tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post4835353012123549199..comments2023-08-15T05:02:58.115-04:00Comments on Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters: Barren Advice: EighteenLollipop Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-73035276288081778472008-11-30T06:16:00.000-05:002008-11-30T06:16:00.000-05:00Another good answer. Sometimes I would have just ...Another good answer. Sometimes I would have just died for even a text message acknowledgement. At the same time, I didn't need to be made to go over it and over it with people, but to know that they were thinking of me and prepared to talk if I wanted... priceless.<BR/><BR/>BeaBeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-35818943945278823742008-11-24T15:23:00.000-05:002008-11-24T15:23:00.000-05:00We do need human contact. I used to worry too abo...We do need human contact. I used to worry too about what to say. Now I just say what my heart feels usually in a card if it's not someone I know or an email. A close friend I will visit.astralhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17071489588665538423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-30075549645380522312008-11-23T18:58:00.000-05:002008-11-23T18:58:00.000-05:00I agree - email is the best option.It hit me like ...I agree - email is the best option.<BR/><BR/>It hit me like a ton of bricks to read this.<BR/><BR/>"The point is that silence is usually equated with something shameful and a failed cycle is not shameful--it's sad."<BR/><BR/>It rings so true and I have never been able to give it a word but that is exactly it. It makes it feel shameful. I'm not the kind of person that wants sympathy and I sure as hell don't want advice but I desperatly needed someone to acknowledge my losses.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11509124764568535676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-68738720333264509532008-11-20T20:50:00.000-05:002008-11-20T20:50:00.000-05:00Silence and denial are the worst. I think people ...Silence and denial are the worst. I think people want to help make the hurt go away that they try to add a bunch of comments to focus on the future or the positive. For example, as someone mentioned, a friend might say "This stinks but I know someone who got pregnant after she stopped trying"<BR/><BR/> Just don't. Just say That sucks. Leave it at that. All that focus on future stuff hurts so much. It just piles on more shame. Don't feel like you need to add any more. Let your friend own the suckiness, don't take it away from them. You can't. Just the simplicity of you being there, feeling the depth of just how much it sucks, means everything.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-50121119965434020722008-11-20T12:34:00.000-05:002008-11-20T12:34:00.000-05:00So true...silence is the worst. The only thing I'd...So true...silence is the worst. The only thing I'd add is to just listen. Don't offer advice or stories of people who "tried for years and it finally happened." This is her story and her life and she's lucky to have a friend who cares and who will be there for her.KandiBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04687363853884037484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-7997495541988723322008-11-20T04:08:00.000-05:002008-11-20T04:08:00.000-05:00what a great post.. It is spurring me to write a p...what a great post.. It is spurring me to write a post on an example of what your employer SHOULD NOT ever every do. <BR/><BR/>"Those grieving don't forget to grieve." <BR/><BR/>So true. <BR/><BR/>As for support, I have really appreciated text messages (outside of office hours). It is short and sweet, easy to respond to, and I can I can glance through the little bite sized support where ever I go on my phone. If I tear up, I don't try to be strong in front of someone.Smilinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13251527394755383001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-1678435433743747662008-11-19T15:12:00.000-05:002008-11-19T15:12:00.000-05:00For me, I would always prefer "I am so sorry" than...For me, I would always prefer "I am so sorry" than silence. I was pretty open about the process I went through, so a fair number of people knew. <BR/><BR/>Someone who doesn't tell a lot of people may not want to hear sympathy comments, but if she was open about going through it, I say tell her you are sorry it didn't work.nonlineargirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05414675024101618604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-43802088799564472792008-11-19T11:59:00.000-05:002008-11-19T11:59:00.000-05:00My preference is always the email or text, so I ca...My preference is always the email or text, so I can deal with it in my own way/time. Sometimes even a phonecall with a mention of it - although well-intentioned - makes me want to get off the phone and shoot something. Not shoot them, but something, anything, because I personally get so tired of people being sorry for me, that I'm the one people are sorry for. It's not their fault I feel this way, these are my own issues with it, but sometimes I really REALLY don't want to talk about it, even with my bestest friend, so for me, the email or text is perfect. It shows me they know, they cared enough to acknowledge it, but they gave me my space and did it in a way I like.chicklethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16090701824999372199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-23426464604970566122008-11-19T03:26:00.000-05:002008-11-19T03:26:00.000-05:00I third, or fourth the email/note advice. I've al...I third, or fourth the email/note advice. I've also found that pregnancy announcements are easier to take in an email. Great advice as always Mel.Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11096628572640730109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-45440469308239201722008-11-19T02:34:00.000-05:002008-11-19T02:34:00.000-05:00just call me scarlet. you know, with a letter bra...just call me scarlet. you know, with a letter branding me. <BR/><BR/>also a big fan of email.lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-81006914915286316142008-11-18T23:52:00.000-05:002008-11-18T23:52:00.000-05:00I second the comments that unless you are a close ...I second the comments that unless you are a close friend, email or card is better than phone call or in-person visit. Easier to modulate emotions that way.<BR/><BR/>Mel, only you would bring up that Twilight Zone episode! I love it.<BR/><BR/>Happy Anniversary to you and Josh!Baby Smiling In Back Seathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06483533946303787478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-59910337963483155792008-11-18T22:54:00.000-05:002008-11-18T22:54:00.000-05:00Agree with the email and/or a card. Both are some...Agree with the email and/or a card. Both are something that can be opened up and read again at 2 in the morning when things are feeling extraordinarily yucky.<BR/><BR/>And I'm a huge fan of going out for drinks if the friend is up for it. My failed IVF culminated with a negative beta on my birthday... Long story short, I look back on that day with a whole lot of love in my heart for the friends who were willing to be there when it really, truly counted.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-37047697083749804192008-11-18T22:49:00.000-05:002008-11-18T22:49:00.000-05:00I agree that silence and denying are much more hur...I agree that silence and denying are much more hurtful than an "extra" I'm sorry could ever be.<BR/><BR/>A note, an email, a message all allow the recipient to control when they want to hear from you, but let them know you're thinking of them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-42722059251337256132008-11-18T22:45:00.000-05:002008-11-18T22:45:00.000-05:00That is such an awesome answer. Nothing I can add ...That is such an awesome answer. Nothing I can add to that, 'cept brava!Dorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16255190971670471758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-52437251867725114882008-11-18T21:41:00.000-05:002008-11-18T21:41:00.000-05:00I'm a big fan of sending the email. It acknowledge...I'm a big fan of sending the email. It acknowledges the disappointment or loss, but gives them the control over when they open and read it.MrsSpockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10792687516201324640noreply@blogger.com