tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post9024307882122188994..comments2023-08-15T05:02:58.115-04:00Comments on Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters: Dinner Plates Stretched ThinLollipop Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-80675241774890612702008-01-26T09:47:00.000-05:002008-01-26T09:47:00.000-05:00I haven't read all the comments, but I used to wor...I haven't read all the comments, but I used to work in TV & film, and FYI, Martha does NOT bake her own bread.<BR/><BR/>She has a staff to so many of the dozens of things she needs done at work. She lays out the construction blueprint, but she does not dig the ditch herself.<BR/><BR/>Take care of yourself and your family first, and keep your eyes on the prize when it comes to what you want in life. If you can't do the zillions of things on this site that you want to, that is okay, you know. Other people can take up the slack.Aureliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13691032415028867902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-84596642638005640842008-01-24T20:19:00.000-05:002008-01-24T20:19:00.000-05:00Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you ...Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and to thank you for all that you are and all that you do for others. And good for you for doing what is right for you and your family right now.battynursehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02240029154165501340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-45010261992483428462008-01-24T16:39:00.000-05:002008-01-24T16:39:00.000-05:00So say we all. IF sucks on so many levels. I pic...So say we all. IF sucks on so many levels. I picture a can of silly string sprayed over our lives – it touches every aspect. You push through it all until you just can’t anymore. I’ve had to take two breaks; life was becoming as unbearable as the IF. I propose a toast to everyone who is way too familiar with all the suckage. All that can, drink one for our sisters. Hug your family and yourself -Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-7442212051458444412008-01-24T10:50:00.000-05:002008-01-24T10:50:00.000-05:00the fact that you sat still and listened to your b...the fact that you sat still and listened to your body and your mind and your heart and was able to make a choice is huge. <BR/>I can't tell you how many times I stormed forward and halfway through treatment WEPT because I just needed to be effing not on fertility meds. <BR/><BR/>So many of us don't take stock of what we need and suffer because of it. Thanks for reminding me that it is OK to not have to bounce right into a cycle. <BR/><BR/>sending loveAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-9781496419463294492008-01-24T06:31:00.000-05:002008-01-24T06:31:00.000-05:00Mel, that's a lot of plates. Or not enough plates...Mel, that's a lot of plates. Or not enough plates. Or too much for the plate. I think you've handled the plate metaphor pretty well already. <BR/><BR/>The point is - something has to give at some point, and sometimes you have to choose the best of whatever bad options you have.<BR/><BR/>And you're right - infertility is the opposite of family planning. "Plan" implies some level of control. <BR/><BR/>I won't say you can handle it all as such - but I do think you can handle it insofar as I think you can made these kinds of decisions so the chicken doesn't all end up on the floor all the time. Sometimes handling it means saying, "These plates can only get so full."<BR/><BR/>BeaBeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-78014957188978299832008-01-24T00:07:00.000-05:002008-01-24T00:07:00.000-05:00We all have to do what is best for us, and I agree...We all have to do what is best for us, and I agree with 'serenity' that sometimes breaks are healing and necessary. We are more than our infertility and sometimes I feel like we get caught up in it and that's all we (or at least I) become. I know you said that you feel quilty for looking forward to the things that a break will bring - know that none of us think that you should feel that way (but it's easier said than done). Every month that goes by, I try to come up with different reasons why it's a good thing that we didn't get pg that month. Personally it helps me not put all my eggs in one basket and look forward to other things in life. Take a deep breath, we all support you.TroxelTribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05333221560911681108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-71712780036959468222008-01-24T00:06:00.000-05:002008-01-24T00:06:00.000-05:00Wow.It is hard to decide to take a break..... espe...Wow.<BR/><BR/>It is hard to decide to take a break..... especially once you've started those darned injections.<BR/><BR/>You are brave not to hold yourself ransom to treatment. I know I do. Ploughing on with the next cycle against all common and uncommon sense. The promise of hope can make us blind to our own needs and our families....... it is very addictive and merciless. You are strong to see clearly what you need.