The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Please Ignore the Pee

What is that pool of yellow you just stepped over to get to the bar? That? It's just a puddle of urine. I literally peed myself because I'm going to be speaking in the Community Keynote at BlogHer.

I'm not allowed to tell you what I submitted, but I'll give you a hint. It has to do with infertility, my wonky ovaries, or my clot-happy blood. Or maybe all three.

The urine is both from excitement (my cousins had a dog that you couldn't pet when you first entered the house because if you did, it would go crazy with excitement and pee on the carpet. I'm sort of like that dog) and nervousness. I am not the best public speaker. I have a tendency, like that dog, to pee on the carpet. I mean...get anxious in front of large crowds.

So if you're coming to BlogHer, you'll know why I'm wearing water-resistant dark slacks on Friday.

Actually, are you coming to BlogHer? I know Briar will be there because she is leading a panel. And I think Aurelia will be there and Alexa. Who else? Who am I missing? Can we all make a list of ALI bloggers so we know who will be there and make some sort of plan to meet up for lunch on the first day? If you will be there, leave a note in the comment section (whether you are a blog writer or a blog reader) or send me an email and I'll put a plan in place so we can all meet up (please include your blog url if you write one so I can link to it in the list). We were somewhat successful last summer and had a great dinner/dessert one night. This time, we'll plan it earlier and close to the hotel so a lot of people can plan to come.

Wait, back to the bar. Please make sure you sidestep the urine and let me know what you'll have.

As always, it has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I'll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person's blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don't have a blog--gasp!--you can always leave an email address if you're looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you're a regular at the bar, I'll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I'm glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I'm talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.


MLO said...

Well, the emetic wore off at 6 PM - it is one that lasts 5 days. So, now, I'm taking anti-nausea meds (the old kinds as the new kinds mean corn), and waiting to call the docs in the morning.

I have a feeling Lollipop is going to be a speaker at Blogher, just a hunch. Maybe even promoting her book?

Here's hoping others are spending their time in happier ways than me!

areyoukiddingme said...

Congrats on the big speech, Mel! Maybe if Lollipop Goldstein does the speaking, there will be no puddles.

I could use a drink today, as it becomes difficult to support my husband when he disguises his hurt with indifference to everything. That makes me want to punch him. So, I will have an Absolut and tonic with lots of lime. And keep them coming.

Kymberli said...

When BlogHer makes it to Atlanta, I'll be there.

I'll have a Bahama Mama today. I'm back on the search for new IPs.

I saw your TV interview and I think you're a wonderful public speaker.

'Murgdan' said...

I wish.

But meanwhile...pour me a stiff one. My husband just lost his job.

Stacie said...

I wish I was going to BlogHer! It sounds like a lot of fun. :-) Congrats, Mel. I am sure you'll do a wonderful job with your speech! Will you post it afterward so all of us who can't go get a chance to enjoy you, too? Better yet, someone should film you and post it! (um, no pressure or anything,right?)

I'd like something stiff tonight. Today is my parents' anniversary...and, has been yet another hard day in a string of hard days. I hope that things turn around soon. All of this gloom is getting old!

Liv said...

I had a job once where I had to speak in front of rooms ranging from 4, to 240. It can be scary but I had fun with it. One time I had to follow a speaker who literally had a tomato tossed at her direction (It was a lunch and learn) when she introduced the new Medical Benefit Changes including same-sex domestic partner benefits. It was a group of good ol' boys (and gals) who "were not too keen" on the idea.

But, you Mel? People will love you. Would it help to imagine the whole audience half naked in stirrups? :o)

I'll have a Limonada con Soda. The kind I used to find in Guatemala. Delish.

I've literally only have two workdays left until I get my beta results. And once again I find myself inexplicably lost in the possiblity of hope. We have a plan that Marvy will take the call and then "reveal" the results to me somehow later that day in the park. Geez, I hope it's positive.

N said...

I'll be back to peruse the posts tomorrow, but oh how I need a drink - if but to help me sleep. First early sono tomorrow. I have no reason to believe it will be bad, but I can't stop reliving the one from 8 months ago, yet another low dip in the roller coaster that was our pregnancy with Wallaby.

