the Microsoft Paint oeuvre. It is such an honour to be in your presence.

Filmmaker Melissa: Stop it! Now you're making me blush.

: Melissa--get off the computer and stop talking to yourself.

Watch the film here


Karianne said...

I'm cracking up! I'll have to interview myself here pretty soon. Great idea.

Celeste said...

agreeing with karianne! we all deserve such a flattering interviewer in our lives. can't wait to watch the vid after work!


Samantha said...

Too funny! I'm looking forward to your third and forth films coming out.

TeamWinks said...

Ha! I can see hubby Josh actually saying that. Too funny!

ms. c said...

Thanks for the morning giggle.
I can't wait for the next films.

Bea said...

That's hilarious! (I'm so jealous I didn't think of interviewing myself first.) Did I mention I love the new film? Might as well mention it again. Looking forward to your entry.


Somewhat Ordinary said...

You are too funny! I don't know how you come up with this stuff, but it is a joy to have "met" you on-line and maybe one day I'll get the honor of meeting you IRL! Thanks for the laugh!

Rachel Inbar said...

Hilarious! How did you get yourself to agree to the interview? Now all you need to add is how you booked it with your secretary self...

JJ said...

You are too cute=)

Ann said...

Did you have to go off the record at all during the interview? I know, I know, that can be tricky--you can never be fully sure that you can actually trust yourself.

Anonymous said...

How funny! How cute! Thank you for explaining it all so very very amusingly.

Anonymous said...

I'm worried that I'm beginning to come off as a cross between Archie Bunker and Darrin from "Bewitched."

Sunny said...

You always make me laugh!