The Daily News

LFCA Latest Issue: Friday, September 25, 2009.

Latest Post on BlogHer: Parenting after Infertility.

My Status: Fed Josh's almonds to the squirrels. They needed them very badly.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Friday Blog Roundup

I have been facebooking (my mother likes to use it as a verb). It finally clicked with me; it's like an LFCA but for your life. I get these small updates about everyone's life throughout the day without needing to click through two hundred blogs or make two hundred phone calls. My favourite moments are when I see that I have a friend in common with someone and it was totally unexpected. Like the online world and family criss-crossing or a grad school friend and a work friend that know each other.

I got very hung up on the term "friend" when I first joined and sometimes ended up debating for way too long whether I should send a friend request. For instance, someone I thought was swell from college--add or don't add? I mean, we're not friends; I wouldn't ship chicken soup to their San Francisco abode if they were sick. But I'd love to hear what they've been up to. What to do, what to do...perhaps not take the term "friend" quite so seriously.

Then I went in the opposite direction, sending out friend requests to people I had crushes on in nursery school. Luckily, I didn't send the accompanying note: "hey, it's Melissa from nursery school. I sat near you at circle time and I loved that you smelled like baby powder. I'm still remembering you thirty years later and it will shatter me if you write back that you don't remember that cool bouquet of tissue paper flowers I made for classroom Shabbat. Accept my friend request; you won't regret it!"


So I'm going for the happy medium; sending out requests when I see someone I know and I want to know how they've been. And recklessly not keeping track of the friend requests I send out so that some people are probably receiving eight or nine copies. I also do this when I really really really want to be someone's friend so there's no way to tell if I'm eager or forgetful. Choose whichever one works better for you if you are one of the recipients of eight friend requests from me.

To make this easy, I am welcoming everyone to friend me. I'll just send this out there--if I read your blog, I like you and I want to hear that you had a really good meal of sushi. So feel free to friend me or become a fan of the book on Facebook so you can hear when I'm reading in your city. If we don't usually converse via email and you think I might not know your name, let me know your blog in that "add message" feature once you hit "add as friend." Because I do tend not to add people that I don't know or who don't tell me they're a reader, etc. It's that whole "you could be completely normal or you could be a PR person or you could just be someone who is going to update their status with porn links every day that I will accidentally click on each morning." me how we know each other if I know you by another name.

Fine, fine, fine, and I'll send you chicken soup.

I want to thank HUGELY the people who have voted for me in the Weblog Awards. I want to thank even more and therefore it deserves a larger font--THANK YOU--to those who vote and emailed out a call to vote to their friends or turned to the person in the cubicle next to them and said, "hey, could you vote for Stirrup Queens? Um, could you also ignore the strange name of her blog and not ask me any further questions?"

I want to say THANK YOU (in large font) to those who have Twittered it, Facebooked it (there's that verb again), or blogged it. This means more to me than I can express. You find out during these things who has your back in the non-emergency situation sense (which, of course, is different from the crisis sense of the word). And frankly, I am sometimes more interested in who is there for me regardless of what is happening vs. those who show up when all is going to hell. I want both, I guess. No, wait, I don't "guess." I want both. I want people there when it's shitty and people there when it's good, but mostly, I want people there in between.

Voting goes through Tuesday which means please don't stop voting over the weekend if you can get to a computer. Please don't stop Twittering it and putting it on Facebook. In fact, if you haven't voted yet today, please click over and vote for Stirrup Queens and then come back and read some of the cool posts I read this week. It's a small thing to ask, right?

And now, the blogs...

I Want to Be a Mommy had a post about adoption, donor eggs, and decision-making in general. I loved the post because it was so honest. So honest. And she just placed it down on the screen and stated her own needs and thoughts and fears. The sentence I loved the most was "but I also believe that I have the tools necessary to make any child I have feel loved and wanted and basically well adjusted regardless of what path I take to get there." Having met Battynurse face to face, I agree with her wholeheartedly. Any child who comes into her life is going to be loved and is going to know it.