<BR/><BR/>I'm sad and happy for you.Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11890663570732346315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-27771380610910584752008-01-23T23:30:00.000-05:002008-01-23T23:30:00.000-05:00oh mel, I'm sorry you've had all this weighing so ...oh mel, I'm sorry you've had all this weighing so heavy on you, and that you've been so sad. for what it's worth, I think your decision is wise and loving and brave. you have to do what's best for you and your family. I also think breaks can be healthy, esp. when they're self-imposed. I know it's a really hard decision, but it could give you the time you need for your family and your book. and I think it will only make you stronger. plus it could even be restorative. <BR/><BR/>balancing the needs of family -- however large or small -- with the rest of life requires a lot of energy and hard choices. there is only so much mel to go around for you to continue to be the incredible woman you are. Aside from all you do here, it's absolutely amazing what you do at home -- I am still astonished that you make all meals from scratch. I try to live sustainably but can't do that, and I have no kids at home to distract me. that's hard work. <BR/><BR/>finally, you are absolutely right that i/f takes away our control. it's so frustrating that we can't just make babies the old fashioned way when we feel like it. I hear you on that suckage. <BR/><BR/>I hope you can be at peace with your decision and find all kinds of beneficial ways to enjoy this time you have created for yourself. (at the risk of sounding trite, a few months isn't that long in the scheme of things, you kwim?)<BR/>~lunaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-47660953356707106772008-01-23T22:06:00.001-05:002008-01-23T22:06:00.001-05:00What an impossible decision that is. I like your ...What an impossible decision that is. I like your Christmas sale shopping analogy - I used to explain to people that the hope of a new cycle is addictive. It's hard to step back and make the decision to take a break sometimes - even when it's for the best it's hard to get that monkey off our backs.<BR/>I was forced to take a break when we moved. I first felt frantic and then a sense of relief washed over me. A big wine, sushi, soft cheese, and coffee wave of relief. <BR/>I hope your wave comes soon and carries you until it's the right time for a new cycle.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04516563063393712991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-3570895514518024502008-01-23T22:06:00.000-05:002008-01-23T22:06:00.000-05:00I'm with Serenity (and many others), and I think a...I'm with Serenity (and many others), and I think a break is good. If this isn't the right time for it, then it's not, done deal. Sometimes we have other focus, and I think it's kinda cool that right now your other focus is a different thing you've wanted for so long, and that one you know you're getting. Hang in there.Nataliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02519495904693373900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-67694927977212716872008-01-23T21:34:00.000-05:002008-01-23T21:34:00.000-05:00"I don't think infertile people or couples use tru..."I don't think infertile people or couples use true family planning. I think we plan based on a sense of hysteria." <BR/><BR/>I totally agree.<BR/><BR/>We are so afraid that we won't get the chance again that we push ahead even when we may not be ready or the timing may not be right. The truth is -- the treatments will still be there a few months from now.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01418041735007521091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-7897695120479282932008-01-23T20:10:00.000-05:002008-01-23T20:10:00.000-05:00I am glad you shared your heart. HUGS! I am alwa...I am glad you shared your heart. HUGS! I am always in awe of you!Sunnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14570018200281339937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-17431666538214273702008-01-23T18:33:00.000-05:002008-01-23T18:33:00.000-05:00I think what you said about infertiles not (or not...I think what you said about infertiles not (or not being able to) practice family planning is very true. Once you start treatments, there you get caught in this panicked whirlwind of "I have to do this right now!" It's hard to step back and take a breath and choose to hit the pause button.<BR/><BR/>I'm 5 cycles into <I>not</I> trying, and it's hard to do. For me, making the choice to <I>not</I> have sex every month when I know that I'm ovulating sends me into a tizzy. There's this whole anguished thought of, "But what if this was the month I had the egg that would become the baby?" But what gets me through is that if I weren't infertile, I would have no qualms about it -- this is simply NOT the right time. <BR/><BR/>I guess that's all the advice (assy, I know) I can really give. Look at your situation as if you were not infertile, and see what choice you would make. It makes it a little easier to hear what your heart is telling you, instead of your ovaries drowning everything out.