Congrats on the speech, I will not be there, but I will be cheering you on nonetheless.

Phoebe said...

That's quite an honor to be the Keynote speaker at Blogher! I wish I could go.

I'll just pull up to the bar and knock another one down to grief. It's been kicking my ass again. This post pretty much sums up it's latest concoction:

Psycho PMS Bitch meets Grief Beast

Lorza said...

I agree with areyoukiddingme Mel- if Lollipop Goldstein does the talking, the pithy-ness will just cover up the nervousness. :) Good luck,and I wish I could be there.
I am proud of you!!

Pour me up a mai tai. I am SERIOUSLY missing Hawaii!! That was an awesome trip, and I am sad to be home. Can't we all just live on vacation????

We go to our gentics appt. on monday- it got moved up. :) Although I think my husband is now wanting to wait worried a child is going to crimp our traveling style.


Kristin said...

Sniff*sniff*sniff I wanna go to FAIR! I'm gonna take my Purple Alaskan Thunderfuck and go sulk in the corner.

Why am I husband is still working world's most screwed up schedule; we finally get his diabetes under control and he now has carpal tunnel that is so severe that his doc wants him to consider surgery.

In the scheme of things, nothing too major. But, in my corner of the world, those SUCK.

nonlineargirl said...

Congratulations! I am sorry I will miss it. Oh, speaking of which, if you email me your address I will send you my head on a stick (if you still recall my little project and still want to participate by taking my head with you to blogher).

Dorontheos56 said...


Congratulations on the keynote! I’ve been lurking about your blog for a bit and I certainly can see why such a lovely offer has been extended to you. You are quite a talented writer and have a gift for getting quickly to the heart of the matter.

If you’d pour me a single malt with water back, I’d like ask you for directions. I’m a bit older than most of the women here, I've linked you to my latest post. I'm hoping you have or will run into others on a similar journey.

Good luck with the talk. And thanks.

Beautiful Mess said...

Holy cow! Congratulations! Way to go Super Woman! You should be VERY proud of yourself!
I'd like a dirty martini, extra dirty with 3 olives please. It's a celebration. I feel as if I'm in a really good place right now. I'm hoping to stay here for a LONG time. But I know that if I should slip into The Dark place, I'll have friends helping me out of it.
I'd also like to have a drink and toast to all the BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING woman I've met through blogging. Without ALL of you ladies, i wouldn't be who I am today. Thank you!

Pundelina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pundelina said...

Wow Mel, that's fantastic! I wish I could come hear you speak :o) I'll have a scotch and coke and say cheers to you.

I am embarking on IVF #1 at present. Doing a down-reg so I'm on birth control. 'Cause that's how to get pregnant donchaknow ... appurruntlee The Big Guy and I was doin it rong.

Nic said...

I will have a bottle of Rose please! I had my lap 2 weeks ago, told have stage IV endometriosis (was already aware of this but they confirmed again!), am now on 6 months of ovary suppression before lap number 3. TTC is on hold for at least 8 months..... Plenty of time to drink lots I say! Pour me another!

VA Blondie said...

I would like a glass of Pinot Evil, please. It will have to be virtual, as I am apparently still pregnant. I am happy that I am pregnant, but not happy at having to give up my wine. Things seem to be ticking along fine with the pregnancy. Had my first ON appointment yesterday, and things seem to be looking good so far. Almost out of first trimester, and still keeping fingers crossed that it sticks.

Congrats on speaking at Blogher! I wish I could be there! I know you will do fantastic!

Anonymous said...

Hello! Today I have squashed numerous uprisings (an 18 month old insurgent is plotting to overthrow me and instill a dictatorship in which sunhats are never worn and clothes never changed) and divided the rest of my time between Failing To Find Important Documents and visiting the Other Blogher Speakers.

I'm so excited about this and really looking forwad to meeting you in Chicago.

I'd like a Gin and Tonic please, as you're kindly offering. That's always relaxing and it's so much more exciting to talk to me when I slur or skip my consonants. Like having a conversation and playing hangman at the same time.

Anonymous said...