I Won't Fear Love had a post about becoming lighter--if not physically than the emotional lightness informing the physical. After the birth of Cub, she literally felt a weight lift off of her and yet, she is in a perpetual state of "one less" with language choice even revealing that missing person. It is a post that is wistful and still and joyous and contemplative all at the same time.

Serenity Now! had a post about unconditional love and how it informs her role as a parent. I think what was most remarkable about the post is that you can feel the intensity of the love but also, that you get a sense of just how much is at stake. That she is literally holding someone else's happiness in her hands and while you can find happiness and safety and comfort later, it is beyond difficult to exist within conditional love when you are too young to process love itself. And so she gives her love to O freely and deeply and thoughtfully and mindfully. A beautiful post.

Lastly, No Matter How Small had a post about a recent incident that occurred on the Web. I liked the post because the writing is clever, but more than that, it is a wonderful look at the people who paved the way for mommybloggers in general starting with Erma Bombeck and continuing through a whole list of women who used humour to reframe the stresses of parenthood. I particularly loved the last line, shared by both Aurelia and Erma: "I'm letting Erma have the last word. There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt." Click over to read the whole post.

The roundup to the Roundup: You know where to find me on Facebook and become a fan of the book's page if you want to know when I read in your city. Please keep voting. And lots of good posts to read. Catch you here for a very dark Show and Tell on Saturday night.


battynurse said...

Thanks Mel.

Aurelia said...

Thanks so much hon, and you know, I didn't put that last line in when I first pressed publish, and almost immediately, I changed my mind and edited it to add it in.

I find blogging to be a very freeing, interesting experience that way. Odd, because I never actually thought of doing anything like this. Weird how life turns out...

Cara said...

Mel - I HAVE a facebook page but I'm not good at facebooking.

(Ha! Do I get extracredit for using your new verb in a sentence?)

Even so, I'll add you - invite you - become a fan...and we'll see if I ever get the hang of that fb thing!

DD said...

I bet you wouldn't be surprised to see that all of my facebook friends are all on-line blogging friends, now would you?

Two exceptions: my sisters.

Also, just a tip since I didn't want my sisters following my published links to my blog, you can customize your settings so they never see it on your facebook page.

JuliaS said...

I sent you a friend request - it was kind of whiny and plead-y (see, I can make up words too!) it wasn't very pretty, but please don't let that stop you from making me a friend. I became a fan of the book too, so really, now you have to be my friend! :0)

I vote for you every day - I have to wait today though, because it has still been less than 24 hours since the last time I voted. Apparently they have Vote Police. I did notice you are kicking butt currently!

Kristin said...

I have a MySpace page but not a Facebook page. Guess I need to get one.

WiseGuy said... are winning...hands down!

momofonefornow said...

Hey, I have been voting everyday and I blogges and added the button. You are rocking this award jazz. We are community, hear us roar!!

m said...

I'm here and voting - and you are SO kicking arse!


PJ said...

Ha! Facebooking as a verb, I love it!

I've been having a lot of fun with it lately. I've found a lot of childhood friends with whom I've lost touch with. I found an old friend who is a friend of another friend, and both live/lived in different states so that was kind of surreal.

I'll keep voting for you! Today I was happy to see you're in the lead now!

D. said...

I'm voting for you -- and I'm voting every day -- because you are the best! I'll never forget the day when, sobbing, I googled infertility and came across your blog. You made such a great difference in my (then) wretched wretched life. Thank you Mel for being the Queen of a vital virtual community.

Lisa said...

It looks like everyone's yelling from the rooftops (I emailed everyone to vote!!) worked!!!

Julia said...

Thank you...

And I did vote, though I do not do facebook. I am afraid of yet another time sink.

Snort-- my word verification, kid you not, is congerl.

Bea said...

I did vote, I did facebook, even though I'm a bit with Julia on this one... are you likely to come to Singapore for a reading?