The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Whatever is Before You

We're not even close to 200 post recommendations to match the number I've given you this year through the Friday Blog Roundup. We haven't even hit 100. There has to be fantastic things you've read in the past twelve months. Don't forget to leave your comments there on your favourite posts from this year and read the rest of the list.

I am the owner of three massage gift certificates. The first one I bought for Josh a few years ago as a birthday gift and he regifted it to me because he said I seemed more stressed. The second one I got as a gift this past May because I seemed stressed (are you sensing a theme?). The third one I was told was a birthday gift since the person doesn't know that I'm actually quite stressed.

I'm not really stressed.

But the point is that I tend to hold onto good things and not use them. I like events--like massages--in front of me, anticipating them rather than using them.

I'm bummed that BlogHer is happening this week and then will be over. I'm mourning the ending before it has even begun. That's how much fun it was last year. Granted, it is the only conference I have ever been to so I don't have a comparison. But in my opinion, BlogHer is the most fun conference ever. Ever.

I also waited impatiently all week for the mail because Io told me that she sent me a special package. It finally arrived on Friday. When I opened it, I was trembling like a vampire who was smelling some really delicious blood. Okay, I was trembling more like a teenage girl who had just spotted Robert Pattinson on the cover of a magazine. But look what she sent:

Can you believe that a few weeks ago, I was debating whether or not to read the books at all. And now look at me. Look at me! I'm a freak, drooling like a werewolf. And I'm taking them with me on the road this week. But then I think to myself: if you read them, you won't have that excited anticipation that comes when they're unread.

Do you see how deep this goes?

As always, it has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.


battynurse said...

Oooh. First here. I think I'll have a lemondrop. That sounds yummy. I'm happy about moving on to a new job and leaving this place that causes such stress.
You're gift certificates for massages sound wonderful. Maybe I'll have to go have one.

Mrs. Higrens said...

How about a Bellini to celebrate my successful transfer? And maybe a good story or two to pass the time until beta...

Delenn said...

Mudslide with tons of chocolate and kaluha. Been laid off since March, start a new job which is more responsibilties (luckily more PAY) than the previous job that I had for 10 years. My husband has started a new job 3 weeks ago, leaving a bad situation that caused him anxiety and depression. I have a 15 month old that is into EVERYTHING and a 10 year old who is showing me daily what I have to look forward to in the teen years. AND we all have to get into the "New Normal" routine by next week. No wonder, even before I start this job, I am looking forward to our week on Cape Cod in August!

Maybe I should have something stronger?!?!

Cara said...

Well, considering the hour let's have a mamosa!

And - what's NOT going on? Going back to teaching part time in the fall, which makes it sound like that's a long time away - but in reality its about five weeks!

Panicking about blogging time when that stocking up now. Yes, I know it doesn't work that way.

And, hosting my niece and nephew for a couple days as their mom delivers number three! This is actually less work than you think for when you put all four kids together they ticker tape in age: 4, 5, 6, and 7. And...they seem to dissapear leaving me time to -- well, order a drink at the Virtual Lushary! Sometimes...more really is less!

Oh- and teaching Camp EDGE for Vacation Bible School this week (I've got the 3 and 4 years olds). Should be a blast! {some sarcasm included}

*** it a bad sign when your word verification is 'unwasp'?

gwinne said...

I'll have a vodka and lemonade please, before I get started with the day's work. I'm doing my first (and it better be ONLY!) IVF cycle, starting stims tomorrow if all goes well with morning ultrasound/bloodwork. I'm mostly okay, though I freaked out on my RE last week and she told me I need to be more zen... All the shots seem very disconnected from the possibility of having a baby in April.

Brandy said...

I'll take anything you have. Just started taking an antidepressant last week because of all the anxiety I've been having. Debating whether or not to go to my cousin's baby shower next weekend (baby #4).

We still have a couple of months before we know if we can try IUI or if we'll have to go straight to IVF so I'm trying to chill out in the meantime.

Lorza said...

Water. With lemon. I am in fittness boot camp, and I am off alcohol for 6 weeks. DAMN IT!!!

I am going to post on the round up- I just haven't had time this weekend. :) I will PROMISE!!!

I think you should have a massage day. All three one- in one day. :) You would be good and totally unstressed.

I don't have any questions or need of assvice....besides has anyone talked to Fashionably Infertile (she closed her blog)? I miss her, and want to know she is okay.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Coming around from the back of the bar to have a drink myself. Could someone pour me a Kahlua and cream?

Changes are underfoot for two people I love, and while their news doesn't truly affect me directly, I find myself returning to their news inside my head over and over again. Trying to let it sink in. No one is hurt, no person is being lost, it is just a big change.