<BR/><BR/>Good luck!sharahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01730625931461269859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-7464043690725696742008-01-23T18:15:00.000-05:002008-01-23T18:15:00.000-05:00Thank you so much for sharing this post with all o...Thank you so much for sharing this post with all of us. Foregoing treatment, even for a time, is such a hard decision to make. D and I were all set to start back up last August, after a break since last May, and when it came time to start a cycle, I just couldn't do it. My reasons, I think, are very different than yours, given that I've no book and no twins and plenty of time to juggle treatments with my job. I just wasn't ready to do it again. It must be all the more difficult for you to have come to this decision, given that you WERE ready to start again.<BR/><BR/>Thinking of you.Southern Comfortablehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09907890448173313693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-34533842959062309252008-01-23T17:43:00.000-05:002008-01-23T17:43:00.000-05:00I definitely believe we plan based on a sense of h...I definitely believe we plan based on a sense of hysteria. Very well put. DH and I are in no place financially for a child now (in large part thanks to treatments :eye roll:) but we don't care. We will try every chance we get.<BR/><BR/>And I know you know this, but you certainly have the right (and should!) mourn. If you don't, it will just bottle up inside and cause problems later. You're only human.<BR/><BR/>By the way, I am obsessed with fairness (and perfection) as well, so I can see where you've been pulled in so many directions by your thoughts.<BR/><BR/>Lots of hugs.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16067045642285877560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-70649866051963601142008-01-23T16:31:00.000-05:002008-01-23T16:31:00.000-05:00I don't know what to say other than you know what ...I don't know what to say other than you know what is best for your family and that it is not my place to judge. I am thinking of you and hope you can find some peace soon. I know sometimes that is a struggle as I have mental wars in my head on a constant basis regarding if I am doing the right thing not doing every thing I can to have another child. I wish I could give you a real hug but cyber (((HUGS))) will have to do.sltbee69https://www.blogger.com/profile/00776550579422501846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-27536959240799061042008-01-23T16:09:00.000-05:002008-01-23T16:09:00.000-05:00Mel,You are in my thoughts!!! This must have been ...Mel,<BR/>You are in my thoughts!!! This must have been a really difficult decision to make.Yokahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05252039848521013049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-10890699541446967382008-01-23T15:17:00.000-05:002008-01-23T15:17:00.000-05:00I went through something similar in the last year ...I went through something similar in the last year to year and a half of my graduate studies. I knew I couldn't do what was necessary to graduate and pursue our options for IVF at the same time. I was afraid to putting off IVF because I felt like I already waited to long to try to have children and missed my opportunity to have them without ART. If I put off IVF, will I miss my chance to be pregnant completely. Ultimately, as you may remember, I decided to put off IVF. At the time I didn't know how long it would be before I could start treatment, but I finally graduated and with all the time and energy I put into starting our treatment, I realized it was the right thing to do and I think I somehow knew that about myself. That this was the right way to do it for me.<BR/><BR/>I think you know yourself pretty well, Mel. So, if this feels like the right thing to do, despite whatever reservations, then trust yourself.Summerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10462071403127406819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-37439785957425517862008-01-23T15:14:00.000-05:002008-01-23T15:14:00.000-05:00The decision on when and how to do treatment is ne...The decision on when and how to do treatment is never easy. It is very brave of you to make this decision-you are doing what is best for your family. I was very overwhelmed when we decided to go down this road again-it hasn't been easy-and sometimes I wonder if this was the right decision for us.MoMohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09879385590690669377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-8687417482165138392008-01-23T14:45:00.000-05:002008-01-23T14:45:00.000-05:00Mel, No one can do everything. Even when we wish w...Mel, <BR/><BR/>No one can do everything. Even when we wish we could. I learned this the very hard way with pneumonia. I don't want you or anyone else to learn that way!