I will have anything stronger than lemonade please!

We are in a holding pattern while we wait for our former fertility specialist to connect us with a different clinic for a second opinion. In the meantime I have started a naturopathic alternative treatment, mostly to say that at least I am doing something.

I am not blogging right now because I have some serious issues to work on with Wonderboy that are taking all my free time.

Oh, and I am in DC for a librarian's conference. Lots of fun, lots of work, and lots of crazy information professionals! :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, I could never speak in public...but wish I could go hear you! It sounds fantastic :).

I could really use a good gin and tonic today - these AF cramps are a bitch.

BagMomma said...

Not going to BlogHer (how I wish that I was).

While you are preparing for your keynote onstage I (hopefully) will be awaiting transfer from my DE cycle which !honestly! is actually starting after a six month wait.

Have fun!

loribeth said...

I sure wish too. I will be on holidays at the time, but out west visiting my parents. Will they be videotaping your speech, as they did the panel last year?

Pour me a mimosa, please -- I know it's early but I could use one. I am juggling two corporate award applications right now (one due June 26th, the other July 3rd) & dealing with multiple changes from multiple people with multiple priorities. And my pollen allergies are having a heydey right now. ARGH.

ms.bri said...

YAY! We can spend the Thursday night parties together, trying not to pee ourselves or throw up in hideous anticipation! LOVE the lunch/meetup idea. IF'ers are my people and I get itchy when I am without them in large social gatherings.
(this was the first time I ever saw my full name typed on someone's blog and still comes as quite a shock to have it floating around the Internets like this... whoa.)

Mrs. Higrens said...

I'll take a frozen Strawberry Daiquiri while I wait for AF to show so we can get moving on IVF #2 with ICSI #1.

Has anyone else had any experience with eggs not fertilizing (without ICSI) when both eggs and sperm looked good? Did a latter ICSI help?

dawn said...

i would love a margarita please. shaken, no salt. i need it.

i am so overwhelmed by shady grove fertility. so many tests. so many possibilities. not to mention the local office doesn't do much at all, so i have to drive over an hour for most things. so i'm chickening out. i've decided to try clomid once through my ob-gyn office. no follicle checks, no trigger shot...i don't know if i'm making a mistake or not, but shady grove had me frozen in fear. i'd love to hear from any of you who had success just with clomid.

Heather said...

I wish I were going.

I'll take the house specialty.

I'm still bleeding. Since October. the shot has made it less but it is still bad. I don't go back to see the dr until next week.

Yesterday was our seven year anniversary. So, at least I got that going for me. Especially since he isn't getting any.

Vintage Mommy said...

Congratulations Mel! I would be terrified too. I got some advice once to focus on one person in the room at a time - actually make eye contact with them briefly - rather than staring at the whole scary sea of faces.

FOr my drink (thought it's not even 7am here) how about a girly-girl Lemon Drop? Thank you!

Kim said...

Congratulations on the keynote!

No news here. Things have just started to settle down in our world and it looks like I am going to have a very un-busy summer with lots of hammock time. So, I will have an ice cold beer while I am lounging, please. Although writing it down just now probably jinxed any chance of that actually happening. I should know better.

chicklet said...

Congrats on the speaking - woohoo!

Jendeis said...

Not in the mood for a drink, but I could go for some pancakes right about now...

Chances of an ectopic now down to 2%, we're in a wait-and-see place right now.

Anonymous said...

Awesome news about BlogHer! That's fantastic, and nervousness just makes for better speeches.

Today's my birthday, so I'd like a mojito, please. My absolute favorite drinks, especially for the summer. I'm smack in the middle of the 2ww, too - my 3rd since trying for #2. I'm trying to decide when to just get over it and call the RE. I love the idea of conceiving on our own with no outside input, but who am I kidding?

Erin said...

Congrats on the speaking role at BlogHer! I so wish I could be Kymberli, if BlogHer is ever in Atlanta, I'm so there.

I'll take a vodka and cranberry juice, just a splash for color. Strong. I'm worried that J hasn't gotten a job after 3 months. Even though we planned the money for this anniversary trip and I think we NEED the time together, I'm really worried that spending the money is a terrible idea when he's out of work completely and I don't work over the summers.