The only thing I can liken it to is my friend's divorce ten years ago (this person's news that I'm dealing with is NOT a divorce, I'm just using the analogy). When I heard the news, I knew that it didn't affect me beyond changing our double-dating patterns. It was something sad to lose, but certainly, putting it in perspective, both members of the couple were still alive and healthy and life would go on. But it rocked me to the core for days because I loved them both and worried about them. And wanted them to be happy and find that happiness quickly. And it scared me because something I had considered unmovable and unshakable was being rocked and it just reminded me of the fragility of things--something none of us like to be reminded of ever.

I woke up this morning and have been forcing myself to think about it non-stop just to get myself accustomed to the idea. But in doing so, it creates a mood with no compartmentalization. And I'm not sure which is better--setting it aside mentally or making myself continuously slog through it.

Another drink.

heyLyss09 said...

I'll have a Washington Apple with SoCo, please.

I'm spending the beginning of my third week at my new job wallowing in disappointment after realizing that it's just as boring as my old job.

I'd kill to be busy so the thoughts of August 6th, my EDD for my lost pregnancy, will stop sneaking up on me.

I'll be thinking of everyone else in the bar today, too.


Pie said...

Vodka-lemonade for me, please.

Nothing much is going on, which is becoming tortuous. I am waiting for my visit to the far-away clinic to get evaluated and start down the road for IVF #3. Trying to keep myself occupied, but always have the feeling of waiting in the back of my head.

How 'bout another drink to pass the time?

Shelli said...

I guess I'll have my last glass of wine. (actually, I already did last night). My donor is set to have retrieval any day now, which means my transfer might be sometime this weekend (waiting impatiently on the phone call from the RE)... agh!

This wait before "the wait" is bittersweet. This will be my first and last fresh IVF DE cycle, and the end of the IF road regardless of the outcome.

Let's hope it works.

Kristin said...

I want a glass of champagne. I'm celebrating because a good friend of mine is finally happy!

Jen said...

Blech. My in-laws just moved here, to live 45 minutes away from me. I have a new policy of not complaining about them on my blog because I don't think it was productive anymore, but I am cheating here to complain about how I am losing my personal space buffer. Grrr.

cowboyboot lady said...

Miller lite draw please.

I have been all sorts of confused. My BF is dealing with loss from his previous relationship. I am trying to be supportive and allow him time to grieve, but at the same time I’m ready to move forward with our relationship.

Also I have been diagnosed with uterus didelphys and have no idea what my reproductive future holds.

How do I move forward? How much time do I allow? How do I know if he will ever be ready to start again?

Gimme the whole keg.

calliope said...

a cider beer please.
hating that I seem to bathe in stress these days. also hate that I can't write on my blog all that is going on.

Piccinigirl said...

well since It's virtual I can drink...A peach schnapps and cranberry please...because IRL I can only drink CF Diet Coke.
The migraines stink, I am on lots of meds, I hate every single one of them and none of them help. OYE.

the boys are gorgeous and having a great summer. They are big and beautiful, saying "ball", "bubbles", "Dog" and a host of other stuff.
Work is a chaotic mess, but in a good way...hey at least I have a job.

John and I played Hookey last Wed to see Harry Potter, what a treat. I have a few days off the next few weeks to meet with my Girlfriends and I'm really looking forward to that and we just booked Florida for Oct. PYSCHED!

and for the "anticipation" thing, I am somewhat the same way. I remember when I first went to college I wanted to major in Psychology (Should have) and my mom bought me a bumper sticker thingy that said "Psychology majors would rather talk about it than do it" ...I find I am very much like that, I love to plan the party, think about the post, imagine the book signing ...but getting down to actually doing it , well where's the creative juice in that...that's just WORK. HA.
I have another quote above my desk that says: "Procrastination gives you something to look forward to" ..enough said?


loribeth said...

I'll have a frozen margarita on the patio, please. After a mad dash to the finish line at work, I am now (finally) on vacation for three whole weeks!!! -- the first two at my parents' -- which can be simultaneously relaxing & stressful, lol.

My sister is here for a few days & my mother has announced that together, we are going to tackle at least some of the boxes that have accumulated in the crawlspace. I know it has to be done, but I'm dreading it. I'm a packrat -- I haven't seen some of this stuff in well over 30 years, I'm sure, but it was always a comfort to know it was there, and I had always assumed I would someday pass on my Nancy Drew books & Barbie dolls, etc., to my daughter. Not gonna happen, & I know I can't keep ALL that stuff (especially when I'm going to have to figure out a way to haul it 1,500 miles).

We also need to figure out how we're going to cram in dh's & my 25th wedding anniversary, Mom & Dad's 50th, and not just one but possibly TWO family reunions next year. I told my boss I might need an entire month off next summer, & I wasn't kidding.

Clio said...