<BR/><BR/>Treatments are hard on our body, our minds, our souls, and those around us. Sometimes, we have to step away from something. I'm really sorry that you have to step away from this. It is not a good thing and it is not a bad thing. As my husband says (and it usually pisses me off), "It is what it is." We just have to live with the choices we make and the choices that are made for us.<BR/><BR/>And those of us dealing with infertility have had a number of choices made for us - whether we like it or not.<BR/><BR/>You are doing what you need to do for you, and that is all that can be done. After all, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."MLOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01779450983499873776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-5306758154039633872008-01-23T14:09:00.000-05:002008-01-23T14:09:00.000-05:00what a hard decision, Mel. not to mention brave. ...what a hard decision, Mel. not to mention brave. sometimes the hardest things to do are those that are the very best for us in that particular moment. but you know that already. i often wonder how you do as much as you do even with only 10 chicken breasts to plate. i don't even have children yet and can barely manage 4 some times. you're an inspiration.<BR/><BR/>thinking of you, and sending lots of good energy your way. i hope you can settle well into this decision. we're here for you while you do so...meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13867137276917406552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-88234575253911271542008-01-23T14:08:00.000-05:002008-01-23T14:08:00.000-05:00Oh Mel,You are such an amazing person. (And I am s...Oh Mel,<BR/>You are such an amazing person. (And I am so impressed that you make your own bread from scratch!) ;0) I can barely find time to make THE BED--and I only have one child! ;0)<BR/><BR/>You hit the nail on the head when you said an infertile's family planning is a state of panic (to loosely paraphrase). I feel the same way. <BR/><BR/>You are doing what is right for you. And that is absolutely right and courageous. Thank you for being so willing to share with us so openly.Frenchiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-66728129125047945752008-01-23T13:25:00.000-05:002008-01-23T13:25:00.000-05:00Big hugs to you Mel. I also struggle in making ch...Big hugs to you Mel. I also struggle in making choices - sometimes even small ones - let alone really big ones like this. I'm trying to come to terms with the idea that saying "yes" to one thing means you have to say "no" to something else. I always want to do it all. I think it is much healthier, less stressful, if it's possible to make a choice and let go of something for awhile. it's not forever, it's just for now. When you are caught between fundamentals like your life-long dream of writing, and your life-long dream of children - well, there's no easy choice. But I hope you will find peace in the direction you've chosen. If life is a bit less stressful & hectic, handling tx is that wee bit easier.<BR/><BR/>Hugs again!<BR/><BR/>AndieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-61478673136613440692008-01-23T13:01:00.000-05:002008-01-23T13:01:00.000-05:00Mel, I wish I could give you a hug. It is all OK....Mel, I wish I could give you a hug. It is all OK. You've made the right choice for yourself and your family. And it will be OK.Esperanzahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14841585672805438897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-30132741436340612672008-01-23T12:53:00.000-05:002008-01-23T12:53:00.000-05:00Mel,I'm a second-guesser by nature, I wish I wasn'...Mel,<BR/><BR/>I'm a second-guesser by nature, I wish I wasn't but I am. Nevertheless, I truly believe that for most of us infertiles the number variables and options presented to us, the choices we must make, and the paths we take all leave room for so much doubt that it's almost impossible not to second guess ourselves. The seeming loss of control over my life is one of the most frustrating aspects of infertility. There are many moments when I tell myself that there are many choices my husband and I make everyday, including many about our path to building our family, and as you said, we have to own those choices. Still, I feel that we've been forced to choose from some pretty crappy options, and that makes me both incredibly angry and incredibly sad. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us and thanks for your honesty. I'm sorry that you've been forced to make a choice that leaves you frustrated and wondering, and I'm sorry that you've been so sad. As I said, I'm a second-guesser by nature, but sometimes just finally making a decision makes me feel better. I'm hoping that having made the decision you can start to focus more on the pros of it than on the cons. BIG HUGS to you.Mindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16137863271039042064noreply@blogger.com