Not to mention that we can't do ANYTHING related to building our family until he has a job. He needs an income to pursue IVF. He needs an income so we can buy a new house before doing a homestudy for our next adoption. We're stuck in limbo and a strong drink would be just perfect right now.

Chickenpig said...

Congrats on the speaking gig! I wish I could be there. Fingerboard!

A gin and tonic sounds pretty good. I don't have much going on in my life right now except for the fact that my hard-fought family is making our little house bust out at the seems. We're not sure whether to add on or try and sell and buy a slightly bigger house.

Also, I am feeling a little melancholic. My little girl is almost 11 months old and growing like a weed. Her infancy is almost over and I want it all back. Her babyhood is going to be over so fast. :( *sigh*

Gil said...

Congrats on the keynote speaking gig Mel! I know it'll be amazing; I wish I could be there in person to see it myself. Go get 'em girl!

As for a drink, I'll take an orange juice. I get a kick (literally!) out of Petit when I drink cold juices so I'm having some fun with that right now. Sitting at 30 wks p/g and counting down... but still worrying. Does that ever stop? Nah.. I figured not.

Aurelia said...

Me Me Me will be there.

I'll be hiding in the corner, but no, you can't pee there. You can hang out, but no peeing in the corner.

I'm going to Blogher to escape diapers and pee accidents!

Ally said...

Ooh, congratulations on the keynote! I know you will be wonderful-I only wish I could be there to hear it. Good luck to you!

As for me? A margarita sounds good for the summer. We're off to the races with cycle 7 on Thursday. And trying to hit the finish line before we go on vacation. You know, normal everyday stuff in the life of an infertile gal.

Sigh. Remember when summer was fun and relaxed?

Sassy said...

That's wonderful for the keynote - congratulations! Oh, and I think peeingg yourself under such circumstances is quite norrmal, although I would recommend getting it out of your system before the big day!

I'll have an heabal tea, since, as you know, I am happily (nervoiusly!) PUPO. Oh, and is there a little man who does foot massages working at this bar?

Pie said...

Congrats on the keynote! You'll do fine, and they do sell Depends, if you feel that pee coming on!

I'll have a Jack-n-Coke, por favor. I'm back on the booze and caffeine for a few more weeks, so might as well kill two vices with one drink. I'm just waiting (tap, tap, tap) for my second opinion consult. And maybe another drink, while you're at it!

Billy said...

Happy birthday tragicoptimist :-)
And Mel - congrats on being chosen to speak!

As for me.. I have discovered the true face of this person I blindly believed was rooting for me when in fact was doing quite the opposite. She was deliberately hurting me, but in a way that not even I saw [like turning my hello on this board after being absent into a discussion on a pregnancy of another member. As I was the only childless person there (not an IF board) and discussions have their way of developing, I felt small to be feeling the pain with this twist. Today I know that it was not coincidental ]. Anyway my post about insensitivity (mentioning her there) turned her into a mad cow (yeah, I touched her soft spot..) causing me to finally see her for who she really is and disconnecting myself completely from her.
And while this somewhat hurts, as I was always hoping she'll come back to her senses, it is such a RELIEF! She is out of my life. I can no longer be hurt by her.
And I feel so good about myself, knowing that I am such a better person than she is, on so many levels. Knowing that I am true and honest and can say I'm sorry if I know I hurt someone, while she is decivious and sneaky [she is now entering my blog through google's cache mode in hopes that I won't know. All I can do is laugh out loud] and just plain mean.

And thank you for opening the lushery. It was in such a good time as I did want to talk about it, but prefer not doing so on my blog (let her know I've completely wiped her put of my life), and it all would be too complicated to explain to IRL people.

Anonymous said...

bar noob here- first step: I will order a gin & tonic- double gin, LOTS of lime... since I'm in the waiting for AF to start so I can start my first clomid cycle post-babyloss. eeek

Is it ok that I'm scared witless??

Coffeegrl said...

Congratulations! Someday when I grow hope, I hope I can go to Blogher too!! (It feels about that far off..)

