tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post4637732329709493523..comments2023-08-15T05:02:58.115-04:00Comments on Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters: Barren Advice: Twenty-ThreeLollipop Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-44479415580242540932009-01-10T14:16:00.000-05:002009-01-10T14:16:00.000-05:00I think anyone should have the right to delete com...I think anyone should have the right to delete comments if they are inappropriate. I'd like to quote from Mel's 101 here, which I think is great advice in and of it's own:<BR/><BR/>"I love receiving comments; who doesn't like feedback? Many of my posts are salon-like in nature and invite answers or commentary. I'm all for disagreement, as long as it's polite. I will remove any comments that I deem off-topic, rude, or mean-spirited. If you return to my blog and see your comment gone (really, why are you coming back to check on your comment?), that should probably be your clue that I thought your comment was off-topic, rude, or mean-spirited. Rather than write another comment that is off-topic, rude, or mean-spirited that I will also remove, please simply click away from my blog."<BR/><BR/>I had this very thing happen to me once. I deleted an inappropriate comment. The author came back, saw that her comment was deleted, and then wrote yet another inappropriate comment. I ignored this person and her comments, but it became this huge drama that unfolded and was very hurtful to me in the long run. I almost stopped blogging entirely, but if it hadn't been for the other 99% positive comments, I would not have continued. It's amazing how damaging a negative comment can be. For that reason, I moderate all comments now and do not allow anonymous comments. I love comments too, but one really bad experience was enough for me to put the kabosh on that forever. If it means I don't get as many comments, I don't care. I would rather just have the sincere comments on my blog!Phoebehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07668069274859889749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-73036727047509131282009-01-09T20:39:00.000-05:002009-01-09T20:39:00.000-05:00Yeah, great advice. I don't mind disagreements, o...Yeah, great advice. I don't mind disagreements, or other points of view, but disrespect doesn't deserve my attention. Making this delineation actually helps me forget about the bad comments all by itself. But you other suggestion is a good one.<BR/><BR/>BeaBeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-63318392953623967452009-01-08T10:22:00.000-05:002009-01-08T10:22:00.000-05:00When I created my blog I didn't allow anonymous co...When I created my blog I didn't allow anonymous comments from the very beginning, for just this reason. Because of that I've only had one troll have the guts to attack me, thankfully, but it hurt. She was a birth mother's rights/anti-adoption advocate and if she'd made her points politely I would have left the comment, but she made a personal attack and I had no qualms about deleting it. You make a good point here about a person's blog being "their little corner of the internet" and if you don't leave trash on the floor in your house you don't have to leave trash on your blog either. Great topic; I think almost all bloggers struggle with this question.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-91058122716072905012009-01-07T10:29:00.000-05:002009-01-07T10:29:00.000-05:00Along the lines of reading positive comments to co...Along the lines of reading positive comments to counteract the negative ones, my marriage counselor told us that studies have shown that it takes between 10 and 20 positive interactions (saying hi, saying i love you, etc.) to counteract the emotional effects of ONE negative one. So, no wonder negative comments have such a strong impact (much stronger, it seems, than positive comments). With that in mind, I think that a "positive file" is a great idea to win the battle of the mind, and probably would be a good idea for life in general, not just blogging.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-688430127923857502009-01-07T05:58:00.000-05:002009-01-07T05:58:00.000-05:00I'm not sure what the comment or the post was but ...I'm not sure what the comment or the post was but I know how frustrating the comments could be. I recently got one that was from anonymous and while the commenter did have a valid point (I had said something on another blog that wasn't said well although I stand beside my opinion as being valid for myself) however the commenter was pretty brutal. Telling me she couldn't believe I was a nurse and that I deserved to be single. It hurt. It bothered me that I couldn't address the issue and try to explain what I really meant. Ultimately no I didn't publish the comment. It wasn't appropriate (it was also left on my nursing blog not my IF blog) and was mean. I think you're advice is great Mel.battynursehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02240029154165501340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-13375559033507917522009-01-07T01:41:00.000-05:002009-01-07T01:41:00.000-05:00Oh, Mel, you're simply the best. You managed not o...Oh, Mel, you're simply the best. You managed not only to give great advice, but to also make the person who sought your advice feel great (she must have felt great to read that wonderful note). You're so wonderful!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-26118387767145835402009-01-06T22:21:00.000-05:002009-01-06T22:21:00.000-05:00Excellent advice, especially the part about lookin...Excellent advice, especially the part about looking at your good comments, and not just dwelling on the bad ones. I tend to dwell on the bad ones, and I really should just be able to delete them from my brain just like I delete them from my blog.<BR/><BR/>(I don't delete very many btw, and I don't mind disagreement, I just the mean ones.)<BR/><BR/>Anyway, rereading the nice comments and emails is likely the best method for erasing the nice ones. Thing is, I lose them in the vast reaches of my gmail. So, now, I might just copy and paste them onto one nice word doc and be able to find them.<BR/><BR/>You've inspired me!Aureliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13691032415028867902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-28583578898600302542009-01-06T21:11:00.000-05:002009-01-06T21:11:00.000-05:00Wonderful advice Mel.Wonderful advice Mel.Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10791317184998122691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-83299746312108046182009-01-06T21:06:00.000-05:002009-01-06T21:06:00.000-05:00Great question and advice! Though I haven't had m...Great question and advice! Though I haven't had many negative comments and/or one that have gotten to me on my blog... I have had plenty of interactions with family and friends, especially as it relates to SIF and loss that I have struggled with and had trouble letting go of. <BR/><BR/>I have heard the idea of keeping a happy/esteem building file before, but had forgotten about it. It is a tangible/ongoing way to remind yourself that you are loved! :)Kathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04175833982955486083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-53303211104355272462009-01-06T20:59:00.000-05:002009-01-06T20:59:00.000-05:00I think if you can't say anything nice in the comm...I think if you can't say anything nice in the comment section, You have major issues. I am all about being supportive and just present.<BR/>I have learned the hard way, but feel blessed I am learning.Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essentialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07129428477996644401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30259745.post-21507078104949746402009-01-06T20:22:00.000-05:002009-01-06T20:22:00.000-05:00Genuine disagreement is interesting and thought-pr...Genuine disagreement is interesting and thought-provoking, worthy of pondering. <BR/><BR/>Sounds like this was just plain meanness. I agree with Mel -- delete without regret, and hope that they don't return. You have much more important things to think about.Baby Smiling In Back Seathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06483533946303787478noreply@blogger.com