tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post6119782829166481451..comments2023-08-15T05:02:58.115-04:00Comments on Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters: Book Tour #5: The KidLollipop Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-53304421775670625312007-07-18T21:56:00.000-04:002007-07-18T21:56:00.000-04:00I agree with your point about not needing him to u...I agree with your point about not needing him to understand the feelings. That wasn't why the book was written. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing!Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07867933967446707278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-31091003086276391182007-07-18T21:15:00.000-04:002007-07-18T21:15:00.000-04:00I think you hit the nail on the head when you said...I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that Dan gets certain aspects of the emotions of infertility right. And it is a far leap to get from there to claiming total empathy. But what strikes me is how universal some emotions can be, even though analagous situations can vary so greatly. Being a gay man does not give you automatic insight to the feelings of infertility any more riding the metro to work gives me automatic insight to the life of a hobo because we both like the rhythm of the tracks. But both the gay man, the infertile woman, the guy on the metro and the hobo are all humans -- and sometimes it is good to remember that while our experiences are unique to us; our emotions are part of a much larger palette common to humanity. End of sermon.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-4749486360869162662007-07-18T18:06:00.000-04:002007-07-18T18:06:00.000-04:00The Kid has to be one of my favorite adoption book...The Kid has to be one of my favorite adoption books, hands-down. :-)<BR/><BR/>On open adoption -- I'm not a fan, and actually would put myself in the 0-5% camp. That's not as an adoptive parent; that's as an adopted kid. Working through a lot of issues was tough enough; handling the presence of a bio-mom would have made it harder for me, personally. I began communicating with my bio-mom when I was 26 (took 3 years for us to meet). It's been 7+ years and it's been tough maintaining my boundaries (she wants a much closer relationship than I do). Could not have managed those boundaries as a kid, no question about it.<BR/><BR/>As for #3 -- I approached infertility very differently from others because I'm adopted. To me, adoption was always the natural step; having bio-kids was the exception, the oddity. Heck, I'd never seen a bio relative until I met bio-mom at 29. I took it as a given that we would adopt one day and when infertility hit, it affected me strongly ... but I never saw it as preventing me fron becoming a parent because I always planned to adopt. Does that make sense? It's a hard thing to explain, a very different mind-set from most people.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09237691948149859714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-90466688237114347082007-07-18T08:30:00.000-04:002007-07-18T08:30:00.000-04:00Great review. I admit, I bristled when he said of ...Great review. I admit, I bristled when he said of their lawyer friends who had adopted twice and then conceived, "They discovered they weren't infertile after all." But to me, what was more important than total accuracy was a sense of validation -- and I so much appreciated Savage saying, in so many words, "Infertility must really suck."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-26858600211025604702007-07-18T00:05:00.000-04:002007-07-18T00:05:00.000-04:00I like your rule about forgiving first, but not su...I like your rule about forgiving first, but not subsequent offenses.<BR/><BR/>As far as the "best way" goes - I guess the problem is too many people confuse "best" with "good", and then they try to generalise too much. If people kept in mind that the "best" solution is not necessarily good for everyone, we'd all get along much better.<BR/><BR/>BeaBeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-45398342584487135472007-07-17T23:47:00.000-04:002007-07-17T23:47:00.000-04:00At the start of Adoption School (3 day class at th...At the start of Adoption School (3 day class at the end of the homestudy), the facilitators had us line up according to our comfort level with open adoption: 0% to 100% comfortable.<BR/><BR/>Would you be surprised to know that all 12 of us huddled to the left of center?<BR/><BR/>It was because we didn't know. But we were open to learning.<BR/><BR/>We 6 couples now have varying degrees of openness, each finding what works best for our situations.<BR/><BR/>I'm also a big fan of vague and noncommital. I think. ;-)Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.com