Getting ready for a trans-Pacific flight and all that entails. Really looking forward to a real selection of wine when we're back in the US. For now, I'll have a tall glass of the virtual kind - something cool dry and white to combat the heat!!

Caro said...

Congratulations! I wish I could come to blogher but it's just not possible what with the trans-atlantic factor.

I've started a new job and am adjusting to life as a working mum with a kid in full time childcare. Also I've been neglecting my blog and blog friends but I'm hoping to get back to you all now.

Fertilized said...

oh Mel!! Congrats!

barrenisthenewblack said...

congrats Mel! How wonderful! Is it too early for an imaginary drink? Being a grown up is hard

Faereyluna said...

Hey Mel that is great news! Congrats!
As for me, well I have nothing out of the ordinary to report. Life is blissfully dull right now.

I met my donor's parents last month and all went so very well.
My donor is out here now to leave us with a "deposit". So the hubby and me have had fun taking him around the ATL this week. We went to the Georgia Aquarium, ate lots of food, drank many spirits and saw 3 different movies, ate more Starburst and buttered popcorn then is recommended by the FDA, plus the boys took me shopping at the outlet mall off 400. Let me just say that the Coach Store up there rocks and I will be showing you what I got for show and tell this week.

Tonight in celebration of our Donors divorce, we are taking him to the newly opened Tilted Kilt Pub in John's Creek. So bartender I will have Guinness with a shot of Baileys.

Next Month we head back to Cali again for my little brothers Eagle Court of Honor. Then in August we will have a retrieval. What is this "we" crap? "I" will have an egg retrieval and hopefully a fresh cycle if all goes well, "we" will get pregnant. :)

Sunny said...

Wow, keynote at BlogHer, how exciting!! Congrats, wish I could be there. As it is, I'll look forward to the recap.

I would like a strong, spicy Bloody Mary please. Actually, make that a Bloody Caesar (use Clamato Juice instead of tomato).

AF arrived right on time last night. Now it's off to the RE for an initial consult for secondary infertility. I am not pleased to be meeting a new doc -- I liked the old one from our old town, before we moved -- and I am more terrified than hopeful. Our financial situation is not as strong as it was the first time around... and DH isn't as willing to do as many treatments, because he thinks he can be okay with raising our son as an only child.

I try to be positive -- treatments did work in the past, eventually -- but I am scared because if we can't conceive with the doc right away, then that will be the end of my dreams of a second child.

niobe said...

No drinks, not even imaginary ones, for me at the moment.

Though I'm not ready to talk about this on my blog, I'll let you (and anyone else who reads this) in on my secret: We're just about to start an IVF cycle (FET with gestational surrogate, in case you're wondering). I'm absolutely terrified.

elizabeth said...

God, I love this place. I have a very specific mental picture of what it looks like, too. Could I have a mojito made with coconut rum and a big bar of dark chocolate? I know bars don't usually stock chocolate but I bet this one does :-)

In my neck of the woods it's all about trying to get enough sleep, and wondering which unpacked box my bbt thermometer is in.

Anonymous said...

G'luck, g'luck, g'luck. Knock em dead!

I'd like a margarita, no salt. We've accepted an offer on our house that nets us "only" an $87k loss. Less than 3 weeks until DH returns from his deployment. And the cat's newest favorite toy..u/s photos. *sigh*

The Steadfast Warrior said...

I'm not allowed alcohol. Wait, it's virtual right? So please, please pour me the biggest glass of wine you can find. No wait! Sangria please. Yes, that would do the trick.

I'm under too much stress. Stress, stress, stress. Have I mentioned stress?

Advice willingly taken... How do you set boudaries when you're pregnant. Work boundaries. I can't just do less at work but I just can't handle more. They know that, for what little it's worth. I'm at my breaking point, so if anyone has any ideas, I'm open to them. Really...

Andie said...

Congrats on the keynote Mel. Have a wonderful trip to the conference.

I'm having a lovely celebratory glass of shiraz viognier, because...

1. another law exam down and dusted!


2. lap is scheduled for July and then it's IVF #2 after that!

After months of waiting, we are finally moving forward! Hurrah!