Make mine a margarita with Midori.
I just had a saline u/s this morning, and am very relieved that my fibroids are not going to be an issue as I get ready for IVF#2 with a new clinic and a new RE. I like the guy very much and hope he and his lab will help us make this magic happen. I'm on the evil pills right now and will start stims in August. I'm just coming back from a much needed break from all things IF, and feel much stronger now to face the scary roller coaster one more time. I also bought Mel's book this week, and love it!

Tara said...

A stiff vodka martini please.

I find myself in the most undesirable siutation. My 8 year old Boston Terrier recently bit my niece in the face causing bleeding, swelling and bruising (luckily there will be no scars). This is the 2nd time she's bit a kid.

Since I have a 7 month old baby, I feel that the dog is unsafe around children and I have to find a new home for her.

It breaks my heart into a million peices. I've had her since she was 7 weeks old and when we were faced with infertility and a failed IVF, this little dog was one of the things that kept me going.

And now that I have my baby, I have to let her go? It's heartbreaking and I feel full of guilt.

I wanted my dog and my baby to be best buddies but it's not turning out that way. My dog hates the baby and it's only a matter of time before something else happens.

It feels really really bad.

Elizabeth said...

short interluded between family reunions... I'd like a jug of my friend's homemade Limoncello please!

CD1 today. Hoping this one will be a normal cycle so I can start charting for reals again.

Sunny said...

Gotta have a Bloody Mary. Extra spicy.

I am wallowing in the pity that is secondary infertility... after experiencing primary, I didn't think it would be this torturous. Been there, done that, have a kid kinda thing. Blech.

Guess I'm learning the hard way that there is no such thing as "Eh, This Isn't So Bad" Infertility.

K.T. said...

I can't have a "real" drink right now so I'm sticking to straight lemonade. BUT, if I could drink I would have a margarita on the rocks!
I am going stir crazy during my first 24 hours of bedrest after my transfer yesterday. Fun, Fun!

Michelle said...

I'll take Vodka and lemondae and keep em comin'!

Things have not been going to good for me. I got fired from my job about a month ago and now I am fighting with unemployment to get some DESPERATELY needed money. I found out they are going to come take my car soon and we do not have a second one and lets not mention what this has done to my baby makin' efforts.

CRAP forget them lemonade just send me some Vodka straight up!

Shelby said...

It's a shame I can't have an R rated drink because I could really use one! So, let's have a cranberry juice and Perrier served in a Martini glass. Hopefully the cranberry juice will help combat the raging bladder infection that landed me in labor and delivery this morning at just 23 weeks. Luckily, it seems everything will be ok for now, but I could really use one of those massages you've been stockpiling!

Stacie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stacie said...

If I could have a swig of Pepsi, I'd be in heaven right now.

I'm nervously awaiting tomorrow's repeat beta, and frankly, going out of my mind until then.

Mel, your load seems heavy. I hope that you were able to lay some of the burden on the bar tonight. Hugs.

AmandaMqn said...

I'll have an Amaretto Sour, this is my first time here!

TTC for 16 months, I have PCOS and recently found out that DH is azoospermia. All kinds of tests and specialists are scheduled for both of us because we're not giving up until they make us. We just want a baby.

TeamWinks said...

I'll take some Crystal Light with a splash of raspberry vodka please. I'm doing the whole "let's lose this IVF weight" thing now. So far so good!

I'm stuck. I've been blogging for 3 years now, and have no clue what to write about. Anybody have any suggestions? I feel like the past year has been insane. Adopting our son at 5 weeks old through s.ocial s.ervices, IVF round one, round two with donor eggs, and then the birth of our daughter six weeks early. Two crazy years! One would assume I would have somethin to say. I'm drawing blanks.


Bea said...

I say get into it. Then you can anticipate dreaming of the next thing to anticipate.


Katie (Life of a Firefighter's Wife) said...

A diet coke with lemon, please. :)

I'm growing my post-post-partum hair loss hair wings. Thanks for letting me stop by and anchor myself somewhere. I'm a little bummed today and just need to stop, take a seat at the virtual bar, and realize that it's not my fault (dealing with some hormonal mood swings). Aren't hormones wonderful? ;)

Gil said...

Virgin strawberry daquiri if you would Mel! And thanks!

I'm 35 weeks p/g after 6+ years of TTC, failed vasectomy reversal, a dozen different doctors, at least 27 IUIs, PCOS, hypothyroidism... and the list goes on!

I'm still terrified that something will go wrong but I'm really trying to hang in there and hope for the best.

Now I'm off to read about some of the other stories on here that have caught my attention. And I gotta remember to e-mail you the pic I took of your book in the local bookstore!

Eve said...

Since it's virtual, I'll be having a cool margarita on the rocks, no lime please.

