tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post5116119184675490299..comments2023-08-15T05:02:58.115-04:00Comments on Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters: Book Tour #16: An Exact Replica of a Figment of My ImaginationLollipop Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-81611383985468266922009-01-21T13:19:00.000-05:002009-01-21T13:19:00.000-05:00I recently purchased this book and it's on my read...I recently purchased this book and it's on my reading list for the year. I can't wait to get to it. Thanks for the review!Staceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04939987028726182741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-51993163454100406712009-01-21T09:24:00.000-05:002009-01-21T09:24:00.000-05:00McCracken here-thank you so much, Mel, for the boo...McCracken here-thank you so much, Mel, for the book group and for writing so wonderfully about Figment. I love A Little Bit Pregnant, largely for Julie's razor sharp and dark dark dark sense of humor. <BR/><BR/>& you are right about having to convince a publisher. I didn't write the book intending to publish it, and I was absolutely incapable of writing about my first son in those first dark months (directly, anyhow; I wrote some fiction which clearly comes directly out of that much more raw grief). & even so, one editor turned it down because she wanted--did she even use the word redemption?--anyhow, she really wanted Heartwarming Lessons from a Dead Child. & other people turned it down because they couldn't imagine that anyone would want to read a book on such a sad topic. & I thought, Well, this is the book I wrote, but under different circumstances it could have been much much much sadder...Elizabeth McCrackenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14487481958947539285noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-16903794172248879222009-01-21T02:33:00.000-05:002009-01-21T02:33:00.000-05:00I appreciated your thoughtful responses to the que...I appreciated your thoughtful responses to the questions, and especially found your answer to the second one thought-provoking: the idea that most loss books are written by those who appear to have closure, to publishers at least. I remember hearing about Didion's book on NPR when it first came out, so thanks for bringing it back into my mind so that I can put it on my "to be read" list.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-29660880828197828252009-01-20T22:19:00.000-05:002009-01-20T22:19:00.000-05:00Your thoughts regarding the friend you lost and ho...Your thoughts regarding the friend you lost and how you suspect she knows why. I wonder if on some level, it's like that for most of the peeople who leave our lives because of a seemingly lack of understanding or sensitivity. Is it a choice, or are they really oblivious? I have a hard time believing that those who repeatedly cross the line do so innocently, so I guess the question is why? But I don't really have an answer.<BR/><BR/>I too am intriugued by your discussion of time and introspection. I think a lot of our discussions regarding closure comes from having had time to realize that resolution of our grief doesn't mean that everything is "fine". <BR/><BR/>I also think that your distinction between books and blogs interesting in this regard, because you're right, blogs have the ability to be more intense. They don't always allow the distance form our emotions as they often are about things happening in the moment. But they are no less valuable.The Steadfast Warriorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-68017322740524269852009-01-20T11:44:00.000-05:002009-01-20T11:44:00.000-05:00I love how you described the fine line with humor ...I love how you described the fine line with humor and loss--being funny without losing the weight of the experience, the feeling that if you don't laugh, you'll cry. Her story about the woman asking for the book on the lighter side of losing a child was something that really touched me since I have often found myself hoping for the same thing. Sometimes things are so terrible, the things people say are so ridiculous, that I desperately want someone to make me turn it all into laughter just so I can get through it. <BR/><BR/>and Another Dreamer, I like what you said about closure here in the comments. I do get the feeling from people that if I just had another baby I would feel better about my losses and I would get over it and be happy and my life would be this wonderful happy little miracle. What you said is so true, they don't get that the experience fundamentally changes you. I will never be the same person again.Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08589450319640171616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-10884302501828988962009-01-20T11:23:00.000-05:002009-01-20T11:23:00.000-05:00re: humor: I'm a big believer in bringing what ha...re: humor: I'm a big believer in bringing what has worked for you in the past to the situation at hand. If you are at your core a person with a good sense of humor who then uses humor effectively to get through bad times, I see no reason not to use through the absolute grimmest of times. Ditto religion, or little-f faith, or romance, or optimism, or sentimentality. Frankly, I think you can mis-use any one of those turns in your writing -- it tends to come through if you're not used to using it or living it to begin with.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the opportunity and organization and words, Mel! My answers are up.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-69496542177824906272009-01-19T20:50:00.000-05:002009-01-19T20:50:00.000-05:00I liked the statement you made about Publishers, a...I liked the statement you made about Publishers, as well as others, thinking that having a baby is closure (even though we know, "Closure is bullshit.")<BR/><BR/>I think that often people think that way about everything else as well, whether adoption being closure, pregnancy after child loss, etc... Sometimes they don't acknowledge that you are fundamentally changed from the experience, and they think that finding a resolution makes you "all better" neat and tidy happy go lucky... and it's not true.<BR/><BR/>I am with you on the necessity of distance when writing such heavy pieces. I actually wrote a little about that in my response. You can't be too close to tragedy and still write about it well enough to bring people in, without pushing them away at the same time. Or, as can happen, sucking them in too far.<BR/><BR/>I too think Humor is a hard line to walk. Besides the reasons you stated, I also have difficulties with it because if I am humorous I wonder... am I being bitter and sarcastic, or looking on the lighter side of things? This too is a hard line, I find.AnotherDreamerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11487881766884178761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-12597267919840056432009-01-19T20:34:00.000-05:002009-01-19T20:34:00.000-05:00I also read the book in a couple of days -- IVF #2...I also read the book in a couple of days -- IVF #2 egg retrieval day and the day after! Some people might not read a dead baby book in the middle of IVF, but I figured that I might as well read it when I was already unstable, rather than bringing down my mood on a happy day (which I actually don't think would have happened, no matter what day I'd read it). <BR/><BR/>What you say about McCracken writing about her grief alone versus her grief plus all grief is a crucial distinction between books and blogs. To me, the majority of blogs are focused on the personal, but the best blogs transcend the personal and speak to broader human experience. That's one of my top goals for my own blog.Baby Smiling In Back Seathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06483533946303787478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-21399536352792009202009-01-19T19:55:00.000-05:002009-01-19T19:55:00.000-05:00Every bereaved parent I know has a story to tell a...Every bereaved parent I know has a story to tell about breaking or drifting away from certain friends or family members, post-loss, mostly because they felt unsupported or were offended by an insensitive comment. It's sad. :( <BR/><BR/>I love your comments about time & loss -- and how new baby = closure; no baby = no closure. As she said in the book, "Closure is bullshit." lolloribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-2287197678116299642009-01-19T16:20:00.000-05:002009-01-19T16:20:00.000-05:00I think it's true what you say about how time and ...I think it's true what you say about how time and space enables the perspective one needs to write about a crisis -- to process the emotional journey of grief, for example. <BR/><BR/>also love what you write about humor. it can definitely push people away if you feel disregarded, but also when the audience is unsure whether it has permission to laugh. I wrote about an example of this, though upon reflection, maybe it wasn't so funny at the time...<BR/><BR/>my answers are up at:<BR/>http://lifefromhere.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/barren-bitches-book-brigade-an-exact-replica/lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.com