I've been MIA here and on my blog since I vacayed for 2 weeks. But big things are brewing for me, I'm in the middle of my first IVF cycle! I start stimming next week with an estimated retreival on 8/7.

A toast to us!

WiseGuy said...

Maybe I would order just plain fresh lime/ soft drink/apple not taking any alcohol till I get a definitive on whether or not Ms. AF is coming my way.

Enjoy reading the book!


Shelly said...

in the world of cyberspace, with no rules against sugar or caffeine, I'll take a white russian, followed by a jack and coke!'s amazing that more than a sip of either of my former favorite drinks would now put me over the limit and make me sick... This is my 3rd year of dealing with IF, and am starting my 2nd year of using fertility assistance (clomid, etc). I've been through 9 months of clomid - 6 unmonitored, with my horrid regular ob-gyn, and 3 monitored, with a RE. Much better to do things with an RE, but still no baby. Diagnosed with Unexplained IF. lovely. Am off all drogas this month, and begin IUI treatments next month... wish me luck!

Liddy said...

I would love to have a vodka cranberry- big with lots of vodka. What's up in my life... the baby dancing break is driving me bonkers. The #2 trip to DC with the lack of planning is making me crazy as well.

Stopping by for an ICLW visit...
No. 95: The Unfair Struggle (male-factor infertility, good friends, neighborhood rumblings)

Jules said...

Hmm.......I'll have a glass of a really good cab.

Let's see.... happy that my IRL friend after two m/c is almost due. Still dealing with insomnia and not the greatest mood but at least the girls are healthy and doing well. Just not feeling like myself.

Starting more full time back to work in a week or so.

Ally said...

I should probably stick to ice water with lemon (thanks, 2ww) but since I'm quite sure this cycle didn't work, I'll go for a hearty glass (or pitcher) of sangria.

Feeling pathetically sorry for myself because of my surety this cycle didn't work. Yuck. As usual, I had high hopes and am heartbroken to think that, yet again, I have not been able to get pregnant.

Sara said...

Champagne for me, since it's virtual... I am currently six weeks pregnant -AGAIN- and waiting with hope and fear for Thursday, when we -God willing- see the heartbeat. I keep telling myself that with both failed pregnancies (which failed for different reasons), we knew something was up by that point. Not that they were going to fail, necessarily, but that something was up.

MAK-now said...

A virtual bar?!? I'm in for a sweet glass of Hogue Reisling please since I'm (cautiously) celebrating my good news ...

theworms said...

Schedule those massages - it will be amazing and a great de-stresser. Have a great time at blogher, I'm sure it will be even more fun then last year.

I am also a drooling werewolf when it comes to twilight and don't worry eventually Midnight Sun will be published so you have something to look forward to.

Nothing to report, just looking forward to vacation and margarittas.


Mic said...

Gosh, seems like the bar is in full swing! I'll have a Absolut and Tonic with a lime please ... better make it a double!

I've had one hell of a month. On the heels of a canceled cycle, I'm praying that AF will make her appearance before this Thursday so that I can do my injects/IUI cycle in August before I leave for a business trip. Why is it that when you are waiting for the hag to show, she goes MIA?

Secondly, I have a job offer on the table that I cannot decide if I want to take. Something about it does not feel *right* but neither does my current job. There is just a general fishy smell all around, kwim?

Lastly, a close TTC related friend of mine just found out that her hubby has Azoospermia so I'm worried and stressed out for her. She's a sweet,sweet girl and my heart is just breaking for her.

Whew. Life is a whirlwind right now.

Lisa RM said...

In the words of the great John Lee Hooker- One bourbon, one scotch, one beer. Because I'm heading to annual conference tomorrow, and there's going to be a lot of drinking- the shark folk ensure that. Lunatics.

MAJ Bryen said...

I loved (sadly and against my better judgment) the Twlight series although I admit some were better than others. Over a mocktail (cycling) tell me who you liked better, Jacob or Edward?

momofonefornow said...

I will take about 6 Bud Light Limes. Sorry, I know it isn't a mixed drink but that seems to be my poison of choice lately.

I have reached the 2 1/2 month mark since I left my husband. Most days I do fine, but here lately I have had a few days where I just feel like things will never be right again. On the flipside, I have started thinking about trying to be a mother again with donor sperm or through adoption. I had kind of given up the idea of more children a few months ago and now I am leaning toward the "why not" camp. I mean I have practically been a single mom all along. I could handle it. Yes, I could handle it.

luna said...

ooh I'll have a nice cool one in the lobby of the hotel like last year!

mel, hope your burden is lessened by writing about it... and you know what? you don't have to be stressed to enjoy a good massage. I say go for it. you might just find some relaxation you never knew you were missing...

and I'll have one of everything involving good wine and vodka, and maybe a mojito too. I am anticipating some family angst -- a gathering that could be wonderful could also be very stressful...